I gotta thank one of my best friends, who wants to remain nameless, for giving me this! She had the idea, and the first few chapters, but was unable to finish it, so she handed it over to me, and I love her for it because I had the best time writing this! I thank her again!

So, onto our Cargan angst.

Carlos laid on his bed, tears falling down his face rapidily. He pillow was soaked from the tear that had fallen over the past hours over the past few days.

He couldn't believe what happened. He wasn't going to believe it. He didn't want to believe it!

"Carlos?" A voice said, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Carlos lifted his head away from this pillow to see James and Kendall standing in his doorway.

"H-Hi." He said, sitting up and wiping his eyes. "What are you guys doing here?" But even before he could finish the sentence, tears filled his eyes again, and they were falling by the time he did.

"Oh, Litos." James said, walking over and pulling Carlos into his arms. Carlos immedinatly broke down again, worse than when he was crying into his pillows if his muffled cries and shaking body were any sign.

James sat down on the bed next to Carlos, and Kendall walked over from the doorway and sat on Carlos' otherside, also joining in on the hug. The feeling only made Carlos feel worse, the realization of what was missing coming back with force, even though it never really went away. Carlos started crying harder, almost at the verge of hyperventilating.

"Shh, shh." James soothed, gently running a hand through Carlos' hair while Kendall rubbed his back. "Calm down buddy, just a little. You need to breathe."

Carlos just held his breath for a second, before taking a deep, and shaky, breath in. He let it out slowly, a slight whimper escaping a long with it, before he started coughing. He buried his face deeper into James' chest as he tried to stop crying. He was still shaking, and tears were still falling, but James was happy with the fact he was near hysteria anymore.

James looked at Kendall, who, just like himself, also had tears falling down. Kendall had his head resting against the back off Carlos' shoulder, gently running a hand up and down his back. His once bright green eyes had become dark, and have been so for the past few days.

James gently took a hand away from Carlos' hair to run it through his own. It probably looked like a wreck, apposed to what his hair usually looked like. He'd barely run a comb through it now, his lucky comb moving from constantly being in his back pocket to living on his bathroom sink. He wanted the world to be able to get a glimpse of how he felt on the inside.

James took a deep breath, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't make Carlos' more upset. "We miss him too." He whispered just loud enough for the two boys that were piled on top of one another to hear.

And that ultimently was the worst thing he could've said.

Carlos shot up like a rocket at that those 4 words. Kendall collapsed into James' lap at the sudden disapperance of his support. "Not like I do!" Carlos shouted suddenly, tears falling rapidly. Neither boy moved, too shocked by Carlos' unexpected mood change. "He was always there for me, always! W-when my parents started getting really busy, he was there for me! He wouldn't let me feel alone, but now he's gone because of me!" Carlos took a deep breath, his energy levels seeming to drop impossibly lower. He sat down on the far end of the bed, taking another deep breath.

"When I joined boy scouts when we were 10, and I had to sell that stupid popcorn, he went door to door with me, everyday. Basically all through middle school, he came over almost every night to help me with my homework. He did so much for me, but I never did anything for him." The tears were falling more slowly the more Carlos talked.

Kendall stood up and walked around James to sit down next to Carlos. "And how's it your fault?"

Carlos sighed. "If I hadn't..." He trailed off.

"If you hadn't what, 'Litos?" Kendall asked, gently putting a hand on Carlos' shoulder.

Carlos sighed again.

It was late, well after 10. Carlos and Logan were walking around the local park. Both their parents were working late that night, and neither of them felt like going home yet.

"So, I'm hoping that will make it work." Logan finished.

Carlos blinked and mentally shook his head. He had totally spaced everything Logan had said, which was something about the newest project he couldn't get working. He had been more focused on watching the taller brunette. From the way his eyes glinted, to the way the moon light reflected off his pale skin, and how he smiled as he talked about whatever it was.

"It sounds good." Carlos said, staring at the ground, his face heating up.

"Okay, what's up?" Logan asked, stopping.

Carlos stopped too, looking up at Logan with a puzzeled look. "What makes you think something's wrong?"

Logan shrugged. "You just seem kind of quite, and you have that look in your eyes like your thinking about something. Something more than something food related." Logan smiled, but concern was still pricking at his brown eyes.

Carlos didn't know what came over him, whether it was Logan smiling at him, or the fact he knew Carlos so well, but Carlos leaned foward and brought his lips to Logan's.

It took about 4 secondsd for Carlos' to realize what was happening and pull away. He was so shocked by his own actions that he just turned and ran. He could hear Logan calling and running after him, but Carlos had gotten a long head start, and was able to lose him easily.

The next day, when Carlos had gotten the news that Logan was missing, he started thinking back over the night. He'd miss little details, like the fact that Logan had actually kissed him back in those few seconds, and that when Carlos pulled away Logan had been smiling.

And 2 days later, when he got the news that they had found Logan's car, he had been over joyed. But that small peice of news didn't end there. They had found Logan's car at the bottom of a local river, with no signs of Logan. The driver's window had been broken, so it was guessed that Logan was able to get out of the car, but unable to get out of the river, which was flowing swift and deep from the rain they had gotten over the days before.

Carlos knew it was his fault Logan had died, and that his body was gone. If he hadn't kissed him that night, maybe Logan would've stayed the night at his house, maybe he hadn't gone out for that drive. Or, maybe if Carlos had realized that Logan wasn't upset about the kiss, maybe they'd be together now, like Carlos had dreamed of. Now, they couldn't be together, ever. Because Logan was dead and gone.

Okay, so, that was kinda bad. Sorry about that. I have to get off the computer in 5 minutes, and that just seemed like a good place to stop.

Fun Fact: I wrote this while listening to BTR's new-ish song "Epic", which is really strange because the song and the story have, like, completely different moods to them. XD

So, this is written for the Febuary 6th Big Time Rush One Shot Day, but, if you guys like it and review telling me you like it, I just might make it a multi-chap, because I do have an idea for it.

So, yeah, review!

-Saun