Summary: If you think the Cullens are normal during school, think again! This is what happens when Jasper gets bored, Emmett is deprived, Alice wants to shop and Bella blows up!

Cullens Go Counselling

Chapter 1

Why Do I Cry?!

Jasper POV

Great, another boring week stuck in the drab halls of high school. And just to make the start of my week even worse my first class had to be with Emmett.

As if the amount of lust coming off these teenagers isn't enough to make me want to grab Alice and drag her to Canada for an exclusive honeymoon, Emmett turns up his lust just to piss me off.

And to make matters so much better (please note the sarcasm) we were in History, learning about the Civil War! I mean, come on! I was bloody well there! I don't need to listen to this brainless human get all his facts wrong!

I sighed as I looked at the clock. Oh joy, only another 59 minutes to go! I mean I know time passes slowly for a vampire but, this is ridiculous!

Tick, tock, tick, tock…..

That clock is torturing me I swear!

The light bulb above my head lit up as I spotted Emmett in the seat next to me, amusing himself by poking the paper in front of him, and saying "look Jasper, look! It moved!" too low for human ears. I smiled evilly and Emmett looked at me warily.

"Jasper….do I want to know what you're planning?? Because, I recognise that look on your face and am very, very worried" Emmet hissed, barely moving his lips to human eyes.

"You shall see my dear Emmett. You shall see…" I trailed off dramatically, making Emmett go into full-out panic mode.

I sat there, waiting for the perfect opportunity arise, when Mr Matthews called out Michael Adams and it struck me in the face so I waited for him to call out poor Emmett's name

"Emmett Cullen!" he yelled.

I sent poor Emmett wave after wave of confusion and emotions needed to fuel a temper tantrum sat back and watched my evil plan set into motion.

"Cullen? Who is this Cullen you speak of?? I am a McCarty!" Emmett bellowed whilst jumping up and down on his seat with the likeness of a five-year old. I smirked while he did this but the smirk was wiped off when the chair collapsed beneath him.

I couldn't control myself any longer and burst out laughing as Emmett curled up into the foetal position.

I sent Emmett boosts of sorrow mixed with depression and he burst out into hysterical dry sobs into his knees. I saw the teacher out of the corner of my eye; cautiously make his way towards where Emmett was having his mental breakdown.

I put my hand over my mouth discreetly to suppress the laughter bubbling inside of me. Everyone in the class was staring in shock at my supposed big brother, as he dry sobbed.

As sir reached Emmett he bent down and was full of pity for him.

"Erm…Emmett are you ok?"

Emmett's face scrunched up in mock-pain with the torrent of emotions I was sending him. He suddenly thrust his finger in front of Mr Matthews face and garbled "No, mommy kiss my booboo!"

The teacher slipped into shock and backed away from my demented brother slowly. Emmett got to his feet and tried to close the gap, screaming, "mommy don't you love me?!"

I couldn't believe how great this was going! I saw Emmett turn quickly and wink at me before going back to terrorizing the teacher. I slowly looked around the class to see the rest of them talking amongst themselves, and pointing at Emmett whilst stifling laughs behind there hands as I had been earlier.

Mr Matthews stuttered shakily, "y-you ha-ave prob-roblems Mr Cullen!" "Get your self to the councillor!" he ended strongly, regaining some decorum as he pointed crossly to the exit.

Emmett sprung up and returned to normal and strutted out the door, head held high. "Jasper, just so you know, I am so gonna get you back for this!" he gave me an evil smile and slunk out the door. The class tittered in my direction and returned their gaze to the front.

The realization that I was now alone, and going to be bored to death (again!) crashed down upon me. The teacher went back to the front and continued his boring, and less than accurate lecture on the Civil War.

Many minutes later…

I was daydreaming and thinking of Alice, my thought's being fuelled by the lust around me when I heard the teacher say something unforgivable.

"Personally, I believe the Confederate army got what they deserved! They never were any good in the first place!"

It was then something inside me snapped! Mr Matthews would live to regret that! He would pay!

I shoved my desk away from me and stood up, wincing as the screeching of its legs against the floor hurting my sensitive ears but, at that point I could care less! I had just been offended personally by a measly little human who hadn't even been there!

I could feel my inner-Rosalie raging to come out and lash out at this pathetic human! I let go and sat back and watched the show. "How the hell would you know?! You weren't even there like me! I'm the one who lived through the bloody Civil War! I knew the facts, the torture the horror of watching a comrade die in your arms!"

I continued in this vein, sending the idiot into shock once more, as he stared in disbelief at me. The collective gasp of the students around me brought me back to Earth. The enormity of what I had just said hit me like Tyler's van would've done had it hit Bella years ago. (Why on Earth did I think of that memory?)

Once sir came out of his shock, he just sighed defeated and pointed at the door and uttered a single word. "Councillor."

AN: Dun, dun, dun…

Myra: How's that for a first chapter?? And it get's even weirder so beware, enter at your own risk (I know she scars me too (from Megan))

Megan: Please read and review! We'd love to know and want to know what you're thinking.

Lauren: Hope you like it!

By Lauren, Megan and Myra