She sat alone in the doctor's office, waiting for him to return. Of all things, she mused with a shake of her head. All those years sleeping with Manhattan's notorious bad boy bachelor and she had managed to remain STD-free. But one roll in the hay with Humphrey, and here she was...itching and irritated.
The creaking of the door brought her attention back to the present, as she twisted her fingers nervously together.
"Well, Mrs. Grimaldi-"
"Waldorf," Blair interrupted with a grimace.
"Ms. Waldorf," the doctor corrected with a raised eyebrow. "It appears that you have developed some form of gonorrhea."
"Gonorrhea?" Blair's eyebrows narrowed in disbelief.
"You may know it as the clap," the doctor corrected, only to be shushed by Blair.
"I know what gonorrhea is," she snapped at him irritated. "You're obviously wrong, though. Dan hasn't been with anyone but me for an embarrassingly long time. You'll just have to check again." With that, she folded her arms across her chest and proceeded to stare the MD down.
"Ms. Waldorf," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't need to check again. You have gonorrhea. Maybe your partner wasn't completely honest with you about his last sexual encounter." Noticing Blair was about to interrupt him, he hurried on, "But whatever it is, you do, indeed, have gonorrhea. I have written you a prescription that you'll need to fill immediately." With that, he slapped a small piece of paper, presumably the aforementioned prescription, down on the desk in front of her, and rose to leave.
"I'll just get a second opinion!" Blair all but shrieked as he left the office with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Hmph!" she grunted, hastily grabbing her belongings before rushing out of the building in a blaze of fury and Chanel No. 5.
"You lying, ego maniacal, Muppet-haired freak!" Blair greeted Dan as he opened the door to the loft to let her in. He had leaned in for a kiss and was confused by her sudden outburst.
"Well, hello to you, too, Blair," he sighed as he followed her inside and picked up the coat that she had hastily thrown onto his floor, neatly placing it across the couch instead.
"How could you?" she shrieked as she spun on her Manolo-clad foot and thrust an accusatory finger in his chest.
Dan's eyes narrowed in confusion. "How could I...what?" His voice trailed off in a question.
"You- gave- me- the- clap!" Blair punctuated each word with a slap to his chest.
Dan's eyes widened as he ducked from under her assault. "I...wa-the clap? You mean like g-gonorrhea?"
"No, like a round of applause," Blair mimicked him evilly. "Yes, I mean gonorrhea, you liar!" With that, she resumed her slapping. "You told me you hadn't been with anyone since the she hobo over a year ago!"
"I haven't!" Dan defended as he quickly sprinted to the other side of the room in order to place the protective covering of the couch between them. "Blair, calm down. I did not give you gonorrhea! Maybe it was Louis?"
Dan quickly realized the mistake in what he had said as he watched Blair's eyes narrow and her lips press into a frighteningly thing line. "Louis and I," she spoke with a scary calm, "Have not been intimate for over 6 months now. I slept with you, I got the clap. I know you're a writer and not a math whiz, but those numbers don't add up."
Dan visibly swallowed as he watched her slowly descending upon him like a tigress.
"Blair, just listen," Dan began, only to be cut off by a sharp slap across his stubbly cheek.
"You lied to me, Humphrey, and you marred my previously pristine health record with an ailment more befitting of someone from New Jersey than the Palatial halls of Monaco." Turning, she gathered her coat back up and made her way swiftly toward the door.
"Blair, wait!" Dan called out, rushing after her while still holding his throbbing cheek.
Blair threw the door open, but quickly turned to face him, causing him to almost run right into her. "I'm done with this little experiment in how the other half lives," she spit at him with a curl in her lip. "Oh, and you were awful in bed." With that, she slammed the door on his face and was gone, leaving a flustered Dan to men to his broken heart and swollen cheek.
A/N: Hi, guys! I am a longtime fan of Gossip Girl but this is my first venture into the world of writing fic for this show. This is going to be a multichaptered fic, so I hope you'll leave me a comment to let me know what you think!