Finally a one-shot. How long did this take again? Anyway for those who hate sad endings, this isn't really that sad. Anyway I'm feeling sick but I had to post something. I love the reviews , you're all so amazing. Now I need to sleep so enjoy. After homework a new chapter to Crush will be posted. You guys gotta help me stay on top of this lol. Only four weeks of school left, so posting will be easier.
Its always hard to spot out a difficult relationship. But its even harder to spot out a perfect one, or as perfectly amazing a relationship could be. Falling in love is always the easiest part. Staying in love is easy for some, but the breakup, if there is one, is life shattering. One totally wants to move on, while the other one is stuck in this endless loop of hopelessness. I, although I never want to admit it, might be between both the moving on stage, and the stuck in the past stage of hopelessness. I love Alex, I loved Alex. I gave her my soul and still she chose to leave me. I tried to make it right, or at least I think I did. But somehow, I'm still stuck in this loop that never ends. Everyday is the same old song, and every waking hour my heart burns to be with her. I want our love to last, I wanted it to last, it has to last, because without her, I'm nothing.
"So pancakes or waffles?" My mom asks me from the kitchen. I pull my laptop into my arms and my backpack over my shoulders before moving into the hall. I'm wearing black jeans with a matching vest and a white v-neck top underneath. My hair is falling across my ears and shoulders as I move into the kitchen.
"Pancakes or waffles?"
"I'm not hungry." My mom hates my answer. Her face is left with worry written across it but I sigh and face the open window. The kitchen is filled with dark brown cabinets and glass figurines, that staring out into the clear blue skies, brings life into the place.
"How about one pancake?" My mom moves towards the oven in her pajamas of dark silk blue as I sigh. I hear footsteps behind me and I turn to face my little sister with a smile on her face.
"I got the new M magazine today, look, isn't he a hottie?" she was jumping and squealing, pointing to some guy with white hair and a terrible tan. I nod before sighing. "Is this about Alex again?"
"What? No," I hit her in the arm as she rolls her eyes.
"Well its not my fault she left you."
"She didn't leave me, we kind of agreed it was going no where."
"As in she dumped you?"
"She didn't…" I hit Mason across her head as she squealed.
"Mitchie! No fighting with your eleven year old sister." My mom tells me as she slides a pancake onto my plate.
"I wasn't fighting with her." I scoff before poking my pancake with my finger.
"She's still mad that Alex doesn't want her. Give it up Mitch, she moved on," Mason gave me a huge grin before sliding into a chair next to me. I was tempted to push her out of it, but then again a three foot fall would damage her.
"This is exactly why I wish I was an only child."
"Well dream on."
"Girls," my mom tapped the table we were at. "Eat before you're late for school."
"I'll race ya," Mason quickly scoops up her two pancakes and tried stuffing them in her mouth.
"Mom can we send her back?"
"Eat."
Okay I know that I might sound bitter when I say I dislike all of Alex's friends, but there are reasons. One, her closest guy friends all want to sleep with her, but she's in denial, minus two of them. All her girl friends hate me and maybe two of the twelve of them like her. I hate seeing her with them. Its like she's stabbing me in the heart, each time I see her.
I make it over to my locker. Kids crowd the halls in school uniforms of dark reds, blues, with white shirts. Its not required, but today was school spirit day, so mostly everyone dressed up. Minus me, screw school spirit.
"Hey," I place my back against my locker and watch Alex peek from behind her locker door.
"What?" she doesn't snap at me, she just usually says what to any and everything.
"I missed you."
"Pathetic Mitchie."
"I can't say that I missed you?"
"Not really," she shuffled though her locker as I looked at her outfit. She's in her cheerleading uniform of solid red, with white words.
"Well…," I face my locker getting ready to get my things before Alex grabs my wrist.
"Can you just stop?"
"Stop what?" I asked, tilting my head.
"Stop talking to me. I thought we ended this."
"You ended this…us."
"And for a good reason, so just stop." She dropped my hand as I watched her walk away. There was nothing I could think of to make her not want to talk to me. There was nothing I could think of that I did wrong, but I accepted that it must have been me. Something was wrong with me, it had to be.
"So we're going to go straight into the study of…" Ms. Carson was talking. I couldn't pay attention to her in science because I was sitting next to Alex. Before the breakup I would sit next to her and run my fingers across her legs. We were at the back of the class so getting caught would have never happened.
"Alex."
"What Mitchie?" She doesn't face me, she just takes a deep breath and lays against her right arm.
"Do you hate me?"
"What?" she turns to looks at me.
"Do you hate me?"
"Does it matter?" She stares into my eyes and its not the same. Its not like when we use to stare and giggle at each other. I feel the pain in my chest tighten and I stare at the desk. I know Ms. Carson is still talking… but every word that comes to my ears burn.
"I don't hate you," she finally tells me.
"Then what did I do wrong?"
"You're being desperate."
"I thought I was in love," I whispered before she looks around the room.
"Love is love Mitchie. It doesn't get you through the day, it just doesn't."
"What does that even mean?"
"Its means I'm done talking about it," she slides her workbook between us as I hold back the emotions building in my chest.
"Well I want to talk about it. I need you."
"Desperate."
"Why are you being like this?" I want to continue the conversation but she reaches for my hand under the desk and tightens her grip across my fingers. I stare at her. I doubt I could get any more heart broken.
"You're going to stop talking, just shut up. This little thing we had, is over, do you hear me?"
"But it hurts."
"Get over it," she let my hand go and I can barley hold in my tears. She starts her work and I want to break down. One lonely tear falls against my paper…and then another.
"Stop it Mitchie before anybody looks." Her voice burns my chest more.
"I love you Alex," I whimper out as she slams her book close and the class faces us.
"Well I don't love you," she whispers to me, getting up. I watch her walk out of the class. No one knows what's going on except me, and the teacher directs everyone's attention to the front of the class. I move from my desk and out into the hall. Ms. Carson was calling me but I can't deal with her, not in class at least, not in front of all those eyes. Once I reach the hall I feel a hand land against my wrist. I look up to see Alex.
"We're going to talk about this now," she tugs on me harshly. I try to keep up with her and soon we end up in the old gym across from the new one. "You wanna talk, fine, talk."
"About what?"
"About everything that you think you have to constantly remind me of. In the halls, in class, what do you want from me?"
"I.."
"You listen to me and you listen good. We're over. And according to me, we never happened.."
"How can you say that?" my heart is beating fast and its getting harder to breath.
"And from now on this thing between us, ends now. I don't want us to "talk" about anything."
"But I thought you loved me…"
"Mitchie…"
"You said you loved me."
"And I thought I did."
"Don't do this."
"You're only hurting yourself."
"Please," I can feel my tears burning my cheeks as Alex looks away, "I don't know what else to do."
"Move on."
"I can't, I still love you."
"Stop saying that. Stop setting yourself up to get hurt. Just stop. You're the most neediest girl I've ever met." Her words cut me like knives. I shake my head as she speaks.
"But you can't say that you don't love me. Please, don't say it."
"I do love you, but…I'm not in love with you anymore." She turns to leave as I grab her arm.
"You can't say that."
"You better let me go."
"I can't do this. I can't pretend that I'm okay. Give me one good reason why you don't want me. Am I not any good, do I make you mad, am I…"
"Stop," I felt her hand land against my skin sending a pulsing pain through my arm. "Starting now. I'm done." She turns towards the door and right then and there I want to break down again. I want to believe that its her, I want to say its all her fault for me feeling this way. But it's me, it just has to be.
"Electronic babies. I hate this project just as much as the lot of you but, it must be done." Mr. Johnson tells the class. I lay with my chin against the hardwood desk, staring into the blank chalkboard. "We have an amazing number of girls in this class…"
"Pervert," one guy laughs before coughing.
"That's a detention Mr. Black. Now as I was saying, everyone pulls numbers. You might be a single parent or you might have a partner. You might also live the life of a bachelor….lets oo and aa together children. Now, in this hat are numbers. Choose one wisely." Mr. Johnson sent the hat around and I ignored everything and everyone. My eyes hurt, and if I could close them I would, but they burn too badly. The hat moves around the classroom and I stare into the row away from mine, three students up. Alex is acting as if we never had our conversation. Why is it so easy for her to enjoy life after we break up, but it's a living hell for me?
"Mitchie here," a boy shoves the hat into my arm over and over as I ignore him. He then pulls a paper out for me and passes the hat on.
"Okay everyone, lets go around reading off our numbers," Mr. Johnson calls out to the class and everyone says their numbers. I look up and take a deep breath.
"Nine." The teacher nods and goes around the class and its Alex's turn."
"Nine…," her eyes meet mine and I look away, "teen."
Late on in the class I find out I'm a single mother of an Asian doll. I wish I could leave my project at school, but that would cause me to receive an "F" and I can't afford one of those right now. I don't take care of my crying doll in the class, which is also the last class of the day. The bell rings and I slowly stuff my baby into my backpack. No one notices, and soon I'm in the hall.
"Whoa, you look like crap," I hear my sister's voice from behind me.
"Leave me alone."
"Hey your ex is over there," she hops in front of me pointing towards a group of kids. Alex was paired up with some blonde girl named Stacy.
"Lets just go home," I grab my sister's hand before a giggle comes from Alex. I narrow my eyes at the girl next to her before stopping. "Here, take my book bag to the car."
"How about you take it to the car!"
"Just do it," I shove the fabric into her arms before watching Stacy from a distance. Alex hands her over the electronic baby before waving goodbye to the girl.
"Stacy," I call out to the blonde.
"Um, do I know you?" She cradles her baby as if it was real.
"All you need to know is that you should stay away from Alex."
"Why? Are you like her stalker or something?"
"All I'm telling you," I pull the girl's arm away from her electronic baby, causing it to fall to the floor. "Is STAY away from Alex." The baby whines on the floor before a beeping noise occurs.
"Crazy bitch you're messing up our project," the girl dives to the floor, and I'm tempted to kick her, but I don't. I move outside and into my mom's car.
"How was your day?" A typical mom question.
"Fine." I answer.
"It doesn't seem fine. Your eyes are all puffy and red, don't tell me you let her make you cry again."
"Mom."
"Mitchie this has got to stop. I'm like a mama bear that will protect her cub and claw the eyes out of all who hurt you."
"I'm fine mom, really."
"Sure you are," Mason tells me.
"I am," I reply to her. I lay against the passenger seat before closing my eyes. Life was simpler when I was happier.
The grass outside of our house is soft, and I honestly wasn't sitting outside because our house was across from Alex's. Its just a warm day that's all. I watch the few passing cars go by as my project sleeps next to me. Its eyes are closed and its wearing some cute little pink outfit.
"Hey mom said do you want some lemonade?" Mason jumps her rope on the sidewalk near the front door.
"No," I reply as I spot Alex's parents arrive at home.
"Mama she said no," Mason yelled into the house before she skipped towards me. "You better not stare at her house too long before she yells at you like last time."
"Its our property over here, she can't control me." I watch as Mason rolls her eyes.
"What-ever." Her small feet carries her a few houses down as I sigh and watch the Russos carry in groceries.
"Hey Mitchie can you help?" Teresa asks me as I look down at my project. Its still asleep so I scoop it into my arms and run across the street.
"It's a project," I warn both parents as the nod. I grab two bags on one arm and carry my project in behind Jerry. The house is the same as I remembered it. The walls are white. The furniture is white. There is barley any color in the place except for Alex's room, everything else is all white, or white and black. I set the bags down in the kitchen as I hear footsteps from the front of the house.
"I should go," I tell Teresa as she looks around me.
"Oh Alex will get over herself."
"I shouldn't be here," I move towards the archway when Alex turns the corner and my electronic baby knocks into her stomach. "I'm sor…," I stare into her eyes. She's giving off a evil look, but it doesn't scare me. She tilts her head over to look at her mom before her dad taps her shoulder from behind her.
"I need to get in there," is tells her as she steps aside. I did the same as the man passed before walking by Alex. Once I was near the front I noticed she was following me. I didn't turn around but I felt her fingers land against the back of my shirt before she pulled me into her. I faced her before pulling away.
"I'm sorry your mom needed help."
"Sure you are. Did we not just have a conversation in school?"
"I know but…"
"You don't listen."
"I'm sorry," I lower my eyes.
"Yea, sure you are. I'm not doing this to hurt you."
"But it feels like you are," I take in a deep breath as she runs her fingers through the front strands of my hair. I close my eyes, wishing the conflicted feelings would just shut up. I hear her move and I open my eyes. She presses her lips against mine and it feels so unreal. Why would she put me through all of this just to kiss me? I lower my doll in my hands as she steps into me and soon my back is pressed against a wall. The cool air from the open door scares me a bit and I drop the doll onto the floor. It doesn't go off, which is kind of weird. Her lips move as if she wanted to kiss me all those times she lied to me. I raise my hands to wrap around her neck but then she stops. Her lips pull away from mine and I keep my hands on her shoulders. We stare at each other as if we made a mistake. I hate to be torn. Her fingers fall against my waist and I feel her lift me off the door before she shoves me back. I gasp a bit before shakily staring into her eyes.
"Stop making me feel like this…….just stop," she hissed through her teeth before stepping back. I lower my arms to my side before she lifts my doll off the floor and hands it to me. "Stay away."
"I don't understand."
"STAY AWAY!" her voice pierces my ears and her dad comes into the room from the kitchen. He looks between us before I let a few tears fall against my cheek.
"What's going on here?" He asks as I stand dazed and confused.
"Go home," Alex tells me as she grabs my arm and pushed me out the door. I wish my heart would just pull itself form my chest, maybe then I wouldn't feel like this. I run across the street to my house, tossing my doll onto the couch and running towards my room. I can barley hear my mom call after me. I fall onto my stomach in my room and scream into my pillow.
"Baby what's wrong? Mitchie? Mitch, talk to me," I hear my room door close as I shake my head violently."
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong, leave me alone," I let muffled voices escape me.
"What just happened?"
"She….she…"
"She? Alex?"
"She kissed me and for a moment I felt fine. But then…" I let the tears stream down my face as I sat up.
"When did she kiss you? How? You were out front." My mom was shaking her head confused as I kicked the covers off my bed.
"Just leave me alone mom, you wouldn't understand."
"You're right I wouldn't. Why do you continue to let her hurt you Mitchie?"
"Because I know she loves me."
"Baby," my mom scoots onto the bed next to me as I pull away from her hugs. "What she's doing to you…that isn't love. She's hurting you. She's making you question everything and it scares me. It scares me to know that she can control you. When you came in here and told me you would do anything to be with her. I didn't know it was going to be like this. Please baby….don't let her destroy you."
"Mom, I want to be alone," I laid against my pillow as my mom patted my knee.
"Maybe I should talk to Teresa."
"No!" I sit up. "She doesn't know."
"She doesn't know what?"
"About me and Alex. She doesn't know," I shook my head.
"Wait. Could this be a reason Alex is acting like this? Because her parents don't know about her?"
"Mom. Just leave it alone."
"Mitchie this could be a reason why she's treating you like this."
"Mom…just go!" I push her arm over and over until she stands up.
"Fine. But if she keeps hurting you. I'm gonna talk with her, and if that doesn't work, I'm going to her parents."
"NO! You can't. You can't make her hate me. You can't make her hate me," I shook my head as tears ran down my face. My mom didn't know what to do. She took a deep breath before walking out of the room as I laid against my pillow again. I could hear my project downstairs crying, but I didn't bother once to get up and take care of it.
I was shaking on my bed. It was near midnight and I was asleep shivering. A small knock came to my window. I shifted across the bed before another one came. I slowly opened my eyes to see a figure outside and I jumped up, only to notice it was Alex. I took a deep breath before looking around my room. I made it to the window and lifted it up a bit.
"Come outside," she told me as I stared at her.
"What? Its almost midnight," I faced the clock. "I can't."
"Now!" She demanded in a whisper as I looked around behind her.
"Okay, but only for a minute," I was still dressed from earlier so I climbed from the window leaving my cell phone on my dresser. "What?"
"Give me your hand."
"W-why?"
"Just give me your hand," she was waiting as I placed my hand between hers. I felt her tugging on me and I followed her into the street. It was dark outside and she stopped near a truck. "Get in."
"I can't."
"Would you get in."
"I can't," I shake my head as she tilted her head.
"I thought you loved me."
"I-I do."
"Then get in the truck." She hoped in as I walked around and climbed in the passenger side.
"But…what about what happened last time? Where are we going?"
"We're going to make me forget about you."
"What?"
"I don't want to feel this way anymore." She started the car as I my hand shook.
"Are you gonna' hurt me?"
"Do you want to listen to the radio?"
"Are you gonna' hurt me?"
"Mitchie, do you trust me?" Her words seemed to scare me.
"I don't. I don't know. I use to."
"Well it doesn't matter," she moved the car down the road as I ran my fingers in and out of the other, back and forth.
"Why do you want to forget about me?"
"Its nothing personal." She was driving and swerving along the empty road like a mad woman, but I didn't dare say anything about her driving.
"Whoa, Alex I can't go out of the city," I watched as a sign passed reading, Now Leaving Waverly.
"You're with me, I'm sure your mom wouldn't mind."
"My mom hates you," I told her as she faced me.
"Well that sucks."
"Please take me back."
"No."
"Please."
"Shut up."
"Alex please."
"I said shut up."
"I can't go out of the city," I was panicking a bit as she ran her right hand over to my arm.
"Calm down."
"Please…I.."
"Do you love me?" Her words made tears come to my eyes and my chest burn a bit.
"Yes."
"Then, shut up, and relax." I shook away from her grip before leaning against the window. There were no lights on the road we were on, no passing cars, and no other people. We moved onto a dirt road before Alex stopped the truck.
"Get out."
"What?" I faced her.
"I said get out."
"But this is in the middle of no where."
"So…get out."
"No, I want to go home."
"Ugh," Alex hopped from the truck and I shifted a bit as she opened my door. "Get out." I bit my bottom lip and shook me head no. "If I ask you again I'm going to hurt you. Get….out."
"Alex…"
"N-ow," she told me as I shook climbing from the car. She slammed my door as I watched her climb back in the car. I thought she was going to leave me but she pulled the car keys form the ignition and sat it on the seat before coming back out to me. I was shaking as she stepped up to me. She pushed me back against the car as I whimpered from her touch. I swallowed hard as her lips fell against mine and her fingers held my sides. I didn't know what was happening. Her tongue tried pushing into my mouth but I turned my head.
"Stop." I never thought I was going to say that to Alex. She pulled back with her hands still against my waist. "What are you doing?"
"Be quiet and don't talk." Her lips landed against my neck as I shook form her touch, chill bumps crawling up my arm. I gasped.
"No."
"What?"
"I said no."
"I thought this was what you wanted."
"Not like this. Not…in the middle of no where."
"Well this is what I want."
"But I don't."
"Do you love me?" Her words made it clear to me that she was using them against me. I bit my bottom lip and nodded. "Good. Then shut up." Her hands left my waist as she stepped back a bit. I took a deep breath watching her. The night air was cool and I was shaking a bit. She ran her fingers under her shirt and behind her back. The snapping noise from her bra made me shake even more. I could hear the fabric fall against the ground as she stepped up to me. Her hands landed against mine before she slid my hands under her shirt. Her stomach was smooth and warm, but once my fingers brushed against her breast I stopped breathing for a second. I only touched her like this one other time, when we were dating, but that was in the past. She pressed her lips harshly into mine causing me to fall back against the truck. She placed my hands against her breast before she began fiddling with my pants buckle.
"O-okay stop." I moved my hands away from her before stepping over. "I don't want to do this. Not out here, not like this."
"I don't have all night for your little games. You want me, and I know it. You've wanted me since I broke up with you, so either you shut up and join in, or I'll just force it on you."
"You're not gonna' do anything," I didn't know why I was feeling the sudden urge to talk back to her but I said what I said, there was no going back.
"I'll leave you out here, or have you forgotten about that?"
"No." I shake a bit as I look around me. "I just want to go home."
"And you will, once I get to the point where I can stop thinking about you. I almost lasted four months, but then you wanted to come back to me and play games with my mind. Well I'm going to play games with your heart."
"You don't love me?"
"I use to. But you see, I tried telling my mom but she flipped. And I tried telling my dad about us but, he didn't like it. So I lied and said it was something for class that I had to ask them about. I feel torn between loving you, and hating you."
"What did I do?"
"You've made me realize how much my parents hate who I am. I can never tell them about us, or to the extent where they'll understand."
"So you say things to me like you don't care? Because it hurts Alex. Every time you push me away it hurts, and when you say things like what you're saying now about forcing me…," I stop talking and open the truck door. I hear Alex walk over towards me as I sit in the seat.
"Get out the car."
"No." I'm sitting towards her before she grabs my hand and tugs on me. "Stop, I want to go home."
"SHUT UP, I DON'T CARE."
"You're right." I hit the girl's arm. "You don't care about me." I climbed into the driver's side as she hopped in the passenger side. She swung her fist at me as I ducked as her hand landed against my right shoulder. I heard the car door slam and I felt Alex pulling my arms.
"Stop it," I kicked at the girl but she slammed her hand against my leg causing a throbbing feeling. Next she shoved my back against the door before she climbed over on top of me. My legs were facing the passenger side of the car. Her fingers trailed over my cheeks before she pressed her lips into mine. Her tongue wandered around in my mouth as I shook from the feeling. I was still conflicted. I wanted this, but not like this. Her weight on the way I was pressed against the seat and door was hurting me. She pulled back a bit to study my face as I shoved my hands into her stomach.
"Hey," she grabbed my arms and placed them against the window. "Stop or I'll tie you up."
"Get off of me," I tried to break from her grip but she was stronger then I was.
"Hey…I'll tie you up. One more move and I'll tie your hands together."
"You're hurting me."
"Will you be good?"
"Yes now get off," she moved back over to the passenger seat as I cradled my legs against my chest. Her nipples were getting hard without her bra to shied them from her thin fabric top.
"Take your shirt off."
"I don't want to do this."
"You don't have a choice." I was shaking badly as I reached for the bottom rim of my shirt. I wanted to go home, and I was cursing myself the entire time. I should of stayed home. Once my stomach was exposed Alex pushed the thing in the middle of the truck down. It made the entire two seats connected. I rose my shirt up and over my head before I felt her fingers trail across my skin. Her lips met mine again as she towered over me.
"I'm going to move on," I whispered once she ran her lips over my neck. She pulled back to stare at me.
"What?"
"I will still love you. But I can't say that you doing this doesn't hurt me."
"Just shut up."
Love is something that's totally unpredictable. Love hurts. Love is beautiful, but I wanted to love one person with all my heart that I saw past the bad. But when it was finally time to face myself, I was scared of who I became. I was no longer Mitchie Torres. I was Mitchie Torres, Alex's ex. I didn't know who I was anymore. I was living to make her happy, and I thought that's what I wanted to do. But if I have to cry another tear about that girl, I'm going to break. I want to stay true to myself. I hate being depressed, because truthfully it sucks. Your heart hurts, your body hurts, and you yearn for someone who didn't mean a thing to you in the long run. Alex was good for one thing. And that was….she helped me find myself, and for that, I guess I'll thank her.
Its sad that I fall to sleep during the writing of all my stories now. I slept one day for like eighteen hours and didn't want to eat at all, but once I began writing I wanted to sleep again. I wanted a sort of sad one-shot. Anyway I hoped you enjoyed it.