Once more I watch you wake, and stare up through me to the ceiling. You never left. You had the choice, but you didn't. And for that I'm grateful…because now I can watch you.
I'm always here behind you, in the mirror, in the window, in the back of your mind. And sometimes I think you catch a glimpse, but, you never really seem to see me. Because when you turn, you stare right through me, like you can't find anyone there. I know you remember me, because you still whisper my name in your sleep as you clutch the sheets. I know you feel guilty. And for that, I am grateful. But I wonder if you hear me calling to you in your dreams?
Because now I know you cared. Truly, you cared. Even when I took away that was most precious, you still cared. Even when I broke her arm and left her a bloody mess on the floor. You really are the kindest soul I've ever met, to care for a monster like me. A monster that's always been behind you, ever since the day I saw you.
You were younger then, barely taller than my knees. Even then your gentle nature didn't go unnoticed, and those other children teased and kicked bloody you for it. But after the beating, green eyes bruised black and blue and lip bleeding, from the hands you clutched to your chest escaped a butterfly. It's fragile wings undamaged…because you cared. I carried you home when it grew dark and you had yet to wake. You were so small, so light, and I carried you and protected you like you had the butterfly. You didn't stir as I laid you down to bed, and for that I am grateful.
Because I remember that day I locked you in your room, and you grew fearful, holding a pipe in your trembling hands as I forced you to fight for your life against atrocities unimaginable. Forced you to relive the last moments of the sacrifices before you. I don't think I could have beared for you to recognise my face as I shot at you, slashed at you with knives and killed the people around you. You were confused, and for that I am grateful.
Because that night that you found me, is seared in to my memories. How much it hurt as you drove each of the eight spears of Mother in to me. As each bullet, strike and cut tore through me…and then…as I lay crumpled on the ground, barely able to life my head I watched you cry as you brought the axe down on me and watched me die.
And for that I am grateful. Now, I can watch you every day in the lonely room my mother and my own body once resided in. She may be gone now, perhaps to someone she loved better, but we'll always have this. Our room. Because I'm still here with you, I'll be here even if you don't need me. Because now I can watch your every happy smile, each laugh and stolen kiss, each moment of happiness that had I lived I would have denied you. And I'll be here to watch you draw your last breath, the last smile, the last laugh and sweet kiss upon your lips as you slip away. For that I am eternally grateful.
And I'll be here waiting for you. Always waiting for my chance to love you better.
I'll wait forever if I have to, my Reciever.