I don't own Death Note.

This is just a dumb crack-fic I came up with when I was way too sleepy to properly function. Hope someone can enjoy it *laughs*

At six in the morning, Matt sat up in bed and groggily ran a hand through his hair. And then he heard it. The shrill yell of his name that could only be uttered by one leather-clad blonde. "Matt!" He grudgingly rolled out of bed and pulled on some crumpled sweatpants off the floor to find out what was wrong this time.

"What do you want?" he mumbled at the other boy.

"Look at this!" Mello pointed dramatically at an orange envelope on the table.

Matt stared at it blankly. "What about it?"

"What is it?!" Mello asked with a scared voice.

"I don't know. Have you tried, oh I don't know, opening it?" Sarcasm, on and working this morning.

"But- but it's orange! Bright orange! Do you know how suspicious this is?"

"Nor do I care." Matt reached for the letter, but Mello slapped his hand away.

"What if it's laced with anthrax or something?"

"Mells, I really doubt it would be-"

"Do you understand how many people are after me? I'm a wanted man, Matt!"

"Does it even have your name on it?"

"Does if have to? It's not like you know anyone!"

"… Point taken."

"Exactly."

And faithful to his best friend's wishes, Matt left the paper alone.

The rest of the day progressed with Matt planted on the couch in front of his video games, and Mello pacing and peering anxiously around corners and out of windows. His anxiety was astronomical. Matt thought for sure that his roommate was being completely overdramatic. Or… was he? It was true: the orange envelope did seem slightly suspicious. There was no return address written on it. He wasn't stressed enough to release his anxiety by shooting through the wall like someone else he knew, but still. "You know, Mells," he started, "you might have a point about that envelope."

Mello was by his side in a split second. "I told you so! It's horrible, isn't it?"

"Why don't we just burn it?" Matt suggested.

"What if it explodes? You know I really hate explosions. It's irrational, I know, but I have a really bad feeling that one day an explosion will like, ruin my half of my perfect face or something. It's terrifying."

Matt looked at him like he had grown a second head. "Where do you think you'll be to be in an explosion? You live in a shit-ass apartment in L.A. The closest thing to an explosion you're going to get is watching me play Call of Duty."

"I told you it was irrational. But anyway, that envelope is horrible. But I'm thinking about it so much that I think the color orange is starting to grow on me. What do you think about orange sneakers?"

"I think I'd have to use them to beat some sense into you."

"That's not nice," Mello stuck his tongue out at him.

"It's not nice to make people look at a blonde wearing black leather and orange sneakers. Doesn't the world have enough problems already?"

"Fine, I won't get them. But what's in this envelope?" he whined, accidentally knocking it to the floor. He flinched as if it was going to explode on contact. But nothing happened. Matt reached down and picked it up.

He looked turned it over to look at it. "See, Mells? There's nothing to worry about."

"That's what they want you to think!"

Matt ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out a way to deal with his psychotic best friend. Then he decided that the best thing to do would just be to open it. Slowly he tore the top seal before Mello could stop him and separated the paper to peer inside. What materialized shocked the both of them.

"…. It's empty," Mello gaped. Matt inwardly sighed in relief and Mello tossed it back onto the table.

Then a small flyer fell out of the envelope. Mello picked it up and read it aloud. "Introducing new neon-colored envelopes! Available in six designer colors. Buy yours today!"

Matt stared at Mello in disbelief. "An advertisement? For envelopes? You got me up with your screaming at six a.m. and made me listen to your bitching for the entire day over an ADVERTISEMENT?"

"Well it was a thoroughly convincing ad…," Mello tried to placate the raging redhead.

Matt took the envelope and jammed it into the shredder.

Mello looked at the shredder sadly. "Oh come on, I was going to use that to send in the order form for my orange sneakers!"

Matt gave him a death glare that made the blonde freeze in his tracks. "If I hear the words "orange" or "envelope" come out of your mouth one more time I'm going to shove your head through that shredder. I'm going back to bed." Matt stormed off to his room and slammed the door shut behind him.

Mello stared after him. "I guess I shouldn't tell him that I forgot I ordered some of those envelopes last week…."

Umm write a review and tell me what you thought? If you liked it, awesome, if you want to threaten my life telling me not to write fanfiction when I'm asleep, that's cool too.