I have no excuse. Maybe the eggnog.
Thanks to Cokie316 for being my beta again.
SCIURUS CAROLINENSIS
Part I
Nuts!
With ease he slammed the trunk lid of his new silver truck shut, shouldered the ax and walked into the woods.
On his last trekking tour he had already chosen the perfect tree. He had paid for it some days ago and today he had some time to get it. It was not far away and that would pay off. After he had reached his destination he put the blade to the ground, leaned on the handle, rolled his shoulders, made sure to have a solid stand, lifted the ax and started to fell the tree.
HACK.
HACK.
HACK.
ringringring
Sighing he wedged his phone between shoulder and ear.
Hack.
"McGarrett".
Hack.
"Oh, Kono... Where I am? Outside, in the coniferous forest, at the North Shore.."
Hack.
"Cutting a Christmas tree for Danny..."
Hack.
"Haven't you seen his crooked thing? … No, wait, don't answer that..."
He shook his head and sighed again.
Hack.
"You want to go surfing on Christmas Day? All of you? Even Danny?"
Hack.
"Oh, because of Grace... Yeah, maybe I'll join you... we'll see. So, Kono, I have to – I am here – ya know – it's coming, uhm down... I mean, well... Aloha."
HACK. HACK. HACK.
Timber!
Steve was standing above this showpiece of a fir tree and hammered the ax into the trunk to pull it to his car. Twilight had set in and he had to hurry.
Bzzzzzt...
Confused he looked around.
Bzzzzzt...
In front of him he could see a tiny, sparkling 'thing' buzzing around. Bzzzzt...
"What the - ? Who are you? Oh, you're one of those annoying stalking fireflies aren't you? I've heard about you. Stand out of my moonshine, get lost before I kick your shiny ass." Angry he starred at that little thing.
Flapping its wings violently it chirped softly: "No no, I am not that kind. I don't want to upset you." Its voice was getting even lower. "I am just a burning fan. Tiny, but burning."
Steve groaned. Since his boss, the Governor, praised him all over the moon it seemed the Hawaiian newspapers and TV Stations had no other topic than the Lt. Commander of the 5-0 Task Force. The result was that people, especially woman, constantly wanted pictures with him, couldn't take long that they would occur on his doorstep with homemade cookies. He needed to cut his hair or grow a beard or something like that. "Ok, what's your name?"
"Tinkerbelle."
"Tinkerbelle hm? More like Fibyoutell, don't you think? I'm calling you Fibby." He winked at her.
Tinkerfibbybelle was now glowing a little bit more pinkish.
"Ok, Fibby, I have to go home now..."
"No no no. You have to save little squi... squi..." The flapping of her wings got even more fierce.
And the outcome was that moments later Steve found himself standing under a tree. A really high tree. Extremely high. Higher than any other tree in the woods. And even the other trees were very high, oh dear...
Under this tree a fire was burning, caused by some idiots who had to light a sparkler. And on top of that tree there was a small, young squirrel, screaming desperately.
Now – it was Christmas, he was a SEAL and had sworn to save lives, to leave nobody behind (this oath didn't explicitly exclude Squirrels if he remembered correctly) and Squirrels were devastatingly cute; plain and simple. He loved cute things, but would have beaten up everyone with the newest issue of 'Woman's Day' who told such a story about him.
But he doesn't know me and he doesn't know either that I've told you his secret. And, by the way, he can gladly hit me with a magazine. After hurt there's comfort.
I digress. Back to our drama.
There was a fire and said fire had to be extinguished. Steve had no bucket of water or something like that but luck would have it that he drank a lot of coffee in the morning. And during the day huge amounts of green tea.
It was still smoking tremendously when Steve got ready to climb the big tree branch after branch and lithe as a cat, until he reached the trembling, scared little rodent. He opened the front zip of his hoodie and gently placed the small bundle of fur between cotton and chest hair. Climbing down again was child's play. Dragging Danny's Christmas tree with the ax-handle while caressing the baby squirrel in a calming way he headed back to his truck.
Extreme multitasking. Easy peasy.
On his way home he stopped at the supermarket. Luckily at this time of the year they had tons of all kinds of nuts. He needed some, otherwise he was sure the squirrel would drive him exactly that – nuts. Pea-, wal- , para- and hazelnuts found their way into his cart. Suspiciously the till girl eyed the bulge under his hoodie but a wide smile and "Mele Kalikimaka" let her cheeks turn pink and forget about any suspicion.
Fifteen minutes later Steve was back home together with Elliot. Yep, Elliot. When Steve was a little boy he loved the movie with Elliot, the fire spitting Dragon. In his camouflage pajamas he would cuddle up on the couch and rooting for Elliot and his adventures. And he – little Stevie – had to grin every time he saw Elliot. And now he – big Steve – had to grin every time he looked at this cute baby squirrel. Of course he did grin just unofficially. Officially he was a SEAL. And SEALs don't grin. Never.
Another similarity was fire. Both Elliots had to do with fire. And just like the Elliot in the movie Steve hoped, that his Elliot would not be seen and discovered by his friends or anyone else.
That would work only to a less than optimal degree.
The next day, early in the morning Steve stood in his kitchen. He was dressed in his hoodie again, but this time he was wearing the jacket back to front. This way he could put Elliot in the hood, and the little squirrel liked it, it felt perfectly comfortable and very much 'at home' near to Steve's broad chest. His bushy tail wrapped around his tiny body it looked up at Steve who fed him with peanuts.
"So, that's enough, little boy (Steve had taken a look), too much nuts are not good for you. Sleep now." Elliot rolled into a tiny ball, grunted low and closed his eyes.
Steve grinned.
Bzzzt...
"You've got to massage his belly so that he can see a man about a dog..." Tinkerbelle was flapping agitated at the ceiling.
"Fibby? It's you again? Well, flap around as much as you want to, but when it comes to squirrel care, you've got no idea. Who is old enough to eat nuts, can fart all on its own. I googled it. And now be quiet. Elliot is sleeping."
Bang bang BANG!
With long steps Steve hurried to his front door...
"Hey, Steven. Open up. I want my tree!"
...and slammed it open.
"STFU, Danny. Come in – oh, hi Gracie. But be quiet. Elliot is sleeping."
"Elliot? Who the heck is Ellio – mmmmm?" Steve pressed his hand on Danny's ever babbling mouth.
"Be. Quiet."
Grace jumped in front of Steve, got on her tiptoes and spied in Steve hood.
"What's in there, Uncle – ohhhhh... it's so sweeeet!"
Danny took a short look in Steve's hoodie and immediately stepped back. "What's that? Does it have fleas? It has fleas! Grace, don't touch that critter."
Although Grace was around Steve looked at Danny rather ungracious. "Elliot has no fleas, Elliot doesn't even have dandruff. His fur is perfect the way it is. HE does not need any hair products!"
"Where did you dig that creature up? Throw it out, it looks like a rat."
"DANNO! It is so cute!" Grace was furious.
Steve smiled at the young girl. "Isn't it, monkey? And look at the long lashes and the beautiful eyes..."
"Bzzzt... Oh yes..." Luckily only Steve heard these soft-spoken words. Danny discovering Fibby was the last thing he needed..
Turning to Danny he said: "I don't belong to the union of the forest-wrongdoers, Danny. I have to cocker it up. It had been trapped on a burning tree. Surely it is traumatized!"
"Yeah, right, and of course you had to grind the fire, to save this-..." "DANNO!" "... this animal."
"I had to pee on it. That worked faster, greater range, better radius." Steve smirked shamelessly.
Danny slowly turned red. "That's – that's-..."
Grace interrupted him. "That is true, Danno. That has to do with leverage or something like that. A plumber once told me, that with his long scratch brush he could reach further into the pipe. And the chimney sweeper said that too, he would reach way more spots with a long broom. The firefighter said, therefore they had such a long hose. It would be more difficult to use, but so much more effective. And Uncle Steve has peed out the fire", Grace giggled, "like a firefighter with his hose."
Steve turned around promptly and walked, without even looking at Danny, into his kitchen. After a long pause he heard Danny pressing out: "When did those people tell you that? And why do you know plumbers and chimney sweepers?"
"On the job information day at our school. A lot of fathers and mothers talked about their jobs. Remember? You've been sick that day."
Danny breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, then, all the boys wanted to become a firefighter, plumber or chimney sweeper after that, right?"
"Nope. They all wanted to become a SEAL. Uncle Steve was there too."
Danny puffed disparagingly. "Fortunately that's nothing for the girls."
Grace sniggered. "No, all the girls want to marry Uncle Steve one day."
When he heard Grace giggling Steve left his kitchen, Danny was certainly still standing with a red face in Steve's living room, but he seemed to breathe normal again. Nevertheless Steve couldn't take a risk. He had to take care of a baby squirrel and at the same time he had to decorate his house for Christmas. Chin, Lou and Jerry had offered their help and he didn't want them seeing him when he was giving Elliot his milk. He found and bought cat's milk and after feeding his little furry friend he really had to massage the tiny belly. The squirrel's mother would have done the same thing with her tongue. Milk was a different thing than nuts, yes, Steve googled a lot the last hours. He tried this the night before, put the little boy-squirrel in his big hand and kneaded its belly with his thumb. That was very relaxing – not only for Elliot, but Steve did not, absolutely not need any witnesses. 'No witness who sees a tiny squirrel dropping flop into my hood', was standing on top of his list. He had a reputation to defend.
"Uncle Steve is so gentle with Elliot. Look, Danno. He has his own nest in the hood, even with a little terry towel so it is really fluffy."
Steve bent his knees a little bit for giving Grace a better view. Questioningly she gazed at him with her large, brown eyes and Steve nodded to her. She started to stroke Elliot's light brown head with her finger carefully.
"You can come and visit Elliot any time," Steve whispered. "But just you. You can even give him his bottle with milk then, how about that?".
Grace was beaming from ear to ear and she nodded vigorously. Steve got up again and turned to Danny. "Bye, Danny. Your tree is in the garage. Happy Holidays."
As Danny was leaving Steve heard him mumbling: "Where did Steve get a baby bottle, hu? Well, maybe from Joan..."
And Steve made a note to himself. When Grace was visiting again he should not use the condoms cut open at the end to give Elliot something to drink. Buy baby bottles! Check.
tbc