There was a crowd at the bathroom door one morning. "Are you done in there yet!" Tataka yelled through the door.
"No!" the Doctor answered from inside.
"Well, be done!" Hope said. "You've been hogging the bathroom all day!"
There was no answer. People continued to bang on the door and the Doctor continued to ignore them.
"How about we just shoot it open," Sheva suggested, pulling out a gun.
"You'll never get through with that little thing," Jenny said. She was holding a bigger gun.
"Oh, yeah? How about this?" Sheva threw aside the little gun and grabbed an even bigger one.
"You think you're guns are so much better than mine, huh!? Take this!" Jenny managed to lift a gun as big as herself and shot Sheva. Sheva died and was dragged away.
"Guys, chill," Samus intervened. "This'll do the job."
Samus aimed her arm gun at the door and shot. Nothing happened, so she used super missiles. Then she tried a power bomb. "Argh! Why isn't it working!"
"You need me," Jenny said. She shot the door with her gun. The bullet bounced off and went into her forehead and she died.
"Step aside, mortals," River said, pushing her way through the crowd.
"Whaaaat?" Mattie asked.
"SHH! I need ABSOULUTE silence if I'm gonna break into this door," River ordered.
Everyone obeyed. River stepped forward and prepared herself. She reached out...and...And...AAAAAAAAANND opened the door.
"HOW did you DO that!" Jackie asked, amazed.
"I'm awesome," River said. "Now stand back. This is the dangerous part."
River stepped inside the bathroom. A moment later she ran out shrieking. "AAH the horror!" She bowled through everyone and leaped down the stairs and out the front door.
"What could be so horrible?" Donna wondered, bravely entering the bathroom. "OOH, gosh."
"Oi! How did you get in here?" the Doctor asked, finally noticing.
"Are you modeling to yourself in the mirror?" Donna asked seeing him with his shirt off.
"Why, yes I am. Would you like to join me?" The Doctor admired his skinny, unmuscly self.
Donna quickly turned and left before she could be dragged into that. "Don't go in there," she said while passing the others.
Everyone just shrugged and went to do their hair or whatever in different mirrors.
Later Trance saw the Doctor sneaking around outside. She followed him to where he kept his tardis hidden in the bushes.
"Hi!" Trance called.
"Sorry, can't talk, gotta go," the Doctor said hurriedly, rushing into the tardis. It disappeared.
Trance shuffled around a bit. A moment later the tardis reappeared. The Doctor came out of it with a wet River.
"Why'd you have to go driving off a cliff again?" the Doctor complained. "Now I have to get the car out of the swimming pool."
"Oh, grow up and be a man," River said and left him to his tardis.
"Hi, can I ride in your tardis?" Trance asked.
"Hmm, maybe. But just once," the Doctor answered.
"Ooh, can I come too?" Gabrielle asked, coming out from hiding behind a bush.
"Me too!" Callisto said from behind a tree.
"How many of you are hiding out here stalking me?" the Doctor wondered.
"All of us," Jenny said.
Everyone started piling into the tardis.
"Hey! I didn't say you could all go in there!" the Doctor said.
"Can I bring my gunship?" Samus asked.
"It won't fit," the Doctor replied. "And who said we were going anywhere!"
Samus flew her gunship into the tardis, unhinging a door. The Doctor ran his hands through his awesome super fluffy hair. River showed up.
"River, help me!" the Doctor pleaded. "I'm losing control of this situation!"
"Help you with what? Driving the tardis? Your a big boy now, you can do that yourself." River grabbed her suitcase and headed toward the tardis.
"What, you too? Where do you all think we're going?"
Nobody answered because they were all waiting in the tardis. The Doctor thought maybe if he didn't go in they'd get bored and come out. Eventually, they did get bored and started driving the tardis away.
"No no no, wait!" The Doctor leaped through the doors and took over before they blew something up.
"What's this button do?"Jackie asked.
"Don't touch that. That's the emergency brake," the Doctor told her.
"Okay," Jackie walked away. The Executioner came and pushed the emergency brake button. Everyone tumbled all over the tardis.
"Aww, you made us crash into some random place and time," the Doctor said.
"Is it broken?" Hope asked.
"No," the Doctor answered. "We didn't really crash. I just said that to sound more dramatic."
"Then you can just fly it back," Mattie said.
"No. Once you use the emergency brake you have to wait a day to fly it again," the Doctor informed them.
"That's rubbish! Who made up that stupid rule?" Donna asked.
The Doctor shrugged even though he knew he made it up himself.
River headed for the door with her suitcase. "Well, I'm all ready for a vacation." She opened the doors and stepped out into a swamp.
"What a terrible place," Tataka said.
"What's that over there?" Mephistopheles asked, pointing.
"The hotel, of course," River answered, beginning the trek across the marsh toward the one and only building in sight.
"What, did you know we were coming here or something?" Mephistopheles asked.
"Spoilers! Now will you all just shut up so we can get to the hotel already?" River was annoyed. They started following her.
"Ew, my shoes are getting all muddy!" Jackie complained.
"Yeah, you could've parked the tardis closer to the hotel," Donna said to the Doctor.
"Wha- you saw what happened! I had no control where we landed," the Doctor replied.
Donna gave him a look. Finally they arrived at the hotel.
"Welcome. I am Shawna. We have fifteen rooms open," the hotel worker said.
"We'll take all of them," Hope said.
"Or we could all pair up with a partner and get to know each other and bond while we share a room," Trance suggested.
"Hmm, NO! We get our own," Hope replied. "And we'll play a game. We all go in our rooms and don't come out till dinnertime. Who ever comes out before then dies."
"Oh, what a fun sounding game!" Trance said. "You don't actually mean die of course."
"Yes I do," Hope said as Trance walked away.
Everyone got a room. They all closed themselves up in their rooms and didn't come out. It was one second before dinnertime. Mattie came out of her room and died. One second later everyone else came out and went to dinner.
"That was a fun game!" Trance said. "Mattie lost, but she must've fell asleep in the hallway."
"We should do that more often. Then I wouldn't have to deal with you," Hope said.
"If you don't like to deal the cards, I'll do it," Trance replied. Hope glared at her.
Suddenly their server, Shawna, started to panic. "We're sinking!" A shelf fell behind her as the hotel started shaking and she was buried in pots and pans.
Everyone except the few mature people started to panic. The hotel sank and sank and sank all the way underneath the swamp until it was in an underground cavern.
Xena, River, the Doctor, and Samus finally managed to calm everyone down. They left the hotel because they couldn't do anything in there.
They started looking around for a way out. They came across a Dalek wandering around.
"You will help me get out of here, and I will not exterminate you," it said. "When we have escaped, you will be exterminated."
"WhAT! You expect us to HELP you?" Jenny said.
"Especially after you said that," Jackie added.
The Dalek lifted its eyestalk thing and stared at them pleadingly. It was almost cute, except it wasn't 'cause it's a Dalek.
After an awkward silence Hope said, "Oh, alright. Come on."
"Who says you get to decide that?" Mattie asked, suspiciously glancing at the Dalek.
"Because it might be useful in my evil plans later," Hope replied.
"But it's a Dalek," the Doctor pointed out.
"Don't worry about it, sweetie. We'll deal with it later," River reassured them.
The Doctor ran ahead to the front of the group so he could lead them. They ended up at a trench filled with lava.
"Look, across the trench," Xena said. "It's the tardis!"
"So it is," the Doctor said. "It must have sunk like the hotel. Well, across the trench then, allons-y!"
"If I die, I'm never talking to you again," Donna told him.
"That kind of goes without saying," the Doctor replied, obviously struggling to hold in his laughter. He failed. "AAHAAAHAHAHHGAHAAAAAHAH! Whew, I'm so funny!"
Donna gave him a look. "That was THE lamest joke ever."
"Anyway, how are we supposed to get across the trench?" Tataka butted in, interrupting the Doctor's obnoxious laughter.
After much thinking they still hadn't thought of a way across. The Dalek started to fly across.
"Daleks can fly, why didn't I think of that!" the Doctor said, slapping his forehead.
"Hey! Get back here and help us across!" Mephistopheles ordered.
"I don't need you. Daleks are superior," the Dalek said.
"You need me to get in the tardis!" the Doctor said.
The Dalek paused. It turned and stared at them. Then turned back around.
"I WILL sonic you!" the Doctor threatened, pointing his sonic screwdriver.
The Dalek ignored him.
"Well, how do WE get across," Callisto said.
"Get in my gunship and we'll fly across," Samus said, turning around and jumping ontop of it.
"How'd you get that? I thought it was in the tardis," Gabrielle wondered.
"Nah, I had it with me the whole time," Samus said. Everyone stared at her. She shrugged and hopped in.
Everyone else got in and they flew across and into the tardis. The Dalek followed.
The Doctor drove the tardis back home. Everyone got out and went to do their own thing.
"Aw, Doctor. We're gonna have to go back. I left all my stuff at the hotel," River said.
"Are you kidding me?" the Doctor said. "The hotel sunk in the swamp. And I am NOT going back there. Just get new stuff."
River's eye twitched and she started breathing heavy. The Doctor prepared for a violent outburst.
"New stuff," River whispered. "NEW STUFF! This means...SHOPPING!" River screamed a happy girl scream and went to find some women friends to go shopping with.
The Doctor was relieved. He came out from hiding under his trench coat in the corner and left the tardis.
The End.