This story is dedicated to the memory of my mother and two very dear neighbours who have died from Cancer at a very young age. Also for those in my family and neighbours who survived this terrible illness. Please read and review. Thank you kindly.
FREAR, STRENGHT, COURAGE.
It was that time of year again. It was time for the physicals. It was a pain Ray thought but it had to be done for some insurance form blah, blah, blah. Since Constable Fraser was now an official consultant to the 27th district police he had to have one as well.
Ray had been booked in for nine and Fraser for ten so they decided to go together. Fraser didn't mind waiting around. Ray pulled up outside the Canadian Consulate blowing his horn for Fraser to come out. Fraser came out pretty quickly and already dressed to go back to work afterwards. Ray noticed that Fraser looked a little pale but put it down to the morning light. As soon as he sat into the GTO Ray asked, "You ok there Benton Buddy you look a bit pale, "I'm fine Ray just didn't sleep very well". Ray continued, "So where's Dief? Fraser smiled, "Stayed in bed". Fraser was only answering in short bursts which were a little strange but again Ray put it down to been tired. "So Frase do they have these physicals at the RCMP as well". "Ah yes we have them usually in September, Ray looked over, "Ah gezz so you only went through this six months ago, yes Ray".
It wasn't long before they were signing in for them sitting waiting to be called. Ray hated hospitals to many bad memories and Ray was sure that Fraser felt the same. He had read the files and he must admit that it shocked him.
Nurse came out and called, "Detective Kowalski, yes Ray replied, "See ya later Frase, and Ray headed in. The Dr went over and introduced himself, "I'm Dr Greely I'll be doing your physical today, handing Ray a gown to get changed into. Dr Greely was very thorough checking every inch and taking blood. Which Ray thought he'd pass out when he saw the needle. Ray's exam went very well noting showed up but the Doctor gave usual speech about checking yourself regular for any change lumps or differences down below. Ray came out, "Hey Fraser fit and healthy". nurse came to Fraser," Be with you in a moment Constable". Fraser just nodded Ray was showing Fraser the plaster covering were he got the blood taken. Just then Fraser was called in for his exam.
Dr Greely gave Fraser the same greeting that he gave Ray. Handing him a gown too get changed into. "Right now Constable we'll get started, Dr Greely said. Fraser stood there feeling very exposed in the gown and didn't even flinch when getting the blood taken. Then it came the time to be checked, Dr Greely sat in front of him asking, "Constable Do you check yourself regular"? Fraser blushed a bit but replied, "Am yes sir but not for a few months now". "Ok was Dr Greely response. Then a worried look crossed Dr Greely's face. Dr Greely cleared his throat and said "One moment I just want to Dr Fogarty to get a second opinion". Fraser felt a wave of panic sweep over him putting his hands through his hair and down over his face. Dr Greely and Dr Fogarty came back in. Shaking Fraser's hand and introducing himself before examining Fraser for himself in the same place as Dr Greely had done. He also looked concerned both Doctors looked at each other and nodded then asked Fraser to changed back into his clothes. Fraser thought oh god they've only just started what did they find.
After getting changed Fraser sat in front of the two Doctors. Dr Greely started, "Ok Constable during your exam we have found a lump in one of your Tactical's, I wasn't sure at first that's why I asked Dr Forgarty ". Fraser just sat there blank faced and silent. The Dr continued, "WE would like you to come back in on Wednesday so we can do a Biopsy to see what we are dealing with is there someone that can bring you in"? Fraser found his voice shaky, "Yes, was all he managed to get out. Dr Greely said then, "Go to the desk and let them before you leave and fast from midnight on Tuesday" Standing Fraser shook both there hands.
Ray shouted down when he saw Fraser come out, but a look of concern came over him when he saw the way Fraser held himself to confidant at all. The fact that Fraser went straight to the desk and the girl behind the desk said see you Wednesday. "Hey Fraser what happened" Ray asked concerned for his friend. Fraser didn't answer just kept walking clutching his Stetson in his hands.
As they sat in Ray's GTO Ray looked over to Fraser, "Ok spill what's up". There was silence for a few moments before Fraser spoke Fraser turned his head to Ray Fraser eyes were full of tears. "Oh Fraser what's wrong did something go wrong in there". Fraser just nodded then started, "During the exam they-they found a lump in on of my testical's Ray, I have to go back in on Wednesday for the Biopsy to determine weather or not it's Cancer". Ray didn't know what to say he was just in shock all he managed to do was pull Fraser into a hug. At any other time Fraser would have pulled away but Fraser needed a hug at that time.
Fraser said then, "I must get back to work Inspector Thatcher will be waiting". Ray was having none of it. "Your not going back to work not after that look I know you probably want to be alone right now but tough I'll drop you off at my apartment and I'll go pick up Diefenbaker and explain to Inspector Thatcher and Welsh ok" to Ray's surprise Fraser just said, "Understood". Ray was prepared for a protest to this but Ray headed to his apartment and they drove all the way in silence. Ray parked outside and they headed up to the apartment. Ray put his hand on Fraser's shoulder, "Ok look you know where everything is ok just make yourself at home and I won't be long I'll pick up some dinner on my way back". Fraser just stood there completely lost and nodded with that Ray left with a knot in his stomach.
Ray sat back in to his GTO and just grasped the steering wheel tight. Then just started beating his fists against it in frustration shouting, "It's not fair it's just god you better help him out".
Pulling himself together he headed for the Canadian Consulate wondering how the hell he was going to tell Inspector Thatcher. Traffic never seemed so heavy every red light went against him. His heart felt like someone was stabbing it over and over. Ray just couldn't get his head around that Fraser might have C- couldn't even say the word in his head. Ray must have been parked outside to go in. The Consult for about five minutes before he managed to go up the steps. The guard on sentry duty took him aback and felt the knot in his stomach tighten a bit more and a limp formed in his throat. As he pushed through the doors.
Ray approached Turnbull's desk, "Ah Detective Kowalski good day to you where is Constable Fraser? "Good day Turnbull can I speak to Inspector Thatcher please, Ray asked. Turnbull noticed the look on Ray's face and said, "One moment and I'll see". Picking up the phone, on the other side of the phone Inspector Thatcher barked, "What is it Turnbull I'm busy, Am sorry sir but Detective Kowalski would like to speak to you". "Is Fraser with him she asked, No sir was his reply, Very well send him she said in an annoyed tone. Ray thanked Turnbull and headed for her office.
Ray knocked gently and heard "Come in". Inspector Thatcher continued to talk as Ray approached her desk, "Detective what brings you here and why is Constable Fraser not with you he was meant to be back on duty an hour ago". Ray sat opposite her, "That's what I'm here to talk about, go on she spoke. Ray continued and cleared his throat, "Well as you know we had our physicals today and well am-am during Fraser's they found, Ray paused. Worried she asked, "Found what Detective, Ray tried to look her in the eye and said "Well they found a lump in his Tes-. Ray didn't have to finish what he was saying as the news sunk into to her. "Oh no the Inspector replied what are they going to do for him and where is now? Ray once again had to clear his throat, "Fraser is at my apartment I didn't think he should be alone right now and he has to go back in on Wednesday for the Biopsy". They sat in silence for some time both with tear filled eyes which nether one wanted to shed in front of the other but both failed. This was there friend and co worker and both cared for deeply.
It took a few moments before anyone spoke again. Ray was the first, "I'm also here to pick up Diefenbaker and some clothes for Fraser". The Inspector's voice still shaky, "Ok, ok Detective you know where his office is just help yourself". As Ray went to leave Inspector Thatcher grabbed his arm, "Please tell Fraser that we're here for him what ever he needs, handing him a peace of paper with her home number on, I mean it Ray anytime day or night. Ray took it and smiled a little freaked that she used his name but glad.
Ray went into Fraser's office to get his clothes. Ray had been in Fraser's office stroke bedroom before but never really took much noticed. It was small no it was tiny. Ray felt his heart sink. Opening the closet door to get some nightwear and sweats taking in how little Fraser owned it made him sad. Putting clothes and other stuff into a bag Ray could feel his emotions well up inside himself again so sat down on Fraser's cot. Putting his hands on his head as the tears flowed again. Ray felt a warm but wet notice poke his hands. It was Dief coming to see if he was ok. Ray hugged him, and said He's going to be ok right Dief". Dief gave a small whine and they headed for the 27th Police station.
Back at Ray's apartment even though Fraser was alone he felt crowed by the millions of thought's and voices that crowded his mind. He stood in the middle of the room wondering what to do next. Looking down at his uniform Fraser wondered if he'd ever wear it again. Even though they didn't know that is was Cancer that thought would not leave his head. So Fraser began to take it off and fold it on chair just leaving on his pants and top.
Ray pulled up outside the 27th willing himself to go in. It was hard enough explaining it to Inspector Thatcher but it was going to be harder explaining it to Lt Welsh. Fraser was now considered part of the family at work there.
After a few minutes Ray headed in his heart pounding and a million thoughts running through his head. Trying to figure out how he was going to word what he wanted to say. I mean how do you tell someone that a person they care about might have Cancer. Even saying that word Cancer in your head sends shivers down your spine and makes you feel sick and numb.
Walking through the bullpen Ray was oblivious to everyone around him. Even though people were talking to him asking how he got on and asking where Fraser was as Diefenbaker was with should stand that Fraser would be there also. Ray didn't hear a word of it. Ray paused for a short moment before knocking on Lt Welsh's door. Ray heard, "Come in" and entered. Lt Welsh looked up, "Ah Detective how did your physicals go, looking around seeing Diefenbaker asked where is Constable Fraser". Ray walked over to the desk eyes down, "That's what I'm here to talk to you about Sir Ray said that with a shaky voice. "Go on, Welsh said gesturing for Ray to sit. Ray sat down and cleared his throat, "Well you see during Fraser's Physical the doctors found am-I mean the doctors, Ray got up and started to pace putting his hand through his hair. Welsh was worried now, "What did they find Ray. Ray finally looked at him, they found a-a lump sir in his Tes- he has to go back in on Wednesday for the Biopsy". They sat in silence for what seemed like a long time as the information Ray had given sunk in. Ray began again, "I'm going to need some time off sir I'm not letting him go through this alone I just can't". Welsh smiled, "That's no problem Ray please tell Fraser that we're here for him what ever he needs ok just call any time day or night". Ray nodded and went to leave. He felt an arm on his, "I mean it Ray whatever he needs". Thanks was all Ray managed to get out and left.
Ray drove back to the apartment picking up some dinner on his way. Even though he didn't feel like eating and thought neither would Fraser but they had to so he got food.
Pausing outside his door Ray took a deep breath and went in inside followed by Diefenbaker. Ray found Fraser asleep on the couch. He looked so still. Ray could see the lines from tears on his cheeks and wondered to himself what was next as Dief curled up on Fraser's feet. Fraser woke to see that Ray had already set up the dinner. Even though they didn't feel like eating they did anyway. They sat in silence for a long time. Not knowing what to say.
Ray got up and gave Fraser the bag with the change of clothes in, "Here Benton Buddy thought you'd like to change, Fraser looked up with a lost look on his face saying, I have to go back to the Consulate I've taken up to much of your time already". Ray put his hand on Fraser's shoulder, "Nonsense you're staying here with me till is sorted ok, Ray tried to sound calm. Fraser looked up again and just said, "Understood". Taking his clothes and going to the bathroom to change. Ray sank into the couch and buried his head in his hands he could feel his heart breaking.
This story was hard to write but I had to get my emotions out from my own experiences from this and this help so I do hope this doesn't hurt anyone please review. Thank you.