Hey guys!
First off, I'm not dead. Like I said, I'm on hiatus from any serious writing.
My CIE O' Levels are just around the corner, this May 6th infact. It'll continue throughout the month and I'll hopefully be back to writing after it.
Please pray for me and my success in the exams xD I need all the help I can get, since I'm a lazy bastard.
Anyway, here's a poem that I made in my depression. It's sort of my own life's problem, so I decided to express my depression and pain in the form of a poorly attempted poetry.
Cover art is 'Old friends' by celestier, who gave me permission to use this. You can find him/her on devArt!
I saw his picture a long time ago and that was one of the things that influenced me to write this but I didn't manage to find that picture again until recently!
Enjoy.
Bleed
When I first saw her, I did not care.
Just as I didn't to anything and everything.
I was simply consumed in my drive for power.
Being the master they needed me to be.
While she was the student I wanted them to be.
She was the perfect pupil, smart and strong.
Disciplined and accepting, of both lessons and faults.
As days turned to weeks, weeks into months.
I found a growing warmth
In the darkest corners of my heart.
She learned all I could teach
And taught me many in return.
I began to see the beauty she possessed.
Both in mind and body.
I was eager for her affections.
For her happiness. Her trust.
I adored the way she smiled.
It made me feel… warm.
She was a part of me, like a jigsaw puzzle piece
Made only to fit with me.
I liked the charge that passed in between us when we touched.
It made me feel… Curious.
For once, I was not pursuing power.
For once, I was not striving for dominance.
Instead, I was simply striving for her smile.
To keep the happiness that scarcely showed itself.
But then everything fell apart.
The blood of the innocent stained a student's hand.
And by default, my own.
All that we had, all that we could have had.
Gone in the flash of a blade, a mother's life ended.
A daughter's heart shattered. A shared trust severed.
Her absence weighed down on me, mocking me for my lacking.
My weakness led to her mother's death,
And with it, the death of our companionship.
This was just another repetition of history,
Cruel and ruthless.
The first had broken my soul.
The second had broken my heart.
I dropped my heart, my emotions, my soul.
And returned to what I was fated to do.
I killed, I slaughtered, I murdered and I slew.
Drowning in crimson, yet haunted by you.
Years passed, my hands gathering red.
And the hatred of those, who opposed what I led.
And then, they came, stopping my crusade.
With an offer that had details, I was unable to refuse.
So I joined the league with all that I brought.
They trembled in fear as my shadows passed.
I saw the fear in their eyes, the respect that they held.
For I was the Master of Shadows
The Unseen that killed.
Surprisingly, Fate, was ironic and cruel.
Desiring to drive the knife deeper into the fool.
For foolishness I had committed, something I regret.
A mistake best forgotten, yet burned deep into memory.
She had approached me with both eyes open,
Seeing the blood on my hands, the crimes I had committed.
And spoke of times past, of her own regrets.
She came to mend broken bridges, to return to what was once.
She came with arms open, and offered me a chance.
I was a fool, to ever think.
That things could go back to the way they had been.
Forgetting past angers, forgetting past wounds.
I took her offer, and agreed to live inside a lie.
But now my mask is cracking, red seeping through.
I smile as she speaks, but my heart still bleeds.
I listen to her as she talks, her words unwelcome
For they speak of the man she loves.
A man that is not me. A man I had once tried to get rid off.
I watch her from afar, the pain on my face unseen.
As she laughs and smiles, with a man
who I had once loved as a brother.
She speaks of the future, of their hearts and their love.
I cannot help but feel pain as I see her kiss another.
I speak to her normally, I speak to her a lot.
I speak to the man, who I hold no hatred of.
He loves her as I had once loved.
As I still do.
But she loves him back.
And I am on one's own.
Everyday that passes, I live inside this beautiful lie.
Unable to embrace the truth and it's harsh reply.
The light, it fades.
The shadows, they grow.
Chained to my ship as it sinks. With the key I refuse to own.
I live and I breath, as I lie and I bleed.
Watching her and him, spend time in their loving dream.
And I can't bring myself to hate her or him.
For they have their happiness.
And I have naught but emptiness.
Now I sit, watching the time go by.
My blade sits infront of me, the shadows around me watching.
I sigh and I smile, in love with the pain.
Unable to end it.
Unable to get out.
From this crimson rain.
Not a day goes by that I don't regret.
I'm losing my mind, yet I don't digress.
A path I have taken, with both eyes open.
Accepting the poison.
Accepting the pain.
Her eyes meet mine and she asks if I'm fine.
I reply with feigned indifference, with a scoff and a decline.
But inside I'm broken. Inside, I'm lost.
My heart, I continue, to lie and mislead.
My soul, I continue, to wound and bleed.
[End]