"Hello, Deels." Patsy practically waltzed over to Delia who was sitting at the table, focusing too intently on the needlework to look up.
"Hello. Gosh, that bicycle did a number on this hem."
Patsy smiled ever so slightly as she leaned down and gave Delia a soft kiss on her neck. And with that Delia turned her head upwards to offer Patsy an appreciative, almost devilish grin, while Patsy turned her face towards the door. "Those damn bicycles," she said in her typical deep, sarcastic tone, turning a flirtatious smile back again. "Really, Delia. You astound me sometimes."
"Why?" Delia asked, once again distracted by the rumpled hem.
"Well, I wouldn't go near a bicycle after going through what you went through. Biscuit?"
"What? Oh, no thanks." Intent sewing.
Patsy let out a sigh. "I suppose I'll go to my room for a bit. Or engage Sister Monica Joan in a conversation about Socrates and Copernicus?" She looked at Delia one last time pursing her lips to one side before getting up in a bit of a huff.
"Where are you going?"
"Delia, you do realize that Tom Herrowitt would be better company than you at the moment."
Delia thumped her uniform on the table. "Oh, I am sorry, Pats. I've got to get this mended before my shift tonight." She met Patsy's pouty but mischievous gaze. "Look, you can sit here and tell me all about your day, and I'll pretend to listen," Delia offered triumphantly.
"Ah, sounds lovely," Patsy retorted, hoping that biting her lip would make her immune to Delia's smile.
"So. Any babies today, Nurse Mount?" Delia peaked up at Patsy in between stitches.
"No. District rounds."
"Hm. Same visits as last week?"
"Mhm, mostly. One young man, twelve years old, has a heart defect that we've been keeping an eye on. Or an ear on. Down's Syndrome." Patsy took a whiff of her cigarette thoughtfully before disposing of the ashes at the end.
"Is he going to be alright?"
Patsy blew out some smoke. "Yes, they think so. Hope so. He's a delightful little thing. Quite happy despite everything." She suddenly remembered that she preferred to hear Delia talk about her day, or about anything. "How was your shift last night? Matron in better spirits?"
"Not really. She pulled her back out while trying to show a new recruit how to turn Mr. Tumblemire."
"Is Mr. Tumblemire that large?"
"Let's just say it took four of us to finally get the job done," Delia said, seeming to forget about her uniform. "He's in for a sore on his backside."
"Don't describe it." Patsy's face was deadpan, but she wouldn't have cared if Delia did describe every detail. She had seen it all before.
"It was so cavernous that it would have given the echo in St. Peter's Basilica a run for its money. Poor man."
"Dear lord," Patsy said, cringing.
"Speaking of bed sores, I think I'm up for that biscuit now." Delia flashed a daring smile at Patsy.
"Your wish is my command. If it will keep you from talking about Mr. Tumblemire's insides." Perhaps because Patsy was distracted by Delia, she knocked the ashtray onto the floor as she was going to stand. "Oh, damn," she almost blurted but managed to whisper the vulgarity.
"Patience Mount! Where's the broom?" Delia chided playfully as she shoved her chair out to help with the mess.
"Over here in the broom closet." Patsy grabbed the broom and then felt Delia's presence beside her.
"That's quite a large closet," she said with a matter-of-fact hand on one hip, peering into the tiny space.
"Oh no, Delia Busby."
"Oh come on, Pats! Just for five seconds." Delia grabbed hold of Patsy's free hand.
"We've talked about this. It's far too risky, Deels. Even five seconds." Despite Patsy's protest, she wasn't resisting Delia's pull towards the closet. She wasn't sure if it was a good thing or bad thing that Delia's courage was back in full force.
"It will be fine, Pats. The nuns are in the chapel. Barbara and Trixie are out."
Patsy couldn't resist the pleading smile and, with a deep sigh, she heard an "okay, fine" come out of her mouth. Before she knew it, they had their arms wrapped around each other as if kissing in a closet was something they did everyday. Patsy had to try her best to keep one ear to the door however difficult as the embrace grew deeper. And then... footsteps. Patsy pulled her lips away as Delia observed her alert, discerning eyes.
"Who is it?" Delia whispered.
The steps were heavy. The cupboards were opened and closed with too much force."Sister Evangelina. Compline must be over," she whispered back.
"Oh for goodness..." Sister Evangelina had obviously discovered the ashtray on the floor. "Those girls... and their cigarettes..."
Patsy and Delia's nervousness was overtaken by the attempt to keep their giggles from being audible as Sister Evangelina steamed and murmured to herself. And then, as the footsteps grew closer, it became apparent that the sister was heading towards the broom closet. Patsy reached out in the nick of time and wrapped her hand around a string attached to the inside of the door, pulling with all her might.
Sister Evangelina was stronger than Patsy had imagined as the nun jiggled the door in the opposite direction. "What on earth?" She pulled harder.
Patsy didn't know if she was a match for the Evangelina's determination. Delia, seeing Patsy's struggle, hugged her from the back and pulled, doubling the weight, all the while trying to keep her laughter from escaping.
"Good Lord." Sister Evangelina had stopped pulling and started walking out of the room with a grunt of annoyance. "Fred!"
Patsy and Delia erupted into a heap of laughter before attempting to contain themselves to plot their escape. After peaking an eye out to make sure the coast was clear, Patsy pulled Delia out and closed the closet door. "We should sneak away while we have the chance."
"Too late, Pats. I hear footsteps." Delia now expected her to take the lead. Ever since they met, she would be the one to get them into trouble, and Patsy would always find a way to get them out of it.
"Here. Hide behind the curtain."
"What?"
"Go!" Patsy shoved her behind one of the long, heavy drapes just as Sister Evangelina entered the room with Fred in tow.
"Alright, Fred. See for yourself. As stuck as a rusted bell."
"I've never had any problems with it before, Sister."
Neither one noticed Patsy as the nun grabbed the door handle with both hands and, before Patsy could say a word, pulled with every ounce she contained. The door flung wide open, and the force with which Sister Evangelina flew backwards was so great that Patsy thought she would surely hit a wall and the whole of Nonnatus would quake violently. As it turned out, she didn't hit the wall. She did, however, manage to do a backwards somersault ending up face down in the ashes spilled from the ashtray.
"Sister Evangelina! Are you alright?" Fred flew to her side.
Delia was in a fit of giggles causing the drapes to shiver. Patsy kicked her.
"Fred- pff- would you be so kind as to fetch the- pfff- broom?" the nun asked, blowing ashes out of her mouth. Turning to her side, she noticed Patsy across the room standing with her hands clasped sheepishly in front of her. "Oh, so it's you, Nurse Mount. I suppose you know who's responsible for this?"
Patsy didn't want to face the wagging finger but gave it a go. "Yes, Sister. I spilled the ashtray earlier."
"You did, did you? And you just left it there as if it would clean itself up?"
"I actually went straight to the broom closet. After discovering that the door was wedged I went to find someone who could help me open it. I then came back after finding no one and, using a little more force, was able to open it at last. Unfortunately, when you came in with Fred, I didn't realize you were going to open the door, let alone open it with so much..."
Sister Evangelina looked at her with annoyed expectancy. "So much what, Nurse Mount?"
"Determination. Otherwise, I would have said something beforehand. I am sorry." The drapes shook every so slightly. Patsy bit her lip.
"As you should be. Now get to cleaning this mess, and next time consider keeping the ash inside the tray instead of on the floor!" And with that she was off.
Fred shrugged before deciding to mosey towards Patsy. "May I offer you my own bit of advice, Nurse Mount?"
She nodded, half distracted by the thought of Delia in the drapery.
"Next time, tell Ms. Busby to tuck her shoes underneath the curtains. That will guarantee the sister not noticing. Good luck this time, though, eh?" Fred smiled all in good fun. Patsy knew he didn't suspect anything indecent.
As Fred whistled out of the room, Delia was practically doubled over in laughter. "Oh good lord, that was close! Pats, you little fibber. You were simply amazing."
"Why thank you, Deels." She knew she probably shouldn't be, but Patsy was little bit pleased with her ability to tell white lies. She honed the craft in her childhood, of course, and it had proved enormously helpful in getting her Delia out of trouble.
Another bullet successfully dodged. Another day in the life of Patience Mount.