Commodore's Log

by Merci

Norrington x Gillette x Groves - Humour and ridiculousness in the form of log entries that tell a story. Rated for language, humour/crack, and m/m/m slash. It's not meant to make sense, but I hope it amuses and entertains.

Title: Commodore's Log
Author: Merci
Pairing: Norrington/Gillette/Groves
Rating: M for language, reference to asses and implied mansex
Status: Complete
Source: Pirates of the Caribbean
Feedback: Yes Please
Archiving: Please ask first. I'll probably say yes. I just would like to know where they are going. But seriously, though… you want this?
Special Thanks: To my boss for letting me take numerous breaks at work to write this sucker!
Warnings:
- Slashfic (Slash-fik) n. A fictitious story in which contain sexual relations between two or more men.
- Silly Behaviour. While this started out semi-serious, it took a nosedive into the ridiculous! Those familiar with anime will dig the semi-references made. In short, if you are looking for something serious, you have definitely come to the wrong place, my friend. I can write serious works, but needed this little ditty to unwind. I make no apologies if you think this is tripe. I made no effort, as is obvious, to make this serious in the least.
- POSSIBLE OOCness Being that this is not meant to be serious, and involves things found popular in Anime, we can safely assume that these guys might not be 100 IC at all times.
- Written in Journal/Log style format Ah, I don't know if this should be a warning or not. I wrote this out as if they were writing in their journals ever five seconds to document what was happening at that exact moment. Very similar to script form, but not quite.
- Blatant Power Ranger influence Yeah, just what it says. Power ranger influence ahead. Caution.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this fictional work. They belong to their respective owners. I am not making any profit from this endeavour. I wrote this on my lunch breaks at work for fun and did not intend it as a serious work.

Notes: For those who don't know, a transformation sequence in anime is one in which a character (i.e. Normal School Girl) goes through a flowery transformation sequence complete with music and flashy lights to become some sort of superhero (Think Sailor Moon). This is to just clear up any confusion at my utter foolishness at trying to mix the genres.

Summary: Featuring Norrington/Gillette/Groves. Humour and ridiculousness in the form of log entries that tell a story. Rated for language and implied M/M/M (slash or gay) situations. It's not meant to make sense, but I hope it amuses and entertains.

x-+-x

Commodore's Log

From the personal Logs of Commodore Norrington and his Lieutenants Gillette and Groves

Commodore Norrington's Log
In pursuit of vicious pirates that have captured Elizabeth. Must follow otherwise her father will get his knickers in a knot. How irritating. My only solace from his incessant blathering is my sweet Lt. Gillette. Of course, he will never know how deep my affections run for him. Dropped telescope on purpose today. Made Gillette pick it up. Cute ass.

Lt. Gillette's Log
He dropped that damned telescope again and made me pick it up! If I didn't know any better, I'd swear that he was trying to break it.

Commodore Norrington's Log
Found burning rum on island. Found Elizabeth burning rum bottles. Found Jack Sparrow sobbing inconsolably over lost rum. Took them both aboard ship. Elizabeth tricked me into going after Will Turner. Now I have to marry her.

Lt. Gillette's Log
Elizabeth only cares about her blacksmith, Will Turner. She's just using the Commodore! Grrrr!

Commodore Norrington's Log
Found spooky pirates. Jack Sparrow made some ridiculous suggestions for a plan of attack. I lied and agreed with him, then made my own plan. I impress even myself. Gillette could be in danger. Sent word to ship under pretense of concern for Elizabeth for him to be careful. I would just die if anything happened to that luscious ass of his!

Lt. Gillette's Log
The Commodore has found the isle de muerte. It's super spooky, but he seems confident that we will win. I hope we do! Got word to protect my luscious ass… wtf is he talking about!

Commodore Norrington's Log
My ship is under attack! Rushed back to find Gillette's hat with a bullet hole in it! Contemplated transforming into Ultra-Redcoat-Norrington form to smite pirates. Then remembered that I'm in a roughly 17th century setting where Anime-style mecha and transformations into powerful beings are completely unheard of. Instead resorted to drawing sword and kicking shit out of pirate in front of me.

Lt. Gillette's Log
Pirate battle. Being somewhat of a pussy, I decided that ineffectively swinging a pulley at pirates would be good. I missed. I suck xx. Pirate chased me. Remembered my orders to protect my luscious ass… and succeeded! I found a sword & kicked shit out of pirate.

Commodore Norrington's Log
Did Gillette really think that pulley would be effective against an undead pirate? Sigh Well, at least he's pretty…

Lt. Gillette's Log
Norrington saves the day! Hugged Groves briefly before rushing off to celebrate with Norrington! He's so cool!

Lt. Groves' Log
Feeling ignored here… my logs go completely ignored! Why, just yesterday the king called me back to England to inform me of a secret mission to a futuristic colony on the moon that I had to find the secret scrolls to unlock the gateway…

Commodore Norrington's Log
Groves seeking attention… again. You would think with all the adventures he goes on that he wouldn't need to seek attention from me. Why, just yesterday when I was taking a bath, he popped his head above the water and asked if he could be my scrumptious little tart! Well, I made him get off my lap and out of the bath and leave right away! I told him that the only tart I want is Gillette. He seemed hurt but accepted my rejection graciously.

Lt. Groves' Log
Reject ME will he?

Lt. Gillette's Log
I feel an ominous premonition. It's spooky…

Commodore Norrington's Log
Finally got Gillette into my bed! I told him that I'd lost candy in the sheets and needed his help to find it all! Go me! That luscious ass is now mine! So sweet and… drools tasty!

Lt. Gillette's Log
Norrington tricked me! There was no candy in his bed!

Lt. Groves' Log
I'm good at finding candy! Why didn't he ask me? All this inattention just serves to fuel my rage at the situation. I will now implement operation Capture Gillette. It's a marvelous plan in which I capture Gillette. I will then use him to get Norrington. This is a good plan!

Lt. Gillette's Log
Captured by Groves! Will the madness ever stop? Groves stole my uniform and left me in not but my knickers! I contented myself with humming and counting my toes.

Lt. Groves' Log
Plan to get Norrington failing! Gillette's inherent cuteness is intoxicating. Such… cute… toes! I cannot contain my sudden lust for this man!

Lt. Gillette's Log
Ravished by Groves! Wheee!

Commodore Norrington's Log
My Gillette is captured! Inner rage boiling over. Resolved to save that sweet, sweet ass… I mean… My Gillette! Found the traitor, Groves, in a swanky inn room with my Gillette. After impressive battle, I saved my poor, poor Gillette.

Lt. Groves' Log
Tied to bed. Cannot move. What is that sadistic bastard up to?

Commodore Norrington's Log
Ravished Gillette on swanky inn room bed next to Groves. Drove both men mad with desire. I rock.

Lt. Gillette's Log
Poor Groves; stuck on bed with nothing to do. Convinced Norrington to get him in on the action. Stuck in between two fine men. What ever should a little 'ol Lieutenant like me do?

Commodore Norrington's Log
While I thoroughly enjoyed the concept of bringing Groves into our bed, I was completely unprepared for Gillette's new nickname for me…

Lt. Groves' Log
Gillette… calls Norrington… daddy!

Lt. Gillette's Log
Now it's a toss up between Groves and Norrington. I'm afraid that Norrington may be leaving us soon though… he DID stupidly propose to that… uh, Brittany? Erin? Whatever the Governor's daughter's name is… god, I can't think straight…

Commodore Norrington's Log
Damn I'm good. Gillette is so well fucked he can't think straight. All thanks to me. polishes nails Yep, I've still got it!

Lt. Groves' Log
Oh, Norrington is SO full of himself! Gillette wouldn't be half as satisfied this morning if it wasn't for me and my multitalented middle finger! Well, blush Norrington actually was quite good. It will be a shame to see him leave the bed to marry that Elizabeth girl. Looks like I'm going to be comforting Gillette and that luscious ass with some comfort sex.

Lt. Gillette's Log
Groves cornered me today before the execution of that Sparrow fellow. Told me to meet him in the hall closet for some sex. He didn't tell me WHICH hall closet, so I was late getting there. Surprisingly enough, when I got there, he surprised me with sex! How surprising! I was hoping he'd do that.

Lt. Groves' Log
Gillette gets so silly after sex! He makes no sense, and uses words repeatedly. Well, we were just basking in the afterglow of some great lovemaking sessions when we heard shouts of alarm from outside! We pulled on our clothes and went outside to see what the matter was. Will was helping Jack sparrow escape!

Commodore Norrington's Log
Jack Sparrow is escaping! Looked around to make sure that everybody's attention was diverted and quickly transformed into mega-Norrington! After a 2 minute transformation sequence, complete with my own theme music and scenes of kick-ass armour plating flying out of nowhere to attach to my body, I was ready for battle!

Lt. Gillette & Groves' combined Log
Mega-Lieutenants! Transofrm!

Ultra-Groves' Log
Rushed out in Ultra-Groves form to find a mysterious Mega-Commodore fighting Pirates. Could not decide if he was on our side or not. Is he evil?

Ultra-Gillette's Log
Despite Groves' instinct to NOT trust this new Mega-Commodore, I decided that an hour long special to uncover his secret identity was not needed. Instead, I jumped into the fray and helped the new Mega-Commodore.

Mega-Norrington's Log
New Ultra-Lieutenants showed up to help in fight. They were not deeded, because I rock so much, but I decided to thank them anyways.

Ultra-Groves' Log
New Mega-Commodore had the Pirate cornered! He turned to thank Gillette and myself and the Pirate escaped! What a fool! I raised my fist to strike him, but Gillette interrupted.

Ultra-Gillette's Log
Things seemed to be getting violent between Ultra-Groves and the new guy. I squeezed in between them to try and stop the violence and placate Groves.

Mega-Norrington's Log
I know that ass! That sweet, sweet, luscious ass! Grabbed ass drools

Ultra-Gillette's Log
I know those hands! Norrington is the new Mega-Commodore! He's losing all cognitive skills just like he does whenever he sees my ass.

Ultra-Groves' Log
Pirates were defeated once we banded together and formed the Ultra-Mega-Super-form. It may have been overkill though…

Ultra-Gillette's Log
What overkill! Norrington and Groves sure do like to beat up helpless pirates just to prove how manly they are! Hmmm, kinda a turn-on, actually…. rowr

Commodore Norrington's Log
After defeating Pirates, was informed that Elizabeth wants Will instead of me! How convenient! Now I can have Gillette and Groves all to myself! Mwahahaha! I pretended, of course, to be sad as Elizabeth and Will kissed. Secretly skipped off to be with Gillette and Groves. Couldn't care less about Jack. He can get is own luscious ass!

Lt. Gillette& Groves' combined Log
Yay!

Commodore Norrington's Log
Wild orgy ensued. Groves and Gillette will always be mine! Future encounters with Jack are inevitable. Due to the overwhelming animosity between us, it could only mean that we secretly want to fuck! The future looks good!

THE END