1. Loneliness.
I'm alone. Again. I sit in my apartment nursing a beer that I don't like, want or need watching a television show that I don't care about. Once again the hands of time and fate have worked against me. Once again my family has gone on without me.
My wife died.
My adopted father and brother ascended.
Janet was killed.
George retired.
Jack was promoted,
Sam was reassigned,
Teal'c went back to assume the leadership of the free Jaffa.
They went on to bigger and better things.
I got left behind.
Oh well.
I have two new friends. Cam and Vala. They're nice people. I like them. But I don't want to form more relationships. I'm tired of having my heart broken when I'm left behind.
I guess I shouldn't complain. I get messages and phone calls from everyone. Jack even pops in once or twice a year. But it's a long way from what we had, what we were. I miss it. I miss them.
Vala wants to get close, too close for my taste. She doesn't scare me exactly; just I'm not ready for another tie that binds me to her. Oh, she's beautiful enough. My taste always seems to run to the dark exotics. Her hair and her eyes are the same color as my Sha'uri were. But where my wife was calm and steadfast, Vala is explosive and volatile. I never know which way she'll jump. I keep hoping with a more stable life, she'll calm down a bit. She exhausts me.
Cam is all right. He's young and enthusiastic, much like a more energetic Jack O'Neill. Much more energetic. Where he's rough, Jack is smooth. Where he's crass, Jack is brazen. When he is sarcastic, Jack is sardonic. Maybe when all the sharp corners and rough edges are gone he'll do better. Jack, Jack is already there. Unfortunately, he's not here.
Maybe I need a vacation. I could get away to somewhere warm. I never cared for Colorado. It gets cold too early. I hate the cold. My old broken ankle is beginning to bother me, as is the collarbone I shattered several years ago. I have plenty of vacation time. Maybe some time in New Mexico or Arizona in a nice quiet place. I could do a little excavating. Dig in the dirt, lie in the sun, eat good food, and take a nap when I want one. No Goa'uld, no Ori, no Replicators, just sun, sand, peace and quiet.
Where is that leave form? Landry can't turn me down. I think I have a year on the books at least.