A.N. : I don't own anything about Rizzoli & Isles. This is now proofread ! (credits on the profile)
You walk into her kitchen, like every morning. "Hey Maura !" comes out, as always. Old habits die hard. You see her look up and smile happily. Oh, how much you love that smile. Then her face falls and tears start streaming down her beautiful face. You want to take her in your arms, hug her tightly, and never let go. You want her to bury her face in your neck and you want to kiss her hair, like you used to do. You want to tell her how much you love her, because she needs to know, and you need her to know. But you know you can't. You don't have that right anymore. So you just stand there, watching her cry. Dammit Rizzoli, you can't do this to her. It's not fair, you have to let go. You can't take it anymore, just leave the house.
Later, at the BPD, you go down to the morgue to see her. She's here, talking to that new detective. Austin. I think his name is Austin. You watch her dodge all his flirting attempts. After being around for so long, you know she's back to being 'The Queen of the Dead'. She doesn't talk to anyone outside of the job. You know she has filled the transfer papers, but didn't send them. They've been on a corner of her desk at home for almost 5 months now. She looks up at you and you can see her eyes water up again. This is your fault Jane. You can't keep hurting her like this. You've already done enough.
You watch her push her french fries around her plate at the café. It feels foreign and cold now that Ma doesn't work here anymore. She used to bring the sunshine to that place. You turn around to see that she's gone back to the morgue, her plate untouched. Honey, please, you have to eat. I can't watch you starve yourself.
You're both home now, and she's putting something in the trashcan. The new mailman's number. Your heart clenches, because you know you're the reason why she did that, just like she did for the baker, the man met at the store and Detective Austin. Maura, I just want you to be happy. I never meant for any of this to happen.
She's taking her car keys and Jo Friday's leash now. The little dog is all excited, her tail wagging. You smile fondly at the little ball of fur, and she happily barks at you. The car ride is silent, and you wish you could hold her hand like you used to. But she's just staring ahead.
The high gates are right in front of you, and she stops for a moment to brace herself, like she does every day. Then her feet guide her, she doesn't even have to think. She knows the way by heart. I guess that's what happens after 7 months.
Then she stops in front of the stone, and kneels, Joe Friday already lying by her feet. Her fingertips caress the golden letters.
Jane Clementine Rizzoli.
1976-2013.
Daughter, Sister, Friend, Love of a Life.
Protect and Serve.
She's crying again, silently. She's still so beautiful, even when she cries.
"Hey Jane." A small smile appears on her face, like a little sunshine through the rain. "I came here today too. I miss you, you know. So much." I miss you too, sweetie. "Why did you do that ? They told you it was suicidal, they told you, you didn't have the time to get him out. You're a hero, Jane." I'm just doing my job. "I know you hate it when I say that". She chuckles. Her face falls again. "Hated. You hated it. But the truth is, you saved him. He's fine you know. His parents invited me to his 5th birthday next week, but I just… couldn't. I can't go there, because you won't be here with me, Jane. Detective Austin asked me out again today. I declined again. I can't get over you, Jane. I'm still in love with you. It's been 7 months, and I still love you. I think I'll never stop. I wish I had the guts tell you before. But it's too late now." The sobs are back, again. I'm so sorry, Maura. I wanted to tell you. I almost did once. I'm such an idiot, Maura. I'm sorry. You know that if you could cry, you would. You wish you could cry, because that would mean you'd cry with her. You watch her get up, the little dog following her movements. She wipes the tears on her cheeks. Even when doing this she's elegant, and gorgeous. "I need to go now, your mother will call soon. See you tomorrow, love. I hope you rest in peace."
I'm only at peace when I'm with you.