The Phantom Thief Emperor of China
Hey peoples it's YG!!!!!!!!! (NO, I am NOT updating my stories!) Any ways, I have here with me my wonderful (if not a tiny bit crazy) friend Brenna! Say hello to the people Brenna!
Brenna: Hello to the people-
YG: That is enough of your over enthusiastic greeting! Now then...yet ANOTHER crack fic for DNAngel!
Brenna: I loves me some crack fics!
YG: SILENCE MORTAL! Anywho...this contains underage drinking, cross-dressing, and Daisuke in a dinosaur suit! I know...I love it too!
Brenna: Don't forget gay/stalker Satoshi!
YG: Yes, never forget him...now shut up! Now then...onto the randomness!
Brenna: YES! RANDOMNESS!
YG: Silence you fool!
(Co-written with Brenna)
The Phantom Thief Emperor of China
Dark: -groan- Oh, my head!
Daisuke: What happened last night?!
Satoshi: CHIWAWAS, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!!!! GET THEM OFF ME!!!!!
Daisuke: Satoshi, wake up you're just having a—
Satoshi: BUTTER!!!!
Dark: Ung -blink blink- SATOSHI, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING?!?!?
Satoshi: I have no idea... but I look fabulous!
Daisuke: Dark... Why do you have a Chinese take-out box on your head?
Dark: We wake up together in a room where we've been passed out for God knows how long, you're in a dinosaur costume, Satoshi's dressed like hooker, and the first thing you ask is why I have a Chinese take-out box on my head!!!!
Daisuke: It's a valid question!!!!
Satoshi: -rubbing head- How did I get here?
Daisuke: It's all coming back to me now...
(flash back shimmers)
The previous night
Daisuke: If I wanna wear a thong that is my prerogative!
Dark: But dude... it's GIRLS underwear... for GIRLS
Satoshi: (outside spying with a camera around his neck) -far away look- Daisuke in a thong -drool-
Dark: Daisuke, did you hear something?
Daisuke: Yeah! Super sonic thief hearing senses ACTIVATE!!!! -super special awesome close-up- It came from that window!!!!
Dark: You know, you could've just looked out the window instead of going through all of that.
Daisuke: I know...BUT THIS IS MORE FUN!
Dark: ...I'll go... see what it was. -goes to window- OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
Daisuke: WHAT?!
Dark: It's perve-y mc purple hair!
Daisuke: Who?
Dark: SATOSHI! -jumps out window and tackles-
Daisuke: -listening-
(fight noises) Ow! Stop! Don't put that there! Jeez!
Satoshi: -thrown through the window by Dark-
Dark: -walks in after him holding a camera-
Daisuke: ...What the heck?!
Dark: He was out there taking pictures of us!
Satoshi: Don't flatter yourself, I was only taking pictures of Daisuke!
Daisuke: -shudders-
Dark: Oooh let me see!
Daisuke: WHAT?!
Dark: I got to make sure he didn't...uh...do anything bad...I'm just...looking out for you!
Daisuke: Sure you are...
Satoshi: -sits down next to Daisuke grinning suggestively-
Daisuke: -looks really REALLY uncomfortable-
Silence...
Dark: -suddenly- Oh my FCKING GOD! -starts smashing camera against the floor-
Satoshi: MY CAMERA! -mourns-
Daisuke: What the hell Dark?!
Dark: It was a picture…
Daisuke: Yes…
Dark: Of you…
Daisuke: Yes…
Dark: In...the...shower
Daisuke: 0.0 -edges away from Satoshi-
Satoshi: -pouts adorably-
Dark:-looks at Satoshi- How did you even...There are no WINDOWS in our bathroom!
Satoshi: You know, for a Phantom Thief you have surprisingly easy security to bypass.
Daisuke: -rolls eyes-
Dark: Note to self, buy Satoshi eating guard dogs.
Satoshi: So...what do we do now?
Dark: Besides murder you?
Satoshi: Yes, besides that.
Daisuke: Lets watch Desperate House Wives!
Satoshi: No... LETS HAVE AN ORGY!!!!
Daisuke and Dark: ???????
Satoshi: I... umm... I mean... lets eat an orange-y
Dark: RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT....
Daisuke: -gets up and sits in another chair-
Dark: I know!!! Let's go clubbing! It's what all the fabulous people do on Friday nights!
Daisuke: But it's Wednesday!
Dark: Yes, we'll just look THAT much more fabulous next to all the drunk alcoholics there with no lives!
Daisuke: No...WE'LL look like drunk alcoholics with no lives!
Satoshi: I LIKE IT! Anything to get drunk with you baby!
Daisuke: -shudders-
Dark: It's perfect!
Daisuke: But...none of us are old enough to get into any kind of club!
Dark: Hello, two thousand year old personality here, I think I qualify.
Satoshi: I can get on my looks alone! -strikes sexy model pose-
Daisuke: What about me?!
Dark: I thought you didn't even want to go!
Daisuke: I need to keep an eye on you two...in case of...emergency!
Satoshi: You can keep as close an eye on me as you want baby!
Dark: Enough with your insinuations! -stares at Daisuke- I have the perfect disguise!
Satoshi: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Dark and Satoshi: -look at each other and nod-
Daisuke: What are you guys thinking...
Dark and Satoshi: -start advancing on Daisuke-
Daisuke: …MOMMY!!!!!!!!!
20 Minutes and several pleas for Satoshi to leave the room later...
Daisuke: I...feel...so...stupid...THIS WILL NEVER WORK!
Satoshi: But you look ADORABLE in that dinosaur costume!
Daisuke: How the heck is this going to help us get into a club?!
Dark: Please, everyone in the bar will be too drunk to notice!
Daisuke: What about the bouncer?
Dark: Probably seen weirder things...speaking of which! Hello my good sir!
Bouncer: -glare-
Dark: -Shows fake ID- Those two are with me.
Bouncer: Blue-boy I'll believe, but what is THAT?! -points at Daisuke-
Satoshi: He's my...PET! Come here girl! -nuzzles a scowling Daisuke-
Once inside
Daisuke: Couldn't I have been a BOY pet dinosaur?!?!
Satoshi: But then this would be weird! -nuzzles again-
Dark: -face palm- It IS weird so stop!
Satoshi: I can't help it if I have urges! -clings to struggling Daisuke-
Dark: -sigh, turns to Daisuke- You know dude, you look like you really need to relax. I'll go get you some...stuff.
Daisuke: Wait, don't leave me here with this lunatic!
Satoshi: -grin- You know you love me!
Daisuke: HELP!
At the bar
Dark: I'll have 3 glasses of your strongest spirits.
Bartender: Sorry kid, but we're only allowed to sell one glass per customer. The last guy that drank two in a row got so drunk that he passed out on the second sip of his second glass.
Dark: -Thinks of Daisuke-On second thought, I'll have 2 of your strongest and a Shirley Temple.
Bartender: -looks severely at Dark-
Dark: They're for my friends and I.
Bartender: Riiiiiight...-hands over drinks- Your funeral. Just don't barf all over the counter got it?
Dark: -takes drinks and turns to see a very happy Satoshi hugging and struggling Daisuke around the waist-
Daisuke: -mouths- HELP ME!
Seven drinks and five Shirely Temples later
Bartender: Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present Mustang Sally! -woman starts dancing on the bar-
Random guy: MY EYES MY EYES, MY BEAUTIFUL VIRGIN EYES!!!!!!!!
Dark: -looks at screaming guy- What a loser right Daisuke? Daisuke?
Daisuke: -huddled in a corner with hands over his eyes rocking back and forth- Naked lady, naked lady...
Dark: -face palm-
Satoshi: -contemplating- I could do better.
Mustang Sally: Oh really, then lets see you try!
Satoshi: OKAY! -stumbles drunkenly onto the stage- Bartender -hiccup- fire up the -hiccup- MUSIC! -rips off shirt and swings it around his head-
Dark: I didn't know Satoshi was ripped!
Daisuke: What where?! -looks up from cowering in the corner-
Satoshi: -dances sexily and starts taking off his pants-
Daisuke: Woo Hoo!!!! Go Satoshi -cheerleading and drooling at the same time-
Dark: -face palm- The sugar has gone to his head! -Tries to drink from his now empty glass, finds that nothing is coming out. pouts, then goes back over to the bar-
Bartender: What can I do for you?
Dark: I would like... to buy... a vowel...
Bartender: A, E, I, O, or U
Dark: S-surprise me! -passes out-
Daisuke: *comes up behind* What about Y?! Nobody every thinks of Y as a vowel! You know what, I am sick and tired of it! Why? Why? Why? Why? Y? And can I get another one of those Whirley Imple things?
Bartender: -face palm-
Back with the dancers
Mustang Sally: Wow, you're amazing! You should join our dancing squad!
Satoshi: -obviously drunk- Really?! Do you mean it?!
Mustang Sally: Of course! Here put this on! -throws costume at Satoshi-
Back at the bar
Dark: -mumbling in sleep- Mount Rushmore...
Random guy: -trips and drops Chinese take out box on Dark's head-
Dark: -wakes up- ... -takes box off head- ... -looks at it- ...OMG! I am the emperor of CHINA! -giggles uncontrollably and passes out again-
Satoshi: -walks over to Daisuke and Dark wearing short black ballerina dress with fish net stockings and mini top hat- Hello peoples of earth! I come in peaces!
Daisuke: I have no idea what you are wearing...but I kind of like it... -two begin making out-
Riku: -walks in- Daisuke! Daisuke! I saw a note saying you'd be here! Dais- HOLY FCKING SHIT!!!!!!!! -sees Satoshi and Daisuke- Evasive maneuver number twelve!
Chiwawas: -come pouring in from every entrance, smothering everyone-
Daisuke: -swinging from chandelier with Chiwawa hanging from the tail of his dinosaur suit-
Satoshi:-running around screaming- It's in my hair! It's in my fcking hair!
Dark: -drowning in sea of Chiwawas, only arm visible-
Chiwawas: -flood out of bar and push everyone outside-
Dark: -frees himself- Come peasants! The Emperor of China shall save you all!
Satoshi: -pulling Daisuke out by the tail- Do you know how to hotwire a car?
Dark: -drunkenly- Of course!
Satoshi: Then hot wire that one right there!
Dark:...But it's UGLY! The Phantom Thief Emperor of China shall not be seen in something so hideous! -looks to one side- But THAT will do! -jumps into moving convertible Ferrari, shoves driver out the side- Pile in my servants!
Daisuke: Run from the demons! -smacks Chiwawa away with Satoshi's top hat-
All: -giggle off into the sunset- (A/N: But it was night time...)
(flash back glitters away)
Daisuke: And that how we ended up back here.
Satoshi: Hey Daisuke -wink wink-
Daisuke: I was drunk!
Dark: No, you were high on sugar.
Daisuke: Same difference!
Krad: -walks in wearing nothing but his tightie-whities- Hey!
The rest: GAH!
Krad: What?! You were all in here, passed out, and I didn't have a key to my house thanks to someone -glares at Satoshi- who was supposed to be home! What was I supposed to do!
Daisuke: -faints-
Dark: -scarred for life-
Satoshi: -still slightly drunk- Whatever, I'm going home. -stands up with half his skirt folded upward- See ya Daisuke! -opens door- Riku?
Riku: ATTACK!!!! -Chiwawas come pouring in-
All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fin