Disclaimer: The X Files and related characters, phrases, scripts are now owned by me. I solely would like to grant the credit to respective owners and the Fan Fiction written are purely for non-commercial purposes. Please do not use without permission. Please do let me know your comments and thoughts and I would appreciate seeing comments.

Prologue: The X Files Movie – I want to believe (2008) the story unfolds after the point where Mulder visits Scully at the hospital (her workplace) asking her to join him in the quest to find the missing agents.

It's assumed that after the denial of joining him on the search, she has never returned "Home" to him. The section "Saints and Devils" starts right after "Kristians" brain surgery was done.

This is my first fan fiction and hope you guys will enjoy!

Saints and Devils

The waiting room is all dark except for the dim light from the reading light she had on the table. Ghostly shadows of the surrounding were adding a more desperate tone to the evening and there was hardly any noise from outside due to the late hour. This hideous silence allowed her to sink more in to her thoughts, which were now beyond her control. Feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, hope, hate, defeat and loneliness all circled in her mind. "Why bring a child in to this world, to let him suffer?" she kept asking herself over and over again as she kept on glancing at Kristians reports.

She was relieved that the surgery was completed without complications. The boy was responding well to the treatment and she was by his side until he was declared as out of danger zone. However due to the complicatedness of the surgery still she was left with an uncertainty and a fear which filled her mind like dark fog, that is both sheer and impermeable at the same time.

The bitter and unsupportive response of her superiors made the situation worse. She felt like a total stranger suddenly among the usual familiar faces. For them Kristian is just another patient, a very sick patient in whom they see no hope of living. She was attached to him on more than one way, though he was getting weak and fragile day by day, she saw the light in his eyes, which she knew that has an incomparable place in her heart. This reminded her of the gentle yet infrangible bond shared between her and William. She feared that this case will drag her down to a deep and a dark end both mentally and physically as the boy kept her reminding of William. She feared that it might break her sprit and weaken herself breaking the walls she has within.

But that was all gone now. She has almost reached the peak of her intricate climb. She was only a few steps away from the moment of truth. "Kristian will make it through" she always believed. That feeling of reassurance was the only comfort she found for the last few days, the same which kept her going with the determination to save the boy's life.

She sighed deeply. She was tired, both physically and mentally. Indeed she needed a break to mend her broken self. She closed her eyes and tried think it out. She needed to break free from this dark phase. Most of all she needed to hide from all these cold hearted saints who surrounded her.

To her disbelief Kristian was not the solely reason which kept her bound to this unfavorable dark place. Deep inside her thoughts laid her own selfless selfishness, professionalism and the arrogance which she usually refused to accept. Her last few words with Mulder kept recurring in her mind making the situation worse.

(Disclaimer – I'm not the owner of the below lines – X Files Movie, 2008 – I want to believe)

"I am a doctor, Mulder.

- That's not my life any more.

- I know that.

You're not understanding me.

I can't look into the darkness with you any more, Mulder.

I cannot stand what it does to you or to me.

I'm fine with it. Scully, I'm actually okay. I'm good.

Yeah. That's what scares me.

Where else would you want me to look of you want me to find these women alive?

I'm asking you that you look at yourself.

Why?

I don't think I'm the one who has changed.

We're not FBI any more, Mulder.

We are two people who come home at night.

To a home now.

I don't want that darkness in my home.

Scully, this is who I am.

It's who I've always been. This is who I was before I met you. It's what I do. It's everything I know.

Write it down. Put it in a book.

Are you asking me to give up?

No.

I can't tell you to do that, Mulder.

But I can tell you that...

... I won't be coming home.

Scully.

Mulder, I've got my own battles to fight.

Don't do this.

- Please don't argue with me.

- Don't do this now.

I don't know what else to do."

She could imagine his thoughts by the empty look of his face, yet he was stubborn. Indeed both of them were.

A strong sense of helpless-loneliness crossed her mind suddenly. it was too late when she realized that the comfort she had imagined by imprisoning herself in this cold and septic place was mere an illusion. The guilt of denying him was making it unbearable. Yet she was strong enough to turn back.

She pulled up her mobile, dialing the familiar number. But then again, a part of her held her back. With in a flash of darkness she stood up, placing all the scattered reports of the boy in to a neat pile, on her desk. She grabbed her bag and the coat, reaching out for her car keys. She was going home!

Way Home

The drive was longer than usual. She felt the heaviness of her heart with each passing mile. She was determined not to turn back as after all she knew that "their home" is the only place she could only offer the ultimate comfort that she wants at the moment.

She knew within that it was him that she would reach out to, no matter how broken and distant that they are now. There was never a doubt on her mind on that; she never needed a second thought.

It was him who fought with her for her life. Their memories were flashing on her just as the neon signs of the freeway signs as she was driving. After all the years, she still felt the uneasiness in expressing herself totally to himself; she never had the words or the courage to tell him how much she "Loved" him. Their silent affection was indeed complicated. It grew wildly and weakly at the same time.

Her life choices were not so prevalent at a glance. But they brought them together; which was then seemed as a complete dissemblance made them in to a perfect pair. The haunting images of their past was both consoling and hurting at the same time. She could hear his softly spoken words which were once a comfort to her. She felt his embrace and touch and the warmth of his lips. Unknowingly she had a faint smile; she felt her cheeks getting warm. Just then she pulled back those unruly strands of hair behind her years as she would always do when she was lost in his gaze.

Still crying, she didn't fight back her tears. She wanted to clear her mind before she reaches her destination. She never wanted him to find her weak and fragile.