Notes: not profit, not mine. For the trope bingo spots: accidental stimulation, trust and vows, and locked in. Title and opening quote from Angel Nafis's Angel's Heart Clowns the Ocean. Thanks to A for beta help.
Moderation is for bitches
I Mammoth
I seduce the blood to one spot
I the corset and the rouge
You graveyard
But I haunted house
You call that a tide?
Why you leave so much earth dry?
Your moms ain't teach you to swallow?
This one time, after Tony and Pepper were on a break, he was out of the suit, bleeding in three or possibly four places, barely conscious, and Natasha was on top of him protecting him. In the midst of all that, Tony got a little hard. Natasha didn't mention it until he was out of the hospital, then she teased him. In private. She said, "Even about to die, you're horny for any redhead straddling you?"
"I assume you told everyone," Tony said.
"I told no one, it's more fun to make you worry I will," Natasha said. She was lying about her reason, Tony thought that was obvious. Natasha never liked to admit that she liked Tony. She did, though, she really did.
"It's not any redhead, it was pretty specific to you," Tony said.
She just looked at him, something like a smile on her face.
It was definitely weird working with everyone after everything had been resolved. Everything meant Tony throwing money at the problem and people who should have gotten involved sooner (Nick Fury, ahem) getting involved and a lot of political capital thrown away with that money, that was what it took to resolve things. But now they were all working together and only occasionally being bitter and calling Tony names.
"No one calls you names," Pepper said. They still talked all the time. Since she was the CEO of his company and also, basically his best friend, a tiny jot over Rhodey. So they talked. He was even nice about her new boyfriend. Great guy. Pepper said, "You assume they're calling you names because you've twisted all your guilt into this weird stew of righteous abasement."
"Righteous abasement? That sounds like a performance art installation," Tony said. "I think we funded that one back in the 2003, 2004? I remember this, you talked me into it, some guy and he was right, by the way, even though everyone acted like he wasn't even close to right."
"See, righteous. You're a little self-righteous."
"I'm a lot self-righteous," Tony said. "I should get over that."
"You should," Pepper said. "You should be happy."
It took him a month after the understandable erection incident to realize that lately, possibly, Natasha might have been hitting on him. He knew she liked him, secretly. But she seemed specifically flirty, he was almost positive. She smiled at him more.
!
Tony was tired, so very tired he couldn't even find the words to describe how beyond exhaustion he was. He looked up at Natasha who looked more sprightly. "Boy, I'm glad that's over," Tony said.
"We did a lot of good today," Natasha said. "You apparently need a 10 day nap."
"Oh, yeah, maybe 20 days asleep. I don't know. Hey, have you been hitting on me lately? I can't tell. I think you are, but I was in a relationship for a long time and now I'm just an idiot," Tony said, his eyes closed.
He felt Natasha sit down next to him, she rubbed his head. "You were an idiot when you were in the relationship," she said.
"Is that a no or a yes on the swiping left on me?" He opened his eyes but he was looking at the ceiling.
"I refuse to answer a question that involves a very pathetic attempt at invoking Tinder," she said.
He turned to look at her and saw her smile. "That is not a no," Tony said. "Agent Romanoff, I barely believe it."
"You're very irritating," she said.
He turned his head and kissed her. She didn't slap him. She even kissed back and had both hands at the back of his neck, like she liked him. He knew it.
"You're very embarrassed at how much you want me," Tony said.
"I don't embarrass that easily," Natasha said. "Usually."
"I'm embarrassed for you," Tony said. "Wait, no, I'm not, I'm fantastic. I'm even a good person."
"Even a good person, God," Natasha said. "Let's have sex and discuss your narcissistic insecurities after."
"That totally turns me on," Tony said. Natasha moved off him and he quickly bent down to get his sneakers off. Also his socks, they were definitely going. Then he pulled down his sweat pants and took off his shirt. "Okay, let's go."
Natasha looked up and down. "Some people enjoy taking off their partner's clothes."
"Are you some of the people? I'll get dressed again."
"Please don't, that outfit doesn't deserve a slow reveal," she said. She was still fully dressed. He took her slippered feet into his hands and carefully removed her shoes. He moved his hands up her legs, over her sweat pants.
She held the waistband and he grabbed it as well. He said, "This isn't exactly sexy lingerie."
"And you're hard again," she said. She pushed down her sweatpants and her simple cotton underwear.
He spread her legs gently and busied himself making her wet. Wetter. He wasn't the only one who was turned on. She said, "When you get to it, this is pretty cute sports bra."
He looked up, over her pale belly to the view of her breasts from below, both her hands busy playing with her tits. The pretty cute sports bra had already been pushed up. He really could not wait to get his hands and mouth on every part of her.
Tony pulled one of her hands down to between her legs and let her guide his hand and his mouth. It took a little time and she was clearly holding back to make him work, but she came and he felt her orgasm on the three fingers he had inside her. "That's hot," he said.
She was naked like him, only she was relaxed and looking at him through half closed eyes. "How long are you going last inside me?"
"Are you challenging me? Is this how you usually do this?"
He moved quickly on top of her, thrusting in her to his incredible satisfaction. He could do this for a while, the back and forth and moving insider her, he'd taken a class. He'd been 22 and it was a class of two, him and his teacher and her hall of fame vagina. His personal hall of fame. But he didn't care about Nat's dare, he wanted her to come again. He was a good person, even.
She said, "I don't believe in a usual way to have sex, you seem to enjoy a challenge." She was breathing faster.
"Usually I do," he said. After she came a second time, this time feeling her pulse and sigh around his dick, he let himself go. "Fuck, Nat," he muttered.
"You just did," she said. She grinned like she knew it was a silly joke.
"Next time we'll make rapturous love on a bed of flower petals," Tony said. He pulled her up to standing. "In the meantime, let's not sleep on this couch."
"It's gross," she said, walking ahead of him to his suite.
When he woke up, she was gone. Her clothes were gone, she wasn't even in the building. He felt a little robbed that he hadn't gotten up earlier to pull that routine on her. But he didn't want to keep up that routine. He'd loved waking up with Pepper. As different as Nat and Pepper were and as different he'd expect a relationship with her would be, he did like the wake up snuggle.
Tony got dressed and left the Avengers compound. He flew out in fact, enjoying the feel of the fresh air being filtered into the suit.
!
He didn't see Nat for a week. She acted like she usually did, vague contempt. He waited until they were alone to say, "You left awfully early last time I saw you."
"You didn't actually see me leave early, you were asleep," Nat said. She was looking him right in the eye, so he assumed she was covering for something. She really did like him, possibly. "This wasn't unusual behavior for me or for you."
"Usually I get up early," Tony said. "You are so freaked out about liking me."
She shook her head. "I'm not freaked out by anything involving you," she said.
"I believe you," Tony said, as sarcastically as he was capable of, which was very capable.
There was a sudden noise outside the compound room they were in. They both looked up. Tony tapped his watch and put on the headset that he now had. Headset was too simple a word for such finely crafted technology but he had to call it something. He looked around. "Something's out there."
"You don't say." Nat was deceptively silent as she moved towards the window, a knife in her hand.
Tony lifted his hand, ready to summon his suit from his suite.
The something that was outside was suddenly inside, a grey thing that smelled like a nightmare in a sand pit. He tried to shoot, he tried to get his armor so he could shoot, but the smell overwhelmed him.
!
"This has to be some deja vu for you," Nat said. He opened his eyes and saw her looming over him.
"What? What the fuck?" He looked around at stone, stone everywhere, he was in a cave. He rubbed his chest and tried to stand. He stood up and the ceiling was a foot above his head.
"They took all our weapons and every gadget on you. I think we're bait," she said.
"How do you know we're not here to die? This is a good way to kill someone," Tony said. He was proud of his evenness of his tone.
"I woke up before you, I've searched. There's a very solid metal slab blocking off an exit over that way," Nat said. "It's very solid. But it also has two sections that are not as solid where air is coming in. So we're not supposed to die."
"How deep do you think we're in this place?"
Nat said, "Not very far. And they can find us, they'll rescue us." She was trying, he thought, to be reassuring, like she thought he was freaking out. He was covering it better than that. She tapped right behind her ear.
"You have an implanted tracker?"
"No, but you do," Nat said.
"Yeah, yes, Pepper asked me to get one, I'm a valuable asset to Stark Industries. And I don't have a magnet in my chest anymore, not that you could track me with that. But I could have figured out how to do it," Tony said. He paced, feeling out the amount of space they had. He looked at the stone and dirt, trying to place the location, the continent at least. He wasn't the least bit anxious.
"We've been here about four hours," Nat said.
"The superspy knows all," Tony said. "Food and water?"
"None, they must expect us to be rescued soon," Nat said.
"Whoever they are, they only need us alive for so long," Tony said. He rubbed his tracker. It was definitely working.
"Any genius ideas?"
"No, not really," Tony said. He wondered if he was breathing too fast. How long did they have before the air ran out? Why did it have to be a damn cave. He stared at the light hanging from the ceiling, it was attached to a battery. The battery didn't have a casing and was clearly just a regular old battery attached with ordinary wires. He thought about making a bomb but Natasha had said solid steel. Even with whatever Natasha still had on her, it would only be a mildly powerful bomb and who knew how much rock was on top of them. "I don't see anything."
Natasha looked at him, her jaw tight. He said, "Are you panicking? I'm the one with cave issues here."
"I'm sorry if my slight concern about living is making it hard for you to dwell solely on your own neuroses," she said.
"Come on," he said.
She closed her eyes and leaned against one of rocky walls. "You don't know me," she said.
"Tell me then," Tony said. He leaned against the rocks next to her. "I hear it's helpful for processing."
"That's bullshit," she said. "I prefer distraction."
She was suddenly pressing him against the wall, her palm flat against his sweatpants, rubbing his dick. "This seems wildly inappropriate," he said. "Which is not a no."
She pulled down his pants enough in front that she had his dick and balls out and then there was her hand and mouth and tongue. She didn't look up at him which with a little off-putting, he loved eye contact and in fact, preferred it. It didn't stop him from coming in her mouth and nearly smacking his head into the rocks behind him as his head went back from his nearly top ten ever orgasm. The top ten were still all with Pepper but the whole about to die thing and Nat's skill and his genuine affection for her definitely put this one in the 11 to 20 range.
He sank down to a squat and said, "How do you want me to be wildly inappropriate with you?"
She smiled. "You should fuck me when you're ready."
"Okay, fine, I'm not a teenager but I'm pretty sure I can keep you amused," he said. He kissed her and enjoyed the taste of himself in her mouth. He pushed up her shirt and moved on from her mouth to her tits.
"That's nice," she said. She was wearing nice roomy pajama pants, so he had plenty of space to touch her between legs, continue his applied study of all the responses of Natasha Romanoff and what it took to get her wet.
It only took ten minutes or so to get her to moan and make the kind of noises he didn't think she would make. She reached for his dick and got him harder. "Fuck me now," she said.
"Since you asked so nicely," he said. Her pants were around her ankles so it was easy to pull her onto his lap straddling him, on top of him. She came quickly and he let himself go. He would have made a remark about her stamina but he came pretty quickly the first time so he said nothing.
They cleaned up using Tony's underwear, he took one for the team there. Then they were just sitting, staring at the rock formations. He said, "You're not being talkative."
"I leave that up to you," she said.
"What do you want to talk about? I got a lot of things we can talk about. We can talk about your weird suppressed crush on me, or how I think you really are into me more than sexually," he said.
She looked over at him and said nothing.
"Also, you have a type. Me and Bruce? We're different in a number of ways but we're both geniuses, both have great hair that isn't blond," Tony said. "Should I not mention Bruce?"
"Mention whoever you want," Nat said.
"You can resist all my interrogation techniques, I'm sure," Tony said. "Do you want to?"
Nat looked up at the ceiling and breathed deeply. Finally she said, "You know I told Bruce that when the Red Room sterilized us, it made sense because kids, that's the one thing that might get in the way of the mission. But that's ridiculous, friends, even friends, or people you love. That's the kind of thing that gets in the way, too. I know that now. I knew that then."
He said nothing, just angled his foot to touch hers. She said, "This seems like the sort of conversation I'd have with Steve. Instead it's you, and you're a ridiculous person."
"No argument here," Tony said. "I don't think of people like Pepper and Rhodey and you getting in the way of any mission, you are the mission, you are emblematic of it. They matter to me, everyone matters to someone."
Natasha leaned into him. She was very warm, almost feverish. She said, "Bruce didn't tell you how special I am?"
"Are you asking if he talked about how he really really liked you and wanted to do hot partner yoga with you, maybe even naked? No, not really, just a general hint of it. He never talked about anything Red Room related," Tony said.
"I called myself a monster. I was an assassin, you know."
"Did you have a lot of choice at the brainwashed career fair?"
She barely smiled. "Did you ask Bucky that before you ripped off his arm?"
"I didn't *rip* it off," Tony said. "I thought we weren't arguing about that anymore, bygones and all that." He dared to put his arm around her shoulder. "Besides, you're the one sitting next to me. Maybe I'd say something nice to him if he were sitting here."
Natasha stared at the ceiling. "There's been a lot of changes in my life, you know. Risks, gambles, openness, even. Caring about you more than just a comrade seems like a horrible idea."
"I will always be your comrade," Tony said. "Man, I wish I'd studied Russian because I could have made that sound much funnier."
Natasha said it for him and he repeated it. "Does that count as a vow? I promise you."
"How do you know I didn't just teach you to say I want you to own my company?"
"Do you want to own my company?" Tony smiled. "It gives me a headache. The CEO is top notch, though." Tony dared to hug her closer. "We're avoiding the topic. You want to be in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G me, and you have your own reasons for not thinking that's a great idea. I don't think it's great idea and I love having sex with you. But ideas are hard to kill."
"That's not wise or meaningful," Natasha said.
"I know," Tony said. "You always call me on that, damn it."
Natasha finally smiled. She smiled at him and was about to say something when they both heard the noise. Natasha was instantly up and in battle stance. Tony tried to look as cool as she did.
"It's our guys," Natasha said with another smile.
"How can you tell, I only hear - oh, look, it's our guys."
!
He gave her a week. "Seem fair," he said to Rhodey.
"Yes, I see how fairness enters into it," Rhodey said.
"Not like that. I mean, I'm giving her some time. It was an experience. She opened up to me," Tony said.
"I refuse to believe that," Rhodey said.
Tony repeated the phrase Natasha had taught him in Russian. "What did I say there?"
Rhodey smiled. "You just told me you will always make sure, uh, let's say that I'll have a damn good orgasm. Have you said that to anyone else?"
"No, just you and Natasha," Tony said, smiling. "Look, if you want me to take me up on the offer, you know, I'm open to it."
"Maybe after you and Natasha break up," Rhodey said.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, buddy," Tony said.
Natasha found him before he found her, though. He was stuck in Los Angeles, putting together his new home away from that other coast. He had a lot of design thoughts, maximizing his ability to work on projects, use metric tons of bandwidth, and still look cool when he brought women home. Or Natasha.
She looked good in the doorway. She said, "You need a house with a huge pit in it?"
"That pit is going to be a kind of vault and also where I put the generators - do you want to see the schematics? I got a ton of them here."
"No, I'd rather help dig the pit deeper," she said.
"That's as deep as it goes. I've done a lot of planning. What do I want my house to look like if I could start from scratch?"
"I don't care," Natasha said.
"Fair enough," Tony said. "But you're here. And you really don't want to see the schematics?"
"I really don't," Natasha said. "I came by to talk to you, not listen to you explain how you're a genius when it comes to renewable energy and robotics."
"I am a genius at both of those things. And a few other things, too," he said, leering.
"Genius is a strong word for some of those things, maybe skilled is generous enough," she said. She still stepped inside. "I feel like we've had all the relationship talks we need to, right?"
"It's funny you feel that way before I don't think we resolved anything," Tony said.
"Sure we did. We made vows."
"I vowed to give you much orgasms," Tony said, trying a bad Russian accent.
"That's a good vow," Natasha said. "Everyone likes that."
"Fine, you won't look at my schematics or my plans, can I show you the bedrooms? The master bath is based on a spa Pepper took me to in France."
"So you have a bidet?" She took his hand as he walked upstairs.
"Frankly, yes, but the bathtub is pretty impressive as well," Tony said.