Hello everyone! This is ChibiFoxAI with a gift oneshot for my dear friend KlonoaDreams. If you are keeping up with her story Butterfly Child, then yes, this is the party chapter that everyone has been wondering about.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Butterfly Child, or anything else for the matter.
"This is a disaster."
"What do you mean-ttebayo?"
Chōko gave Naruto a rather blank look. They had only one night to hang out as a team so they could celebrate Kiba's birthday before the Chuunin Exams and somehow, the orange ninja ended up inviting nearly every single participant that had passed the first test to the party. While there would be enough food to feed everyone (Chōko might have gone overboard), the major concern was that nearly ninety Genin, a majority of them being foreign shinobi not native to Konohagakure, would be in the Uchiha clan compound.
The Uchiha clan, one of Konoha's Four Noble Clans and also, one of the strongest that had been formerly inhabiting the village…and their compound was being used to house a party with many foreign shinobi. Not exactly the best way to honor the dead, but Sasuke didn't give any fucks, for while he still missed his clan, there are still many things that he was bitter about.
Like the fact that his father once missed one of his birthdays. Leave it to the Uchiha to hold grudges over the simplest of things.
Still, gold star for Naruto as he gave foreign ninja a legit excuse to snoop around the Uchiha compound and allow them the chance to discover the secrets of Konoha's former strongest clan, before they had met their untimely demise. One would think the Uchiha would have had ways of keeping their secrets tightly locked up, like the Hyuuga clan. Sadly, arrogance prevented that from happening…mostly.
Ino dope-slapped her fellow blond over the head, her face contorted into a scowl. "Naruto you idiot! Now we have to rearrange this place so that it can fit nearly ninety people instead of our original twenty-five! Why don't you be useful and make some clones to move the tables?"
"Yeah, I don't think that the food tables will be able to stay," Shikamaru pointed out. "How troublesome…"
At this point Sasuke jab a thumb in a general direction over his shoulder. "We could always use the clan meeting hall. I mean, all the elders used it for was to gather everyone in the clan so they could bitch and moan about how we had an image to maintain and all that crap. Fits two-hundred easily…plus if their ghosts are still around it would piss them off."
"You have issues, Sasuke-kun…" Shino adjusted his glasses.
"That I do Shino, that I do." Being that Sasuke was never seen without Itachi, before the older Uchiha left the village in a certain incident where the Sannin, Orochimaru, got punched in the crotch, one could also say that Itachi had issues as well.
As juice and sodas started to run low, the Konoha Genin had panicked and started putting out any drinks that they could find in the vast Uchiha storage rooms. However, the only drinks that survived the years since the massacre were alcoholic. So far, only the jinchuuriki were still at the buzzy stage.
…
When Kaminari Karui met Uzumaki Naruto, she was mostly focused on the fact that he was allowed to raise fox kits in a village that seemed to despise the animal. It was strange, and yet, she was intrigued.
When Karui met Akimichi Chōji, she was treated like a princess by her "supposed enemy", as Ay had told her when he had picked her team out for the Chuunin exams. Ay still had slight trust issues with Konoha, what with the Hyuuga Affair still fresh on many people's minds. Karui stayed out of it, as did her teammates.
During her meeting with Chōji, Karui finally got real food for the first time since she left Kumogakure no Sato. Since that meeting, Karui found herself liking Konoha even more than she originally did when she had her first meal at an Akimichi clan restaurant. There was just something about the boy and his food that made Karui want to keep coming back to this village of strange shinobi that practically worshipped trees…or so, that is how Omoi put it.
When Karui arrived at a birthday party held in the Uchiha compound, all thoughts of stealing the clans secrets, a plan suggested to her and her teammates by Ay when he found the invitation they had received from Naruto, went out the window the moment she saw Them.
And by Them, as she would later write in her report, was that the Uzumaki kid had made and transformed multiple clones into food servers, male and female, in various stages of dress and costumes. From the group of Iwa-nin, she heard one of them remark that he recognized a few of the females looked like the female leads from the Icha Icha books series.
Karui kept a blank face as a clone that was made to look suspiciously like the Yondaime Hokage, wearing nothing but pants and a bowtie walked by with a plate of something labeled "taquitos" in one hand and "chicken fries" in another.
At only fourteen years old, Karui had never felt such a strong desire to throw a fragile object at someone's head, with such hope that it would break, than then. After all, that is how Karui's mother had met her husband, Karui's father.
"We lost three wars to these shinobi." Omoi, as usual, was concerned and rambling on. "They worship amazing trees made out of animals, turn their dead into trees, and in turn, store their alcohol in wooden barrels for flavor."
"We know Omoi."
"What if they drink from a barrel that was once their ancestor? Do you think that is how they pass on their knowledge? I mean, they worship trees, Karui. TREES."
"No Omoi. From what Sasuke said, the Uchiha never practiced what the Senju started," Karui took a long sip from her melon ramune, a treat that she rarely got back home. "Pity."
"No wonder we lost the last one, the Yondaime was hot!" Atsui might have been ogling the clone that had caught Karui's eye with a look that made Omoi question his teammate's orientation. "Bee-sama and Ay-sama did not give us all the hot details about when they fought the Yellow Flash during the war!"
Then again, Atsui never stated that his attention was strictly on the female sex. Omoi was starting to wonder that about himself as well and when he heard Atsui blatantly call the Yondaime Hokage "hot", a word that Atsui so liked to repeat…Omoi was having issues suppressing a blush.
"Thank you for reiterating that Atsui…" Omoi tried to look away as a red blush tinged his cheeks.
"Aaaaand what's not hot is that Bee-sama and Yugito-sama are here." A small bead of sweat rolled down the side of Atsui's face.
"What." Karui snapped out of her daze.
As one, the three Kumo-nin turned to the doorway to see not only the jinchuuriki from Kumo, but the jinchuuriki from the other villages as well.
Oh shit.
"We came to see where you were, and had to sneak out so bro wouldn't stir, but here you are, having fun and time to you must be a blur, fool you fools." Bee had such a serious expression on his face.
Of course, Yugito was anything but serious, looking more amused, much to Kumo Genin's relief. At this point, Yugito spotted a bottle on a platter being served around by a scantily clad Senju Hashirama and picked it up, grinning. "Bee, the kids are bringing out Konoha Golden Leaf sake. We can't get that stuff back home. Let's just have a drink, get some food, mingle for a few, and then take them back to the hotel. Your brother's out like a light anyway."
"Aight." Bee's serious expression ceased as a large grin crossed his face and took a bottle of his own off the plate of a red headed server dressed as a bunny girl.
…
How to tell if a ninja party is a complete success:
a.) Crunchy foods have been turned into a fine powder that has accumulated inside the tatami mats of the house.
b.) Shinobi from different villages are making out with each other while insulting one another's villages and laughing about it.
c.) Some poor Genin has become one with the floor due to the adhesive known as spilled drinks.
d.) Someone was conspiring to steal something valuable from the compound and said item would be mundane as hell to everyone but Sasuke.
e.) At least one person has either destroyed or vomited in a priceless family heirloom.
f.) A group of Genin well past their teens are sitting around a long table, playing a rather complicated drinking game which no one remembers the rules to after a few shots.
g.) Teachers have gotten worried as to where their students went, so their respective Kages have sent out their jinchuuriki to bring them back. Said demon containers then joined the party at the mere sight of Konoha sake, which had been banned from being imported to certain villages due to residual animosity from the previous wars. If this is the case, then many of them will be participating in the drinking game.
In the case of the party at hand, all of the above had happened.
The previously tan tatami mats were now a light sheen of orangeish brown from the crumbled food that had fallen off of people's dining plates. While Chōji would have scolded the guests for wasting food, most of the crumbled food was just leftover crumbs and the big boned ninja was too sloshed to care.
A girl from Otogakure, and the only one from her village to participate in the party, was making out with Chōjūrō. The two insulted each other's village stereotypes, never mind that Oto was still too new to have formed any stereotypes just yet, apart from being hotheaded and vindictive. They then ended up laughing like loons before repeating the process, occasionally chiming in with the other members of their little circle of friends about how they were a ninja clan and there they stood.
A gray haired boy named Kabuto was stuck to a part of the floor that was not covered in tatami mats, but was wood and seemed to be the designated drink spill area. He cursed his situation as he saw the other partygoers wandering past him in their drunken stupor.
As it turns out, the Uchiha had a chicken coop. After the massacre, and since Sasuke had not stepped foot into the compound since that faithful night, until that one faithful day where he and his friends were going to steal Shisui's ashes, the maintenance of the chickens had become a D-rank mission to those who did not believe the rumors that the old Uchiha district was haunted.
Apparently, that specific line of chicken had been in the Uchiha family since the time of Uchiha Madara, and was one of the few things that could not be replaced so easily. Kankurou was currently chasing one, as poultry and eggs were rare in his homeland of the desert.
A Kusagakure Genin had already vomited in a giant vase that had previously held elegant arrangements of flowers for Uchiha family events, called it a night, and left the party with his two teammates before anyone could notice the damage. Due to their drunken stupor, these genin found themselves in a graveyard. Unfortunately for these Kusa-nin, Orochimaru was waiting for them… and in a typically clichéd horror movie trope, they were murdered, as those who would leave the party early were more likely to get killed, and had their faces ripped off.
Also, a loud ninja in green spandex by the name of Rock Lee had one too many sips of sake and destroyed a wall with one punch, screaming at the top of his lungs about the flames of youth.
In another corner, Neji and Chōko were drinking some sort of sparkling purple wine that the latter had found in Shisui's room while setting up for the initial party. Said female was also now crying because she was, "Drinking away the night sky."
During the course of the party, Kurotsuchi and Ittan grabbed a passed out Sasuke, rolled him in a wall scroll, and put him on the roof thinking that it would be funny in the morning.
...
Utakata found himself consoling an emotionally drunk Yagura, who was acting more and more like a child as he continued to drink.
"Can you believe it?!" Yagura looked at Utakata, his face flushed and his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "They thought I was a child—they didn't wanna let me drink, because they thought I was a stupid kid. That is not fair…so not fair!"
Utakata chuckled as he wiped Yagura's face, some sake having dribbled down the side of his mouth. To think, that this man had raised the Demon of the Hidden Mist, Momochi Zabuza…it was surprising. Though, Utakata had seen stranger things.
"Thirty-nine is not a child!" Yagura exclaimed.
"Indeed, it is not." Utakata nodded his head.
The party was going well, the Jinchuuriki were having fun, and Yakushi Kabuto was still stuck on the floor, having his regrets of ever coming to this place. At this point, Naruto felt like he was starting to black out. As he slid down the wall he was leaning on, he vaguely heard a girl, probably Yugito since most of the females could barely form a sentence and the Kumo kunoichi was beating the rest of the men, of whom included Han and Rōshi from Iwa, at shōchū pong, say something along the lines of, "something something Jounin."
In a brilliant moment of word association, Naruto yelled, "Fuck the Jounin!"
And everyone else joined in.
Kakashi looked at a sea of drunken shinobi, almost a hundred strong, yelling, "Fuck the Jounin!"
And they were yelling it right in front of his face, no hesitation whatsoever. Kakashi had seen much in his life—so very, very much…especially during his ANBU days as Hound. Needless to say, he was almost impressed. Then, in a swift movement, Kakashi turned around and shouted, "Get the ANBU in here!"
As the masked ninja approached the party, Karin grabbed a bottle of white snake sake, smashed it on the ground and screamed, "SCATTER!"
This caused every ninja in the room to flee the scene.
…
Meanwhile in a distant village, the Sannin Tsunade, currently in the midst of losing yet another game, stopped for a moment, feeling a slight disturbance.
"What's wrong, Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked as she adjusted her hold on Tonton, Tsunade's pet pig.
Tsunade held a hand to her forehead, her expression grim. "I felt a great disturbance. It was as though a vintage sake bottle cried out in fear and was then silenced."
"Buhi!" Tonton worried for her owner.
And Shizune just took away the bottle of sake that was near Tsunade. "I think you've had enough."
…
Chaos reigned in the party room.
Yamato was able to grab Sai, who was blubbering like a baby about how he missed his brother and was so happy to have friends now, and tried to grab Naruto, but the orange ninja jumped out a window.
After jumping out a window, Naruto ran straight for a wall, thought 'I don't think I'm sober enough to make this jump', and would wake up at home come morning.
Bee and Yugito gathered up their shinobi and made a run for it back to their hotel, making sure to take at least a full bottle of Golden Leaf with them to appease Ay and not have their butts handed to them once again.
Being mostly liquid, Suigetsu essentially became a giant blob and dragged his teammates plus the girl from Otogakure with him. Come the next morning, Chōjūrō would soon find himself getting teased by his teammate, Suigetsu, for waking up in bed with a girl, who was nursing a splitting headache. Kiri was not amused with Suigetsu's audacity and pain tolerance to talking so loudly and just threw a pillow at the Hōzuki, hoping that it would shut him up.
Lee was harder to contain. After punching out at least 5 of Konoha's finest in a drunken rage, he hefted both Neji and Chouko over his shoulders, screamed how the ANBU would never take him alive, and ran back to his apartment. Nobody followed-nobody dared.
Momochi Zabuza would later find his ward stumbling around town and bumping into a light post every so often.
That night would go down in history as the night were multiple shinobi put aside their differences and tossed aside village rivalries to help each other evade and escape from the ANBU Black Ops.
With the exception of Yakushi Kabuto who had to be peeled off of the floor by various squads of jonin who would start laughing every so often at the gray haired boy's situation.
…
As Kakashi arrived home, he heard a commotion in the kitchen. Peering in, he saw Naruto curled up under the kitchen table. He stared for a beat before going into the backyard, to open the kits' pen. He allowed the kits inside the house with a half-hearted, "There's your mom, go nuts" before retiring to bed himself.
…
"Kankurou has a chicken." Never in her life would Temari ever expect her youngest brother, Gaara, to wake her up, saying such a ridiculous statement. It was too early for this…
Temari suppressed the urge to scream as sunlight filtered into her small hotel room, causing her to roll over away from the window. Slowly peeking out of her blankets, she was greeted by the oddly amusing sight of her younger brother Gaara wearing sunglasses.
"Gaara, from what the clock says we don't have to be at the stupid Training Ground 44 for another 5 hours. Let me at least get a damned Bloody Marī or something."
"Kankurou has a chicken." Gaara repeated. "He won't let me kill it for its gizzards. Make him give me the chicken."
After rummaging around her pack and finding a pair of sunglasses, Temari trudged into the small kitchenette to see Kankurou, sporting a pair of purple rimmed sunglasses, feeding some dry cereal to a chicken.
Baki seemed to be ignoring the chicken and slid a Suna hangover cure towards Temari as she took a seat. The Jounin then took his coffee, toast, and morning paper to another room.
"…So we have a chicken now." Temari stared at the white-feathered chicken that just clucked as it pecked at the cereal Kankurō had offered it.
"His name is Clucky. I stole him from the Uchiha last night." Kankurou sounded too damned proud of himself.
At this point Temari was 500% done with her brother. "Why? Why do you do this?"
Kankurou gave his sister a serious look. "Because it's the one thing you can't replace."
Baki's voice rang out from the other room. "What the hell is a weasel doing in the living room?"
