In the shadows
1
Fíli was suffering through the most boring one of the most boring nights. Which, for him, meant feasts. He was nursing a good mug of ale, however, he could not predict, for how long. He felt hunted. All those simpering, fickle ladies tried to catch him for a round of dance, and he hated it, passionately. He hated dancing. He hated being disrupted and leaving his drink half-drunk. He hated that all the ladies wanted his attention, like everyone else in the mountain. He wanted to be selfish for a little while, and during feasts, he could afford it less than at any other time.
He only wanted to disappear into the shadows, to a dark corner, with a pretty lass willing to have some fun… but there were no dark corners in the hall tonight and there were no willing lasses, only ladies, who all were just the same. Boring and hungry for attention.
His eyes found Kíli, returning through a side door – probably from a dark corner, from the pleasuring embrace of some serving lass. Damn Kíli and his luck to be born second. He had the time and the good mood to charm anyone, while Fíli was tired by the days' activities – reading through contracts, making up for the King's… well, shortcomings, checking on security affairs, making decisions, listening to petty quarrels, enduring his long time friend (headache) and his mother's ideas… He might only be the heir of the kingdom, but he was the real ruler behind (or not so behind?) the scenes.
Thorin was mad. It was a well-known truth, but no one dared to voice it.
Thorin had fought the dragon sickness once, but a sickness of the mind was not so easy to get rid of. Once it appeared, it made home in the head, and has never gone away, not really. It was a fight every morning, just to get out of the bed, to not go to the treasure room before dressing up, before breakfast, before the day's council meeting or in any short breaks one was allowed during the day. Thorin fought it valiantly at first. Later, he fought it strenuously, then unyieldingly, and then he broke. No one could determine the exact moment when he failed, but with time, little things added up to make it clear: Thorin was under the spell of gold again.
No one who witnessed his struggle blamed him.
However, he was unfit to rule anymore, but they had to keep it secret. Balin came up with a plan, involving only those absolutely necessary. Thorin must be supervised day and night. As the heir, Fíli was already involved with the affairs of the kingdom, so he was to make the decisions in the King's name. Balin acted like a regent to him, though, which Fíli hated. So was he or was he not good enough to rule?
There was only one worse part than doing all the work without recognition and being questioned because of his age.
It was Kíli.
Kíli was never involved in the scheme of pretending all was well. Since he wasn't the Crown Prince, he was less involved with serious matters, thus had much free time on his hands and used it well. He did not even notice Thorin's downward spiral, so – as the mighty Balin decided – he did not need to be informed. All these differences and secrets destroyed the brothers' relationship, and lately, they had barely spoken beyond common courtesies. Fíli missed it dearly, but Kíli seemed not. He enjoyed the freedom which should have been shared by both of them. Fíli was jealous and also hated himself for accepting all these responsibilities. He could have said no.
That was a lie, though.
In all his life, he was raised to be the King Under the Mountain one day. He never knew another way, it was his path, and he always looked forward to it. He couldn't say no, ever, to some gain of power. He wanted it, craved it with all his being. He was ambitious, maybe overly so, but he did not know another way. He was always to become a King. And to be a King, you must be able to handle power.
Fíli was naturally good at it. By a young age, he could make tough decisions easily, yet with consideration. Many thought Thorin to be great to be followed, but those who had ever seen Fíli in action knew that he was even more promising.
Balin knew, too. Yet, he told Fíli to stay in the shadows.
…except for these occasions, these feasts and celebrations, which were about to be seen – to keep up appearances.
Thorin sat on the dais during the whole evening. He was supposed to watch and enjoy the festivities, to make sure his people were content tonight. Fíli knew that really, he sat on the dais dressed in golden jewels, surrounded by golden plates and cutlery and cups and… gold. Balin made sure that even those around Thorin wore enough gold to make the King less disturbed by leaving the treasure room.
Balin was always fussing about Thorin so much that Fíli sometimes suspected there is more to it than Balin admitted. It was a funny idea.
Sometimes Fíli wished that there were someone fussing about him that much. Well, his mother, Mahal bless her loving heart, did fuss about him quite much, but he had to share her with Kíli. Kíli always needed more caring than him, it was a universal truth. And Kíli always got what he wished for.
Like a willing lass tonight.
Fíli wanted one, too, but he had to be seen, and he was, by all the ladies and their noble families. He hated them all with a passion. None of these ladies could have been accused with giving a... with being interested in his pleasures or his person at the least, they only wanted to be seen with the Crown Prince. Fíli had to oblige according to the traditions: dwarrowdams were always few in number, which made them precious - and which made many of them overplaying their self-importance. Dwarrow customs required that when a lass approached a lad during festivities, the lad should turn his full attention toward her.
Fíli respected traditions, since traditions were the foundation of a strong realm. At the same time, his evening made him to reconsider his opinion. His evening followed a painful pattern: getting an ale, enjoying some sip of it, then a lady approaches and he should leave his drink behind to dance until the music halts; then start again his quest to drink at least a single whole mug of ale in peace.
Right now, he was in phase one – the nursing the ale phase. The calm before the storm phase. The waiting for the other shoe to drop phase. The… watching as another little lady approaches him phase. Damn.
"My Prince," she curtsied. "May I disturb your solitude for a dance?"
"Of course, My Dear Lady." Fíli stood and bowed, trying to recall her name. He couldn't. "I'm honored!"
"Thank you, My Prince," she curtsied again, her eyes cast down. She seemed a bit shy. Fíli appreciated shyness in a lady. Shy ladies did not play coy, which was quite annoying when he knew he got nothing in the end. And ladies gave nothing because of their virtue. He offered his hand to escort her to the dance floor, but she did not take it. "Oh, we can wait for the next song, so you can finish your drink by then, if you wish," she suggested.
"That's very considerate of you, thank you." Fíli answered, surprised, and then added: "Which also makes me horribly ashamed that I cannot recall your name."
The lass had not yet raised her eyes, and even blushed.
"I'm the Lady Alys, daughter of Lord Fronn. We arrived some weeks ago from the Iron Hills, My Prince."
"Ah, one of the Iron Lords… I might have been too busy sampling his products to notice the treasure he brought into our mountain. I apologize for my mistake."
The lass was still nervous, and Fíli felt bad for her. She was the first one of the ladies who did not demand his immediate attention, and he did not even remember her. "Come, sit with me then," he offered. The lass sat down beside him, grateful for not having to look him in the eyes. Fíli sipped his ale slowly, trying to find a topic for conversation, then he settled on the dullest of all:
"Tell me, My Lady Alys, how do you find Erebor?"
…like anyone would ever say anything barely unique to me to that question… Fíli thought ironically.
"It's very beautiful, My Prince," she answered. What a surprise.
"Do you enjoy your time here?"
"Yes. I have already acquainted myself with most of the Ladies here, and I think Erebor is marvelous as a kingdom, the surroundings as well as the people. I admire that in such a short time it became so prosperous and comfortable. You must be working hard for it all the time, My Prince."
"Thank you for the compliments, My Lady. I must admit that my family, the council and I are working hard, but it is also a compliment to our people, who does the groundwork while we are sitting at tables, talking and planning."
"You are very modest," she looked up at him, a bit less nervous now. Fíli smiled.
"I'm only telling the truth, Lady Alys, but thank you again, for the compliments."
For a while, they sat in silence. Fíli thought about conversing, but the lass seemed at ease, and he did not have the inclination to talk only for courtesy. Alys was sweet, too sweet for a lady, and he could endure her company, but he did not wish for it. He swallowed the last of his ale, contently, then stood.
"May I ask for a dance with the sweet Lady?"
This time, Alys accepted his hand and they took their positions among the dancers. The music was slow and the melody romantic, which required that they stood closer to each other. Fíli suspected that Lady Alys did not mind sitting through the rolling and jumping of the previous dance, compared to a bit of time sitting alone with him and now almost cuddling to him. When he noticed that Alys was throwing smirking glimpses toward other ladies, he voiced his suspicions.
"You planned it."
"What do you mean, My Prince?"
"This all. Trying to endear yourself to me. To get them envy you."
She was silent for a while, and when she turned to him, her smile was gone again. At least, she was looking him in the eyes, and as it turned out, she did not deny anything.
"And what if I did? Did you not enjoy your drink? Or do you mind dancing with someone in silence? Then what do you want?"
Fíli was taken aback by her outburst.
"Whatever. At least you are an honest one," he shrugged.
"Thank you for the compliment, My Prince," she answered, barely trying to hide her hurt feelings.
"If you want to be sneaky, be better. And don't get mad when you are caught. And I don't really care about…" Fortunately, Fíli realized how offensive he was, and stopped. Alys looked angry. "I apologize. Actually, I enjoyed you more, than any other tonight… or in a long time."
"Thank you," she huffed, then her smile appeared again, full of self-contentment. Of course, she is just a lady, Fíli sighed. "It may sound ridiculous to you, but it means much to me."
"That I enjoy your company more than others?" She nodded. "That's not really an accomplishment. I hate these gatherings. I feel like a prize to win, and I am quite bored."
"There is no need to be so rude, My Prince," she smiled sweetly at him, and Fíli could not help thinking that he was missing something.
"There is no need to guard my tongue if you are smiling when I offend you."
"Right."
They danced in silence for a little while, Fíli feeling more and more uncomfortable second by second. Alys seemed shy, but she really wasn't. She was a good observer and cunning and shameless. She was intriguing, just a little bit, but more than those others.
"If you don't care about me, than why do you care to please me? Is my position really that attractive?" he asked.
"Yes, My Prince, it is."
"I won't marry you."
"I don't want you to."
"Good, that's settled then," Fíli said, but his curiosity wasn't settled. "What about the other ladies? Do they want to marry me, or am I only a mean to entertain yourselves?"
He could tell she was surprised by the question. She contemplated shortly what should she tell him, then she started to explain.
"I think many wants to marry you, but we all know that you will probably make a political match. So it isn't really us who matters, but our respective fathers and kin. Still, we, Ladies of the most Ancient Families, are very competitive. We were raised to become wives of powerful Dwarf Lords, and we are very accomplished. Some are better than others, but our skills are important. So we compete."
"In what? Sewing? Dressing up? Owning the most jewels?" he asked dismissively.
"You might be laughing at me right now, but you are ridiculing every Lady of the Ancient Families. You will marry one of us eventually." Her smile turned sadder than before. "And we are secretly hoping that not only our families will be considered, but ourselves, too. So we all want to be the best."
"And who is the best? Are you?" Fíli was interested in the topic, since it was his marriage, but also angered by what he heard. He knew that he will have to marry, but he held no hope to have a say in choosing the bride. The ladies were so naïve to believe differently.
"I am not, My Prince."
"At least you are still honest. Or is that false modesty to gain my sympathies?"
"Then, I am clearly taking the wrong way, My Prince," she glared at him.
"I am sorry. I am being rude, again, My Lady," he sighed. He felt out of sorts. Usually, he did not talk, only answered when being asked. Recently, he stopped being curious. She was… different, and he wondered if she could be convinced to make a tour around the balconies upstairs, or some place like that…
"It doesn't matter. You are the Crown Prince. You are allowed to be rude," she said in a flat voice, which made Fíli cringe. He was not raised to be rude. At the same time, he felt encouraged by her words. He's the Crown Prince, the one every lady dreams of.
"Would you like a kiss?"
"What?" Fíli smirked: she was frozen. "No! We can't, here…"
"Not here, of course."
"Oh."
"Oh." He could see the wheels in her brain turning. "You could become the best of the ladies in kissing me, perhaps. You see, actually you would be the first one of them I kiss."
"The first?"
He nodded.
"Well, it doesn't matter. I'm not supposed to… to…" Alys was searching for words, which escaped her. Oh, she would very much like to go kissing with him, but her reputation, her family, her future…
The song ended, and Fíli bowed. He took her hand in his and kissed it.
"Thank you for the dance, Lady Alys. I really enjoy discovering your dancing skills."
She felt his words a little bit too suggestive, which made her incapable of meeting his eyes. She would not. She could not. She should not.
Oh, she so wanted to best them once.
A/N: Hi! I did not write anything for a long while, neither in English, nor in my first language. Actually, I should be working on my thesis, but a little disraction can't hurt. I like to think about how Fíli copes with his role, and this is one of my ideas. I hope you will like it!
Sky