Say Goodbye With Me
Full Summary: Light is captured by L, though nobody else in the investigation team permitted this. L has a plan of his own, an extrememly risky, mysterious plan. However, the outcome he gets is not what he expected.
Pairing: Light and L
Warnings: Yaoi smut, rated M just to be safe.
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. No copyright infringement intended.
Other Notes: Second revision. The plot has changed quite a bit. Sequel coming soon.
Darkness engulfs me, and it's hard to gather the strength to move my legs. The inside of my eyes are burning, like a bright light is blinding me…but I can't see anything.
Suddenly, I'm awake. Looking around, I notice that my hands are tied behind my back with tight handcuffs. There's dark walls around me, but there's a clean scent in the air. It's overpowering and I hide my nose in the inside of my shirt collar. There's a single door in the left corner, and it's open a crack. I crane my neck to see out of it, but there is only more darkness.
I can't remember how I got there, but flashes of it run through my mind; forceful questions, shouting, and then…fluffy black hair knocking me out.
"Ryuuzaki," I say to myself. "I remember him. How the hell did he manage to capture me!?" I shake my head and look around again, searching for some sort of way to escape, save for the open door. I bet there's a guard outside, waiting for me to try. Maybe it's even L. I don't understand why I'm here; I didn't hear anything about more questioning. I was a part of the investigation team after all, searching for the infamous killer, Kira. I had managed to keep most of the team's suspicions down, but L still strongly suspected me. I needed to pretend I was just an innocent man who was truly interested in bringing killers to justice."Damn it!" I yell, and the door creaks open. I press myself to the corner of the wall and prepare for anyone to come in. I see only a shadow of a figure, but I recognize him immediately as L. I can't see his face, but he can see mine, I know it.
"Light Yagami," he says, a hint of laughter to his voice. "Or should I say…Kira?"
"What do you want?" I demand, ignoring his accusation. I am getting tired of his constant, sarcastic statements, like he believed that he knew everything in the world. He had let me join the investigation because my deducing skills were excellent, and he said he needed a good, young dreamer willing to put everything on the line for the sake of justice. Of course, I was never in any real danger, neither were most of the people on the team. If only I knew L's real name...
Since L had asked me to assist him, I was under constant supervision. I wouldn't kill the others unless they gave me a reason to. L had no right to suspect me if another murder occured. I remembered when L installed those cameras in my house, less than a few months ago.
"What do I want?" He comes closer, bending down so we were eye level, and I see him completely. He's smiling. "I want you to admit to me that you are, in fact, Kira."
"How could I be Kira!?" I retort, beginning to lose my patience. "You have no proof!"
"I don't need proof. I just know." He put his nose to mine, in such an arrogant matter that I want to smack him away, but alas, my hands are not capable of doing that at the moment.
"You can't do that," I hiss, moving my leg discretely so he wouldn't see.
"Oh, but I can," he insists, biting his fingernail and giggling. "Kira." In one swift movement, I kick my knee up, hitting L straight in the chest and sending him flying backwards. I smirk as he hits the wall of the cell, but he still smiles.
"Interesting…" he observes. "Quite…interesting…Kira."
"Quit calling me that!" I scream, and reach for him again, this time swinging my foot to the side of his head. As he hits the ground, I hop up onto my feet, hands still tightly clasped at the small of back. I wonder if me fighting back would give him any more evidence, but even if his suspicions grew, nobody else believed him. My father was determined to prove my innocence, but L would not give up either.
"No need to be so rough," L says coolly. "Besides, you know you can not win."
"How do you know?" I ask just as coolly, keeping a far distance from him.
"Because you have no use of your arms," he stands up and wipes a drop of blood from his forehead with his sleeve. "And I do."
"You act so cocky," I say, trying to keep him busy so I can slowly edge around him. "You are so sure you can defeat me."
"I am," L watches my every movement. "So do you want to just give up now and admit that you are Kira?"
"Why can't you just believe me!? I'm not Kira!" Without pausing to think it through, I lunge at L, thrusting my shoulder out to hit his cheek. He doesn't even try to dodge, he just takes my punches and kicks. "Aren't you going to fight back?" I wonder, stepping back a moment to let him answer. Something about his behavior was off, but I couldn't quite place it.
"What is the point in that?" He says, as if there is some sort of secret meaning behind his words, and I'm supposed to figure it out.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean…that if I fight back, what am I accomplishing? I have captured you for one reason only and I am not prepared to do anything else." He shakes his head and folds his arms, something I find to be…somewhat elegant.
"Why have you taken me here?" I ask, glaring daggers at him. Even though I couldn't see anything outside of this room, I knew he was the only one here. He must have taken me to a center where suspects are questioned, fingerprints matched...but why had he brought me here? More importantly, how had he gotten me here? He had been attending my school for quite some time now, and I suppose we could be gerneralized as 'friends.' We kept a healthy distance between each other at all times, though. He can do pretty much whatever he wants, since he was in charge of this case. Everybody knew better than to defy L, no matter how crazy or unreasonable his actions might be.
"Prepared for?" I move forward. He hadn't answered my first question. What could this one reason be? "So you are not prepared to fight me? That is not like you, Ryuuzaki."
"So it is not. What is it that you're trying to accomplish by fighting me, Light Yagami?"
"Me? I believe I'm am trying to avoid being killed, if you will."
"Are you afraid I'm going to kill you, Light Yagami?"
"Not quite. I will not say I am Kira, because I certainly am not, but that means you have not gotten what you want. But I doubt you would ever kill me." I wait for a quick reply, but there was nothing. I knew I had gotten it right. If L really suspected me as much as I thought he did, he would never kill the person who could grant him his victory.
"Such an explanation…" L rolls his brown eyes, but I have just noticed that his eyes are brown. Big and deer-like, but devoid of any childishness. "But actually, that is right in some sort of manner…I am disappointed that you have refused to admit your identity, but there really isn't anything I can do. If I kill you, where would I be then? You'd never tell me the truth."
"Alright," I answer, still thinking of things to say as I move closer and closer to L's form. "So what do you plan to do?"
"I plan to wait until you are done and ready to tell me you are Kira," he says.
"Risky plan," I comment. "But I'll take it." And I lash out my foot, knocking him off balance, in enough time for me to dart behind him and let him fall against my chest. Shoving him against the wall, I ask one more time, "Are you sure you want to keep this up?"
"It won't last long," he decides, pushing me off disdainfully. "You attacking me so boldly only raises the chances that you are Kira. If you were not Kira, you would not be fighting me like a brutal enemy." He holds my gaze steadily. "Trust me."
"I trust you, Ryuuzaki," I say, realizing only after I had said it that it was completely idiotic of me. What the hell am I doing? It was like I had no control over my body, as my fingers trailed the base of L's neck and up his cheek.
"I see…" L says absentmindedly, but I already see him reaching for something in his pocket. I stop him by grabbing his wrist and pulling it up to mine. "Is this your plan instead of fighting me?"
"Why is it always a plan with you?" I say angrily, tangling my fingers in his hair.
"It's always a plan because if it's not, something could completely backfire. And then where are you?" L turned his head, troubled.
"What, are you afraid of what could happen if you don't know what's going on?" I suppose that was confusing, and he could have taken it wrong, but he answers well enough;
"No, I am simply wary of the things that might go wrong. Say, what if you just decided to steal the knife that I have hidden in my pocket? There, I have told you my plan. Now what are you going to do?" It's like some sort of game; what was I going to do next? I guessed that L told me about the knife in his pocket, just to make this more interesting. Now I have to think of something to do. It is really a silly battle that will end up with me winning - of course - and L regretting his decision to give me a head start. But I wasn't going to let my knowledge go to waste. I knew L liked to play with his food before pouncing, gathering information from the smallest movement or word. I have to watch my step with him, in case I did end up spilling something about myself he could use to his advantage. I have to say, I'm impressed. I will play along.
"I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do next, Ryuuzaki," I tell him.
"What?"
"I'm going to kiss you." He opens his mouth to say something, but I close it with my kiss.
Yes, I have wondered what it would be like to kiss L, but then again, who hasn't? Anyways, it wasn't like I was entirely into it…but perhaps, I was.
I pull back, waiting for L's next move. I can tell in his chocolate eyes that he is surprised, but the look is gone in an instant. L's emotions were locked away inside, hidden from the rest of the world under a calm mask of intelligence. He thinks he can win anything, that no matter what happens, he could turn it around and get the game in his favor.
"I see…" He repeats, but with more thought to his tone than before. "Is it my turn now?"
"It is," I say and he leans forward to kiss me this time. It's not like being kissed by a prostitute, or a longtime lover. It's fast and full of anger and concentration, as if L was trying to suck the answers right out of my mouth. I loved playing with him. Knowing that after all he had done, he still couldn't prove I am Kira. He is frustrated, and this pleases me.
L's lips were on mine more than I had expected, but I will not say that means he is winning. He has no emotion behind the kiss; it's hard and stone-cold. He feels nothing for me but frustration, but excitement at the same time. He wants me to admit it, to give him the satisfaction of being right...again. He knows I'm Kira, he knows it completely, but he's giving me time to say it myself. It astonishes me that he's so casual about the entire thing, not worried in the least that his companions would be killed if Kira was so inclined to do so. L was the only one without a real name, a name I couldn't use to kill. He knows this, and he's happy about it. There's one little flaw in Kira's master plan. L was safe.
He is forceful, I soon learned. He kissed me wildly, his tongue flicking out to lick my lips before diving in again.
I was on the floor of the cell with L straddling me. He puts his lips to my ear and whispers, "This might be your game, but I make the rules." I meet his stare unflinchingly. "Face it, Kira. You can't win against me."
I was about to coolly reply, but his lips are already on mine again. I let myself kiss back, exploring, mapping out his mouth with my tongue. It is delicious, unique...clean and crisp, but messy and ragged at the same time.
I freeze when he tugs on my pants.
"Ryuuzaki..." I breathe. This hadn't been a part of the plan. We were supposed to be playing a game, not touch each other. I don't know if L actually plans to do something to me, or if he still trying to get me to confess.
"Yes?" He looks up at me with huge, puppy-dog eyes. I resist the urge to look away.
"Stop." He raises his eyebrow.
"So you're finished?" He says. "You're giving up already?"
"I'm not giving up," I growl.
"So let me touch you," L purred. "You're a teenage boy. It'd be nice if you just let me continue." I know what he's doing now. He's seducing me; L will obviously do anything to force a confession out of me, even do something as insane as this. He kidnapped me by himself, timing it so that nobody that remained in the police force were here. They trusted L to get information, to get answers in a calm, dignified manner. He had solved the hardest cases in the world, and he hadn't even batted an eyelash. But now, I could feel the heat radiating off him, melting into my body. He's never been this fired up before.
"This is not your style, Ryuuzaki," I comment smoothly. "I didn't know you were the type to take your answers by force."
"I will if I have to. And it seems, I have to."
"I'll tell my father," I warn, though I'm lying and L can see it.
"He'll never believe you," L told me smugly. "You're just a kid who hates the grown-ups. Oh Yagami, I expected better from you."
"Did you?" I spit. "I can tell you've never been this angry before."
"That is correct." Even though he admits it, his voice is cool and foreboding, never dropping the dull monotone. "You are indeed the toughest case I've encountered."
"I'm flattered." He stares at me hardly, and I hurriedly take the chance and jump him. Even with my hands behind my back I was able to tackle him to the ground. He doesn't make a sound, but I see his eyes widen in surprise. I straddle him forcefully, looking down on him with a deadly expression. His face is amused. "I can be quite forceful too, if I want to."
"I had no doubt in that." We lock gazes for a second, and I realize I didn't know what to do next. I had used up all my moves, all my witty comebacks. I knew I had only fueled the fire in L's chest, giving him even more reason to believe I was Kira. I look around suddenly, wondering if there were cameras in this room. It was very likely, and I smirked under my breath. My father would certainly believe me now. "I know what you are thinking, Yagami," L deadpanned. "And no, there are no cameras in this room." I scoffed.
"Yeah right. Why would you go the trouble of kidnapping me but not make sure everything was recorded? Even if my father doesn't believe me that you would do such a thing, he wouldn't believe you either if you tried to tell him what I said. Don't insult me, L."
"I swear. Have a look around, if you want. There are no cameras." Keeping one eye on L, I scan the drab room once more. It's pretty much impossible to see a microscopic camera that L used, so I returned my gaze back to him. "Feel free to say anything you want. No one but me will hear you." My heart beat wildly in my ribcage, instincts battling against logic. If what he said was true, and there were no cameras, I could just about do whatever I wanted. I did not understand L's motives, but then again, I never did.
I leaned foward and captured L's lips in a passionate kiss, closing my eyes as he did the same. He goes limp, letting me take over without any resistance. His hands lay motionless at his sides, not even trying to push me off. What was L getting at?
As I pull away, I notice something; L is extrememly attractive. His eyes are wide but still pretty, glistening in the dim light of the room. His hair looks out of place, falling over his forehead, giving him a lewd appearence. I have never noticed this before. I had always been too busy hating him and yearning for revenge to actually look at him.
I notice something else. He's completely innocent; even though he tries to pretend he knows exactly what he's doing, I can see the pure shock in his eyes, the fearful antcipation of my next move. I can't believe he would go to so much trouble just to get me to admit I am Kira. There must be another way, an easier way to collect evidence. What does this mean? Why is L doing this!?
I wait for him to say something, but he remains quiet. He's beautiful, I think abruptly. He's beautiful, perfect, trying so hard to hide his feelings...what do I do now? I know I've been wanting to kill him from the moment I knew he existed, but suddenly, that deep hatred didn't spark so strongly in me anymore. He is doing his job. He is stopping the criminal.
But I am not a criminal. I am making this world a better, safer place to live in. Without me, there'd just be more murders in the future. Japan is filled with kind, geniune do-gooders who wouldn't hurt a fly. How could that be evil?
But L...L was not a criminal. L did not deserve to die.
While I was thinking, L hadn't moved. He just stared up at me with huge eyes, like a helpless kitten waiting to be picked up and petted.
My gaze flicks to his pocket. I see the knife glittering there, but I don't dare reach for it. It can't be that easy.
But if, I wonder, I actually grabbed the knife, would I be able to kill him, after all this time?
I lean in to kiss him one more time, tasting him, letting his escence pour deep down my throat. He's different, he's different than all the fangirls, the obsessive clubs...he had revealed his face to the police force because he was that determined to solve this case. He doesn't hate me. He doesn't wish to kill me. He wishes for me to understand.
We collapse onto the ground, me pressing into L from above. His body feels so wonderful against me, thin and taut. My hands are still bound tightly behind my back, and somehow I know that if I asked, L would unlock the handcuffs. I don't know how I know, I just feel a strange instinct in my belly, telling me L would do anything I wanted. This feeling is ridiculous, but I believe it.
I nuzzle carefully around his neck, breathing in the sweet scent of the pale skin. His skin is almost white, gleaming moonlit under my mouth. I delicately suck, waiting for a reaction, but he gives me none. His back straightens, and he squeezes his eyes shut.
As I bite gently, I feel something else coming from him; something sharp and unwelcome, but voluntary:
Fear.
Instead of satisfying me, this makes me frown in disappointment at him. Fear? Since when was that ever an emotion L allowed himself to feel?
I let my tongue slide up from his neck to his jawline, where I left gentle kisses. I have never felt such adoration, such an intense desire to protect. I can not kill him.
I shuffle down a bit, so my face is right above his crotch. I search for a sign of arousal, but see nothing. I can feel my own groin pulsing against my pants.
I bent forward and grasped the zipper of his jeans in my teeth. I slowly pull it down, opening his pants and revealing tight, black boxers. His face is powdered with a pink blush as I took the hem of his boxers in my teeth and pulled them down as well.
He is slightly hard, but not as much as I am. His cock is thick and long, twitching every time I moved. Soft, dark pubic hair adorned his stomach.
There are no cameras. I believe this now. That feeling in my stomach is telling me so. L was telling the truth. He had not equipped the room with cameras, not any device that could record my voice or my actions. I still can not understand this, why he was putting himself at risk like this. L is usually the calm, certain type, one who doesn't leave home without a plan. As he had said earlier, without a plan, something could completely backfire. But that's exactly what he is doing now. Or...is this all a part of his plan, too? What sort of stupid, crazy plan was he following!? This is insane! I can kill him at any moment in the vulnerable position he's in, so easily rid my perfect world of this nuisance.
Did he somehow know that I would not kill him? Impossible, that would mean reading my mind. I was not showing any sign of mercy, so there was so way he could predict this...
Then it hits me.
He doesn't know. He doesn't know my thoughts, he doesn't know my next move. He's going on...faith? Faith that his plan will follow through? Faith that all his suspicions were true? That is not the L I know!!
I stare at him, unable to move. His legs are spread lewdly before me, but I do not budge. He's laying underneath me, completely helpless, open to any attack...he's letting himself be killed! I would so easily hide the body, claiming innocence until they found him. I could wipe the fingerprints off the knife, run home, get the handcuffs off, and rest in my bedroom as if nothing had ever happened. The police force wouldn't know it was me, because they hadn't even known of L's secret meeting with me right now.
But...
I eye the knife in his pocket, then flick them back to L's face. My gaze switches from the two madly, and for once, I don't know what I'm about to do.
I give him one last look, a look that I wish I could understand. Maybe I was telling him 'I'm sorry,' or maybe I was telling him 'you're lucky you get to live.' I'm not sure. Not sure at all.
I leap to my feet, and he sits up curiously, but I don't give him a chance to stand up. I kick the knife out of his pocket, and it shrieks across the ground. I bend to my knees and pick it up by the hilt in my teeth, like a dog playing fetch with a stick. I wait for L to stop me, to punch me, take the knife, anything...but he just sits there.
"Go ahead," he says softly, his voice low and shaky. "Kill me, right now. Kira." As he says that, that name, I know.
The knife feels new and sharpened on my tongue, slicing it neatly. Blood pours from my lips and drips down my chin. But it will not be used tonight.
I spit it across the floor and swung my foot out, catching L right in the forehead. The blow is harder than the other ones I had dealt him. With one sad, but thoughtful look, he slumps to the ground.
Unconscious.
He looks so serene like that, so small and childish. He can't see me, but I feel the tears come to my eyes.
I can't kill him.
I stare at the glaring blade, lying on the ground, seeing my reflection.
I can't kill him.
I dart out of the door of the room.