High school was interesting. Not hard but not easy either. Band was enjoyable, I loved playing the Oboe; being first chair; hanging out with my best friends; going to competitions and getting all 1's. I made it all the way to Jr. year and it has been great. The only bad part was my best friend, and the person I was in love with is with someone else. For 3 years I have been in love with him, and he and I were going to get together, but in the end he chose someone else.

I tried to not let it bother me. I tried staying best friends with him no matter how difficult, but seeing her with him was painful. I tried employing distance, but small words like "I need you in my life," would make me go back to him. I always ran back to him, no matter what. His smile, his snarky laugh, it would make me melt. In the end, it didn't matter, I was a bad person and he was with someone else. He was Vice-Captain of the Fairy Tail High Soccer Team guaranteed to be Captain the next year, and his girlfriend went to almost all his games and I went to none.

Natsu and Lisanna, Lisanna and Natsu. They were going to get married after high school. He even came up to me and asked me about the promise ring he bought for her, I approved as his best friend. I was there when he gave it to her, I was there with she accepted, I was there when he cheated on her, and I was there when she found out because I was the one who got slapped in the face.

I was called many names, all that you can imagine. I was told to kill myself. I was turned against by people who didn't even know the people who were associated in the situation. Sherry, my long time childhood friend left me in the dust. I was completely at fault for being stupid and naive. Naive for thinking we could be together. Naive for being tricked because all he wanted was sex. I felt used.

I was left. Alone. Abandoned. All my good friends now hated me. Natsu stopped coming to school. Lisanna kept threatening to kill me, but after two weeks she quit school. I tried to put a smile on my face and continue school, but that only made it worse. That made people even more mad, made the bullying worse as well as the isolation. Stress and anxiety boiled over. I developed anger management issues. I tried to kill myself many times. But I didn't. In the end, it was me and my endless torment from my mind.

Two months of pure isolation, hatred, and depression I finally found a new friend, Levy. She was my salvation. My hope. My angel. She was shy and had slight social anxiety but she and I hit it off almost instantly. She handled my over active intent to want to kill people and I helped her open up to people. At the same time, Natsu started coming back to school. Him and I avoided each other but essentially, he had a normal time at school. He still had his best friends Gray, Loke, and Elfman. I felt mad and envious. How could he leave and come back with no repercussions? How come I caught all the heat? How come for anything?

I hated him. I wanted to kill him. I wanted him to feel the things I felt when he was gone. Levy calmed me down mostly, but the boiling anger was still there for months. He tried talking to me again several times, each time I ignored his texts. His smile now annoyed me and his laugh was no longer attractive. And even though we still had classes together I just tried to pretend he didn't exist. But still in the end, my heart longed for what the mind did not. I felt a connection with him that I didn't feel with anyone else.

Senior year, I finally become friends with Natsu again on Levy's and Gajeel's insistence. Gajeel transferred in from Phantom Lord High, a gang school, but he is a good boyfriend to Levy. Gajeel became good friends with Natsu pretty quickly because he joined the soccer team. We started out slow, I still didn't trust him completely because if he was willing to cheat with me he would be willing to cheat on me. And I couldn't deal with that. But after a few months none of that mattered. Him and I were back to being best friends. Two peas in a pod, though we still had disagreements, everything was great. Until he confessed to me, I instantly turned him down and two hearts broke that day.

I became a shadow, an empty shell. I didn't get close to people and I didn't let people get close to me. I shut out my parents and my friends. My depression came back ten-fold. Any positive emotions I felt, I smothered. My self-torture came back, cutting, branding, drugs. I stopped eating, sleeping, feeling. My parents eventually gave up because threatening to put me in a hospital didn't do anything. And all I saw was darkness closing in.

Levy and Gajeel stopped trying with me and slowly stopped having contact after we graduated high school. Eventually I started looking for a job and got hired at a retail store that sold gently used clothes. The distraction was nice. I made a new friend Erza. She was head strong and something I was not used to. Her boyfriend was a little mysterious but really nice nonetheless. I found out later he was a counselor for an AA group. They liked calling themselves Crime Sorciere, especially when they played online games. I thought it was really cool and cute at the same time.

Jellal, Erza's boyfriend, one time lost a bet with one of the CS members and had to get a tattoo over his right eye. He absolutely wouldn't tell me what happened, and every time I asked Erza she would bust out laughing so I eventually stopped. I will forever be cursed to be curious. After a while I branched out and met another person in Erza's life, her best friend Mira. Whom I found out to be the older sister of Lisanna. Small world is what I thought. When Mira heard my name, she asked if I was the same person that her little sister hated for some time, I replied with "Yes." Funnily enough, she didn't hate me. She wanted to be friends with me. She said, "The past is the past, it wasn't my business and you seem to be still dealing with it even after a year. If anything I want to help you. I want to see Natsu again and see if you two could work it out because that is what is needed but I absolutely will not force you to do something you don't want."

I smiled at her concern. She was a super sweet person, though she really loved messing with Erza and embarrassing her, I loved her lots. With her pushing me, I got back into contact with Levy and Gajeel. Levy was thrilled to talk to me again and she was sorry that she didn't try harder with me. I apologized to her as well for not opening up. Her and I reconnecting felt like the world shifted and everything starting to align in place. It felt perfect. I could learn to start my climb into my life again. I could love myself again. Nothing could go wrong.

Something went wrong… not at first though. I decided to meet up with an old high school friend, Bora. He was a jock but he was always nice to me. He knew I liked video games, so he invited me to his place so a group of people would have fun. That group was just four people, myself included. Not a big deal. The guys smoked a little weed and the girls, me and the other girl, drank a little. We were all having a good time, talking and laughing. Playing some video games. I started to drink, and after three shots of vodka I blacked out. I just remember my clothes being taken off, me throwing up, and waking up the next morning not feeling well at all. Don't get me wrong, I used to drink so three shots is nothing so most people can assume. He drove me home and I walked in my house sore, used, and worthless.

When I walked into my house, the first thing I saw was my mom and I lied to her. All I told her was we all played video games and I slept on the couch. Then I walked upstairs to my room and fell asleep. I told Erza what happened the next day when I got to work, to say the least she exploded. She told me to report it, I didn't. I couldn't remember any of it. But a lot of weight was off my shoulders' when I told her and that helped. I, in turn, stopped talking to men. Most at least. Jellal, Gajeel, and my dad excluded.

Levy cried when I told her and Gajeel what happened, and Gajeel… Gajeel looked ready to murder someone. I smiled at the fact I have friends who truly care about me. Even after so long of me being distant and aloof; I started to cry for the first time in a very long time. Everything I bottled up came crashing out, every little thing. And Levy let me, she hugged me and patted my back. She didn't say a word, she just held me, and it turned out that was what I desperately needed for so long but denied myself of such comfort.

I fell asleep.