Battled Me with Her Ever Smile

A sweetly scented angel fell, she laid her head upon my disbelief, and battled with me with her ever smile. ~ Jethro Tull

A lot of crazy shit has happened in my life, and I can't help but blame it all on myself. I hurt people I never intended to hurt, and though I try to keep it inside myself, bottled up for only my eyes, I have to open up to the world. I need to let the people I care about have a glimpse at my pain so they can understand.

Talk about teenage angst. And we all thought Bella and Edward had problems. But this is real life; things happen that can't be explained. It's just pain. Pain so strong it numbs your senses. It numbs your heart. After I lost Julia, I never thought I would feel again. The way I lost her was too tragic; it was too much for me to take. I still blame myself for her death every single day of my life.

But then I met the sunshine of my existence. Just seeing her smile could lighten my day. I remember the first time I saw those beautiful blue eyes. I knew I was damned from the second I saw her. I was too busy looking at her to notice her glasses on the road, which I then stupidly ran over. Though sometimes I do thank those glasses of hers. It was my first chance to talk to that angel, to tell her how pretty I thought her eyes were, no matter how stupid it sounds.

Every time I saw her, I just wanted to press my lips against hers; those pink, plump, delicious lips taunted me with every word she said. I was hooked. But I couldn't let my guard down. Not with her. She means too much to me, and to hurt her like I did to Julia… I just couldn't live anymore.

After I lost Julia, I never thought I would find someone I could love. What I did to her was unspeakable; sometimes, I couldn't even admit it to myself. But when I found Clare, I knew my heart had opened up to a new chance at happiness. I found a new reason to live. Clare was my reason to change, to open up, to start fresh. I was beginning to fall in love again, even if I had thought it impossible.

Love pushed me to things I didn't want to do. The first kiss we shared was pure magic, as corny as it sounds. You'd never expect a guy like me to be saying these things, let alone straight up state that I was dying to kiss Clare Edward's lips. It was just a project, but we all knew that it meant much more. When our lips touched, I could feel the emotion between us both. I knew how I felt about her, and how she felt about me. And when I realized it was that strong, I had to get her away from me. No; I had to get myself away from her.

I was trying to protect her, but all I did was hurt her. It was so difficult to say those things to her, tell her that I felt nothing, and watch her walk away from me with that sad look on her face. It was too much for me to bear. I just couldn't talk to her anymore, couldn't see her anymore, couldn't even hear that sweet voice of hers. And when she appeared at my doorsteps demanding an answer, I couldn't say no to her.

I told her the truth. I thought she'd think I was a monster and never want to even look at me again, but she understood. And I remember thinking 'How can this be fair? How can I have this sweet, loving angel when I left Julia with nothing?'. It was hard for me to come to the conclusion that Julia would have wanted my happiness. She wouldn't blame me, even though I blame myself. She would understand, like Clare had.

Sometimes I think that Holy Clare might be a fallen angel sent to save me from myself. Let me tell you, whoever sent her didn't disguise her very well; she looks as heavenly as any angel would. With her, I feel whole again. And it wasn't very long before I knew that the time she gave me to think had begun to run out, not for her, but for me. I was ready to give love another chance, and I wanted that chance to be taken with Clare.

And so I say this; I, Eli Goldsworthy, the snarky asshole of a person who you would never expect to say these words, am irrevocably head over heels in love with Clare Edwards.

Clare Edwards looked beside her at her sleeping lover, his lips slightly parted as he slept peacefully upon his bed. His lashes fluttered slightly as he turned over, bringing the black covers with him, mumbling her name in his sleep.

Clare giggled softly, running her hand over his arm gently. He responded to her touch with a moan, one of his eyes opening to meet hers. "Is it morning yet?"

Clare blushed slightly and pulled the covers up to cover her naked breasts. "No. But I think Ms. Dawes will enjoy reading this."

Eli sat up, wrapping one arm around her waist and taking the paper with the other one. "You weren't supposed to read this paper yet, Ms. Edwards," he explained as he set the paper on his nightstand.

Clare wrapped her arms around the senior's chest, hugging him tightly against her. He hadn't changed a bit since last year. "But I did read it. And I like hearing the snarky asshole of a person say that he loves me."

Eli chuckled slightly, taking her hips in his hands as he guided her over him, their bare bodies pressing against each other. "Then you will hear it again." He kissed her forehead gently as she laid her head on his chest. "I love you, Clare."

Clare smiled and whispered an I love you back to him before closing her eyes.

Eli leaned his head back against the headboard, closing his eyes as serenity passed over him. Suddenly, he opened his eyes.

Now where was Clare's paper…?