Feelings are hard. Feelings are obscenely hard and Azula for one is not used to anything in her life being difficult. As a prodigy at most things, she never has to try to exceed expectations. And as a princess, things are handed to her without little work.
But understanding these new and unsettling emotions is the most difficult thing Azula has ever approached. She finds herself thinking constantly about someone who she knows will not return the affections, and she is certainly not going to ask. Azula will never let herself be that vulnerable, particularly publicly.
Currently, she is in her bedroom, lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to divert her thoughts to something more productive. But she continuously goes back to what she is analyzing. There is nothing to gain from this analysis. Nothing useful that can help her. But it is all her mind wants to focus on and if her mind were another person she would execute them with lightning through the eye.
Particularly when the thoughts get significantly more sexual.
It is a preoccupation Azula does not know how to deal with, nor who to ask about it. She drifts off, slipping away to fantasies that she, by all means, should not have.
Ember Island only made it harder. Azula is officially certain that none of these feelings are reciprocated, and that she is forever doomed. Maybe it is an exaggeration. Evidently a teenage. . . crush. . . is not worth this much concern. She has an invasion to thwart, a world to burn and a throne to claim but right now, she lies awake, half in a fantasy about lying in the grass and lips on her navel. . .
Azula throws herself out of bed as she feels more heated than she does while firebending, pushes open her door and walks several feet down the hall before pounding on the door closest to hers.
"Open your door before I burn it off," Azula snarls, well aware he can hear her. There is no way he could not hear her.
Finally, there is movement behind the wood and Zuko pulls open the door, rubbing his unscarred eye.
"Is there a problem?" he asks, suddenly looking concerned. Azula wants to slap the look off of his face, but instead she shoves herself into his room, stepping over his toes as he stumbles backwards in confusion, and she shuts the door behind her.
"Yes, there is a problem. And so help me, if you tell anyone I will murder you in your sleep," Azula says sharply and Zuko forgets to breathe for a moment. He is entirely baffled.
Cold, slippery, icy. . . words to describe Azula. Current Azula is the opposite of those things. She starts pacing, her fingers twitching and Zuko squints at her in the shadows. He contemplates lighting a lamp, but he is not sure he wants to see her in this state.
"What is your problem?" Zuko asks eventually, the words slow. He really is not sure what to make of this.
"I think I have romantic feelings for someone," Azula says sharply, not wanting to disclose information before she gauges his response.
Zuko starts laughing and Azula's eyes flash in the darkness. "I'm sorry," he says, taking a deep breath to silence his laughs. "Have you never had a crush on someone before?"
"No. Do I look like the kind of person hindered by something so pathetic?" Azula inquires, crossing her arms and looking at Zuko as if he has suggested something insane and insulting.
"You're fourteen. What is wrong with you?" Zuko does not know what to make of it. "No one? Not even once?"
"But that is only part of my problem and you are going to listen to all of it before making judgments," Azula says sharply and he nods. "She doesn't feel the same way. What do I do? I don't understand why this would happen to me. What did I ever do to deserve this?"
Zuko refrains from making a list of things Azula has done to deserve this, and instead opts to try his best to help. "Have you told her?"
"No, of course I haven't told her. I may have never had romantic feelings for someone before but I know that you never tell a girl you like her because it makes you look like an idiot," Azula snarls and Zuko tries to hold his tongue.
He decides to give the most generic advice he has, "Be honest, tell her how you feel and see what happens."
"And see what happens? I don't even. . ." Azula rolls her eyes. See what happens. Azula is five steps ahead at all times. She does nothing to see what happens. "Be honest?"
"Azula, just tell her how you feel. Maybe she does like you back. If you never asked, you never really know," Zuko says and she glares at him. "You've really never had a crush on someone before?"
"Stop asking that," Azula snaps before sitting down on his bed.
He realizes that she is not leaving. That somehow she is not done yet.
"Okay, why do you think she doesn't like you? Why are you not asking Mai or Ty Lee this? I am not exactly the romance guru. And they're girls."
"I can do what I want!" Azula snaps and Zuko has a harsh and sudden realization.
"Which of them is it?" Zuko asks and her glare intensifies. "I need to know. Which one?"
Azula purses her lips and Zuko leans forward. It is now a necessity for him to know if she is in love with his girlfriend. That would be incredibly awkward, to say the least.
"If I tell you, will you help me get her to fall madly in love with me?" Azula asks and Zuko looks hesitant.
"I don't know if you can force someone to love you," Zuko says and Azula's eyes flash again. "Uh, okay, yes, I'll help you make her fall in love with you." As long as it's not my girlfriend, Zuko adds mentally.
Azula looks as if she is not going to confess. But she takes a deep breath and overpowers the part of her that wants to remain silent.
[x]
Just tell her how you feel.
Well, perhaps that's easy for Zuko who stomps around blindly acting on faith and passion. It is not for Azula. But she supposes his advice might be sound. He successfully got a woman far above him in all categories to sleep with him, love him and. . . whatever else it is he and Mai do that Azula does not like to think about too often.
Just tell her how you feel.
Azula has been reading a book. A textbook, because it helps her focus on dry passages and then she will stop thinking such wet thoughts. A bunch of useless quotations about war and sacrifice.
Princess Azula is well aware of the correlation between war and sacrifice. She has sacrificed any semblance of being a normal person to be a weapon of war. Zuko's bewildered expression when she told him she had never harbored romantic feelings before is testament to that.
Just tell her how you feel.
Azula decides that she will have plenty of time for that when the world is hers.
Even if the waiting is proving agonizing.
[x]
Just tell her how you feel.
Before the Invasion. Azula is pacing and plotting and planning and her notes she has been jotting down have stopped making sense and are now doodles of swirly lines. She probably needs to sleep. You need a clear head to win a war. . . again. Not that she slept very soundly in Ba Sing Se for. . . the same exact reason.
Because that circus freak was sleeping beside her.
Dear Agni, Azula is turning into some kind of ordinary teenager. This is only getting more distressing.
Just tell her how you feel.
Azula feels like this distraction is completely ruining her life. She already has enough stress to snap anyone, coupled with incessant nightmares and literally the weight of the world on her shoulders.
And her body is thinking about mating or something. No, no, no. . . not happening.
"Are you busy?" asks a voice that has absolutely no business interrupting her doodling and pacing and attempts to quell dirty thoughts. Ty Lee, inviting herself into Azula's room. Inviting herself in because she has no idea. . .
"No, of course not, it's only the night before I thwart an invasion of my country," Azula replies and is pleased with her scathing sarcasm. At least she is not turning into a gushy mess in love.
"Oomf," Ty Lee murmurs and Azula is unsure what it means.
Is she . . . analyzing an animal sound? This is getting much worse.
Ty Lee sits down on Azula's bed and looks worried.
"What do you need?" Azula asks as coldly as she can manage.
"I have something to tell you before all of this happens," Ty Lee says and Azula crosses her arms. "I'm really sorry for . . . I don't know . . ."
"What?" Azula is curious in the worst kind of way. Apologies are not what she ever likes to hear unless she has demanded one.
"I'm sorry I've been acting so weird or something. You've started like avoiding me and I know it's probably me because it's definitely not you and I just realized I probably ruined our friendship somehow probably and I'm really sorry and also it's because I like you a lot and have a crush on you and that's why I ruined our friendship forever and now you're probably going to banish me and I'm going to starve to death and─"
Azula holds up a hand, unsure what to say to that. Ty Lee has tears in her eyes and Azula has barely comprehended that stammering mess.
Just tell her how you feel.
Ty Lee might have beat Azula to it.
"To be honest," Azula says, which is never how she has started a sentence before, "I've been avoiding you because . . . I like you."
"Really?" Ty Lee's eyes light up in a startling and gleeful way.
Azula's heart is beating far too fast. Honesty is a joke. Truth is the first casualty of war for good reason. She has much larger things to worry about than confessing her feelings.
"Yes," is all Azula can summon before she is drawn into a kiss.
That . . . may be worth the honesty.
Is Zuko right?
Azula manages to ignore that thought, as hands are rolling up her shirt.