Based on a Ficcy Sunday prompt from crittab. In addition, although I am writing about Annie's mom again, this one is not Carol Edison from the "Oedipal Wreck" trilogy – who I left alive.
Annie finally felt ready to leave the apartment that morning. But before she could, she heard a knock on the door. She straightened her black funeral dress again, then opened the door to reveal Jeff in his best black suit and tie. Yet for once, Annie wasn't happy to see that.
"Jeff, what are you doing here?" Annie asked, hoping for a quick answer so she could go.
"I'm driving you to the funeral. I have to, since I don't know how to get there. So you'll have to come with me and give me directions," Jeff answered. "I'm sure I won't need them when we leave and I drive you back, so you can just nap then."
"Okay, now I just have more questions!" Annie was sad to say. "You're doing this now? Right before my mom's funeral? After you didn't say a word to me in the last two days, you want to come to her funeral with me?!"
"Hey, I didn't see Troy or Abed or anyone else offering!" Jeff noted.
"Troy and Abed aren't coming because they're afraid they couldn't be normal! They didn't want to be all Troy and Abed-y and make things harder for me! Britta was afraid she'd bash religion and moms and make me mad, and Shirley was afraid she'd convert everyone! Pierce might have helped, but he'd brag about his cult preserving souls better than the Jewish 'cult', and he knew it!" Annie recapped. "So why aren't you afraid to go with me, Jeff?"
"Annie, unlike our unique snowflakes we call friends, I can pull off pretending to be normal. Pretending to be something was a pretty good career for me once, you know," Jeff pointed out.
"Jeff, my mother – my estranged mother – is dead. You didn't even try to make me feel better until now. If you just don't want to feel guilty later, don't bother. And if you're just going to joke and be a smartass about this, then really don't bother! Because I have enough rotten things to deal with right now!" Annie reminded, then tried to get around Jeff and leave. But of course, his large frame blocked quite a bit of the doorway.
"Okay, I'll be quiet!" Jeff insisted, which made Annie look at his face – and how weirdly open it was. "I won't make any jokes, I won't say anything rude to your family, none of it. Look!" Jeff then took his wallet and car keys out of his pockets – then pulled his pockets inside out and nothing else fell out. "My cell phone's back at my apartment! What does that tell you?"
It told Annie quite a few things, yet she wasn't in any real condition to deal with them, or even with him. But then there was Jeff's open face – and how he was offering to be there for her.
The others were actually very sweet in not going, because they didn't want their quirks to derail her mom's funeral. They were afraid to risk it because they cared too much about her and wanted to let her handle this in her own way – not their way or a study group way. Yet the fact that they couldn't try to be normal and go with Annie stung a little – and now Jeff, who had been distant ever since her mom's death, was offering to try?
It was too confusing, but she was too worn out to poke holes in it –even before the funeral started. That couldn't be a good sign, so maybe she did need someone beside her after all. "Okay. Be on your best behavior and I won't take a cab home. All right?" Annie warned as formidably as she could.
"Got it," Jeff said without adding any jokes, so that was a good start.
Jeff kept quiet as they headed to his car, and he took direction perfectly as Annie told him where to drive. When they got to the synagogue, Jeff gave Annie space as she greeted her family members – and even found her estranged father for the first time in ages. After that, she felt strong enough to go to her even more estranged mother's coffin.
Annie struggled to avoid thinking about the last time she saw her mom alive. Seeing her dead was even harder than she imagined anyway. But Jeff joined her and put a hand on her back, as Annie took in the sight of her mother's body and managed not to outright bawl. Her tears stayed largely silent as the funeral progressed, and when they weren't, Jeff got out some tissues and took her hand.
To her surprise, Annie still had endurance left to go to her old house for the wake. She hadn't been there since the last time she saw Mom – and she couldn't even come in then. She was barely surprised that none of her old things or pictures were there – but since Mom died in a car accident, she didn't have time to show any guilt for cutting her off.
She likely died still ashamed of her only daughter, just for publicly getting better and finding her first real friends and family. But Annie was here to stop feeling angry at her about that, even though it was too late.
Her mother wasted the final years of her life being mad at Annie – and Annie in turn wasted the last few years of her mom's life hating her too. She was here to get rid of that and put it behind her once and for all, and it wasn't working.
With that to help her feel even worse, Annie retreated to the backyard and sat down on the first chair she could find. As she retreated into her own little world of grief and regret, Jeff came out and took a chair to sit next to her. Annie didn't notice until a minute later, and didn't acknowledge him for about two more.
"Jeff, how did you do it?" Annie asked. "How did you repress your dad issues for so long? I'm asking because I might need some tips on repressing mom issues for a while. I know that's not healthy, But it's taking too much out of me to deal with it right now."
"You don't want to hear me talk about parent issues. Trust me," Jeff countered.
"Actually, I kind of do. Other than Pierce, you're my only friend who can understand what I'm going through. Even though your dad's still alive, for all you know!" Annie illuminated. "But it made it hurt more when you didn't say anything until now."
"Annie, why isn't the rest of the group here? Because they're afraid they'll turn this into a wacky mess," Jeff reminded her. "Well, that's nothing compared to what I would have done if I opened my mouth."
"Okay, then open it now. I can't possibly feel any worse, so what can you really do?"Annie bitterly asked.
"Not much. Just make this about me and my issues with a deadbeat parent. Or point out how you're crying over a woman who doesn't deserve your tears. Or use that as an excuse to rail at my dad, just like I did when I killed Pierce's! Hell, if I said anything when your dad shook my hand, we might have been heading for his funeral right now!" Jeff exaggerated.
"But we're not. I asked for your best behavior and you're giving it to me. You're not making this about you now," Annie pointed out.
"I kind of am," Jeff nitpicked. "Annie….I've been looking for my dad for the past month."
"You have?" Annie double checked. When Jeff nodded, she only added, "Wow. So I guess you haven't found him, then?"
"Nope. It was really starting to tick me off before your mom bought it. It would have influenced everything I said and did if I spoke up, and not for the better. So I made myself say nothing and let them comfort you. Let them hug you and tell you it'd be okay! And actually tell you they were too afraid they'd hijack your mom's death," Jeff listed.
"But you're not stepping back now," Annie recounted.
"Partly for my own selfish reasons. I wanted to see if this would make me find my dad, before it was too late. Or retreat so I wouldn't have to go through what you are. If I don't know he's dead, I can't feel guilty for not seeing him in time, right? And I can't hate myself for hating him even after he's dead, right? Or question what kind of person I am for feeling that way?" Jeff asked.
Annie exhaled, stunned at how Jeff understood her even more than she thought. But Jeff just continued with, "If I acted out and made things that much worse for you, I'd never forgive myself. So I kept to myself, until I couldn't."
"And why couldn't you?" Annie almost whispered.
"Because if it was me going through this, you'd still be there for me," Jeff explained. "You'd face your demons head on, make sure they didn't stop you from helping me, and you'd show me I wasn't alone. Your mom didn't appreciate that about you, but I do. So here I am."
"Unlike the others," Annie let some final bitterness out, so she could focus on thanking Jeff. Yet Jeff stopped her before she could get started.
"Annie, I wasn't the only one who realized this," Jeff revealed. "Everyone else wanted to come here too. For real. I mean, they changed their minds and had their suits ready and everything. They finally realized the most important thing they could do is be there with you, not spare you from them."
Once Annie looked moved enough, Jeff continued, "Besides, we all went to Pierce's dad's funeral without setting his casket on fire. They were just more nervous about screwing up for you because….well, they love you." Then he added, "But when I finally figured it out, I talked them out of going."
"You did WHAT?!" Annie let some overdue anger out.
"Because they're going to surprise you tonight!" Jeff quickly stated before Annie got more out of hand. "I wanted to help you get through this first, because I understand this stuff better than them! Then you'd feel more at ease when we got you home and they surprised you! Then it'd be fine for them to help and be themselves, because the funeral would be over and you'd be a little better! I wasn't supposed to tell you, but we don't have to tell them I blabbed, do we?"
"I don't know. I don't know much now, really," Annie tried to recollect.
"Annie, just know we did this because we couldn't not comfort you anymore. That includes me. I know part of me is doing this just to help myself and my issues, and I know that's wrong! It wasn't wrong enough to stop me from murdering Pierce's issues, but you're not Pierce. And yet here I am anyway, because you're you," Jeff sighed. "But I made it all about me after all, didn't I?"
Annie had no answer to that, so Jeff kept quiet and stewed in his guilt. But then Annie chimed in with, "Do you know the last time I saw my mom, Jeff?"
"You probably know I don't. So you've got the advantage already," Jeff nitpicked.
"Well, now that this is about me again, I can tell you," Annie halfway kidded, then got fully serious again.
"It was the summer after our first year. I was still high on living in the moment, so I thought I could reconcile with Mom too. And I thought after a year of school, and over a year of being clean, I'd be acceptable to her again. So a month after the Tranny Dance, I went here, knocked on the door, saw her for three seconds….then she closed the door on me," Annie admitted. "I stayed outside for 15 minutes, but she didn't open the door again. And it was the last time I saw her until today."
"Huh. What a eulogy story that would have made," Jeff let out before groaning. "Sorry, sorry, I said I wasn't gonna say that stuff today."
"That's okay, I kind of set you up for that," Annie conceded. "I tried not to let it get me down back then. I mean, I thought I'd have plenty of time to try again. And I had a lot of other things to distract me that summer, anyway. Things I figured would be more eager to see me, talk to me and work things out. And when I pinned my hopes on that, I went more overboard than I should have."
Jeff's guilt was on overdrive, which happened the more he thought about the first day of second year – and the whole summer beforehand, really. But in this context, it really wasn't pretty. "How the hell didn't you kill me back then? Or put me in a longer coma?" Jeff had to ask.
"That one punch took too much out of me. And yelling at you for sleeping with Britta drained me too," Annie needled. The fact she could joke about it all now made her a little better, but only for a second. Especially since Jeff looked sincerely sorry about it for the first time. At least for the first time in front of her. So that earned him a bit of advice.
"Jeff, I don't care if you're thinking about your own parent issues. I want you to think about them," Annie started. "I had every reason to be mad at my mother. Getting away from her was the best thing I ever did, because after that, I met all of you and you saved me. But I'll never be complete now because I never had closure with Mom."
Annie limited herself to a few sniffles before pushing forward. "Now I wish I'd have tried again just one more time. It doesn't even matter if we wound up fighting, or if she didn't forgive me! I'll never get to show her who I am now, that I made it without her, or try to forgive her if I could. There'll always be an open, unresolved wound between her and me, and it's not all her fault! I thought I had time to be the bigger woman and fix it, but I didn't and it'll never happen!"
With that, she turned her most serious gaze onto Jeff. "Don't be like me, Jeff. Please don't be like me."
"That is more ironic than I feel comfortable admitting to you," Jeff let out.
"I don't care," Annie kept going. "I don't care what this makes you do about your dad, as long as it does something. If you really want to get closure with him once and for all, you do it. Don't let this or me scare you off. If it did, then I'd never forgive myself. Ever," she threw back at Jeff.
Annie let this sink in for Jeff for a second, then dared to add, "And if this inspires you to find him, I want to come with you when you see him. I mean, if you want someone there. I get it if you don't."
Jeff took a deep breath before asking, "Are you sure you want to see that?"
"I am," Annie assured. "I know, I'd probably be using your issues to get me through mine. And I'd be pushing you to face him because I never faced her. I get all that," she admitted. "But if you can't let me face this stuff alone, even if it makes you feel selfish, then I can't do it either. We've both been alone with it for too long, don't you think?"
"I'm starting to come around to that," Jeff confessed. He then sighed and further added, "I can't promise I'll actually find him. And you need a while before you can face parent stuff again. But if by some miracle, I get to see him again….I'd feel better if you had a front row seat. Just let me get one good punch in before you pull me off him, okay?"
"Well, I might give you one and a half if you're good," Annie got inspired enough to tease. Even in this horrible setting, Jeff made her feel free and safe enough to jostle him – although this wasn't the time or place for jostling. But even when the guilt subsided, Annie felt a little lighter. "Other than that, I agree to the rest, Jeff," Annie set in stone.
"Good. I'm glad," Jeff let himself admit. "You know, I do have to thank your mom for this. If she never kicked you out, I never would have met you. Then who knows if I'd have any friends left by now to see my dad with?"
"Maybe not," Annie said, being a bit out of character. Normally she'd prop Jeff up and tell him he wouldn't be that bad without her. But the fact that they never would have met if Annie's mom didn't cut her off – and she wouldn't have Jeff or any of her best friends to comfort her now – was too much for her.
"It's almost funny. I might have thanked her for cutting me off if I had the chance," Annie lamented. "How sick is that? She disowned me and I'd have thanked her, even if she never said she was sorry!" Yet she sighed and continued on.
"But I'm supposed to forgive that now that she's gone. Even though I can never tell her that myself. Or tell her about my amazing friends and how much they care about me. Or ask her to graduation, or to see me at my first real job, or see me run a hospital one day. Like the one she…."
Now Annie was tearing up and starting to sniffle pretty bad. But she still got out, "She was already dead when she got there. She died all alone….I, I never got a chance to say goodbye. Not a real goodbye. When she kicked me out, that was our last goodbye! She never wanted me to see my mom again, and as always….she got what she wanted…."
The floodgates officially opened up, as Annie's face fell onto Jeff's shoulder and began to cry. But after a few seconds, she pulled back and realized, "Sorry, sorry! I know I shouldn't get tears on your suit!"
But instead of chiding her, Jeff pulled Annie into his arms, let her face back onto his suit, and held her tighter than she'd ever been held before. And with that final gesture, Annie broke down in full.
She had no idea how long she cried and sobbed against Jeff's body. She only focused on something other than her tears when she felt Jeff's back slump a bit. He had felt strong and upright before, but it felt like he was getting a little overcome himself. Like he was leaning on her a little instead of the other way around.
If she looked up to check, he'd probably either hide it, or she'd go on another crying jag if she caught him. So she did the only other thing she could do – hug him tightly and rub his back as soothingly as he had rubbed hers. With that, she soon felt him hug her tight again.
"Thank you, Jeff," Annie muffled into his suit. "I don't care how we met, you're still my….my…." She cried a bit more – albeit not as severely as before – before she could say 'best friend' to him.
Nevertheless, Jeff still held her – and she swore she could eventually hear him whisper, "You're mine, too."
On the off chance she heard him right, Annie whispered back, "Thank you," as the motherless young woman settled into a more calming, softer hug with the fatherless older man.
Back inside the house, Annie's father had just gotten to the back window. He arrived to see his daughter break away from that older Jeff fellow, who then wiped tears from her eyes with his index finger. Annie then wiped his right eye as well, which made them both smile somehow. Then they seemed to say a few words, before he kissed her forehead and let her sink back into his arms.
Mr. Edison suppressed his suspicion – and his jealousy that someone else comforted Annie before he could try. He had to start making amends somewhere before he died, now that he was officially the closest thing to a parent Annie had left.
But considering how she looked more at ease around this man – and how rare that must have been for her before leaving home – Mr. Edison let his daughter be for now. Still, leaving Annie alone did do irreparable damage to her in the past.
Yet after seeing her rest into Jeff's arms, he suspected that unlike before, he was leaving Annie in the right hands this time.