The forest was colder than it usually was at night. Oddly, the temperature was a solid fifty degrees fahrenheit. It was rather unusual considering the streak of heat and sweat his small town had been enduring over the past week. Even more so considering that when he left his house to meet Alfred, it had been sixty one degrees.
Maybe he had just misread it, but either way, it didn't really matter.
Arthur stepped off his bike and let it fall against a tree. The weak metal frame probably couldn't take much more abuse, but he didn't care. It was an old bike, after all, and he'd been meaning to get a car for quite a while. At times he'd find himself resenting his overly loving parents. While he was learning to drive in his sophomore year, he'd maybe gotten an accumulative total of five minutes behind the wheel before one of them would warn him that he could possibly die at any moment if he wasn't careful. Needless to say, it never did wonders for his confidence.
Alfred's truck was parked a few yards away, red and rusting. He had probably just arrived himself. Just as he was about to move past it, a rumbling caught his attention. Arthur huffed. It was so very much like Alfred to leave his truck on before walking out into the woods. This wasn't the first time this had happened, either. Opening the door, (Unlocked. Was he trying to be robbed?) he pocketed the keys and moved towards the mass of trees.
Stepping along the trail, Arthur shoved his hands into his pockets. He hadn't brought a jacket, which in hindsight was an idiotic decision. Though it was too late to fix now, and Alfred was still waiting for him near the edge of the trail, so he pressed onwards.
Alfred was sitting just where he always was, propped up against their tree and sitting on a blanket. Arthur stepped on a particularly loud branch, the snap of the wood catching the other's attention.
"Oh, hey. You made it!" His boyfriend grinned, moving over to make a space for him.
"Of course I did. I said was coming, didn't I?" Arthur asked, sitting next to him. Pulling the keys out of his pocket, he tossed them onto Alfred's lap. "You really need to stop doing this. I swear, one day, we're going to walk back and your truck will be gone. We'll have no way home."
Alfred laughed. "We have your bike, don't we?"
"If you're in the mood to die, yes, we have my bike." Arthur snorted.
Leaning back, he closed his eyes as Alfred chuckled again. They did this often. It wasn't an unusual date idea to come here and stargaze. It was rather cloudy, though, so that idea was out the window. The lake still looked nice, however, and the moon managed to peak its way through the clouds and reflect off it.
"Anyway, I asked you here because we need to talk." Alfred said slowly and hesitantly.
Arthur opened one eye and glanced over at him. "Well, I'm listening. Go ahead."
Alfred took a deep breath before continuing. "I love you, you know that right?"
Sitting up, Arthur narrowed his eyes. "Yes. Just as I love you. What's this about, Alfred?" He asked.
"We've been dating since freshman year, but we've been friends since elementary school. You have no idea how happy I was when you said yes to being my friend back when you moved here. I thought I could get through to you. Y'know, get you to open up," He smiled slightly. "I guess I did that. Our initials are still here from when we carved them back in fifth grade."
They were. In fact, they were sitting right in the corner of his vision. A crude AJ + AK surrounded by a heart. They had only added the heart last year, though.
"And when I realised I had a giant crush on you, I wasn't sure what to do. I mean, I was only fourteen, and I didn't know if you liked me, but I guess it all worked out. I mean, here we are," Alfred grinned. It seemed more forced than it usually was, but perhaps it was just his imagination. "Sitting in front of a tree, four years later and dating. Plus, we just graduated a week ago. So that's cool."
Arthur turned to face him, where as he had only been glancing from time to time out of the corner of his eye before. "Where is this going, Alfred?"
The other hesitated and began speaking again.
"You're the most important person ever to me, Art, but I just..." Alfred ran his fingers through his hair and pushed up his glasses before continuing. "I-"
"You're breaking up with me." Arthur interrupted him flatly.
He hoped that Alfred would immediately jump to deny it and chase away his fears, proclaim that he would never even think of doing such a thing.
Instead, Alfred's voice gave way and he nodded mutely.
A laughter bubbled up inside him. He wasn't exactly sure why, since his chest felt raw and his heart may have just jumped out of his stomach.
"Okay," Arthur muttered, gripping the blanket so hard his knuckles turned white. He laughed bitterly. "Okay. Fine. I don't care. It's very nice that you chose to wait until a week before your birthday to break up with me, however. Very classy."
Alfred remained silent for several moments. He was about to leave and bike home when the other finally piped up.
"I know you're angry, and you have every right to be upset, okay? You can leave now if you really want to."
At his words, Arthur's throat went dry. Mentally, he cursed and swore at himself as he remained glued to his spot. It disgusted him to know how weak his willpower was to not simply storm off. Eyes closed, he shut his mouth. The other man was still Alfred. He was still the man he had fallen in love with. That was more than anyone else in the world could say.
"I didn't know it'd be like this when we started out, okay?" Alfred asked, breaking the silence. "I thought we'd just... not work out and break up in like a week." He muttered.
"So you asked me out intending to have it end up like this?" Arthur closed his eyes. His voice was already coming out thick and heavy, a lump having formed in his throat.
Alfred shook his head. "I don't mean it like that, I mean like..." He huffed. "I thought that there was no way in hell you'd put up with me. I thought we'd still be friends."
"But here we are. Clearly, your plans went awry."
"Yeah."
These moments of uncomfortable blankness and quiet almost never occurred between them. Silence was something that they both cherished, though in different ways. Whenever they had been quiet in the past, it was comfortable and warm. Nothing like this, Arthur noted. Clearing his throat, he spoke up.
"Then why are you doing this?"
Alfred didn't even look at him, glancing away as if his gaze would burn him. "You're going to school at Cambridge. I'm going to Yale."
He scoffed. "I don't see how that matters much. With all of the new technological innovations these days, distance is hardly a problem. We video chatted when you went to nationals."
Shaking his head, Alfred sighed. "Yeah, but that's not..." He took another breath. "That's not it. That's not the point. We're going to college, Art. This is a whole new start for both of us. We're going to find new people, and hell!" He laughed. Forced again, Arthur noted. "You'll find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Someone better than me."
Arthur shook his head. "I'm both amazed and flattered at your faith in me to find someone better for me than you."
"You can get anyone. You're amazing. Just..." Alfred paused, burying his face into his knees. "God, I love you."
Tentatively, Arthur brought his hand up to Alfred's back, hovering over it for several seconds in debate. Pursing his lips, he slowly recoiled it and shoved it back into his pocket.
"If we love each other, we can make it work."
His face still hidden, Alfred muttered something.
"Speak up. I can't hear you."
"What if I said I didn't want to make this work, though?" He asked, louder.
All coherent thoughts stopped dead in their tracks. Arthur gritted his teeth.
"I see."
Standing up, he dusted himself off and glared down at the other man. Alfred must have heard the rustling of fabric, because his head snapped up immediately.
"Not because it's you, though! I just want..."
Arthur wobbled a bit. There he went again. This would be much easier if it wasn't Alfred, of all people. He was sure that if it was anyone else he would have walked away by now. But it was him.
"I just want a normal life, y'know?" Alfred muttered, looking away. "I want kids and I want to hold hands with whoever in public, and I want to be able to get married," His voice shook. Arthur found that his anger was getting harder and harder to grip onto as he sat down once more. The other choked, biting his lower lip. "I'm sorry, Art. I really am."
That sentence appeared to be what did Alfred in. Arthur could barely listen as his sobs reverberated between the trees. They weren't beautiful or delicate at all, loud and broken to the point where Arthur could feel himself physically crumbling. He would have spoken, but he found himself unable to get any words out. Alfred had cried twice before, to his knowledge. Or at least in his presence. Once when they were in third grade and he broke his arm jumping off the swing, and once when his dog died. Neither of them were quite like this.
"Hey," Alfred choked out, wiping away his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie. "You think you could turn into a girl for me?" He asked, stuttering and weak.
Arthur shook his head. "I'm afraid not. You'll have to find one on your own." He responded, dabbing his eyes with the corner of his shirt.
Alfred laughed again, breaking into a coughing fit halfway through. Arthur waited patiently and watched him as he tried to regain composure.
"Sorry about that."
Once more, he shook his head. "Don't worry about it."
After a pause, Alfred leaned back just far enough so that their shoulders touched. Arthur should have done something to move away, but found himself allowing the contact. Brief as it may be. He was sure it wasn't intentional.
"Remember how I kissed you here? For our first time, a month after we started dating?" Alfred asked.
How could he forget? Arthur chuckled slightly. They were both so inexperienced and awkward. The kiss itself wasn't anything more than a brush of skin against skin. Alfred had leaned in a bit too forcefully, however, and had left a sore soft on his bottom lip that faded after an hour. Arthur had been mad at the time, but while chastised him, he had been grinning.
"Yes. It was horrible."
The other laughed. "Yeah. It was pretty bad," He admitted. "But remember how our first time was here, too? In the summer between our sophomore and junior years?"
"That was also horrible."
Alfred frowned. "I thought it was awesome."
"Of course it was enjoyable for you, you were on top." Arthur responded without missing a beat.
"At least I got you off, though."
He sighed. "Yes, yes, you did."
He remember it all too well. The day was hot and sweaty, but the night had cooled off to a relaxing enough temperature. Nothing like what the current temperature was. Both of them had spent the entire day sitting around and talking, for no other reason than to be close to each other. It wasn't his ideal idea of a date, but Alfred had been insistent. Before they knew it, it was getting dark and Arthur stepped up to stretch and bike home. Alfred had leaned in for a goodnight kiss and before they knew it, they were both on the blanket again, Alfred above him and pulling out a bottle of lube.
The pain subsided to the point where it felt slightly good, before Alfred came with a grunt. He couldn't exactly complain too much, however, as at least his boyfriend was considerate enough to make sure he wasn't left wanting.
To that day, Alfred still insisted that he hadn't planned that at all. Even though it was painfully obvious to himself and the select close friends he had told.
"Why are you bringing these things up?" Arthur asked. "It doesn't matter now."
He heard the other fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt. Finally, he spoke, softly and delicately.
"Hey, are you mad at me?" Alfred asked.
No, of course not. There's nothing he could ever do to make him hold a grudge against him for a prolonged period of time. He was Alfred. And his reasons were completely understandable. It wasn't his fault.
Arthur thought for a moment, rolling back his shoulders. He already knew the answer.
"... No." He admitted. "I'm upset, yes. And I don't think this is quite as necessary as you make it out to be, but I can't stop you from pursuing your dreams, Alfred. I understand." Arthur continued. Feeling his eyes begin to water once more, he wiped at them with his sleeve. "Shit."
Alfred nodded and leaned in, wrapping his arms around the other and squeezing. Arthur looked up as he was held, surprised enough. "What are you...?"
"Let's be a couple tonight. Just one more night, then we can both start moving on," Alfred suggested. Arthur could feel his heartbeat racing even through the light fabric of the hoodie. His hands were unsteady and shaking, but held themselves firmly on Arthur's shoulders. "Please?"
Alfred tilted his chin up to look at him. Their eyes stained red, Arthur averted his gaze and closed his eyes, nodding.
"I'll tell my mom that I'm not coming home tonight," Arthur murmured, pulling out his phone.
The sex, while physically satisfying in every way, was no where near the emotional fulfillment and bridge to his new life that Alfred had been hoping it would be for the both of them.
Instead, he found that Alfred would start tearing up as they rested between sessions. Arthur didn't say anything about it. He just ran his thumb along the contours of his hand and let that lull Alfred into calmness. And although he wouldn't admit it, not for anyone, Arthur found that at times he would begin to have his eyes go watery and feel his hands shake. If Alfred noticed, he certainly didn't show it.
The next morning, they rode in complete silence with Arthur's bike in the back of Alfred's truck back to his house.
"I'll..." Alfred cleared his throat, leaning on the wheel. "I'll text you."
Arthur lifted his bike out of the trunk. Looking down, he felt his heart clench once more. "Alright. Take care."
"Yeah. You too."
Alfred pulled away, and Arthur found himself unable to do anything but endlessly pace his bedroom for ten minutes before he collapsed on his bed and broke.
Hello there. I'm here with the first chapter of a story I've been procrastinating on. I've been trying to fix this whole writing block recently, since I have a bunch of ideas, but they just don't flow onto the keyboard properly. Still, I managed to get some done, obviously. I know I haven't updated IJI in... a good year. I understand. I'll work on that.
Anyway, the title for this comes from the song "Two Breaths Walking", which is an absolutely gorgeous song created by DECO*27. The animation is beautiful, the music is great, and the story behind it is adorable and vaguely upsetting at the same time.
Updates for this will come as frequently as I can pump them out. Which will hopefully be soon. I'm almost done with this year of school, my last day is on June 5th, so I'm going to try and update this in a little less than a week. Thanks for keeping posted and tolerating my updating pace along with quality. I'd love to know what you all have to think.
-chibitalex