Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or any of the characters on it, but I do own Jacob- Freddie's cousin- and I guess the town Broadsworth, which I totally made up. Tell me if it's a real town, okay? xD By the way, if you haven't already, you need to read Nobody Knows It But Me to understand this story- it's a one-shot songfic. Thanks!
Everything in my mind was supposed to be screaming, "Freddie! Freddie, I'm so close! Please, just wait for me!" But what was it screaming instead? "Carly's upset, Carly's upset!"
She sat in the passenger's seat, crying and yet still trying to look angry.
Of course there was no anger, though. She mostly looked completely disappointed in me. I wanted to completely explain things to her, but the last time I had tried to talk to her had fallen flat.
"Carly?" I had said so excitedly, beaming at the open road beginning to stretch in front of us. "Are you okay?"
Her answer was so snapped it worried me. "Of course I'm not okay, Sam. I don't even have any clothes!" she whined, and I winced a bit. It was summer vacation, we were young, she was beautiful with an amazing boyfriend- was it so wrong for me to want happiness? But I knew her well enough to know in her mind she was wondering if it was so wrong for her to live a summer of happiness.
Sheepishly, I gestured in the backseat. "I've got two suitcases back there filled with my clothes and your clothes and your things and my things…"
"Spenc-," "He helped me pack," I admitted, trying to focus on the road. I had to veer sharply to escape spilling into a completely different lane of the highway. It was hard to concentrate with two big problems on my head. And honestly, Carly was my biggest problem- because she was my best friend. She came before Freddie, no matter what. She was the one who had stuck by me, wasn't she?
"What about Jake?" Carly had demanded, and I pulled into a rest stop. I locked the doors immediately, parking in a spot far away from the strange people hanging out there, but close to the street. I wasn't sure how long it would take to convince Carly. I didn't know if I would have to drop her off. I didn't know if I would have to rent a car or something to get there. But I knew I had to find him.
If I didn't find him, it would always be there. The what if? What if I had told him, what if I had run after him, what if I had followed his car or something- what if? It was tearing me apart worse than the thought that Freddie might completely hate me.
The thought made me slump against the wheel as Carly watched nervously.
No, it was about a tie between the two.
"Here, Carls, use my phone. I brought yours too- the charger and everything! - but it's in your suitcase," I admitted, and Carly knocked the phone I offered to her onto the floor- gently. It slid onto the carpeted floor with a soft plunk!
I stared at her now, watching as her tears gathered more and more before they just completely spilled over. It was more heart breaking then the dreams I still had about him. He was a boy I loved- Carly was my best friend. We were always there for each other. We understood each other perfectly.
Maybe that's why I was so upset about how I was reacting.
She knew how upset I was about Freddie, and she should've known everything about me. She was my best friend, she should've understood everything. She should've understood me the same way I understood her.
But how could she?
It hit me then, how horrible I had become in the friend department. I let Freddie rip me apart. If it was any other boy I cared for, it would've been different. But it was Freddie- my computer geek, my techie nerd, my second best friend. He was her second best friend too. But it didn't affect her as much- she had me. She thought I would be the one to help her. Strangely enough, I never thought she could help me. But without Carly, where would I even be now?
"Oh, Carly," I said the only few words I could choke out and wrapped my arms around her. My voice was so mournful; it was thick with terrible, sickening guilt. How could I expect her to be helping me? When was the last time I remembered helping her?
"Sam, I really miss him," Carly said sadly as she and Sam sat at a booth at Groovy Smoothies. The spot next to Sam was empty- empty from the one boy who always filled it. From the one boy who belonged in the spot. The spot she refused to let anybody sit in, and the spot she was careful never to even scoot close to herself.
"How great is this smoothie?" Sam changed the subject without even noticing it anymore, lifting her cup up into the air to show Carly the different flavors. It was a strange concoction- a layer of blended strawberries, a layer of blended raspberries, and a layer of blended bananas- but none of these flavors ever mixed together, instead keeping 'individual.'
Carly didn't seem to care much about this amazement of Sam's. "Sam, you can't keep pretending you don't miss him. You did…" she trailed off. She never brought up those five lingering words: 'Quit iCarly because of him.' Sam never asked what she was going to say. She knew.
"You'll be fine, cupcake. Let's take these smoothies on the road, I need to find Spence and take that puppy out for a spin," Sam gestured towards Carly's car waiting outside, as if she hadn't driven it over there.
Carly sniffed, mumbling halfheartedly, "Like you don't take that 'puppy' out for a spin on your own all the time anyways."
Sam laughed, too wrapped up in her own problems to even notice her best friend's.
I shuddered at the memories I was plunging through, searching for a good time. Searching for a time that I had been truly kind.
Carly shook furiously in my arms, and I managed to choke out a few more words. The few words I wondered if she had been waiting for, like proof that I really did care about her feelings. "Carls, you want me to turn around?" I asked her in the softest voice I could manage. I hated to break into her crying like that
Carly wormed her way out of my grasp with a gasp of the sudden end to sobbing. "If you would stay. If you would stay with me, and with Spencer, and with Jake…" she drifted off, and I shook my head slowly.
"Aw, cupcake," I said the nickname again, but more affectionately, as if I was talking to a child. Carly just managed to smile faintly at me. "You know I wouldn't be able to stick around. Not even for you and Spence. And Jake too, I guess," we both laughed quietly, as if we weren't talking about my delicate future. The difference between old Sam or totally new Sam. Or, more accurately- sticking as current Sam, or managing to become more than just a shell of old Sam.
"I would have to go. I do have to go. I have to talk to him." I said the words quietly. It was still hard to say Freddie out loud. It wasn't as painful sometimes times- but now, it seemed almost unbearable- the reason for the only situation that could drive me away from my home.
Carly sniffed quietly, and leaned up against the window, staring at some of the truck drivers for a moment. "And what are you going to do if he's still the jerk he was the day he left?" she asked me with a gentle tone, as if this was no big deal. No matter what I tried to tell Carly, she wouldn't have it. She wanted to think of Freddie as a jerk, and I didn't want to think of him at all.
"I'll be okay," I said, and I meant it. Carly stared at me like I was crazy, her eyes wide. "I just need him to know the words I never said. And I can't just write him a letter. I have to see it. His reaction. I have to be able to picture what would've happened if I had said what I wanted to say that day."
I said that day in a cracked voice as Carly patted my back gently. She had comforted me a lot lately- which was odd. But that moment before, when I comforted her- somehow, that had become odd in the past two years. The two years since…the day. It was hard to even think about it- the day Freddie Benson walked out of my life. Out of our lives.
Carly squeezed my arm gently, leaning back in her seat with a grin. "Well, we're going on a road trip then! Any ideas where to head to first?" she asked curiously, and I smirked and nodded as I started driving again.
"Of course. I know where Freddie's relatives lived," I joked with my used-to-be typical menace, and Carly rolled her eyes.
"Of course you know, Sam," she said as I smirked.
And for just a moment, it was like the old times.
"Who's that?" Sam asked, thirteen years old at the time. She swung her long hair very pointedly into Freddie's face, and he fumbled with knocking it out of his eyes by trying to be too gentle.
Back then was the time that Sam would've truly beat Freddie up for that. That was the time when everything was in total denial for her. She would not admit that she cared about him. She would not even let herself think about it. Of course, that was only a couple months before she beat up the boys that were threatening Freddie.
When he cleared his eyes, Freddie saw that she was pointing at a picture of his cousin. "That's my cousin, Jacob," he said, clearing his throat when she didn't respond for several more moments. Finally, she forced herself to look away from the picture.
"Whoa, who knew a guy like that could be from your family?" Sam asked him, jabbing a finger into his chest. He stumbled back a few steps, but there was a shadow of annoyance- disappointment? - On his face as he looked at the picture again.
"You think he's…" he struggled with the word, making a face. "Hot?" he asked, and Sam snickered at the way he said it.
"I wouldn't call anyone in your family hot, Freddork, but look at that picture compared to this," she picked up the picture of muscular Jacob surrounded by his basketball team and set it next to the picture of Freddie and his mom at the park- only a few weeks ago. Freddie winced slightly, remembering how he had asked his mother to please keep that picture off of the wall.
But he could admit it, even to her. "Jake's cool," he shrugged a bit, and Sam did as well. "He lives in California- its great there. He always offers us a place to stay when we drive by, you know? He lives in this town called Broadsworth…" Sam had tuned him out after that. Did she really even care where his cousin lived?
Deep down, she knew she cared about everything Freddie told her.
But a little less deep, she wanted to barf at just the thought of that. But, as Sam of all people would come to learn, things change.
Carly watched curiously as I headed into the lane that was heading towards California. "When do you think we'll get there?" she asked me curiously, and I beamed at her.
"We're staying just before Oregon tonight, and then we'll be able to reach our 'destination' tomorrow. It's just past the Oregon border…we are headed to Broadsworth," I said this so easily, so sure of myself. I wish I had listened more to Freddie back then. I would have to think more about the conversation- I must've picked up more than just that Jacob lived in Broadsworth, California.
But even if I couldn't think of more, I would find him. I would start by finding Jacob, and if Freddie and his mom weren't nearby, I would keep up the search. If I had to get Carly back on a flight to Seattle, I would do it. I wouldn't drag her along if this turned into a wild goose chase.
But I would never quit looking.
But that didn't mean that I couldn't have some much needed fun with my friend on the way. I took an exit and headed to a restaurant. "I hear this place has great ham," I smirked at my friend, and she just rolled her eyes and said, "I hope it has good cell phone reception. I've got to tell Jake I'll be gone for a while."
Jake. Wasn't that what Freddie had called Jacob? I grinned to myself, ignoring Carly's obsessive qualities when it came to her boyfriend. It was all coming back to me…slowly.
Author's Note: Okay, you guys persuaded me to start this. :D I can't promise Sam will find Freddie soon, but I can promise you that she will. Sam has will power, doesn't she? :D Whether or not Carly tags along, she decides to hang with Jacob, or something else comes up, Sam wouldn't know, would she? Sorry for the switching of view points, but it works much easier for Sam's memories not to be in first person. If you have any ideas you want to see, tell me and I will consider them. I hope you guys like this start- I'm excited to get into this. D