SLIGHTLY MODIFIED VERSION (not by much though!)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my brain and even that sometimes tries to get away from me…
The Title of this Story has nothing to do with story, and the story is a little odd. Perhaps too odd for all those of you who still have their sanity in tact (mine went out the window long ago… Yeah, it just flew away saying something about migrating to a warmer place…)
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The Owl and the Pussy Cat:
Scene – a blank (white) stage (or area… of some sort) – dark
N1: 'The air was dark'
N2: 'Dark?'
N1: 'Yes, as dark as the sea on a misty day….and the elves were singing merrily because nobody could see them'
N2: 'Yeah…that's because they're in your head…you…you…'
N1: 'Who are you calling you…you?!??'
N3: 'Please…shhh…the first character is wandering onto the stage……'
A middle aged man appears out of nowhere and begins to wander aimlessly about the blank stage. He is wearing army fatigues (with a slight difference since they are red) and in his hat are fishing hooks.
N2: 'Why is he wearing red…did you have something to do with this……'
N2 looks accusingly over to N1…who shrugs his shoulders and presents N2 with a trademark grin… of course none of this is seen as narrators are off screen…
Middle Aged Man: Staring around him…turning circles…and almost falling over his own feet. 'Hello... Hello?' Tentatively- 'Is anyone there?......' Continues circling…
N1: 'Hiya Henry!'
MAM (Henry): Jumping out of his skin… 'Whose there?'
N1: 'I am'
MAM: 'Oh…Hello Pierce…So your narrating this thing are you?' Looks slightly depressed at the thought
N2: 'Humph…I'm narrating too… I'm just as important as Pierce is …more important, I'm a major and he's just an idiot of a captain… ha'
The MAM looks totally depressed after hearing this voice… so much so that his shoulders curve and he bends forward with his head hanging and his hat falls off… He bends over to pick it up and catches his finger on one of the hooks.
MAM: 'Owww…' Untangles finger and sucks at it while replacing hat on his head.
All of the above goes on unnoticed by the narrators between whom tensions seem to be brewing …of course yet again you cant see any of this as narrators are only voices …not people (for which this writer is given a couple of bashes over the head by narrators from far and wide).
N1: 'Idiot of a captain, hey Frank?…'
N2: 'Yeah you… you degenerate' Sounds triumphant at getting his insult finished.
Noise of a scuffle off screen…A few high pitch squeals and a few curses which are to rude to repeat.
N3: 'Please…' Noise of someone falling to the floor and continuing noises of a scuffle. 'Umm…Oh dear…Please stop… Ah…Umm…Well… Hawkeye?… Shouting and obscenities coming from within a canvas bag. 'Oh dear Hawkeye did you really have to?'
N1: 'Sorry father… I'll let him out when he says sorry…'
MAM: 'Hey… you guys… can we get on please?!!'
N1: 'Right sorry Henry… here have something to drink …you look nervous'
A drink appears in the MAM's hand
MAM: Breathes sigh of relief 'Thanks…'
Voice off stage: 'Hey… sir… you said you weren't gonna drink anything today, your trying to give it up remember!?'
Enter a young man of little height with glasses and a rabbit.
N1: 'Radar …you're not supposed to be on till act 2.'
R: 'Well it's not my fault that you haven't even started act 1 yet… Anyway you've been wasting so much time that the time that was supposed to be used for act 1 has finished and there isn't enough time on the recorder to record act 1 so we'll have to skip right to act 2.'
N3: 'Well… that sounds like a good idea… Shall we go from where Radar enters?…'
N1: 'No father, lets go from just after where Radar enters …that way we won't have to waste time will he goes off again and comes back on…'
MAM: 'Will you be serious just for once Pierce…'
N1: 'Ok Henry… here goes… Rustling of paper to get right page of script… coughs to clear throat…
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….SILENCE….
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N1: 'Oh right sorry…' Rustling of canvas… followed by sounds of angry man…
N3: 'Are we ready to start yet?' (Getting exasperated – trying not to though)
N2: having been just released from his canvas prison 'Yes!?!' –
THE STORY RESUMES AS THUS…
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The writer has a confession to make…umm…
*looks around scared of any potential readers who misunderstood the link to this story and accidentally read it….*
……………There is no story………
*covers head with arms to ward off sudden attack*
Sorry…..
HOWEVER… If anyone wants to write a story for the narrators to be reading out… with much interruptions as that is the only way it can happen with this crew I would be much obliged to them …On the other hand any comments about the removal/burning of this fanfic will be taken seriously and the evidence will be destroyed.
Thank you.