Here I am again with a quite long one-shot. It focuses on Reid and Hotch growing up and their stories. Please note that the warnings in the summary are correct (TW suicidal thoughts/parental abuse/violence/homophobia)
When Spencer Reid was born, he was a cherished baby. His father and his mother spent the most time they could with him, Diana staying at home for the first year and a half and William putting his career aside a little until the boy grew.
When Aaron Hotchner was born, however, it was another matter. His mother returned to work a month after and his father didn't even take a day off. The baby with the oddly black eyes was put in the care of a nanny.
The day Spencer turned two, his father turned his back to him. Diana had become a little more sick, but she was still mostly lucid. When Spencer had started to walk and talk much faster than the other children, he started to see his father's eyes change when he looked at him. William threw himself in his work at the firm and spent most of his night there until he knew his son was asleep.
The day Aaron turned three, his parents gave him yet again some sports equipment. Apparently, this year, his father thought he needed to learn baseball. His nanny, on the other hand, gave him the doll Aaron had been eyeing when they went shopping. The next morning, when his father saw it, he lashed out. He ripped the doll out of little Aaron's hands, asking where the boy had found it and when the three years old found no answer… That was the first time the man hit his son. A slap across the face. Aaron found himself on the floor, big tears rolling on his red cheeks as he called for his nanny. When the nanny came, she was fired. But what hurt the most, his mother saw all of this unfold and never said a word.
One night when he was five, Spencer Reid found himself reading Proust to his mother on one of her bad days. He was sitting in bed with her and while he didn't understand everything he was reading yet, he still got most of it to figure out the story. The day had passed quickly and Spencer was grateful that his mom was just tired. She didn't scream or threw things, she was just listening to his soothing voice. When William came home that night Spencer noticed the hard look in his eyes. He noticed the lines of his face being tight and harsh. He noticed the tone of annoyance in his voice telling him it was late and that he should've been to bed hours ago. As he obeyed silently, making an effort not to blurt out any statistics because he knew it would only worsen his case, he laid in bed and heard the voices in the other room. They were not quite yelling, but they were loud enough that Spencer understood they were arguing about him.
As he got to bed when he was a little over six, shaking from the pain of the new bruises that were inflicted on him, Aaron heard crashes and screams coming from downstairs. He saw Sean tiptoeing past his door and he didn't move. His little brother could go to hell right now. Deep down, Aaron knew it wasn't the little boy's fault, but everytime his father hit him, it was a reminder that he should be more like Sean. Sean the perfect, athletic, fierce little boy, whereas Aaron was thin even though he was tall, he was quiet (had learned to be) and he liked his books and toys. As he heard another yell, this time his father's voice blaming his mother for 'the way your son turned out to be', he curled into a tight ball in his bed. Earlier that night, his father had used the word 'fag' and while six years old Aaron didn't quite know what that meant yet, he knew that wasn't something he wanted to be.
Spencer was seven when he heard the word genius for the first time. Not for the first time ever, but for the first time while someone described him. While the look on his mother's face was proud, his father kept his face closed and his lips pursed. Spencer understood that year that his mother had schizophrenia and that she would never get better. People at school had already started to beat him up. Most days, when he came home after a bad fight, all bruised and swollen, his mother wasn't lucid enough to understand what had happened. And when his father came home those night, he acted like he didn't see the wounds on his son's body, but Spencer could see something in his eyes. Reprobation, mostly, but sometime mixed with a little shame. He didn't know where that last one came from, and he wasn't about to ask. As he researched the illness that was eating his mother, he also understood that it could passed to him as time went on.
Aaron was eight when he tried to fight back his father for the first time. He had protested some times before, of course, but that time he hit his father back. The excuses for the beatings had start to run out and were getting slimmer as quick as Aaron grew tired of them. He didn't know what caused him to lash out back that day, but it was a memory he'd never forget. The scars on his forearms would always be there as a reminder of his father smashing his cognac glass on him. When he went to school the next morning, he avoided questions by saying he'd tripped in the forrest back home. If anybody noticed the pleas in his eyes, nobody said anything or tried to comfort him. He understood that his father could make anyone do anything with his power and he knew that he should keep silent in the future about what was happening back home.
The genius was nine when he felt his father truly started to hate him. He saw the hints, the little tell-tale signs that told him things only got worst. When he saw the suit case on his parents' bed, although William Reid had not slept in it for a long time from the creases on the couch, Spencer knew that his father was moving out. For the first time, Spencer felt anger toward his father. How could he abandon them like that? He tried to protest but the only thing that came out was statistics about broken homes and his father glared at him. "We are not statistics, Spencer." That night, Spencer could only hide in his bedroom to avoid the episode his mother was having. He tried to ignore the sobs that came to his ears all night and he didn't sleep either. He had a feeling of dread dawning over him with the sun when he finally realised that his father was gone and probably forever.
The first time he thought about it, Aaron was eleven and on the ground, bleeding from his lips. His lungs hurt so much that the idea came to his mind. 'I want to die'. And as the beatings got more and more frequent, the thought stuck. Aaron wasn't on the edge of acting on it, but suicide was an exit. A door that made the physical wounds bearable. The way out that helped him get through everyday his father became more and more violent. He retreated in his room as soon as he could when he was home, but it didn't stop the patriarch from bursting in and taking out his anger with his fists. And Aaron thought about taking his own life while he suffered in silence.
When Spencer turned twelve and graduated high school, he went to college close to home so he could take care of his mother. Things got a little easier at school while they got harder at home. People in college just didn't care about the kid who was in their classes after the first week. They walked past him like he didn't exist and Spencer enjoyed the hell out of it after the experience that was high school. At home, his mother was sicker everyday and the periods of lucidity were short and far apart. But Spencer loved his mother and held on to the best memories. He had almost forgotten about his father, the anger falling flat.
When Aaron turned thirteen, he started to grow up incredibly fast but he slouched, trying not to show that he was almost as tall as his father. He wasn't skinny anymore, and he had started to do more sport in the all-boys private school he went to. However, the beatings continued and the young adolescent still didn't find a solution. At thirteen, when he looked at himself in the mirror, all he felt was hate. He was the copy of his father and he hated that. He avoided his reflection as much as he could and smiled tightly when he received a 'you look so much like your father, young man'. For the first, when Aaron was thirteen, he saw his father hit his mother. While the woman wasn't much better than him in Aaron's humble opinion, he knew deep down that she didn't deserve that and he swore he would do anything to take down men like him.
Spencer started taking university classes when he was fourteen. He was still living at home and he was still taking care of his mother. That year was uneventful but he thought about admitting his mother into a sanatarium a lot. The only reason he didn't was selfish. He just refused to be put in foster care while he was able to take care of himself. He knew the other possibility was his father, but neither of them obviously wanted that. Spencer hadn't heard of him since he stepped out of the house five years ago. Even Diana didn't mention him anymore that much.
Aaron was told on the day of his fourteenth anniversary that he would go to boarding school now. While it was a relief, he was also angry at his parents for pushing him further away. He was torn between the two feelings. When Aaron was about to take his plane to school, the car that was driving him away was called back. Everything that happened after was a blur. He remembered being told that his father had died. He remembered the anger that inexplicably flooded his veins, he remembered thinking his father was a coward although that was quite unrelated to his sudden death. He remembered thinking that maybe he was free. He remembered hoping for the first time.
College was were he was when Aaron's mind came back to his sexuality. He had never thought about it much, knowing that it was better like this while he was living at home. His fear of being homosexual were proven true when he found himself looking at men instead of women. He buried himself in his studies, trying to keep the thoughts at bay and ignoring the fact that he hooked up with other boys during parties. Everytime he did, his father's words came to his head. 'I won't have a son that's a fag.'
When Spencer was eighteen, he placed his mother in Bennington. He was sure that was the best thing to do, and although he didn't doubt his decision, it still hurt. It hurt so bad that he decided he need to leave Vegas, Nevada, even and he decided to take on the offer from CalTech. As he moved away from his hometown, his heart ached and he promised he would write to his mother everyday. He would never admit that he cried almost all the flight to university, the look of betrayal on his mother's face burned into his mind.
When Aaron turned 31, his career as a prosecutor was already over and he had been in the B.A.U. for a couple of years already. That year, Gideon would not shut up about a genius that was in the Academy and after weeks of hearing about him, Jason finally dragged him there to show him. He looked like a little kid on christmas morning and the smiles were so rare on his face that Aaron couldn't refuse.
Spencer was in the Bureau Academy almost the day he turned 21. They had been offering him different positions in different departments, but he still hadn't made up his mind. Physical training was not his greatest strength, but it wasn't as hellish as he thought it would be. It was a requirement for every agents and he wouldn't fight it off, especially with all the opportunities he was given now.
When Spencer was 22, in one of his classes he was asked to step out. Everyone else rolled their eyes and sighed, wondering what would be the offer this time. Spencer was surprised to see agent Gideon yet again, this time with someone else.
"I don't have an answer for you yet", Spencer warned as he closed the door behind him.
"I know, . I just wanted to talk to you some more", Jason smiled with a twinkle in his eyes that indicated he knew something else.
"Now? I… I'm in the middle of a class", the genius protested.
"I'm sure your teachers won't mind."
Spencer hoped so. Even them were getting annoyed with him and he saw graduation rolling around with a big relief washing over him. He gestured at both men that it was okay and Gideon's smile got wider.
"Please let me introduce you to agent Aaron Hotchner", he smirked.
As 32 years old Aaron stood in the middle of a hallway in the F.B.I. Academy, his breath caught in his throat as he looked at the new recruit. And from the look on Jason Gideon's face, the senior agent was very pleased with it. As said Dr. Reid extended his hand to shake his, Aaron found himself frozen in place, his eyes locked with Reid's.
"Hotch?", Gideon finally interrupted, nudging him.
"Yes, sorry. I- Gideon talks a lot about you", Hotch said.
"Glad to meet you, agent Hotchner", Reid smiled, having the decency to blush.
"Please call me Hotch", the agent grinned back.
Spencer was pushed against his apartment door when he was 23. He threw his head back with a moan as the older man kissed his jaw and throat. In that moment, he forgot everything around him as he heard the word whispered by the man he had met a year prior to that. Their eyes locked together as his lover ran a thumb over his lips in such an intimate matter that Spencer shivered.
Aaron found himself sleeping with the newest agent on his team just a couple of days before he joined the said team and just a couple of weeks before his 33rd anniversary. He found himself tentatively sharing pieces of himself with a man ten years younger than him. He found himself trusting him more than he had ever trusted anyone. He found the voice in the back of his head silent. He stopped thinking about anything else and focusing on the genius.
When Spencer's 24th birthday rolled around and Aaron's 34th got close, they found themselves living together in secrecy. For Aaron, it was a matter of his old fear of what people would think about his sexuality and for Spencer it was about having something that was finally his. Something he built, something that was easy.
When Aaron was 35 years old and still fought Spencer about opening up, the genius finally figured out that something must have been really wrong in his past. That same year, he asked about the scars on his lover's arms, but the older man only avoided the question. He tried to make him talk about it, but the Aaron closed up like an oyster and Spencer let it go.
Spencer was 26 when he walked into their home and found Aaron sitting on the floor, crying his heart out. Their last case had been about conversion therapy and as Reid held him, letting him purge what he had to, Aaron finally admitted. He finally talked about the abuse, as much verbal as physical, he talked about how Spencer was the first one he admitted liking, how he had hooked up but refused to acknowledge his homosexuality, about his thoughts of escaping when he was eleven, about the fact that he had almost acted on them when he was twelve. He explained where the scars came from, told the story of the glass piercing his skin.
Spencer kissed his forehead and murmured soothing words, although his heart ached too at the kind of familiarity he felt while being told. As he promised it was over, that they were safe, he wasn't too sure who he was trying to comfort and calm the most.
When Aaron was 37, he agreed to tell the team that he and Spencer were together. As the smile spread across Gideon's face and he only patted Hotch's shoulder, Spencer knew he wasn't the only one considering the senior agent as a father figure. Aaron felt the weight of his guilt and shame being lifted off his shoulders as Jason's hand pressed it.
When Aaron was forty and Spencer turned thirty, they'd both figured that parental abuse could be done it several ways and that no matter how people turned out when they got out of this relationship, the wounds never closed completely. They knew they had each other and it was more than enough, but there were still a lot of things to figure out and a lot of scars visible, both physical and psychological.
I hope you liked it, please feel welcome to leave a review, especially if it's constructive criticism!SmartBlackRose :)