There was once a BENJI. Her hair was…well, it changed colors a lot, but at the moment it was red. She was a strange, strange, strange, very strange person who was sitting down in a random place at a random time looking at the random sky which was a sickly shade of lavender. Yeah. And that's where our story begins.

"IT'S PURPLE!" Benji exclaims, pointing a flailing finger attached to a flailing hand attached to a flailing arm attached to a flailing Benji. "And I know what else is purple!"

"What?"

"Kanky's PENIS!"

"I'm talking to myself!"

"Cool!"

"Yay! Let's go on a quest!"

"To find what?"

"Kanky's penis!"

"Yay!"

So Benji stands up and strikes a heroic pose beneath the discolored purple sky and the sun smiles down at her (yes, the sun has a face. And a name. His name is Garfunkle).

"Garfunkle!" Benji cries, running off across the street to Ichiraku's. She sits down and orders a bowl of ramen. While she waits, she turns to her right and sees a spazzy blonde ninja slurping his noodles noisily.

"NARUTO!" she screams, glomping him.

"OMFG!" Naruto squeals. He doesn't say "oh my fucking god." He says "O-M-F-G!" because it's cooler.

When Benji is done violating Naruto, she asks him where she can find Kankuro's legendary two-foot penis.

"Actually it's 25 inches," Naruto tells her. Benji doesn't want to ask why or how he knows. "And you'll most likely be able to find it on Kankuro himself." Naruto slurps his noodles matter-of-factly.

"Where's Kanky?"

"Visiting Konoha with Temari and Gaara."

"OMG!" Benji cries excitedly. She, like Naruto, is cool enough to say "O-M-G!" instead of "oh my god."

"Kanky is here! In Konoha! I have to find him!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Naruto turns around and stares at his empty bowl, dismayed. "MORE RAMEN!"

Meanwhile, Benji gets up, forgetting about the ramen she ordered previously (Naruto steals and begins to eat it). Benji turns around and –GASP!– sees none other than the "kitty-eared," dressed in black, purple makeup'd puppeteer.

"KANKY! I MUST FIND YOUR PENIS!"

Kanky whirls around, executing a perfect comical double-take. "NO!" he screams, clamping his hands tightly over his crotch. "MY CLOTHING IS A ONE-PIECE THAT'S GLUED TO MY BODY! YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY TAKE IT OFF!"

"Then I'll cut a hole in it!" Benji screams with a manic look in her eye, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a three-foot sword. Don't ask why she had it in her pocket, or how it even fit.

"NO! BECAUSE THEN I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO PUT MY DICK AWAY!" Kankuro cries in anguish, fleeing. He ninja-jumps up a building and hops from roof to roof.

Benji stands in silence, pondering her options. The rumors must not be true then… He must have a really tiny dick. But there's still hope! I MUST see the legendary twenty-five inch penis IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO! Look out, Kanky!

"MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"