Residual
By: Albukirky
6/9/11: Unedited, I'll come round to fixing errors eventually. Maybe.
*'If our reach does not exceed our grasp, then what is heaven for?'
Robert Browning
Kirk:
James Tiberius Kirk gazed upon the majestic sight that met him from the transfer shuttle that had carried him from Starfleet base in San Francisco to the Spacedock. She was waiting for him; his most recent crush; a lady that would one day become the only woman he will ever love. The Starship Enterprise, a beautiful feat of Human Engineering was waiting for her Captain. As Kirk gazed steadily at the lovely sight before him, he could not deny the pride that rose in his chest.
"Ain't she a beauty, Sir?"
Beside him stood the self-appointed keeper of the Enterprise, the ship's Chief Engineer, Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott. He was the only other Human whose love and pride for the ship rivalled even Kirk's and the Captain held no jealousy over it. For Scotty treated the Enterprise like a magnificent lady she was and he personally had her outfitted anew and healed from her battle scar, courtesy of the altercation with a Romulan vessel from the future.
The incident had robbed Kirk of a past he deserved but now, nothing shall ever come in between him and the life he had always yearned for.
Once he step foot on the Enterprise, he encountered many an admiring gaze directed his way and he felt that it was welcomed for a change. It seemed that all the years of being known as a delinquent had melted away and for the better.
As his strode to the Bridge, a certain thought crossed his mind; he had yet to appoint a First Officer ever since Spock resigned his commissioned about a week prior. He was just returning to reality from Cloud 9 from his appointment as the Captain of the Enterprise –Mom and Sam were even there to congratulate him – and the arrival of Spock's resignation request made him crash landed instead.
Kirk did not understand, refused to understand, the reason why the Vulcan's decision to propagate on Vulcan instead of accepting his request to be his First Officer had hurt him so.
"Snap out of it Kirk," he reprimanded the untimely and unfortunate thought. "No time to feel sorry for yourself."
He had reached the Bridge and here he would step rightfully as the Captain of the Enterprise.
The door opened and Kirk stepped upon the Bridge.
A smile spread across his face, unforced.
"My ship," he thought, with not a little pride. He looked around, his cheerful countenance radiating as he took on the Bridge and the efficient crew already manning it. He smiled at Uhura and promptly received a radiant response from the Communication officer. A smile so vastly different from the one she gave him not so long ago the very first time when they had met. There was obvious affection there and the feeling of utmost respect directed at the young Captain. It made Kirk's already sunny disposition sunnier.
His smile widened at the sight of a blue-clad man standing near the centre seat.
Bones; Leonard McCoy M.D. The Enterprise's Chief Medical Officer and the Captain's closest confidante stood there apparently waiting for him.
He strode purposely to the Doctor. Bones held an exasperated look that he normally reserved just for Kirk. There was a twinkle in his eyes however, that betrayed his countenance.
"Bones," he grinned before adding purposely, "Buckle up."
He was utterly satisfied with the immediate response it produced. The doctor rolled his eyes and threw the Captain a smile which was half-exasperated and half-affectionate.
Kirk's grin widened even more as he stood over the command chair.
His ship. His crew. His life.
It was almost unthinkable just a year ago. So much had changed in so little a time. He would always be Kirk. James T. But now he could proudly add 'Captain' to his name.
His thought sobered somewhat as his gaze flicked on its own accord towards the empty science station; a spot normally reserved for Science Officer in Chief. Somehow, he realised that he had not the time to select a proper replacement for Spock. Although, if he had known it, did not want to select one would be nearer the mark.
That he was stupidly holding on to some God damn inner wish that even he could not understand.
Oh well. There was naught that he could do now. The science department was full of capable candidates. He would come around to having one appointed for the job. Later.
There was after all, no need to rush just yet.
The Enterprise was just going out for a trial run.
He settled himself upon the command throne, crossed his legs as if it was the most natural thing for him to do and was just about to voice his first official order as Captain when the unmistakable sound of the turbolift opening, halted the command before it came.
There stood Spock. And Kirk had to admit that his breath hitched at the sight of him. The surprise was unexpected but not unpleasant. Even as Spock approached him with that smart and precise way that the Vulcan always carried himself, Kirk felt himself beamed.
"Permission to come aboard, Sir," polite, precise, Starfleet trained.
"Granted."
Eye to eye, they both looked and understood and accepted. Kirk knew what it was that Spock had come to say and consent a response from the very beginning.
Their future together was already written in the stars.
Spock:
As the shuttle craft hovered for a moment before inching slowly towards the welcoming dock, Spock allowed himself a moment of reflection. Of the decision that had brought him here when instead he could already be amongst his own people on New Vulcan. An unimaginative if absolutely logical name for the planet selected for the new Vulcan colony.
The Starship appeared brand new, bearing none of the blemishes that she had sustained prior and Spock had to inwardly suppress the pride that came to him at the sight. Obviously, Scott and his team of Engineers had done the very best for her recovery although the same cannot be said regarding the still broken transporter system.
But the Enterprise and her already famed victory was not the reason he was here when he was supposed to be a million light-years away. No. In fact, the reason was arguably leaning a little bit more towards the distasteful (to Vulcans particularly) illogical side.
For one thing, despite the fact that he telepathically knew with 100 percent certainty, that the elder Vulcan he had crossed path with was in fact his own self from an alternate future did not meant that he should take the other's words seriously.
After all, logically, given the theory associated with alternate universes, the opposite almost always held true for both sides.
So naturally – logically – one would assume that even though the elders admiration – and apparent – affection for the Kirk in his timeline was most admired if not entirely logical, it would still be entirely presumptuous to expect the same to be true in the new time thread. But if there was one important thing that the incident with the insane Nero had taught Spock it was this: sometimes informed intuition would prevail even over educated logic.
Ironic it too that it was a child of his Mother's sun that had thought him this valuable lesson.
James T. Kirk. He had experienced maelstrom of churning and debilitating emotions more often in this Human's company than he had ever felt in his entire life. For one moment, he had even allowed hate and black anger to assail him nearly killing Kirk in the process. Only his Father's presence stopped him from committing the mistake. And fate apparently had other plans for them because Spock found himself a willing counterpart to the Human's mission instead.
The Human need for an overwhelming display of accolades that had poured in after the whole shenanigans was a whirlwind for Spock as he was slowly recovering from the shock of his Mother's death. He had sought Sarek's opinion on the matter but in the light of their newfound understanding to each other, his father had only said: "I hold no right to direct your decision my son, you must come to your own." Strangely, the choice was both a curse and a blessing at the time. After pondering it much, there and then, he made a decision; that he would leave Starfleet and start life anew on New Vulcan.
Although his heart wishes a different tune, it was nevertheless, the most logical thing to do.
And then, the encounter he had never expected happened. Fascinating, would not even be enough to express it. As they stood facing each other at the shuttle deck, Spock found himself looking into the most expressive eyes he had ever seen.
His own eyes; albeit fully lived and full of serenity.
They spoke together and while the words flowed there verbally and Spock felt himself resisting the lure of the other's words, he felt rather than heard the undercurrent of the telepathic bond between them.
The other Vulcan held a certain peace within him that Spock could even detect without having to initiate a meld. And they did not. There was no need. As thoughts and wonderment circulated from one Vulcan to another, Spock felt the link between the other and that Kirk from another time glowed and flow. It was definitely, the biggest reason for the elder's inner peace.
At that moment, Spock understood and he yielded finally.
They parted in understanding.
And here he was, leaving behind the past that had tormented him and walking towards a future, still undetermined and full of mystery but he found that he did not care. The freedom of choice; Spock found that he could never taste enough of it.
"Sir, you may disembark now," the stillness was broken by the crisp voice of the shuttle pilot. His long elegant stride carried him forward, a sign that he would soon be leaving this history behind and forge a future anew. He was ready.
As Spock made his way towards the turbolift to face the man that was – according to his counterpart – would be the most important being in his life, he himself felt peace settled upon him.
As he entered the bridge and found himself locked in a gaze with the Captain, even before any word was spoken between them, Spock learned of one simple truth:
With him at Kirk's side, even the uncertain future would most certainly be glorious.
Spock Prime
This was not his time and it will never be again.
He thought that he had known sorrow when Amanda died. He thought he had rekindled the flame of despair when Jim was lost to him. And then Sarek was gone. Again and again, death visited those nearest him. Time had taken Bones away – his 'nemesis' and friend Dr. McCoy and the others.
But time also was a double edged sword. Even as it wounds, it soon also healed and although Spock would never forget but he remembered now with fondness. He always thought that he would remember the past and laughed but never had thought that he would remember them now and cried. It was an old Human saying. But Spock knew that it was true.
The death of Jim burned brightly still sometimes like a brand. He was not even by Jim's side when it happened. Spock felt the bond that linked them together waver and fade. Remembered the promise words he was unable to keep. "You need not fear for your life Jim, while I am with you."
And he was so very far away when Jim was lost to him forever. Had not seen his t'hy'la for a while as he devoted his life to the unification between Vulcan and Romulan. He found the pain of loss swift and overwhelming. He survived and lived on although his life was never the same again.
He plunged into work to rid himself of the pain but the pain will always be a part of him
But this was not his time and never again will be.
The supernova threatening to rip the Romulan world had sent him into an urgent mission to intercept. Fate dealt him a terrible card that day. He was too late. Romulus was destroyed. Its population extinguished along with it. Spock had heard their anguished cries as they were engulfed by the giant star. And then there was silence. He could feel his heart hammering a little too loudly from within as he mourned the lost he had failed to prevent. But that was not the end of his punishment it seemed. As the star died, the gravitational pull of it increases and none nearby – not even light could have escaped its clutches.
Spock had no doubt that death awaited him soon as he was pulled towards the chasm of darkness. He found himself welcoming it – there was nothing left for him here. Little did he know that the black hole was a time portal. It took him back to the past. And he was expected.
Unbeknownst to him, there were survivors from the supernova. A Romulan mining ship. The grieving Captain of the vessel who had lost his wife in the tragedy had blamed Spock and he was captured.
But he was not killed. Spock did wonder then why death seemed to reluctant to take him. He had even been resurrected once; but that was another time and the resurrection had once again brought him into the arms of the man he loved.
He knew no such luck would be with him today.
As a punishment, he was stranded on the icy pole of Delta Vega and bore witness to the destruction of his own home planet Vulcan. Again he was reminded of his Human heritage as he felt his heart cried along with the doomed population of Vulcan.
He was sure that he would die there then, on the God-forsaken planet alone. No one but Nero and his men knew of his existence. But fate had perhaps decided then that he had suffered enough and brought into his life a flicker of sunlight in the unexpected form of a young man.
Even as he wielded the fire to scare away the predator from making this newcomer its dinner, Spock had felt something stirring from within him that he had not felt for a long, long time. Not since Jim died that many years ago. And when the other man turned to face him, Spock felt his heart dropped.
Standing before him in the flickering light of the ice cave was someone beloved.
"How did you find me?"
He had asked that question without hesitation. Spock would recognise James Kirk anywhere, anywhere in the universe. And somehow he was not surprised that it should be his t'hy'la who would find him. Jim would always find a way. But of course there was no recognition in the other's eyes. Nevertheless, he took Spock's self-introduction without question too.
This was not his place and never will it be again.
As similar as they were, this man was not his Jim Kirk. Yet Spock could literally feel the life inside him blossoming again.
Even If it is just for the moment.
And since time was of the essence during that meeting he had suggested a mind-meld. The young man was naturally wary but did not go against it either. It reminded Spock very much of his own Kirk. His t'hy'la was always a risk taker. Albeit a very intelligent one. Touching the other man's mind was to Spock as he had always remembered it to be akin to touching the brightest of the suns in the universes; blinding and brilliant.
He could not help it, that one single touch had ignited in him a longing that he for so long had thought carefully suppressed. But he was careful to separate his own desire from bleeding out of him.
By helping Kirk, Spock had once again aided in saving the universe from destruction. But as the chaos settled down and normalcy restored, the discrepancy of his existence became much obvious to him. He kept his name – Spock was not an uncommon name on Vulcan – but kept also his distance from others saying only that he had been one of the Vulcan who was off-world at the time of Nero's attack. No one asked him anymore and he offered none.
He never saw young Kirk again. He found a sense of comfort in the knowledge that the other man had searched for him and left it at that. The temptation would be too strong and he knew that this was no longer his time.
But before that he did have one more thing to do.
He sought for his counterpart and although he did not disclose of everything to his younger self – he hinted at the inevitable. He saw the doubt shining brightly in the young Vulcan's eyes. But he never doubted the outcome. Spock did not linger to find out if his 'meddling', as his t'hy'la would have called it, had a positive outcome. There was no need.
He already knew.
The wind blew in softly from the open window.
New Vulcan –such logical name – will never replace the planet Vulcan. Nothing could. But it was as close in topography and geology as the planet that Spock had grew up in. Spock helped tremendously in the building of the society, did his part well. But he always kept to himself. Sometimes he wondered if Sarek suspected anything. He had been very careful around the Vulcan who was his Father. But Sarek had always been a perceptive person.
But Sarek never asked and Spock would never tell even if he did.
So life as usual went on and he settled down too.
He was alone as he had been for a while now. But he did not feel lonely. Not anymore.
It was time.
Spock closed his eyes.
When he reopened them, he found himself back on the Enterprise – his Enterprise – and it was deserted but for the familiar gold clad man beaming up at him. As he walked toward the waiting arms, Spock had found his world again.
"Spock."
"Jim."
"I love you."
He was finally home.
The End
Or
The Beginning…
*Not sure why I included this quote at the beginning here, but I thought it kind of fits for these two.