"Utena-sama!" She's barely holding on; I can feel her fingers slipping through mine as I try desperately to save her, to hold her…
"Utena-samaaaa!" Everything happens too fast. Her hand squeezes mine one last time and then she's gone. Suddenly I can't feel her there…I can't feel anything as I watch her plummet down, away from me. I'm no prince, I never was, who was I kidding? And now I've lost her, the only thing that mattered…
"UTENA-SAMA!"
A dream. The same dream I've had nearly every night for the past ten years. The sunlight that streams through the windows would be beautiful if I could appreciate it…I glance numbly at the calendar on the wall beside me and feel my heart sink as I see the date. Ten years..ten years to the day…Anthy…I bury my face in the pillow…we're supposed to be together now, laughing and drinking tea…Anthy, you promised me…I lie there for some time before I have the strength to get up. I go to the window, and even in my misery I can admit that it is a beautiful day. Perhaps I'll call in sick today and just get out and enjoy the weather. I go to the door, step out into the hallway…and freeze.
Roses.
Beautiful white roses. Everywhere.
I'm still dreaming, I think. Wake up, Utena…I give myself a mental shake and close my eyes, expecting the flowers to vanish when I open them.
They don't.
This is too much. I don't know how they got there or why or anything, and right now I don't have the strength to think about it. I catch a glimpse of something moving in the kitchen before my eyes slide shut and the floor seems to melt away beneath me.
"Utena?"
Who's talking to me? Is someone there?
"Utena?"
My head is splitting. I slowly force my eyes open and am suddenly blinded by a blizzard-like whiteness. Instinctively I shut my eyes again, then blink a few times in an attempt to adjust to the bizarre brightness. I stare upwards, realizing that I'm on my back…I must have passed out at the sight of the roses. Roses…white roses, that's why everything's so bright…Bewildered, I slowly turn my head to see….her.
Anthy.
Anthy.
It can't be her.
But it is.
She's kneeling beside me, her hair rolled up the way it was back then, wearing a simple red dress…if it is really her, then she hasn't changed at all in the ten years since…since I lost her.
"A-Anthy?" The word barely escapes my lips, my mind still refusing to believe what my eyes tell me. She turns and I see those eyes…those emerald eyes, no longer hidden behind glasses but shining like gems in her warm, gentle face.
"Hello, Utena."
Hello, Utena. I nearly faint again but struggle to sit up instead. But she…Anthy…she gently holds me down.
"You should rest. You hurt your head, Utena…sama." She smiles and it all comes back to me. That smile has triggered too many memories…I blink back tears and stare helplessly at her.
"It's…it's really you?"
She brushes a lock of hair out of my face and the light touch brings an uninvited blush to my cheeks.
She nods. "I've spent the last ten years looking for you. I finally found your address and thought I would surprise you. The roses may have been a bit much though…" she trails off as she thinks about this I fight the urge to grab her and hold her tight and swear never to lose her again- I have to know some things first, my mind is still craving proof that this isn't some heavenly new dream.
"After the castle fell…" I start weakly.
"I left. Akio wanted to start over, give out new Rose Signets…for all I know he did, but if so he would have needed a new Rose Bride, because I left. I stopped being the Bride so I could find you." My heart races. She finally left. Finally got herself out of that twisted game. This is incredible.
"All this time I've been looking for you…I hired a detective, asked around…I even called up a few of our old classmates to see if they had heard from you." Old classmates?
"The Student Council?" She nods.
"They wanted to help, I think, but nobody had heard from you
in so long…actually, it was Juri-sempai's idea to hire the detective."
Juri-sempai? She notices the confusion on my face and smiles. "Don't you
remember Juri-sempai? She was the fencing team captain…" A faint image of a
beautiful woman with golden ringlets surfaces in my mind…oh yes, I remember
her…something to do with a necklace? I ask about it, Anthy thinks for a moment.
"Yes, that's right, Juri's locket…she was in love with someone who didn't love
her back and she had a locket with her picture." Suddenly it's all coming back
to me.
"Shiori, right?" Anthy smiles. "Yes…I had forgotten her name but that sounds
right. Do you remember…" she pauses, apparently trying to see what else I can
recall from those days…"remember Miki-kun?" This time the memory is harder to
retrieve. She mentions blue hair and piano playing and it sounds vaguely
familiar. "What about Touga and his sister Nanami?" Ah, yes, them…Touga and his
flirtatious ways and his sister…Nanami… I try to remember Nanami and suddenly I
have an odd thought. I turn to Anthy, puzzled at the only shred of memory I
have of the Student Council President's little sister.
"Cowbell?" She looks away, puzzled, for a minute, then looks back at me and laughs. I laugh too as the cowbell incident comes back to me. Still laughing, I sit up and turn to smile at Anthy. It's so good, remembering the old times at Ohtori…suddenly there's a sharp whistle and Anthy stands up. She smiles sweetly down at me.
"I hope you don't mind, I made us some tea." She goes to the kitchen, leaving me alone for a moment to recollect my thoughts. How can this all be happening? How did she find me? She was really looking all this time? Ten years of living half a life, ten years wrapped in a dream of her and now she's here…it's almost too much to comprehend. I brush an unbidden tear from my cheek and smile as she rejoins me, carrying a tray with our tea. I have to know more, have to remember everything, somehow I feel that I need to recall all that went on. I want to know all the details about all the things that all the people did back there.
"Tell me…Anthy, tell me more about the Academy, and the Student Council." It's an almost desperate request, and a part of me wonders why I so long to hear about that bizarre place…then I realize. Ohtori is where I found her. It's where I met Anthy. She sips her tea.
"Do you remember Saionji? He was the vice president of the
Student Council, but he got kicked out for trying to go to the castle-"
"The castle?" I pause. "There was a castle…floating in the sky…that's where the
prince was supposed to live, except-" She places a finger on my lips, silencing
me.
"Except that the prince was corrupt. He no longer cared for the world that had loved him, or for his sister that had sacrificed herself…" Anthy looks down and I realize suddenly that she's crying. I gently placed my hand on her cheek and brushed away the tear that shone there. She looked up at me, her eyes shining with trust and something I couldn't quite name, and I smiled softly at her.
"But there was a girl, a girl who wanted to be a prince for her, for the fallen prince's sister…" I try to keep my voice steady as I continue the tale…"they all said she couldn't be a prince, because she was a girl, and in the end they were right, I guess, because I tried to save you and you fell anyways…" Now it's my turn to fight back tears. I stare into my tea, trying to forget the horror of my failure then…
"No."
I turn to her and see that she's smiling.
"No, Utena, you were…a wonderful prince."
A wonderful prince.
Anthy still saw me as a prince, even after I…
"And you still are." She tilts her head, holding my hand to her face. "You are still my prince, Utena-sama." I blush, why? The feel of her hand on mine is so calming…and suddenly I don't feel that sense of failure and loss that's haunted me all this time. Instead I feel…I feel…
"I love you."
Did I say that aloud? Did I just tell Anthy…She closes her eyes for a moment, and I'm terrified. How could I say that? Is she upset?
And she kisses my hand.
"I love you too, Utena." I feel as though I'm going to burst, but instead I just nod. We stare at each other for a long while, until suddenly the silence is broken by an odd little crunching sound that seems to be coming from…the kitchen? Anthy looks over, appears startled for a moment, then starts giggling quietly. Her laugh rises in volume, echoing musically through my little apartment. Mystified I follow her gaze and see something that looks like a little piece of blue string curling and twirling about, sticking out from behind the kitchen cabinets. It stops moving and a vaguely familiar little blue creature (is that a mouse?) hops out and turns to face us. I turn wide-eyed to Anthy, who's still laughing.
"Chu chu?"
"Chu chu."
We stare at each other for a moment as I remember Anthy's odd companion. Then we both burst out laughing. We laugh for a long long time, and an old promise echoes in my mind…
"Utena-sama…"
"Hmm?"
"What will you be doing in ten years?"
"I dunno. But..."
"But?"
"But I hope we can be together like this drinking tea then."
"Yes. I hope so too."
"I'm sure that'll be great. Let's have tea and laugh together ten years from now, okay? Promise?"
"Yes. Definitely."