HI GUYS! I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
And I brought a new story with me! Yay! (be glad I did, or else...)
The updates of this story are going to be way tooooooo slow so please, please, PLEASE bear with me.
And please guys, is painfully obvious that this is a Self-Insert fanfic, so please if you don't like DON'T READ!
And special thanks to Ganymed for helping me with the parts in German.
Disclaimer: KHR! is not mine (unfortunately) I just own the plot and my OCs.
Pairing: None as of now, I accept suggestions :3
Warnings: SI/OC, AU, Non-Cannon, mentions of neglect, mentions of animal abuse, mentions of death. More warnings will be added in the future.
Published: 02-08-15
Chapter One
― ＊ ―
Alles Ändert Sich
Normal PoV
When I was seven years old, I lived in an apartment complex with my mother in Ramstein-Miesenbach, a municipality in the district of Kaiserslautern in Rhineland-Palatinate, Germany. And everyone who lived in the complex knew Hässlich[*], the resident tabby cat that had lived there since even before I had been born according to my mother, and he loved only three things in this world: street fights, eating food from the trash cans, and, shall we say, love itself.
The combination of this three things combined with a life spent outsides in the street had their effect of little Hässlich. To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should had been there was only a gaping hole that often scared people away, children specially, including me. He also was missing his ear from the same side of his face and his little mouth had been twisted into a permanent frown that had him showing his teeth as if he had no lips, making him look like he had rabies and would attach any minute. His front left paw was permanently twisted as if it had been broken one time and healed incorrectly making him look like he was turning a corner, and finally, his tail had been lost too leaving the smallest tub that he would constantly jerk and twitch. Not to mention he was extremely skinny one could see his bones even with all his fur covering him.
Hässlich should had been a gray tabby striped type of cat, except for the sores covering his head, neck and even shoulders with thick yellow scabs. Every time someone say him, they all had the same reaction: "That's one UGLY cat!"
We children were warned to stay away from him and not to touch him, the adults would often throw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he would try to come inside the apartments, or shut the door on his paws when he refused to leave―to my shame, even my own mother sometimes did these terrible things, although at the time, I wasn't aware that what she was doing was wrong.
Hässlich, on the other hand, had always the same reaction. He would stand still on his spot and take everything. If someone turned the hose on him, he would stand there and get soaked until they gave up and left. If someone threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body at their feet as if asking for forgiveness until they got bored and left too. Whenever he spied on us children, he would come running frantically trying to bump his head into our hands, begging for our love. And if you ever picked him up, he would immediately start suckling on your shirt, earrings, or whatever he could find. Trying to share the love he had with you.
One day, Hässlich shared his love with one of my neighbors Huskies that lived on the first floor. They did not replied kindly, and Hässlich was mauled. Badly. I could hear his cries from my own apartment that was located in the fifth floor and I immediately ran to his aid, my mother had been on the shower at the moment so there was no one there to stop me from reaching Hässlich and help him. When I arrived to where he was laying, it was very clear that Hässlich's sad and pitiful life was soon going to come to an end. Even I, a little seven year old, knew he didn't have much time left.
Hässlich laid in a puddle of his own blood, his back legs and lower back twisted out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up between my arms and tried to carry him home, I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and his body trembling. I must have been hurting him terribly, I thought.
Then I felt a familiar tugging and sucking sensation in my ear ― Hässlich, in so much pain suffering, and quite obviously, was trying to suckle my ear. I immediately pulled him closer and he bumped the palm of my hand with his little head, then he turned his single golden eyes towards me and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even during his time of greatest pain, that battle-scarred cat was asking only for little affection, perhaps a little compassion.
At that very same moment I thought that Hässlich was the most beautiful cat in the entire world. No matter how he looked, to me he was absolutely beautiful. The most loving living creature I had even seen. Not even once did he tried to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, never mind struggle in any way. Hässlich just looked at me and I could see in his eye that he trusted me completely to relieve his pain. To take it away.
Hässlich died in my arms even before I could reach my apartment, you see, there wasn't any elevators so I had to climb up the stairs all the way from the first to the fifth floor. By the time I was reaching the third, he was no longer breathing. I held him for a long time, cradling him between my arms not caring that my favorite dress was a mess of blood. I had huddled into one of the corners of the stairs and made myself a little ball in the floor crying for the little kitten that, even after everything the people did to him, he still remained strong and had hope that someone would love him in anyway.
And somehow, I was glad I was that person.
When my mother found me a few minutes later she shrieked at me and slapped me before trying to make me drop Hässlich in the floor and abandon him there to rot.
I refused.
My mother blew a gasket and called the police just so that they would take Hässlich away from me, even if he was already dead. Not long after that I could hear sirens and ten minutes after Hässlich's death, a kind police man tried to coax me to hand him over to him.
I refused.
But the policeman only smiled at me and turned around to his partner, muttering something into his ear before the other nodded and left. Meanwhile, the police officer started to talk to me, he told me his name was Ewald and he had a wife, two sons, and a little gray tabby cat named Schneeflocke, he showing me a photo of his family and I looked at the cat in the photo with sorrow. Had things been different, would Hässlich have had a living family like Schneeflocke?
The other policeman returned a few minutes later with a shovel in his hand and gave it to Herr Ewald, who then proceed to take my hand despite all the blood, and dragged me back to the first floor and to the park a few blocks away from home. All the while my mother following us close behind with a frown on her face. Once we reached the park, he choose a spot where there were a lot of flowers with a tree providing a little shade, and then started to dig with his shovel a small hole. The other policeman had disappeared long ago who knows where.
Once Herr Ewald was done digging, he turned in my direction and kneel in front of me. A soft smile in his face.
"What is the name of this little fellow?" He asked looking at the cat in my arms as I petted his little head.
"I don't know," I confessed, but the smile in the officer never wavered, "but everyone in the complex called him Hässlich." He nodded in understanding.
"I see. Well, do you think Hässlich would have liked the place I chose for him as his eternal home?" He asked me, and I immediately started tearing up again.
"Yes...!" I sniffled. "He would have liked that I lot." I said thinking about all the times he tried to play with the kids around. "He liked to play with children a lot, but not everyone liked him." I said feeling somewhat ashamed of the other kids.
"Well then, now he will be able to play with lots of kids, don't you think?" He had asked me and I nodded.
Both of us buried Hässlich and we made him a tombstone.
Hässlich ―
Die Katze mit der inneren Schönheit.
I was happy that someone finally appreciated Hässlich after all this time, I had no doubt he would have been very happy. Unfortunately, I never saw Herr Ewald again. I would have liked him to thanks him.
But why am I telling you this?
Well, a few months after that my mother died in a car accident and I was shipped to Russia where my father lived with his family. His wife and five sons, four of them older than me, and the other younger.
You could see why I didn't fit there.
You see, my father ―Anatoli Yakimov― had an affair with my mother ―Adelheid Nakamura― when she was in her last year of college in Russia, a few months away from graduating. My mother wasn't aware that he was married, or that he had a family, and when she told him she was pregnant with me and he told her the truth, she packed her bags and left for Germany, the hometown of my Oma[**], where she had me and raised me until her death.
When I was sent to live with him I didn't really knew anything about him, mother didn't really liked to talk about the subject, and I was never really interested in learning about someone that, from my point of view, had abandoned us. And when you add to the fact that I didn't know Russian and there other language I knew was Japanese since it was my grandfather's native language and he sometimes taught it to me when he had time, but was sloppy at most since I didn't speak it regularly.
So I had no way of communicating with my half-brothers and the only other person in the whole house I could speak to was my father, and neither of us wanted to talk with the other. Eventually I learned to somehow communicate with others and little by little I started picking up bits of the language. By the time I was nine, I was able to somewhat communicate with other people besides my family.
It was also that year, a little after I turned ten that I was told by a doctor that I was suffering from cancer. Leukemia.
The news weren't terribly hard on me. Somehow, I was already expecting some bad news, but of course, nothing like thing, but still, I wasn't terribly surprised.
Why? Because I had my family. They would stick to me. Together, we would be able to get through this.
Or at least that was what I thought.
As soon as we returned home from the hospital my father started packing my things saying we would visit my grandparents. I was confused, I had never met my father's parents, or any of his family. Why would he want me to meet them now?
As it turned out, we went to Japan where my Oma and Grandpa were living. I was happy. It had been simply too long since the last time I saw either of them, even before my mother's death.
What I didn't count on was him leaving me there and never returning.
I was sad, and hurt. Very hurt. I thought that during those two and a half years I spent living with my fath- no, with Herr Yakimov, he would have learned to love me at least a little. But I was wrong.
My grandpa was the one that encourage me to pull through. My Oma and I never really liked each other, she didn't like me because I was an illegitimate child my mother had out of marriage, something she didn't approve of, and I didn't like her because she didn't like me. It was as simple as that. My grandfather, on other hand, I loved. I was their only grandchild, and I was a woman at that, he was very protective of me and I loved every minute of it. And since I didn't really spent a lot of time with him anyways, it made me love it even more.
When I started losing my hair due to the chemotherapy he immediately started buying me wigs, from all colors since he knew I loved to cosplay. Something I picked after a moved to Japan. I was very shy, and I losing my hair didn't help me. That's why I was so grateful to him when he started buying me all this colored wigs and outfits I would use to cosplay. He enrolled me in a school where students could dress like they wanted so no one bothered me for dressing as I wanted and as in turn, I did my very best at school. Always having the best scores of my grade. By the time I was fourteen I was already on remission and I somehow recovered a little normalcy in my life. Unfortunately, my grandfather died the next year and it was only me and Oma left.
I think that somehow his death made us closer. We learned to do things with the help of the other and rely on the other. Our little family was broken, but tried to hold it together.
I was sixteen when I was told that I had cancer once again. The hospital had already phoned Oma to tell her the news and by the time I arrived home she already had my belonging packed and she only handed them to me before slamming the door in my face, not even a word muttered.
It was difficult finding a place where to live and getting a job. I was only sixteen and I didn't really had friends. Not really. I was too afraid of making bonds with people after my father abandoned me, and having Cancer didn't help. There was only the probability of the Cancer coming back and killing me. I didn't want to make anyone suffer by loving me if I was going to end up death.
When I was seventeen I was permanently stuck on a hospital bed. My grandfather had left me all his money after he died, something I suspected was the reason why Oma kicked me out, and I was able to pay the hospital bills with that.
I was lonely during the last year of my existence. The patients at the hospital looked at me with pity and sometimes even disgust. The laughed to my back at my pain, and jeered at me for my appearance.
It was painful.
But I took everything they threw at me. I never retaliated.
It was during my last few days that I remembered Hässlich, the ugly little cat died in my arms when I was a child. I remembered him and I realized that in that moment I resembled him so much it was like looking in a mirror. I was looking for love and comfort from everyone and asked for forgiveness even if there wasn't any reason for me to apologize.
During my last day on this earth someone arrived. I wasn't sure who it was anymore, everything was blurry to me and the sounds were all muffled. Shapes and figures around me were all monochromatic, and the pain was unbearable. But when someone took my hand into theirs I cried not because of the pain, but because I was happy. I was leaving this world and someone cared for me. There was someone that cared that I was dying. There was someone that was going to miss me when I was gone.
I think that remembering Hässlich made me accept my death, easier.
I remember thinking: "This is how Hässlich must have felt when he was in my arms. Peaceful. Happy. Complete."
It wasn't long after that when my eyelids suddenly started to feel heavy and the edges of my vision started to disappear into an endless void. The hands gripping me tightening as the beeping of the machine besides me became slower with each passing second.
I don't think I ever managed to completely close my eyes, but I would like to think that I was able to smile to that person before I left.
And, I would have liked to think that the person holding my hand during those last few moments had been my beloved father.
Uffffff! I'm finally done! after so long!
Sooooo... you love it? hate it? I hope I didn't made you guys wait a lot XD
I love you guys don't forget to review! XD
[＊]Alles Ändert Sich In Einem Einzigen Augenblick: In a moment, everything changes. German.
*Amarande: Eternal. German.
*Ewald: From a Germanic name which was composed of the elements ewa "law, custom" and wald "rule".
*Herr: Mr. in German.
*Schneeflocke: Snowflake in German.
*Anatoli: From the Greek Ανατολιος (Anatolios), derived from ανατολη (anatole) meaning "sunrise". Russian name.
*Yakimov: Russian Surname. Якимов.
*Adelheid: From the French form of the Germanic name Adalheidis, which was composed of the elements adal "noble" and heid "kind, sort, type". German name.
*Gertrude: Means "spear of strength", derived from the Germanic elements ger "spear" and thrud "strength".
[*]Hässlich: Ugly, hideous, nasty, unsightly. German.
[**]Oma: granny, grandma, grandmother, etc. German.
**Die Katze mit der inneren Schönheit: Roughly translates to "Cat with inner beauty."
[＊]The idea of the cat I got it from a picture I saw in the internet.
And sorry for the mistakes.
Bye bye!
Mia Heartnet.