The Only Exception
An Eclare Fanfic
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"When I was younger I saw my daddy cry and curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it.
And my momma swore that she would never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist."
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They had been divorced for months; five months. After too many arguments and silences they had split. They had busted at the seams and were torn to pieces. In my hands I held their one and only wedding picture, all the others had been burned. I studied in awe as due to the camera's point of view; everything appeared superficial compared to the distress and turmoil our family was suffering through now. My parents' faces engulfed in pure happiness, my father was leaning over to kiss her. As I stared at the picture perfect moment, I thought of him… Stop it Clare! But, placed before me was our shattered family. Mother was away, Darcy had disappeared off the face of the earth, and the only person still entangled in my life was my father. He regretted everything he did, though as did my mom. In these past months, I heard him cry from down the hall. My heart breaking, wondering what had possibly gone wrong. When the fighting arose, they hated each other. Though instead of cursing at her; he now cursed at himself. Why did he weep over her, why now? On days like these, I thought of my mom who was a lifetime away. She was happy; she had him. But I knew she still loved the broken down man sitting in his lonely office beyond my bedroom door. Deep down in her heart, she covered up the love for my father. The love that had been pounded to dust when he told her he no longer loved her back. She removed him from her home and forced me to choose. At the moment, I wanted to be alone. I wanted to get away from her fundraisers and her new boyfriend. So I submitted myself to dad.
He had presented me the wedding picture last night over dinner. It was just the two of us now; a table set for two. But his work assembled tall, stone walls between father and daughter. On rare occasions, a brick crumpled to the ground and through the gap I saw bits and pieces of the demolished remains that he consisted of, though not for long. The next morning, the holes were always repaired; the slab returned to its empty gap and a weak smile always appearing on my father's hollowed face. On days like these, the house was quiet. You would think it would be relaxing… not in a million years. I felt nervous and scared in the apartment. In my makeshift room, my bare white walls suffocated me to death. I remained trapped even if he was there and I heard the tapping of the plastic keys. I tried to write, I tried to read, and I tried to get away from it all. But only one person could silence my fears.
That one person invaded me and took over all the abandoned vacancies in my bursting brain. It was a wonderful thought, but I was scared. I had awaked this morning to find myself in his arms. His arm rested peacefully around my waist and his long fingers draped themselves over my stomach. The rays of glowing sunlight lit up his lopsided smile, chocolate brown hair, and perfect features. We lay on the soft couch in his bedroom. The previous night came back to me: I had visited him late to hear him comfort me. His velvet voice could always soothe me. He was my rock when the fighting was dangerous and I felt even more relieved when he became my shoulder to cry on. I loved him, but was afraid of getting burned. My parents were a perfect example of my fear. Twenty years of marriage totaled to nothing. Each tear that slid down my father's pale face, kept me from loving the boy who lay beside me. For all I knew there could be nothing there and in a blink of an eye he could be gone. My mother learned firsthand and hoped I would learn to be careful with love. Why sing of love if it does not exist? So I left. But now, I sit alone in my cramped room with only one person on my mind, you.
You are the only exception.
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"Maybe I know; somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone and keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable, distance.
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness,
Because none of it was ever worth the risk."
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It was possible to say I was scared of love. I was scared because of my parents and because of KC Guthrie. He was just a stupid high school crush, but I liked him. He made me blush and my heart flutter, but love never lasts. We dated until Jenna Middleton came along. Her bimbo Barbie look reverted KC to flirt and drool like a toddler in a candy store. Alli Bhandari warned me about Jenna and how she was just bad news. But I was blind and let Jenna wrap KC around her pinkie finger. I slowly drifted away from KC. After Jenna officially stole my boyfriend, my hormones went haywire and I plunged into vampire fiction. My vampire dreams focused on Declan Coyne, a rich junior. Through Madame Degrassi I dealt with the fact that keeping a distance was for the best. I told myself repeatedly that I could be happy without someone there to love. During the summer, I changed. I no longer wanted to be the hidden techie. I cut my hair, went through laser eye surgery and met Elijah Goldsworthy. At first, I wanted to stay away from the confusing world of drama and boys, but Eli was unavoidable. My new English partner made my heart hammer in my chest and my face flush to a bright fuchsia. His continuous smirk and limitless sarcasm drove me up walls and dug under my skin. He was my complete opposite but the attraction I felt towards him was real. I remembered our first kiss during Miss Dawes' Romeo and Juliet project. With Eli, I knew things wouldn't be normal. I realized pulling myself away was a mistake; I was protecting myself for pointless reasons. So, I jumped and fell for him.
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"I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't let go of what's in front of me here.
I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up.
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream."
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If you tell yourself that a false statement is true enough times, you start to believe the fake. Once you're in love, reality feels unthinkable. Real life couldn't possibly be this spontaneous. Which is why when I was lying next to him, I had the urge to leave. I'm now alone in the blank apartment. The same white walls are crashing down on me, except he's not there to lift them away…
I put down my black pen and rose from my twin sized bed. The wedding photo in my hand fell to the floor as I ran down the narrow apartment stairs. Bright, natural sunlight blinded my eyes when I pushed through the bustling crowds. The shining light only reminded me of him; it reminded me of Eli.
I skipped up the flight of stairs, three steps at a time and quietly opened the door to his room. He still lay there, as if nothing had happened. As if I had never left. It felt like evidence for me to understand that this was not some magical dream. A smile crept upon my face as I lay down beside him on the couch. His body still felt warm and when his arm found my waist again, I felt complete. With Eli I could face anything. And I'm slowly figuring out that Eli is my only exception for love.
"And I'm on my way to believing."
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