A/N- Hey guys! This is my take on a conversation I think Merlin and Arthur would have had (I'd like to think they did- my shipper heart swoons) after the end of the series, many years later. Side note- whilst reading this or even before, it would be great if you guys listened to: Saturn by Sleeping at last, it might help set a more sombre mood. Hope you guys like it.

All characters belong to the BBC.

Truth. It's never simple. Not as you'd wish it to be, even after all he's faced, Merlin had to learn the hard way, that some truths aren't as easy as others, not when they're to do with Arthur.

After years of living a mundane life much had changed for Merlin, with no immediate threats and consoling a broken heart, he manged to come across the horn of Cathbhadh and he was struck dumb as to why he did not think to search for the object before.

And so, on the day of Beltane, the following year, Merlin found himself at the Great Stones of Nemeton. At first, Merlin found himself unable to use it, maybe it was fear, maybe it was something else but something was stopping him. Eventually, he succumbed to his yearning, to the years of longing and the deed was done.

The gates opened on command of an ancient sound and with dread, Merlin felt a pull of nothing and everything all at once and entered the unknown.

…

There he stood, irrevocably and utterly untouchable; their bond carried into the afterlife and Arthur stood, looking no older or younger than the day he died, all grey, blonde and blue.

It seemed like an eternity- eon's even- as they stared at one another, searching for words, something to indicate that this was reality- or a reality of sorts in this plane.

Unspilt tears chocked Merlin's words, all he could muster was a faint whisper. "Why?"

"Why, what Merlin?" At first the question escaped Merlin's attention because to hear him say his name was transcending, something other than more.

Arthur repeated, "Why, what Merlin?"

"Why did you leave me?"

"I can't justify you with an answer, not one you would want to hear." Arthur wasn't sure how he was able to remain so composed, so cold, he wasn't ready, not for this, anything but this.

"You can. You have too!" Merlin demanded. "Why didn't you hold on, face death and say no?" He was openly scowling, sorrow mixed with anger and his previous silence was anything but.

"Why didn't you stay, huh, stay for me? For the kingdom we were finally able to build?" He was crying now, tears he did not know escaped his eyes. Hurried steps took him closer to Arthur, right in his face, asking, constantly asking question after question. Half of what he said made little sense.

Such pertinence in the face of futility. But he needed to speak or else his grief would take over and he was afraid he would never speak again.

"Because, Merlin, I don't have the power to control something as consequential as death" Arthur replied, exasperated.

"Arthur, you do! You could have!" He pushed on.

"You could have staye-" Merlin chocked yet again, "you could have stayed for me. Why didn't you stay for me?" Arthur had never heard a person sound so helpless.

"Because I loved you, in more ways than one and I think it took me too long to realise that and now it's too late, and that's the truth." He sighed, "our truth."

Despite not wanting to, Arthur continued, he had too. "I loved you and when it was finally my time to return the favour for all that you had done, I was scared- I wa- I was bloody terrified and death… death seemed the only way out and so I let go. I. LET. GO." And that was the biggest lie Arthur ever told.

His heart broke and his expression gave nothing away. For he did not want Merlin to live the rest of his days in mourning. He wanted that sadness, all that heart ache to turn to anger, he wanted Merlin to harbour nothing but hatred towards him.

…

The hatred Merlin was left with, the hatred he felt towards Arthur- the hatred forged by Arthur himself- for giving up so easily out of fear, the opposite of what his moral code of conduct refused, willed Merlin to outlive men and never face death. Merlin was stubborn and he showed the world, showed Arthur that he would not give up or succumb to death out of fear and it was just as Arthur wished it.

Arthur resented all the Gods and their merciless ways, he resented magic and how it could not truly help him when he needed it most. He didn't want to let go, he fought death as bravely as his mortal soul would allow but it was his destiny to go. And so, he resented eternity because that was what Merlin now faced and it was his own doing.

For Arthur did not want to return to a world without Merlin and so he let his own selfishness change the course of a life, as it was the only way he would return to a world where his Merlin remained and even if it was out of spite, he would deal with that when destiny willed it.

I hope you guys enjoyed it, please leave a review, they're always appreciated and have a lovely day!

-Sunshine and Tears.