C: This will be hilarious. I'm so glad I thought of doing this!
B: Yes. kolkolkol
C: TWILIGHT, RE-VAMPED!
B: Haha, so very punny.
C: WE OWN NOTHING, other than the plot-line. All characters belong to their respective owners, all of which I am sure are very rich and well off and... Basically, not Britty and me. Oh, and beware incredible OOC-ness, swearing, romance, randomness, yaoi/slash, and, basically, lot's of things rated M. *creepy voice* You have been warned~!

Everything was going fine on this normal day at Forks High School. The Cullens were being their usual anti-social selves and Bella was staring at her love (coughcoughObsession!coughcough)from across the cafeteria.

That was, until the cafeteria doors suddenly slammed open.

Two girls skipped into the cafeteria. Both had glasses, but the taller one had black hair, while the shorter one had brown. (B: IT'S GINGER! C: IT IS FUCKING NOT!) The taller one let the shorter skip ahead, and some jaws dropped when they realized where exactly she was skipping to.

The Cullen family was in a state of shock; not only was this girl skipping toward them, but those that had gifts started acting up. Edward kept getting pervy thoughts from the brunette about a tall man wearing a scarf and a man with glasses and a bomber jacket making out. (RusAme forever!) Alice was receiving no visions whatsoever. Not to mention poor Jasper, who had his constipated look back on with twice it's normal feeling. Rosalie and Emmet, seeing this, were tensing up.

Both of them tensed EVEN more when the shorter girl went up and stood next to Rosalie. She fixed the blonde with an intense glare.

"This seat is mine, bitch. Kindly take your head out of your ass, and get your shit out of your eyes. Maybe then you'll see that you're not much better than the rest of us!"

All Rosalie could manage back was an "Excuse me?" as Emmet burst out in laughter,.

The brunette seemed to be trying to keep her serious expression. However, she failed miserably and ended up leaning onto the table and pounding it with her fists as she howled in laughter.

"I've always wanted to say that!" She then went back to laughing madly.

But all the laughter stopped, (except for dear Captain, of course), eyes widened futher, and jaws dropped lower as they watched the next scene unfold.

The taller Raven had sat herself onto Edwards lap and had smushed her hands onto each side of his face while her lips crushed against his.

She pulled back after a few seconds with a lopsided grin on her face. She leaned in again, looking at Edward's cheeks, she pulled back and announced to the whole cafeteria, "I KNEW IT! I KNEW THIS WHOOOLE TIME! HE'S A VAMPIRE! LOOK CAPTAIN, LOOK! LOOK AT THIS! HE ISN'T EVEN BLUSHING, LET ALONE PANTING!" She exaggerated all this information more by waving her arms frantically in the air, and hitting Alice in the process.

"No shit, Sherlock, he's a fucking wood fairy! I fucking learned that when I looked at the summary on the back! You need to get with the program!" the girl who must be known as Captain retorted.

She then glanced over at where she knew Bella to be seated. "Ohh... Britty, you just got yourself an enemy~!" she yelled as she kicked back in her seat, propped her feet up on the table, and pulled out an iPad from her magically appearing bag and started to listen to Linkin Park.

"Do I look like I give a single fuck about that bitch?" the one now known as 'Britty' cursed as she started to snuggle into the crook of Edward's neck.

"Besides, Eddy is mine now!" she screamed out as she glared at the poor girl.

"He's your bitch now, isn't he?" Captain laughed. "As long as I get Mikey!"

She then gagged, and said to their still watching audience, "Just kidding, people, just kidding! Stanley can keep him!"

"I will take Emmet and Jasper, though!" She leaned over the blonde woman that was glaring hatefully at her and kissed Emmet on the cheek. "I gots my own harem now, bitch!" Who she was saying this to was unclear, but whatever floats her boat, I guess.

"And don't feel abandoned, Jazzy! I know alllll about your little problem, and we can work through this!" She reached over and patted his arm

The raven glared at her with a playful hatred. "I get Carlisle then!", she sang with a childish voice.

"Go ahead and take him! I'm not into older men anyway..." However, that may be rather ironic seeing as the vampires she was claiming were all over one hundred years old.

However, she now had a disgusted look on her face.

"God, I just creeped myself out. Hey, Eddie! Did you get that mental picture? On a scale of one to ten, how creeped out are you?" She gave him a sweet smile.

Edward, by this point, had turned his head completely around and was staring with aghast horror at Captain. It looked as if someone had just told him that the toothbrush he had been using was also shared with the family dog. (B: All you Jacob fans, picture this!)

Edward started to splutter incoherent words as he turned from Captain to Britty and back again.

"Did you break him, Captain?! If you did, you're paying for repairs!"

"Well, if I remember correctly, Jazzy has trained as a psychologist."

"I'm not broken, but how the hell did she grow up with such a disturbing mind?!" Edward half screamed, half sobbed. He then jumped up, and pointed an accusing finger at Captain.

He gave up trying to warn every one of her cruel and torturous mind and started to cry dry tears into the front of Britty's shirt.

Britty eyes twitched as Edward mumbled around both of the things that were squashing his head from both sides.

"Eddie-darling, I am glad Captain didn't break you with her disturbing thoughts… But I might have to break you with my FISTS!" Britty screeched as she slammed both of her balled up fists onto Edwards skull, and then screamed out in pain.

"That looked like it hurt! You okay, Britty? And hey, I take offense to that!"

There was a long silence "...Granted, I was the one that corrupted you..." They both looked off into the distance, (AKA, the Emo Table), and snorted.

But their attention was then claimed by the sound of Edward hitting his head against the table.

"That's a nice dent you made there, Eddie! I'm gonna name it Kyle!" Captain inserted enthusiastically.

Britty snorted. "What is it with you and naming inanimate objects?"

Captain just looked at her. "...And this is coming from someone that named a part of their anatomy BOB?! You're one to talk!"

"It's JIMMY you bitch! And Jimmy is special..." Britty trailed off she started to fondly poke at a wart on her elbow.

Captain mumbled something about having to "…deal with your crazy shit (B: Haha, bats.)everyday…" Britty seemed to ignore this comment, and kept poking... "Jimmy."

Suddenly, Rosalie seemed to decide she had had enough of this madness.

As Rosalie started to rise, Britty suddenly jumped up with an exclamation. "Cappy, I wonder , can we bring other fictional characters into this even if they are from another fandom?" She said looking at Captain curiously, awaiting an answer.

"What do you mean 'other fictional characters'? We're real!" Rosalie shouted.

"Keep telling yourself that, hunny." Captain remarked, sticking her tongue out. "And really, I don't see why not. Emmy, Jazzy, how would you fancy some more harem brothers?"

With this, she reached into her bag, seemed to grope around a bit, and pulled an animal out. Upon closer examination, it was identified as a pure white ferret.

"Is that who I think it is...?" Britty looked pointedly at the ferret, who by now was squeaking and trying to escape. However, Captain was ignoring this and stroking the ferret like you see those evil villains do to cats in movies.

She looked up asbesntmindedly. "Yes... Yes it is."

The Britannian pulled off her suddenly there black cloak and spun it around, hitting Alice in the face again. As she pulled it away it revealed a elderly man, in his late 50s(?) and she proudly bowed before him.

"Let me introduce, Dr. Hannibal Lecter, my mentor." She then broke down into insanely maddening cackles not unlike the aunt of a certain white ferret.

"Not him again..." Captain muttered. "HE EATS PEOPLE! HE'LL BE THE START OF THE ZOMBIE INFECTION!" She shouted madly.

"You mean to tell me, that you brought 'Hannibal the Cannibal' into this school?" Screeched Rosalie, who had finally found her voice again.

"I assure you my dear, I am very controlled." Said the Doctor in a gentle but charismatic voice.

"Famous last words, I tell you." Three guesses as to who said that, and the first two don't count.

Dr. Lecter turned to Captain with a feral glint in his eyes, the very same in our Brit's eyes.
"Did my protogee ever tell you how I absolutely loath rude people?" The Doctor straightened his back and turned to said protogee, not noticing Captain stick out her tongue at his back.

"I believe I have stayed my welcome in this certain facility, I will join in his study at his home. You may join us when you are done with this uncouth company." He gave a chilling stare at Captain as he passed. "Oh and Romano, I may not have eyes in the back of my head, but Britannia's glasses are more than reflective enough to see what's behind me. If you don't keep that tongue in its proper place, it might need to be removed. Do well to heed my advice. Good day." And with that, Hannibal continued his walk towards the cafeteria doors.

Captain made a cross with her fingers and turned her body to face him as he left the room.

"Sorry about that." Britty said sheepishly as she turned to her companion. "Did I forget to mention he doesn't like rude people?" She peeped before picking up a piece of paper on the ground.

"Sorry, I don't make a habit of being nice to murderers. Plus, he creeps me the fuck out."

Britty read the note before looking up and clearing her throat.

"This says, 'You have both called forth a character, you both have one more. Do not waste it. Your challenge will begin shortly.' What do you think it means?" She asked with big, curious blue-grey eyes in Captain's direction.

"Dafuq? Is this the Hunger Games or some shit...?" She sighed. "And here I was, about to go fangirl when I realized I could call Spain and Alti, and..." She swooned, and continued to list fictional characters.

"Well, we only both get one more, and it depends on what type of challenge..."

"I hate cryptics... They piss me off."

"Maybe we should bring Rowena Ravenclaw's ghost to help us out..." Britty mused. "WAIT! I DIDN'T MEAN THAT!" She shouted at the ceiling, but it was too late.

A film of white mist formed in front of the two and shaped into a human figure.

"Fail, Britty. Epic Fail." Captain face-palmed.

"I wonder why it didn't work, then, when I went on about all the characters I love. Oh well..." Captain said, looking at the now sobbing Brit who was banging her head next to Kyle.

Britty looked up and retorted, "Probably since you had a list."

"I thought that it would give the first character I said, smart-one." She looked up at the ghost floating in front of them.

"Well, either way, I do believe we are royally fucked."

C: Well, that's all for now, folks~! Britty has magically disappeared, leaving me to write the finishing AN. :(

Bitch.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read what our crazy minds come up with. Sorry for the scars this may have left on you, mentally or physically.

Well, if you enjoyed it, we hope you review. If you enjoyed it but have some helpful, CONSTRUCTIVE critism, we hope you review. If you feel the need to flame us, I hope you go dig a hole and die.

We DID warn you in the beginning~!

Flock On,
Captain and Britty, (who is here in spirit).