OMG, I am SO happy to FINALLY be back! I know I posted that "I'm back, baby" tag on my profile back in May, but it has been a hectic summer for me. First, I had a summer class all throughout May, then my family had to go to my brother's graduation, then we took a vacation to Niagara Falls and Toronto to celebrate, and NOW, we're currently in the process of moving to a new house. To make matters worse, our new house doesn't have Wifi (yet), so I've had to upload this from the library of my college campus (it's close to my house). So yeah, I really haven't had a lot of time to get back to writing, even though I've been dying to.
I really want to thank you all for being so patient with me. Waiting on new stories or new story chapters truly sucks and the last thing I'd ever want to do is let you guys down with an unfinished story. I'm currently working on the next chapter for my Tricked AU Loud House story (no way I'm letting that go). In the meantime, here's a little something I whipped up a few days ago.
It's based on a number of things. One is a really weird Steven Universe dream I had a couple months ago and the other is a video by the Youtube channel, The Auralnauts (I highly recommend you check them out, their stuff is great).
Alright, enough talk. On with the story.
Emerald: Round 2
"Come on Captain Lars. Come with me and we can rule the galaxy together." She puckered her lips and added suggestively, "You know how much I love pink."
Lars could only smile nervously at the sight in front of him. Even after all the time he'd spent as a space pirate captain, there were still many things about this universe that he was getting used to. And this included proposals made by pink princesses in extremely revealing sarongs.
"Look Mesmeralda," he said weakly. "I like what you're saying, I really do, but… (he gulped) I don't think we're," he paused, struggling for words, "right for each other. I mean, you're ten thousand years old and I'm technically still seventeen." Another pause, "Well, at least I think I am." There were no calendars in space. "Anyway," he got back on track, "The point is…I'm afraid the answer is no."
Mesmeralda's sultry smile quickly melted into a frown. "I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime," she said, distressed. "Whole systems would kill to be by my side," her brow narrowed and her tone grew fierce. "And you DARE reject me?!"
"D-don't take it so badly," Lars desperately tried to calm her. "I-I'm sure there'll be other pink men."
"NO!" The princess angrily stomped her foot, with such force that even the ship's hologram projector wobbled. "NO ONE REJECTS ME! I WILL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS LARS!"
"Okay, you have fun doing that," Lars quickly switched off the projector and the angry princess vanished from sight. He wiped his sweaty pink forehead in relief. "Whoo. And I thought Sadie could be scary." He looked around at his fellow Off-Colors, all of them in various stages of shock over their captain's ordeal. "Sorry you all had to see that," Lars sighed.
"It's…okay…Lars," Fluorite said, leaning up into the cockpit. "Sometimes…it…just…isn't…meant...to…be." With a tender smile, she added, "Trust…us. We…know."
"Did you see how angry she was?" Rhodonite shuddered in her seat. "Yikes."
"Lars will not accept Mesmeralda's proposal," Padparadscha announced.
Lars grinned. "Thanks guys." He rested his hands behind his head and lay back in his captain's chair. "I mean, it's not like that decision is going to bite us in the butt in any way."
"They're in the Chatala-7 quadrant," Mesmeralda explained over the holo-projector. "That fool of a captain actually rejected my proposal, so I hope you make him suffer!"
"Thank you for this information, your highness," Emerald said with a wicked grin. "I'll see to it that you are well compensated for this."
"His head will do," Mesmeralda replied. "Or anything that's left of him." Blowing a kiss, she vanished from the screen.
"Fire up the nova thrusters!" Emerald yelled to her crew. "We're going on a hunt."
"Uh, commander?" one of Emerald's Ruby crewmembers asked, "Isn't it against the law to work with non-Gem life-forms?"
Emerald swiftly produced a destabilizer and poofed the daring Ruby. "Anyone else?" All the other crewmembers fearfully shook their heads.
"That's what I thought," As the ship roared into hyperspace, the Gem commander sat back and smiled in eager anticipation for a rematch against her most hated enemies.
And this time, there would be no escape.
'Log date…uh, I don't know. I lost count when we left the Tricera system. Anyway, we're somewhere in the Chatala-7 quadrant and things are the same as usual. I've been teaching the Off-Colors a lot more about Earth, though I can't call myself that good a teacher. I'm still trying to explain what a donut is to Pads and Roadie and the Rutes (Roots maybe?) think soda comes from the sky like rain. Least we don't have to worry too much about food and water. It's been, like, weeks (I think) since I finished that sandwich Steven brought me and I'm still not hungry. As long as Fluorite (got to come up with a nickname for her) can keep the Nova thrusters working, I'd say we're good to go.
I can't wait to see Sadie again. I still can't believe she's become a rock-star at this point. Then again, who am I to judge? I just rejected a character straight out of Passions of Xanxor. Maybe when I get back to Earth, we can…well, start over. Until then, I hope she has fun with the Cool Kids. Can't say I'm jealous anymore. I've got my own set of Cool Kids to hang with now.
This is Captain Lars Barriga, signing off. Bingo Bongo.'
"Captain Lars!" Rhodonite looked up from her screen in panic. "We've got a situation!"
Lars put away his holo-journal. "Put it on screen," he ordered. The viewscreen flashed and they came face-to-face with an old enemy.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Captain Lars and the Off-Clods," Emerald's smugly greeted them. "The scourge of Homeworld, once again in my grasps."
"Emerald," Lars sneered. "Don't you have anything better to do than chase us around the galaxy?"
"Oh, I've actually been quite busy lately," she smiled in self-satisfaction. "I've been good to the Diamonds. They've actually given me my own Pearl, my own fleet! Oh, and it's Commander Emerald now."
"Emerald is coming," Padparadscha announced. "And she's acting very smug."
"Well, I don't care how many ships you have," Lars stood up and confidently pointed a finger at her. "We've still got the fastest ship in the galaxy. There's no way you can catch us."
In spite of his confidence, Emerald's expression remained unchanged. In fact, she only seemed to grow more happy.
"Oh really?"
"Ship incoming!" one of the Rutile twins yelled.
"And it's a big one!" the other added.
With a massive boom, a massive green diamond-shaped ship appeared out of hyperspace. It was at least three times as large as the Destiny Destroyer. Lar's smile quickly faded.
"Like my new flagship?" Emerald boasted. "It's much faster than the Sun Incinerator and even more deadly than the Destiny Destroyer. I call it…THE SUN DESTROYER!"
Rhodonite screamed and ducked under her console. The other Off-Colors gasped. Lars would have made a joke about the lame name had he not been in shock.
"Oh," Emerald added, delighted at the fear on her enemies' faces. "And I no longer have any need for the Sun Incinerator. So," she pointed a finger gun at the screen, "boom."
"Emerald has a new ship. And she's planning on destroying us."
"RUBES!" Lars screamed. "GET US OUT OF HERE!"
The Sun Incinerator swerved and sped away.
"You fools can't escape me!" Emerald roared gleefully. "Follow them!" She bellowed at her crew. "And prep all weapons for fire!"
On her command, the back of the Sun Destroyer opened up, revealing four massive rocket engines and the four "tips" of the Diamond prongs slid open to reveal blasters and missile launchers. With another sonic bomb, the destroyer blasted after the Off-Colors.
"We're doomed! We're doomed!"
"Rhodonite, please calm down." Lars begged the fusion before radioing down to the engine room. "Fluorite!" he yelled. "Are the nova thrusters ready!"
"Yes," she crooked. "Preparing…to…launch…in…three…two…on-"
BOOM! The ship shook violently as something hit it.
Fluorite's eyes widened. "Oh…shi-"
"SHE'S FIRING AT US!" The twins yelled. "AND OUR THRUSTERS ARE OFFLINE!"
"Hahaha!" Emerald was practically bouncing in her seat as her ship gained on them. "Now I got-cha!"
"We've got to find some place to hide," Lars said, struggling to remain calm. "Roadie, what's the nearest planet? Roadie?"
But the fusion was beyond orders, now completely paralyzed with fear. "This is the end," she quietly whimpered, her four arms tightly hugging her body. "We're all going to die."
With her out of commission, Lars turned to her orange crewmate. "Pads," he ordered, "the nearest planet!"
"Ontono-16," she read off her monitor. "But it's a gas planet, incapable of supporting life. Also, our nova thrusters have been damaged."
BOOM! Another missile rocked the ship, this time causing all the crew members to fall out of their chairs.
"Wow, she wasn't kidding," the Rutiles said as they struggled back into their seats. "That ship is fast."
"Well maybe we can lose them in that!" Lars pointed out the viewpoint. They were at the edge of a massive asteroid field.
"You want us to go IN THERE!" Rhodonite shrieked. She curled on the floor and began bawling.
"Please…calm…down…Rhodonite," Fluorite said, her bulbous head emerging from the engine room.
"Captain, the twins argued, "The chances of us successfully navigating an asteroid field are-"
"JUST GO!" Lars yelled.
Realizing that they had no choice, the Rutile twins gulped and gunned the engines. "Hang on!"
Not even the fastest roller coaster on Earth could compare to what Lars and his crew went through next. They were all thrown around in their seats as the Sun Incinerator began zooming through the field, wildly swerving left and right to avoid hitting asteroids, all the while the Sun Destroyer followed in hot pursuit, it's blasters peppering the Incinerator with laser fire.
"Must go faster, must go faster," Lars muttered, nervously gripping the arms of his captain chair. Trying to ignore the sweat dripping down his face or the thundering of laserfire pounding away at their shields, he looked around at the state of his crew.
Poor Rhodonite was a mess, the terrified fusion being tossed all over the cockpit like a hackysack. The twins struggled to rapidly work the flight controls amidst all the shaking. Fluorite lost her balance and tumbled back down into the engine room. Padparadscha, surprisingly, didn't seem bothered by the whole thing and instead calmly sat in her seat, bobbing up and down with the motions of the ship. "Oh," she piped up, "We're going into an asteroid field."
"Yes thank you, Pads," Lars remarked sarcastically, as the ship shook from another direct hit.
"Ugh," Emerald frowned as she watched the Incinerator bob and weave over the viewscreen. "This is getting boring. Pearl, play that space music I downloaded from Earth." "Y-yes, my Emerald," her Pearl attempted a salute, but was almost thrown off her feet by the ship's rocking.
"Oh, excuse me," Emerald grunted as she went over and shoved the Ruby pilot out of her seat. "I wanna' fly."
The green commander was practically giddy as she took the ship controls in her greedy hands and electronic rap music began to play over the ship's loudspeakers.
🎵 [Opening hook-]
'Earth may be a pathetic planet,' she thought to herself, 'but at least their music is decent.'
[-]
Pressing a button, she shot a seismic charge at the Incinerator.
[-end]
"Look out!" Lars yelled. The charge tapped an asteroid and…
[It's full force when I step to the fore / Bringing you]
BAAAAAMMMMMMM! A massive sonic energy wave tore through the field,
[that fuel sourced fresh from the core / The flow penetrates to depths on the floor]
shredding asteroids in his path. The ship veered right, narrowly missing it. Sun
[Cutting sharp like I had the verse etched in a sword / It's our time, marking on set]
Destroyer followed, smashing asteroid bits into dust. "Now, this is fun!" Emerald
[we drop the live rhythms]
hollered. "Woooo-Hoooo!"
[A fine line, movement precise, connect the hive mind]
The two ships danced around the asteroid field, the Destroyer matching all of the
[/I write mine, think ink strokes, hue like iodine / The blueprint, those huge quotes]
Incinerator's movements like a fusion partner. The smaller ship struggled to avoid
[that my mind designs]
the stream of blaster fire.
[Ungh, beggers on a roll]
"Oh," Lars moaned, "I think I'm gonna be SICK!"
[I'mma stay gettin' so my pockets stay swole / Every day bangin']
BAAAAAMMMMMMM! The ship went spinning as another charge exploded off the
[till my chest plate gold / Cause the riddim ain't done if the lyrics ain't cold]
port side. The misfit Gems bounced around inside like a sack of potatoes.
[I'mma keep reppin so you can live it up]
"You know, I think this is kind of fun," Pads said.
[Beggers keep on kickin' and pushin' so give it up]
"JUST TELL US THE PAST!" Everyone else yelled back.
[We ain't tryna chill or nuttin' so pick it up]
"I'm going to get on everyone's nerves."
[Get sick with it till I'm baggin' up a bigger cut]
"Come on, come on!" Emerald whined. "STOP MOVING!"
[We coming in hard the taskforce / Systems blowing up fast on dance floors]
"Missiles!" The twins yelled. The ship dived and the missiles collided.
[We gotta make those moves / We gotta make those moves]
"Ah man, I don't know how much more I can take of this!" Lars screamed, pinned to the roof.
[We coming up blasting that force]
"HOW DO YOU THINK WE FEEL?!" everyone shouted back.
[Giving phat crowds just what they asked for.]
"I'm having fun." "SHUT UP PADS!"
[We gotta make those moves / We gotta make those moves]
Missile after missile exploded behind them, breaking apart asteroids that the Destroyer didn't smash through.
[hook-]
'That's it!" Lars thought, "I am SO done with roller coasters when I get back to Earth.'
[-]
"WHY WON'T YOU USELESS CLODS JUST DIEEEEEEEEEEE?! Emerald
[-]
shrieked like a crazy madwoman.
[-end]🎵
(Two real-time minutes of indescribable rap music later)
The Incinerator was out of the asteroid field, bruised and battered from Emerald's musical rampage. Although they'd miraculously managed to lose the vicious green Gem and her spaceship of death, it looked like they wouldn't be going anywhere for quite some time.
"Fl-Fl-Fluorite," Lars moaned, his face now an ugly brownish mixture of green and pink. "S-See if you can get the engines…" he suddenly swallowed a mouthful of vomit. "ba-back into shape. I-I gotta-oh!" He felt another surge rise up his throat. Jumping out of his seat, Lars ran to the space toilet (yes, the ship has one) to relieve himself. The Off-Colors heard the door slam behind him.
"Okay," The Rutile twins said after a few moments of silence. "Let's agree to NEVER let Captain Lars take interstellar calls EVER again."
"Agreed," all the others said in unison.
There was silence again.
"Emerald has some very interesting tastes in music,"
THE END
Yeah, it's a bit long for a one-shot, but I felt it would be better than splitting it into two chapters.
- The part with the space princess came from my dream (though I made up the name Mesmeralda).
If you're curious about the actual dream, here's a synopsis: It was basically the same premise as Lars of the Stars, but set to an 80s rock theme (it sounded a lot like Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum). Connie and Steven were there, but they had big funky afros. Emerald takes off in a smaller ship and tries to shoot down the Sun Incinerator. And then it got weird (er). We get a POV shot of Lars (where everything is pink) and Stevonnie turns into a sexy pink alien princess (wearing a very revealing outfit) who tells (us) Lars that they can rule the galaxy together. Then I woke up.
No, I don't have any sexual attraction to Stevonnie. My dream-self (consciousness) thought I was watching a rerun of Lars of the Stars and kept thinking, "please don't be Stevonnie! That outfit is way too sexy for them!" when the princess appeared.
Like I said, a really weird dream.
- Also, the song in this story is called "Make Those Moves" by I Am Legion (some band). It was used in a similar situation in the Auralnauts video (called Bass Wars, if anyone's interested), hence my inspiration.
- I hope my combination of musical lyrics with storylines didn't confuse too many people. I was just experimenting with a new writing technique. I'm planning on doing something similar later on in my Tricked AU story.
I hope you all enjoyed the story. Please leave a comment and hit that fav/follow button if you want more stories! I'll see you all next time!