Author's Note: Just don't ask. This idea came out of nowhere and has been chewing on my brain for the past--week--and refused to leave me alone until I typed it up and posted it. Well, here it is and now the bunny better shut up and leave me alone. First shot at pure Harry Potter crack featuring the Marauders. Uh--pardon the OOCness at some parts. How things turn out is up to you to determine or imagine. Bwahaha.
Warning: OOCness, PMSing!Moony, no pairings. (insert gasps here)
Harry Potter © J. K. Rowling
Little Miss Moony
by Mint Pizza Queen
Something was dreadfully wrong.
He hadn't even opened his eyes that morning and knew, just knew, that something was really wrong.
For one thing, he heard snickers from outside his bed. That could only mean that the other three were up and had done something to him, his clothing, or his chocolate.
The second thing that was wrong was the fact that lying on his stomach left him feeling--uncomfortable in his chest region.
And he felt slightly bare down there.
He pulled his arms close and propped himself off the mattress. Opening his eyes, he gasped when he saw long strands of hair fall in front of him.
But that wasn't all that was got him gasping.
For someone who was typically flat, he was well endowed for a male.
Jumping back, his eyes widened when they bounced.
"What the hell!?"
"Moony, what's going on in there?"
Remus made a horrified expression and grabbed the sheets from his bed and wrapped them around himself--despite wearing his day clothes already. "D-don't come in here!" He clamped a hand over his mouth when it came out slightly more--feminine--than usual.
"Why, what's wrong?" There was a snicker and he had a sinking feeling that he knew exactly what had transpired during the night when he passed out in the common room.
"I-I think I may have the chicken pox, or something." Remus fumbled with words, glancing down at himself.
"Chicken pox? I must see!"
"No!"
It was too late, Sirius threw open the curtain and three pairs of eyes bulged out of their sockets.
"Moony?"
Remus blushed.
James and Sirius broke down into a fit of unsuppressed laughter and Peter stood awkwardly with a cracked grin on his face.
"HOHOHO--MOONY--YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL!"
"THAT MUST BE SOME CASE OF CHICKEN POX--THE TWO LARGEST THAT I'VE EVER SEEN!"
"CHICKEN POX! CAN'T--BREATH!"
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WORKED!"
"So it was you!" Remus jumped off the bed, pointing a threatening finger at Sirius. Only when he realized that Sirius's attention was focused elsewhere, he wrapped one arm around himself with the robe fitting more snugly.
Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Dear Moonykins, it was only a little joke." He paused then sneered gleefully at James. "Mostly Jamie's idea."
"If I recall properly," James began to strut towards the Black and threw an arm over his shoulder. "It was you who said 'Doesn't Moony look so vulnerable when he's asleep? He looks like a girl--just without the tits and the long hair'."
"Yes, yes that part is correct--" Sirius cowered slightly under the glare Remus was throwing him.
"It was also you who got all giddy with excitement and said 'let's make Moony a girl for a day!'," James finished smirking at the Black who was attempting to hide behind him from the werewolf who was looking far more intimidating than usual.
"Sirius--" Came out the sickeningly sweet voice that did not match said werewolf at all. "--what, in your tiny little brain, suggested that it would be a GOOD IDEA!?"
"See, well, my conscience was working, but I kinda ignored it."
"...kinda?"
"Yeah. Just kinda."
Remus nodded and let out a snort. Sirius peered around James and let out a strangled cough that was supposed to clear his throat. "Uh--hey--"
"What?"
"Are those things for real?"
"THAT DOES IT!" Remus stomped his foot, shaking his chest once again and James whistled appreciatively. Remus blushed and wrapped his arms around himself. "You guys are so evil! I can't believe you would do that to me!"
"Yeah, well, all is fair in pranks and--stuff."
An eyebrow twitched. "Really now."
The three boys grinned.
Remus narrowed his eyes and sneered. "All right then. All's fair? Let's see how fair it is when you get a week's worth of detention. Maybe even suspension."
Peter looked offended. "Oh you wouldn't tell on us, would you?"
The transformed boy grinned. "Nope! I have a better idea." With that, he reached up and messed up his hair. Sirius and James exchanged confused expressions but continued to watch as Remus messed up his clothes as well, pulled the robe off his shoulders slightly so it would hang loosely on his figure.
Running fingers through his long locks one last time, he glanced at the confused faces and smiled. "Watch and learn how I can get revenge." He relaxed himself, letting out a breath--then slowly inhaled, bringing his arms around as if preparing to do some warm ups.
Then he suddenly screeched.
For being a girl for the first time, Remus knew how to get the full potential out of his lungs. He screamed in the most high-pitched of tones he could possibly muster, causing all three boys to jump back wide-eyed in shock.
"What are you--"
"What in Merlin's name is going on here!?"
Three heads swiveled around to see that McGonagall had literally thrown the door off its hinge and Filch and Slughorn stood behind her.
Remus ran over to McGonagall, teary eyed. "I-I woke up in h-here! I'm s-so scared! They were all rushing at me--like they were going to have their way with me! I don't remember what they did to me last night, but I was so scared!" He buried his face in her stomach and McGonagall ran a hand over his hair soothingly.
"It's all right dear. Here, go with Slughorn--he'll take you to Dumbledore." Remus allowed himself to be ushered towards the potions master. When Filch, Slughorn, and McGonagall weren't looking, he smirked at the three and stuck out his tongue.
James's eyebrow twitched. "Oh man, he's good."
"YOU THREE OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES! MOLESTING A GIRL! ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY POINTS FROM EACH OF YOU! AND YOU THREE WILL ALL BE IN MY OFFICE SERVING IN CLASS SUSPENSION FOR A WEEK, DO YOU HEAR ME!?"
Sirius twitched back. "Too good."
-End-