Hi hi~ Pudding here.
Yeah, someone just had to do it. I plan on tweaking the story a bit to match the Vocaloid's fanmade personalities. I may make my own chapters up, I may add and subtract from the original story.
If you've never read/watched Ouran High School Host Club, I suggest you do it. It's funny and laid back, and even the English dub is good. That's saying something.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club, the characters, or Vocaloid.
A fun thing I'm doing for this fic- guess the theme for the songs I wrote lyrics for in the scene transitions, and guess each song.
"If there are four libraries in this school, then why is it noisy everywhere!" I screamed to myself. "If they're not there to study, they should just go home! Damn those rich bastards…"
My name is Luka Megurine, age 15. I'm a freshman at Vocaloid High, a school for prestigious, wealthy families. I'm only here on a scholarship. I'm quite poor in fact.
"This has gotta be the only place left that holds a chance of being quiet…" I sighed, opening the door that said "Third Music Room."
"Welcome to the Host Club!" a group of voices chorused.
I blinked a couple times. Host Club? Oh my god, this was just too weird.
"What? It's a guy this time," two blonde twins said in sync. I recognized them from somewhere…
"Len, Rin, isn't he in your class?" a guy with glasses said.
"Yeah, but…" the boy, Len, started.
"…This one doesn't talk much with other people," Rin finished.
"So we don't know him well," they chorused.
The glasses guy smirked, as if he'd figured out something. "That's quite rude, you two."
He walked towards me, "Welcome to the Vocaloid High Host Club, special student Luki Megurine."
"H-Host Club?" I repeated, backing into the doorway, "W-Wait… how do you know my name?"
"Well, the way this school works makes it difficult for commoners to get in," Glasses Guy continued.
Oh, so I'm a commoner now?
"One must have a lot of nerve and be a studious bookworm in order to even have a hope of being accepted."
Nope, I am now a nerdy commoner with a lot of nerve. That should do it.
"So to speak, you are a hero, Megurine-kun!" a purple haired guy stood up and gripped my shoulders.
"Th-Thank you…?" I managed to say.
"For even if you are the top student of all the freshmen," he continued, ignoring me, "you are also the poorest in the school. Peers shall call you a weed, and you will be despised as a lower person! But do not worry; I praise the poorest!"
"N-no, I'm not as bad as you make me sound…" I countered, pushing the idiot off of my shoulder.
"Of course!" he declared, ignoring me again. "What's really important in a hero is that reckless spirit! Welcome to the luxuriant world, oh poorest person! All hail poverty!"
"Please excuse me, but I'm leaving now," I said uncomfortably.
"Ne, Lulu-chan!" a voice chirped as I was pulled away from the doorway.
"Lulu-chan, you're a hero?" a boy with white hair and an ahoge asked, a big smile on his face.
"I'm a special student, not a hero…" I argued. "Wait, who're you calling Lulu-chan?" I roared.
"Hm, I must say I never expected the rumored extraordinary student to be gay," Purple Idiot continued.
"G-Gay?" I repeated.
"Well, I guess that's what you get with pink hair," Len snickered.
"No need to hide it, Megurine-kun. Please, choose your host."
"Kaito Shion, the Wild Type? Piko Utatane, the Shota type? Len and Rin Kagamine, the Little Devil type? Kiyoteru Hiyama, the Cool Type? Or…
"Would you desire me, Gakupo Kamui, the King Type, as your escort?" he leaned in and stroked my cheek.
"N-No! You've got it wrong!" I said, backing away again. "I was just looking for a place to study and—"
I felt something hit my backside. I turned around and saw the most beautiful blue vase falling towards the ground. Time slowed down as I reached for it…
…and missed it.
~CRASH~
"Nooooooo!" I yelled in frustration.
"Aaaw," the twins said.
"We were hoping to put that up for bid at the school auction," Len said.
"For eight million yen, too~" Rin added.
"Eight MILLION yen?" I yelled. "A-About paying for this—"
"Can you?" the twins said in sync. "You can't even pay for our designated uniform." They gestured to my clothes. "What's with that get-up, anyway?"
"I-I couldn't find anything else that looked like a uniform from my dad's clothes!"
"What would you suggest, Gakupo?" Kiyoteru asked.
Oh no.
The Purple Idiot took a dramatic pose in his chair. "Have you heard of the saying, Megurine-kun? 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do'. If you can't pay the money, then work it off. Starting today, you are…
"The Host Club's dog."
Oh Mother in heaven, let me join you now please.
Honto no kimochi o tsutaetai kedo mojimoji Toeto ga sore o kobamu
"Gakupo-kun, will you take me somewhere this summer?"
"If that is what you wish."
"Gakupo-sama, what's your favorite song?"
"Of course, a song that we both share in our memories."
"I baked you a cake, today, Gakupo-kun. Will you eat it?"
Gakupo held the girl's chin to his face. "Only if you will feed it to me."
"Oh, Gakupo-kun~"
I rolled my eyes. Where did he get crap like that? Although, the girls seemed to be squealing over him… proving that I'm different.
"And she woke up all scared from a nightmare!" I heard Len laughing from a different table. The girls were swooning over him, too.
"Len!" Rin said, blushing. "Talking about that… talking about it in public is mean…" tears started to form in her eyes.
"Rin…" Len said, his eyes widening.
The girls at the table held each other's hands in anticipation.
"I'm so sorry, Rin," Len cupped her cheek in his hand, "You looked so cute just then. I just…"
"Len…" Rin cooed, looking away.
Assorted cries of "Kyaaa~" "The Forbidden Sibling Love!" and "I wish I was Rin" could be heard from the fan girls.
"Why are they so excited about a little twincest… I don't understand this world," I moaned.
"Our motto is to use the characteristics of our members to the fullest extent in order to answer customer needs," Kiyoteru said from behind me. "Gakupo is by far our most popular."
"You're kidding," I said flatly.
"No, in fact, 70% of our customers designate him."
"Work hard for that eight million yen, Megurine-kun," Gakupo whispered into my ear (quite seductively, might I add.)
"Wh-What the hell! Don't do that!"
Gakupo laughed, "Now, now, you won't be very popular with the ladies if you behave like that."
"Fortunately, I'm not very concerned with that issue…" I mumbled.
"What was that?" Gakupo leaned in.
"Well, what I mean is," I continued, "Girl, boy, appearance… they don't really matter, do they? It's what's on the inside that counts, more than anything else."
"So true!" Gakupo burst into dramatic (flamboyant) mode, "God blesses only a few with both good looks and a good soul, like myself. I know you feel you need to tell yourself, who is so imperfect, that looks aren't important…"
Hm, there's a word for people like him…
"Think of it this way; why is there art in museums? To show off beautiful things is the duty of all those who were born beautiful…"
Troublesome… annoying… those very well describe him, but there's a better word…
"…Therefore, I am beautiful. I founded this club for those hungers, and my effort to pursue that beauty is…"
How to say this…
"Ah, I got it!" I said out loud.
"Oh, so you've understood…"
"You're obnoxious," I stated, proud of my vocabulary. "Hm? Uh…"
Gakupo was huddled in a corner, looking quite depressed.
"Ahaha, you are a hero!" Len laughed, slapping me on the back.
"There aren't many people who could hurt him that much!" Rin guffawed.
"I just said what I thought…" I murmured.
"Um, excuse me, Kamui-senpai—"
"Gakupo, you have many customers waiting in line. I suggest you get back to work," Kiyoteru advised, ignoring Gakupo's withdrawn form.
"Sorry we're late~" I heard Piko from the door. He was—get this—on Kaito's back. This seventeen-year-old shota midget having a piggyback ride.
"Ah, Piko-chu, Kaito-kun! We've been waiting," squealed one of the girls.
"I fell asleep while waiting for Kaito to get out of kendo practice~" Piko said, rubbing his eyes. "I'm still kind of sleepy…"
"Kyaaaa!" all the girls blushed and squealed.
"Is he really a senior?" I asked in disbelief. "And that scary-face guy hasn't said anything since I got here…"
"What are you talking about? Piko-senpai is the oldest in the club," Gakupo said, "And silence is Kaito-senpai's selling point."
"Ugh, I just wanted to study somewhere quiet, and I get this…!" I grumbled.
"Why? What about your home?" Gakupo inquired.
"Oh, my father brings his lover during the daytime, since he has a night job."
"So you don't get along with your father? Does he not pay for your tuition?"
I shook my head, "Oh no, my father and I get along just fine, although he spends too much money on stupid things… It's just that I want to bother him as little as possible. He brought me up for ten years by himself after Mother passed away, and I thought I should do whatever I can…"
"…That environment is pitiful, isn't it?" Gakupo asked.
"Huh? Not really…" I answered warily.
"Okay, Luki! It's time to learn!" he pointed a dramatic idiotic finger in my face.
"Maybe it's impossible with your looks, but I will train you thoroughly! If you can get… one hundred people! If you can get one hundred customers to designate you, then you will be debt-free!
"Your training starts now! First of all, when seducing a customer, it is imperative to look from a lower angle."
The idiot did so and bishounen sparkles surrounded him.
"I don't feel anything," I said bluntly. I was fine with being the 'dog', I didn't want to seduce other girls…
Gakupo reassumed his spot in the corner.
"Lulu-chan~" Piko glomped me.
"Whoa."
"Does Lulu-chan want to eat cakes with me?" he asked excitedly.
"Well… no, I don't really like sweets," I answered.
"Then would you like to play with my Tako-chan?"
"Tako-chan? I don't really like octopi either, though takoyaki is delicious…"
"You don't like my Tako-chan?" he asked, pulling the stuffed octopus in my face.
Taking a second look at it, it was pretty cute, wasn't it.
"I-It's cute…" I said.
"Right?" Piko smiled.
"Luki, can you go and get these things from the store?" Gakupo handed me a list.
"Wha…" I started, "I thought I was upgraded from grunt work!"
"Until you get a customer, you're still the dog," Kiyoteru said with a smirk.
Those damn rich bastards.
hankei hachijuugo senchi ga kono te no todoku kyori ima kara furimawashimasu node hanarete ite kudasai
I walked back in to the clubroom with the groceries. Coffee, tea bags, sugar, half-and-half etcetera etcetera.
"Ah, Little Piggy, thank you for buying our things!" Gakupo said, leaning over the sofa. He was with a customer. She had long wavy bubblegum pink hair—for the record, mine's more of a salmon pink—with these… obnoxious twin buns on the sides of her head.
"Hm? What's this?" Gakupo broke my train of thought.
"That? It's coffee, what else?" I scoffed.
"I can't say I've ever seen this brand before," he stated, carefully observing the container.
"Well, probably because it's not the expensive coffee beans you rich people buy."
"Oh!" Gakupo exclaimed, "Is this the kind where you buy it already ground?"
"No, it's instant," I replied.
"Instant?" the fan girls chorused.
"So this is the famous commoner coffee!" Len said in awe.
"You just add water, and it's ready to drink!" Gakupo exclaimed.
"So it's true that poor people don't even have time to grind beans…" Kiyoteru observed.
"It's not that we don't have the time, it's that it's too much of a hassle," I thought.
"I wanted to try it once~" Piko leaned in.
"Three hundred yen per one hundred grams? That's so cheap!" Rin said, shocked.
"Cheaper than one cup of coffee!" Gakupo added again.
"You know what, if it's that big of a deal, I'll just go back to the store and buy the right coffee!" I snapped, "Sorry that it wasn't the expensive coffee beans you usually use!"
"No, don't," ordered Gakupo. "I'll drink it."
The audience gasped.
"I will try this peasants' coffee!"
The audience applauded and "ooooh"ed.
These damn rich people…
The bubblegum girl giggled. "Gakupo-sama is playing around too much. There's no way commoners' coffee would suit his refined taste."
"Huh?" I asked.
She turned to me, "Oh, forgive me. I was just talking to myself."
"O…kay," I said, trying to sound as polite as possible.
"Luki! Come make some peasant's coffee for us!" Gakupo called.
I sighed and walked over to the table where the cups were set up. I picked up the kettle and poured the hot water into the teacups with instant coffee in them, just like any normal person would do. Except, of course, this time there were a bunch of rich bastards who didn't know how to make coffee 'ooh'ing and 'aahh'ing at my seemingly incredible feat.
"Please don't blame me if it doesn't suit your tastes," I said sarcastically.
"I'm a little scared to drink it," One of the girls said.
"My dad will get angry at me if I drink this…" another commented.
"How about mouth-to-mouth?" Gakupo said seductively as he held the girl's face close to his.
"I-I'll drink it!" she stuttered, blushing.
Away from the screaming fan girls, I saw Bubblegum Girl and what seemed to be one of her followers whispering. Loudly. If that makes any sense.
"Drinking such a thing… Gakupo-sama is crazy, don't you think so, Sai-sama?" the follower said.
Bubblegum Girl chuckled, "He's being polite to the peasant boy. However, being kind is a problem, too."
"Luki! I want another cup!" Gakupo exclaimed.
"Wait, you actually liked it?" I was taken aback.
"Yes, the inelegant flavor makes it very intruiging!"
"I see…"
"Hm? What's this?" Rin and Len asked, going through the rest of the groceries.
"That," I said, "Is instant ramen."
Everyone gasped, "Peasant's Ramen!"
Oh Mother, here we go again.
"It's just like the coffee; add hot water and let it sit. See if you can do it yourself."
Everybody grabbed a different ramen flavor and started passing around the water.
"My ingredients are stuck to the lid…" Kaito mumbled.
Whoa, he talks!
"If you put the ingredients below the noodles in the beginning, that won't happen," I demonstrated.
"What an amazing technique!" Gakupo awed, "Commoners are so efficient!"
"Whatever," I said, placing my glass of water down on the table.
Gakupo glared at me.
"What?" I asked, uncomfortable with the situation.
"Luki, when you are a host, it is important that you place your glass delicately. Use your pinky as a cushion; a beautiful man cannot make an ugly sound…"
"Tono," Len said.
"Even if you taught him the basics of being a host," Rin continued.
"In his case, he doesn't even pass the most basic visual criteria, right?" Len finished.
Rin walked over to my front side, "Well, for this type, even if you take off the glasses, his eyes will appear even smaller…" she said, removing my glasses.
"Hey, wait! I lost my contacts on the first day of school!" I protested. The Host Club members were all staring at me in shock.
"What, do I have something on my face?" I asked, annoyed.
Gakupo dashed forward and parted Rin and Len. He looked down dramatically and snapped.
"Rin! Len! You know what to do!"
"Yes Sir!" they shouted excitedly.
They grabbed each of my arms and took off with my screaming form.
I was carried to the dressing room. Len pulled out a boy uniform.
"You're going to get changed into this!"
"W-What?" I pointed at the expensive uniform, "I can't afford that!"
"Cooperate, Luki!" Rin yelled, and the two pounced on me, trying to get me into the uniform.
"Hey, cut that out! I'll put it on, alright! Go away while I'm changing!" I screamed, throwing them out before they could get a good look at my camisole.
Sukiyaki Geisha Tempura Geisha Japanese food ippai aru kedo
"Ummm, Senpai," I called out, looking at myself in the mirror.
"Ah, you're done putting it on?" Gakupo asked.
I opened the curtain and stepped out of the dressing room. "Is it really okay for me to take this uniform?"
Gakupo burst into happy tears, "You look so cute~ You're like a girl!"
Well, how 'bout them apples.
"Don't worry about the uniform, I can just add it to your debt…" Kiyoteru said quietly.
"Luki, you look so cute!" Rin squealed.
"If you were so good looking, why didn't you say so sooner?" Len asked.
"He might get customers like this," Kaito commented.
"Yes, just like I predicted!" Gakupo said dramatically.
Liar, you didn't predict anything.
"Your training is over! You have been promoted from dog to an official member of the host club, Luki Megurine!"
"Me? A host?" I said in shock.
Yuruyaka ni kuchite yuku Kono sekai de Agaku boku no yui itsu no katsuro Iro aseta kimi no Hohoemi kizande Sen wo nuita~
"What are your hobbies, Luki-kun?"
"Is it true that you commute by train?"
"Do you take care of your skin in some special way? It's so smooth~"
"N-No, nothing special…" I stuttered nervously. Oh my god, I could not converse with these shallow rich girls. I have no idea what to do.
"Why did you join this club, Luki-kun~?" they chorused.
"Oh, it's because I—"
That's right! If I can get one hundred customers, I can pay off my eight million yen debt! I totally forgot about it, but that's the plot, isn't it?
But I still don't know what to do… oh yeah! Gakupo-senpai said I should look at customers from a lower perspective.
"Would you…" I started, leaning down, "like to have another cup?"
The girl blushed and stuttered, "Y-Yes, please."
"May… I have one, too?" the second girl asked.
"Of course," I replied, smiling.
The three girls all started blushing.
"Why do they…?" I heard Len questioning.
"His innocence is probably refreshing," Kiyoteru concluded.
"And we don't have any polite characters besides him," Rin added.
"Oh my, your mother passed away ten years ago…?" One of the girls brought be back to the conversation.
"Yes, from an illness," I replied.
"Then what do you do about household chores…?" another asked.
"I do them myself," I stated bluntly. "My mother loved cooking… she left a lot of recipes while she was hospitalized. Learning how to cook them one by one was fun. And the same goes for the other chores. I loved those times very much," I finished with a smile.
I could've sworn I saw that Purple Idiot blushing out of the corner of my eye.
"May… I request you tomorrow, too?" the first girl asked.
"Oh, yes please, that'll help me out a lot!" I answered.
"Me, too…" another said.
"Luki!" Gakupo called me over.
"Luki, this is my best customer, Sai Tonarine-sama."
"Oh…" I replied. It was Bubblegum Girl…
"Very nice to meet you," I greeted. I don't get her tastes, but better smile anyway…
Gakupo blushed and glomped me, "Luki! That was so cute~ You're a natural at this!"
"Gakupo-sama…" Sai said.
"Let go of me, pervert!" I screamed. "Kaito-senpai, help me!"
Kaito swooped in, picked me up, and threw me over his shoulder.
I swear he groped my boobs.
"Kaito-senpai, you didn't have to go that far…" Gakupo said awkwardly.
"I was asked for help, so I helped," Kaito replied.
Karamiau yubi hodoite Kuchibiru kara shita e to
"Hey, have any of you guys seen my book bag?" I asked.
"What does Lulu-chan's bag look like?" Piko asked.
"It's brown, I guess…?"
"You mean like the one in the fountain?" Rin and Len pointed out the window.
"WHAT!" I ran over to the window. "No no no no no no… Ugh. My wallet's in there, too," I sighed as I saw that it WAS my bag that had been thrown out the window and into the fountain that featured a cherub peeing into it.
Damn perverted rich bastards.
I rushed down the hall to get my things, when someone bumped into me. "Oh, I'm sorry," I said, being polite.
"Oh, you're that peasant boy, correct?"
It was Sai Tonarine…
"I see that Gakupo-sama has worked hard to make you look better. Why don't you fix your faults in your upbringing, too?" she said as she strutted down the opposite way.
Dame dame yo~ (Okay, guys, please guess that one right)
Okay, so Tonarine-san is definitely a suspect… but I don't have any proof, so I can't just go and accuse her of doing such a thing as throwing my bag in the water.
"Why did you wet your bag?" Gakupo said, coming up behind me.
"I just dropped it, it's not like I would do something like this on purpose," I argued. "I can't find my wallet, though."
Gakupo put his bag down next to the perverted fountain and threw off his shirt.
"W-What are you doing?" I asked, blushing.
"Don't worry about me, Luki, beautiful men can't be hurt by water."
Okay, to be perfectly honest, that's not what I was worried about.
He looked at me and pinched my cheeks, "You're blushing~ Have you fallen in love with me?"
"What?"
"Hey, everyone, whoever finds Luki's wallet first gets 10% of the contents!" he called out to the rest of the Host Club, who were conveniently passing by.
"Sweet!" Rin and Len exclaimed.
"Hey! You can't decide that on your own! I never asked for your help!"
Despite my arguing, everyone seemed intent on finding my wallet. And after half an hour splashing each other with water and slipping and making perverted jokes about the weird fountain, Kaito had found the wallet.
Luckily, he didn't take any of the money inside.
Tell me now That u really like the show
"I see… but weren't you troubling Gakupo-sama and the others by making them dirty their hands for you? But it certainly was scary that the bag fell into the pond by itself, isn't it…" Sai said while sipping tea.
"Yes…" Why did this person designate me…
"However," she continued smugly, "Don't think that just because he's doting on you, that Gakupo-sama actually likes you. He's just interested in your unusual family background. Maybe these weird things are happening because you are tagging along Gakupo-sama without thinking…?"
"That is…" I said. "So, in short, you are… jealous?" I said what I thought.
The next couple seconds were a blur to me. I've always been told I was slow. All I know is that it ended up with the table knocked over, and me on top of Bubblegum Girl on the floor.
"Help! Luki-kun suddenly got violent!" she wailed.
"Huh?" I still had no idea what happened.
"I knew he was barbarous," she continued, crying now, "Someone get this peasant off of me before—"
She didn't get to finish her sentence before Rin and Len poured water on our heads.
"Oops~" Rin stuck her tongue out.
"Our hands slipped," Len smirked.
"You thought we didn't know about it?" Kiyoteru asked, holding up pictures of Sai throwing my bag out the window, "Please don't underestimate our information network. Of course, we have evidence on the other issue as well."
"This woman is scary~" Piko cried.
"Looks so ugly," Kaito added.
(Okay, don't wanna ruin the mood, but whoa, Kaito, where did that come from?)
"You only look beautiful on the outside," Gakupo said smiling. "I hate to say this to my number one customer, but can you please never come back?"
"Wha… Gakupo-sama…" Sai was genuinely tearing up.
"I will not tolerate bad behavior towards any club member," he finished seriously.
"Stupid Gakupo-sama!" Sai cried as she ran out of the room.
"Yeah, we have those kinds of customers every so often," Rin commented.
"That's right," Gakupo said, "And Luki, your punishment for losing our best customer, is that you now have to get a million customers on your quota before your debt is paid!"
"What?" One hundred was bad enough!
"Sorry about the water, but…" Len said.
"This is the only spare uniform we have," Rin finished, holding up a paper bag with her name on it. "Sorry, it's one of my spares. You should fit in it, though~"
"Yeah, okay…"
Afuredasu namida wa itsumo onaji demo Itami ni wa kokoro ga narete wa kurenai
"Luki, I have towels…" Gakupo walked into the dressing room.
"Hey, Purple Idiot, I'm changing!" I yelled, covering my bra.
Gakupo blushed and closed the curtain.
"…Luki?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you a girl?"
"Uh, yeah, biologically, at least," I answered.
I walked out of the dressing room in Rin's uniform. Gakupo gasped and blushed.
"B-But, Luki's a guy name!" Gakupo argued.
"But Luki isn't my real name," I countered. "I'm Luka Megurine. The school list made a typo. I've actually had a lot of mix-ups previously, so I just don't care anymore."
"I noticed from the beginning~" Piko said.
"I can't believe it took you that long!" Rin and Len snickered.
"Well, I figured if you senpais thought I was a guy, it was okay with me. My consciousness of being a guy or a girl is lower than the average person, I guess. And I'm not that interested in appearances either." I dug through my bag, "See, here's my middle school ID."
Everyone huddled around. "Hey! You had long hair back then! What happened?" Piko asked.
"My neighbors' kids stuck gum in it, so I cut it the day before school started. But…
"You were cool, earlier, Senpai, when you confronted Tonarine-san like that."
Gakupo was blushing furiously, for reasons unbeknownst to me.
"And actually, I realized it's not that bad to be a host and listen to girls chit-chat. They're actually kind of cute," I added.
"Huh!" Gakupo yelled.
"I'm probably a little into that~ Oh yeah, I should call everyone 'dude' and 'bro' from now on just to make it that much more convincing."
"Hey!" Gakupo shouted, "You can't do that! You're a girl!"
And… yup, that's pretty much how life at Vocaloid High's Host Club started for me.
Bet you wanna go now, huh?
Yay~ You have no idea how long this took me, despite its simpleness.
Don't worry, Rin's reason for being the only girl in the Host Club will be explained in the next chapter.
I'm going to be merging chapters and episodes to form a more efficient way of writing. Bear with me!
Please leave a review~ When I have three reviews, I'll upload the next chapter. Thank you~
Maple Puddin'