Just Don't Tell My Heart
Chandler looked at the clock beside his bed. 2:32. After getting back from seeing Phoebe and the babies at the hospital, he and Monica had decided it was probably best not to meet up tonight, afraid Rachel and Joey would not be sound enough asleep to sneak around. Or at least not sound asleep enough for them to do…other things.
He sighed and frowned; this was the first night since London they hadn't met up at all. Even though he had spent most of the past two days with her, that just hadn't been enough. He wanted more. He couldn't get enough of her. And she had spent the past few nights at his place, so his bed smelled like her, and it was killing him.
2:33.
He sighed, trying to think of anything to keep his mind off of Monica.
He stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out what the cracks resembled. But that just reminded him of the last time he had stared up at the ceiling, trying to do the same thing. Earlier that week, Monica has been teasing him, trying to get a reaction out him, and he had been staring at the ceiling, trying to do anything to keep his mind off of what she was doing to him, trying for once to win at something against her.
It hadn't worked. He had lasted about three minutes before wrapping his arms around her, eventually pinning her down as he flipped her onto her back, trading positions with her. She had let out a small scream in surprise, prompting Joey to come over to investigate. Chandler had pretended to be having a nightmare, while Monica clung to him under the covers, stifling giggles at Joey's reaction of easily accepting the girlish scream as coming from Chandler.
Chandler smiled at the memory, but then frowned. Staring at the ceiling was not helping.
2:35.
Trying to think of something else to occupy his mind, he tried to think of an annoying song to get stuck in his head. 'But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, I just don't think it'd understand. And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, it might blow up and kill this man, ooooh!'
Chandler grimaced. Where in his head was he storing that song? He sighed heavily. Now, not only did he still want to, need to see Monica, he also had the, quite possibly, most annoying, one-hit wonder song ever stuck in his head.
Per-fec-tion.
2:37.
"Fuck it," he said outloud, throwing back his blanket. Even if Joey and Rachel weren't asleep, fuck it. He would make something up if needed. He grabbed his robe, pulling it on as he slowly opened his bedroom door, relieved when he was met by silence. He quickly made his way across the apartment to the door, being careful to open and close it quietly. He used the key he now kept in his robe pocket to unlock the girls' front door, sighing when he was again met with absolute silence. He opened Monica's door slowly, not sure whether or not he actually wanted to wake her up. He did, but he didn't at the same time. He wanted a few kisses, but at the same time, she looked so cute sleeping.
He hung his robe on the back of her door rather than just dropping it on the floor, thinking of Monica's previous reaction to the latter action, before slipping into bed with her. Pulling her into his arms, he smiled into her hair as he breathed in her scent, cherishing her warmth against him. This was what he had been waiting for the past couple of hours, alone in his bed.
"I thought we were just sleeping tonight," Monica whispered, not fully awake.
"We can just sleep together," he whispered in reply.
"Good. I kinda missed you," she continued to whisper, eyes still closed as she turned to kiss him.
"Me, too," he kissed her twice more before she nuzzled into his shoulder. He finally closed his eyes, now content.
Maybe content wasn't the right word to describe this feeling, but he wasn't sure what was. It was like his heart was so full it could burst and spread the content-ness with the world. Or something like that. In his younger years, he might have used the word "love" to describe this feeling. But, older and wiser (or at least more experienced, hurt, and somewhat cynical), he wasn't up for using that word quite yet.
He did, however, lack the right word for this feeling. It was like everything he had felt for any woman, ever, in addition to the friendly feelings of love and affection he already had for Monica, which was already quite a bit, and then take that times about three.
They needed to invent a word for that feeling.
Or, perhaps, there already was a word for the feeling, but he wasn't about to admit it, either in his head or outloud. They hadn't even labeled what was between them as a relationship yet. They were in that murky grey area between friendship and relationship, teetering closer and closer to the relationship side of the spectrum every single day. He thought for a moment; they had always been a bit closer to the grey area than to the friendship part.
However, they had just admitted to being one step above messing around, they weren't ready to be all official yet, with ridiculous labels like "boyfriend" and "girlfriend," or throwing around serious words like "love."
He did like her a whole awful lot, though. Maybe even…L-word her.
'Just don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart,' the song again played in his head, and he laughed outloud at himself.
"What's so funny?" Monica sleepily whispered, and Chandler shook his head.
"Just me and the way my head works," he whispered in reply, tightening his arms around her.
"Yea, I've always thought the way your head works was pretty amusing," she smiled, pulling back as she finally opened her eyes.
"Ouch," he smiled back as she kissed him again before settling back into his arms. "Mon?" he whispered again, after a few moments.
"Hm?"
"I kinda like you…a whole lot," he finally admitted outloud, trying to keep his voice from shaking. "You know that right?"
She smiled up at him. "I kinda like you a whole lot, too," she admitted back, and he was glad she sounded as nervous as he felt.
"K. Just wanted to make sure," he kissed her forehead, closing his eyes after squinting at the clock one more time.
2:52.
Maybe it had been the need to get that feeling out that was keeping him awake, not the lack of Monica in his arms.
Monica kissed him again on his bare chest where her head was lying. He smiled at the small act of affection, finally giving into the exhaustion he hadn't realized he felt.
Maybe it had been a combination of the two feelings keeping him awake.
Or, maybe, it was a different feeling entirely, one that he just wasn't about to admit yet….
After going to my step-sister's wedding this weekend, I was in the mood to write some mushy stuff. And there is no better time for that than 5th season, so there ya have it! Hope you liked it :) I might even have a few more of these one-shots up my sleeves. Review, please and thanks!
Oh, and the song in Chandler's head is "Achy Breaky heart" by the one and only Hannah Montana's dad, Billy Ray Cyrus. My mom has a rather amusing home video of one of my friends singing along to the song at the top of her lungs at my 6th birthday party, haha. It's especially amusing because she is wearing a clearly early 90's outfit, rocking a side ponytail. And the birthday party is at a skating rink, so her performance is in public. Whenever I hear his name, I immediately associate it with that, and play the video in my head. Oh, good times…That was off-topic! Sorry, just had to share, going now!
:)