Aftermath

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas

This is one I have waited a long time to find the right words for; it has literally taken me two years to write this. Chapter orders have changed, edited and altered.

I started watching CM during season 5 and then backtracked. I am not one to be brought to tears by a TV show, but this ep did it and still does to this day. There will be one chapter for each character.

This story is based somewhere between 100 and The Slave of Duty, not necessarily the same day for each character. However it is all prior to the funeral.

I dedicate this story to everyone who has been lucky enough to find their true love but had the misfortune to have lost them, may you be reunited again one day.

This chapter is focused on Strauss. I haven't written much with Strauss but have enjoyed attempting her point of view in both the more traditional view of her and as she was later portrayed. Obviously for this the 'Bitch' is back, but I like to think that the softer side was always there hidden underneath. Call me an old softy. I realise this might not be where you expected me to start but . . .

. . .

Tears are the silent language of grief.

Voltaire, writer

. . .

Erin sat alone in the darkness of her immaculate office. The only light radiated out from her desk lamp. Under the bright stream was an open file. The contents now a blur as Erin failed to focus. On this occasion not due to the clear contents of the crystal tumbler in her hands. On this occasion it was the solitary tear that trickled from each eye that was causing the disturbance in her vision. She had stumbled as she had read from the medical report this afternoon and still its words beat her.

Even the frozen ice queen of the FBI couldn't fail to be moved by the contents of the reports that had been submitted following 'the incident'. Add to that the heartfelt responses she had heard first hand from each team member throughout the investigation hearing and . . . well she had been blown away.

Deep down she knew she should be over the moon. Finally she had all she needed to bury Aaron Hotchner once and for all. This was what she had worked towards for a long time. But there was no satisfaction in this ending. No-one could feel happy with such a devastating outcome – no matter how much she had wanted rid of that man. Aaron Hotchner had clearly believed his whole family were at risk and had done what was necessary to protect his son. She couldn't argue with that. She only wished there had been better words to express her sorrow at what had happened. 'I'm sorry for your loss,' seemed so inadequate.

After all she was a mother herself. She would give everything to save her children. However many would not believe it with all that her family had sacrificed for her career. But she would, she would die for them. Sighing deeply she wondered if she could have been as composed as Haley Hotchner. The reports all speak of her courage. The recording of the final conversation she had with Aaron spoke volumes for her bravery.

Shuffling the papers before taking another sip of the neat vodka, Erin couldn't help but wonder if she would be capable of the same level of dignity as Haley Hotchner. Erin paused as the selection of scene of crime photos fell once more from the folder. Horror was evident on her face as she tried to image what it must have been like for those members of the BAU as they arrived on scene. Let alone what Aaron went though.

Swallowing the contents of the glass Erin pushed herself out of her seat, heading towards the cupboard to refill her glass. Making it a large one, she made a mental note to ring for a cab to get home. There were nights like this, when it all got too much and she just needed to numb her mind to what the world had become. She had even been known to stay the night so as not to take this all home to her family, but not tonight.

Tonight she needed her family. She needed to see and feel them, to be with them. She needed an opportunity to appreciate all that she had. If there was one thing the past few days had taught her was that you never knew when it may all be ripped away from you. Making an additional mental note to have a full security review for her family and home organised tomorrow, Erin leant against the window.

Staring out in to the dark night, the darkness reflecting the sombre mood that had settled across the BAU since the incident, Erin sighed deeply consuming more of the crystal clear liquid. It burned her throat, and she knew she should stop. But there were some nights, not all, but some when this was the only comfort she had. It defended her from the world she worked in.

On this occasion it had all been too close for comfort, far too close. It was one thing to sign off reports about faceless victims who names she would never remember, but seeing images of Haley had nearly beaten her. Erin prided herself on her composure, her ability to remain unfazed like her male colleagues. She had to prove she was as strong as them, if not stronger. This could not break her – not after all she had gone through to get here.

In one swift movement she swallowed the remaining liquid, made a quick call and gathered up her things. It was time to go home, to distance herself from all of this.

. . .

Opening the door, Erin slipped quietly inside. She left her bags and shoes by the door and headed towards the kitchen, where she knew she would find her husband. She could already smell the wondrous meal he was cooking up for them. He had always been far more domesticated then she was.

Stepping silently into the brightly lit room her eyes instantly rested on the open bottle of red. Instinctively she reached for a glass and poured herself one.

"I thought you might be in need," Robert acknowledged as she took the first sip. "Still facing a rough ride?"

Erin nodded solemnly, issues resurfacing in her mind. Her husband moved round the counter and hugged her from behind, "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. I'm so glad you are out of the field and safe in that office of yours."

Erin snorted mildly, as her eyes shut and she leant back into his arms. "Are the kids in bed?" she finally asked.

"Uh-huh," he mumbled into her hair.

"I think I'll go up and see them," Erin pulled herself out of her husband's arms and left him cooking their meal.

She tiptoed up the lavishly carpeted stairs, reaching the first of the rooms. Cracking the door open she peeped in, her eldest daughter slumbered softly, her breath barely audible. Not wanting to disturb her, knowing how lightly she slept, she made her way to her other daughter's room. Slipping silently into the pink paradise she smiled at the young girl, bedclothes all over the place. She was snoring slightly, arms and legs everywhere as her unruly curls crashed liked waves over the pillows. Erin pulled the blankets up over her, tucking them in once more. Wiping a singular curl from her face she placed a quick kiss on her cheek, the action causing her daughter to shuffle into a new position.

Finally she made her way to her son's room. Robert Junior was cocooned within his blankets so his face was the only thing she could see and that was barely visible. He was the polar opposite to his younger sister in every sense of the word. All three of her children were complete individuals; no-one could doubt that. She planted a kiss on his forehead and turned to leave. Making her way back downstairs Erin felt better with the knowledge that her family were safe and secure.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs she resolved that she would spend more quality time with her family, making sure they realised just how much they meant to her.