Harley Quinn was having the best day of her life. She was having the best day of anyone's life. It was like a beautiful dream. Or like a movie, there had even been a makeover montage. It was a day full of chaos and destruction, which would be pretty great on its own but it was also a wonderfully romantic one. She was absolutely pulverizing the face of an Arkham Asylum guard with a baseball bat as her one true love watched. She could see pride and love and desire in the looks he was giving her. In her dying moments she hoped her last thought was of the look on his face watching her now. A little bead of sweat trickled down the side of her face and she paused to look at her handiwork. Despite the fact that she and the Joker had been outnumbered the Joker's fearlessness had meant they had the upper hand right from the beginning. It had surprised her when he chose to subdue the guards and watch her take them out one at a time. The one remaining guard was a real big tough looking guy. He'd tried much harder than the other guards to fight off the Joker but he still ended up pinned to the wall with one of the Joker's knives lodged in the center of each of his hands.
"Would you mind if I borrow your bat, Harley?" Mr. J asked, his question bringing her out of her reverie. His hand was held out for her to bring it to him.
"Of course not, Mr. J. Let me just clean it up a bit for you." She looked around for something in the room not covered in blood to wipe her bat off with.
"Don't worry about that, just hand Daddy the bat." He smiled at her encouragingly. She felt her insides melt and she hurried over to give him the bat with a happy smile plastered on her face.
"Relax a minute, Harley. Mike and I need to have a private conversation. Mike here thinks he's a big man. He's not afraid of a cuh-razy fuh-reak like me, are you Big Mike?" The Joker was pacing back and forth in front of Mike and smacking his lips while he was talking. It was obvious from his agitation that Mike had made him angrier than the rest of the Arkham staff during his stay in the asylum.
"That's right, Clown. You aren't shit. You act like you're the scariest thing around but you're just a skinny, ugly, degenerate madman!" Mike spat out. The Joker pointed to his own chest and mouthed the word "Me?" and looked shocked. Meanwhile Harley was stomping her little boots on the ground as she marched up to Mike to give him a piece of her mind. Before she could get to him the Joker intercepted her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"I know just how you feel, Harley but this one's mine. Just have a seat and watch Mr. J take care of everything." He said while leading her over to a chair. He leered at her and crooned, "Stay in your seat like a good girl and I'll give you are reward when I'm done."
Harley had become lost in her thoughts about what Mr. J's reward might be so she missed any further conversation between Mr. J and Mike. When the Joker finally attacked the guard with the bat her attention was brought back to them. The Joker flew at Mike like nothing she'd ever seen before whacking him over and over with the bat with a speed that seemed inhuman. He was ferocity embodied. He screamed his final insults to Mike in a deep growling voice that shot through Harley's core. She could feel the slick wetness pooling between her legs as she shifted in the chair to get a better view of Mr. J's attack. She never wanted to be on the receiving end of this force of fury and hatred but she could watch it endlessly. He concentrated his shots to Mike's body so that he experienced the maximum amount of pain without passing out or dying. Before long something inside must have ruptured because there was a trail of blood dripping out the side of his mouth even though Mr. J had not hit his head. Up til now Mike had been doing his best not to scream and had managed to keep things down to some pained moans and groans though it was clearly taking everything he had not to just let loose with a wail. Harley admired that really, Mike was actually pretty tough. Tougher than his co-workers anyway. The Joker started jabbing him with the tip of the bat with so much force that it had to be breaking bones with every impact. Harley found herself wondering what the bruises this action left would look like. Maybe she'd try that out sometime. With every jab Mike was getting more and more vocal until a strong jab to his groin finally elicited a true scream. The Joker finally smiled and slowed his attack. From then on all Mike did was scream until the Joker got bored with him and slit his throat. Mike was still pinned to the wall but even though he looked solid Harley suspected he was the world's biggest serving of steak tartar on the inside. The Joker took Harley's bat over to the lounge's sink and washed it off. He handed it back to her clean and dry.
"Thanks, Cupcake. You ready to get out of here?" The Joker asked her. He was panting a little and his hair was damp with sweat from his exertions. She felt flushed and out of breath from what she had just watched. She jumped out of the chair and flew at Mr. J. He caught her as she wrapped her arms around his neck and clamped her legs around his waist. They latched onto each other's mouths with shared passion. He was salty with sweat and she found herself expanding her licking and kissing outward from his mouth, looking for more salt to kiss away. Eventually she found her mouth working its way down his neck with little nips and kisses. The Joker seemed to decide this was as good a time as any for them to leave and after picking up her bat and bag, walked out of the staff lounge and headed towards the front doors. He didn't have to worry about dislodging her as he walked, she wasn't going anywhere. Something did occur to her and she stopped worrying his throat with her teeth for a moment to talk to him.
"Be careful not to trip over Carlos, he's right in front of the door." She returned to kissing him, moving on to one of his collar bones but she felt him shift around something she assumed had been Carlos.
When they got out of the asylum he propped her up against the side of her car and pulling her face up towards his began kissing her again. Now that they were in the fresh cool air of night and out of his prison he kissed her with more enthusiasm. Soon he shifted his body so that she could feel his erection rubbing against her center, she responded enthusiastically. His hands moved from the sides of her face down to her arms. He pulled her arms from around his neck and pinned them roughly against the car. He moved his own mouth down her neck but instead of the little nips mixed in with wet kisses that she had given him, he bit her with bruising force. It hurt of course but she loved it. She was panting with desire and began thrusting her hips so that his erection started to make contact with her clit through their clothing. In very little time she started holding her breath for a second or two with every intake trying to focus her attention on the sensations that were quickly escalating her towards climax. Before she could get there, Mr. J pulled his face away from her neck and licked his lips.
"We're not doing this here, Harley." He looked into her eyes with a serious expression on his face. She kept thrusting against him hoping to tempt him into changing his mind. He pushed her harder against the car so she could no longer move and then grabbed her throat. His grip was tight enough that she knew to obey him but not so tight that she couldn't breathe. Then he pulled a cell phone out of his jacket pocket. Really? He was making phone calls right now?
"Hey- what are…?" She started to express her indignation but he tightened his grip on her throat so she could no longer talk. Someone must have picked up on the other end because he started talking. Now she couldn't breathe and she was getting pissed off.
"Send someone to pick me up at 10th and Capitol in 15 minutes. Oh and bring someone who can get rid of a car." He ordered into the phone. "What do you mean you need more time? I don't care if you weren't expecting me. Now you have 10 minutes and you'd better not be late." He put the phone away and looked back at Harley. If he could tell how pissed off she was he didn't let on. He let go of her throat and she regained her balance on her own feet. Then she quickly kicked him in the shin as hard as she could and stood there glaring at him.
"Oh Harley, I get such a kick out of you!" He started laughing at his terrible joke. He didn't say anything else, just walked around to the driver's side and got into the car. She got in on the passenger's side, not seeing much point in standing out there and pouting. Plus he might leave her, the keys were in the car. They headed away from Arkham, both hoping it was the last time they ever saw it. Harley giggled a little when the Joker allowed the car to drift over in order to drive over Steve on the way out. The Joker gave her knee a squeeze to show his approval of her sense of humor. As they drove through the streets of Gotham Harley allowed her thoughts to drift. She really couldn't stop wondering what sex would be like between them, when and if they ever managed to actually do it. Things with Jack had always been wonderful. Sex was playful, passionate and loving. She knew physically there would be some very obvious similarities between the Joker and Jack but beyond that, they were so different she couldn't imagine they would be very similar in bed. Harleen had tried sleeping with a couple of other guys after Jack had died. Both experiences had been miserable failures. Beyond the fact that both men failed to measure up to Jack she just didn't enjoy herself with them. There was no laughter, no love, it was just physical and well…boring. She felt pretty confident the Joker wouldn't be boring.
The car came to a stop in a parking lot at the address the Joker had given whomever he called earlier. It was after 2am now, almost everything in this part of Gotham was closed so they were alone here in the darkened lot. After he turned the car off the Joker reached down and pushed his seat back as far as it would go. He leered at her and patted his lap. She was straddling him in an instant and they returned to their previously interrupted make out session. After all the excitement back at the asylum and how close she had come to getting off back there Harley was no longer in the mood to be pushed around by the Joker. He was not stopping this again. He didn't have to fuck her but she sure as hell was getting off. Now. Or she'd make him regret it. Earlier she had been submissive to the power of his domineering kisses but now she threw herself into kissing him full force and left him no choice but to let her have control. She licked and sucked his bottom lip and traced the line of his scars with her tongue. She wasn't sure what his reaction to that would be but as soon as her tongue made contact with the bumpy and rippled skin her brain left her body and all that was left was animal passion. She bit her way from his lips to his chin, and down his neck. She tasted blood, she'd apparently broken his skin somewhere. It didn't stop her. She was about to tear open his shirt when he distracted her by flicking open a switchblade.
"Raise up a little." He ordered. She did and before she realized what was happening he had sliced through the center of her tights with his knife. She watched in fascination as the light flickered off the surface of the knife until it disappeared into whatever pocket it had come from. With the knife gone they were kissing again. He slid his fingers along her slit but instead of sliding them into her as she hoped he would he withdrew his hand and quickly unfastened his pants. Ok then, that was even better. His cock slid along her wet folds and she was moaning. She was trembling with excitement, she couldn't believe that she was finally doing this with the Joker.
"Fuck, you feel like a slip and slide, Harley." The Joker said after pulling away from her kisses. He started laughing again. She joined in with a small giggle but was mostly focused on lining his erection up with her body so she could finally feel him enter her. When he was fully inside her, she had to pause for a few seconds to accommodate his size. It had been a long time for her and he was not a small guy. Finally she started riding his cock at a frenzied pace. He grabbed her pigtails and drew her back down to kiss him. He had his tongue shoved so fully into her mouth she felt like her mouth was being fucked too. It was overwhelming and she started to come, moaning and humming around the tongue that filled her mouth. As her orgasm peaked she stopped moving and bit into his tongue on accident. She was too caught up in her pleasure to worry about hurting him but he moaned so loudly into her mouth that she was fairly certain he'd liked it. Since she was no longer moving much he let go of her pigtails and grabbed her hips, thrusting into her savagely until he came as well. Together they sat in the front seat with their foreheads pressed together, panting into each other's mouths. Finally Harley sat up a bit and noticed that all the windows of the car were fogged up. She giggled at the idea of their car fogged up and rocking furiously as they fucked. The Joker just smiled up at her. He pulled her face back towards his gently and gave her another kiss.
"We should go, we've kept the boys waiting long enough." He pulled out of her gently but the loss of him inside her still felt almost painful. He saw her pout and slapped her ass playfully. "It's not the end Harley, just the end of this time. Let's go home and if you can put a smile on that face maybe we can have some more fun." She put the biggest smile should could manage on her face and climbed off of him back over to the passenger seat. Wait a minute. They'd kept the boys waiting? What did that mean?
Spider hadn't expected the Boss' call which was pretty strange. The Boss for all he claimed to not plan things always let Spider know every possibility he should prepare for long before it happened. Whatever the reason for his sudden departure from the asylum, he wanted picked up, now. Spider had to drag one of the other henches out of bed, run multiple red lights and speed the entire way to get to the meeting place and it still took him fifteen minutes. The Boss wouldn't be happy. When they arrived it was easy enough to find the Boss since the area was mostly deserted. The only car around was a little blue hybrid, not at all the Joker's taste but maybe it had been the only thing around to steal. Spider and Billy got out of their van and started to head over to the car that the Joker had to be in but then Spider put his hand out and stopped Billy. The windows on that car sure looked fogged up. Like maybe something was going on inside the car. What the fuck was the Boss up to this time? As they stood there together trying to decide what to do the car suddenly started rocking.
"Oh, hell no!" Spider exclaimed. "Let's get back in the van, he'll get out when he's ready."
"You think he's in there alone or you think he picked up a whore while he was waiting for us?" Billy wondered aloud.
"Who knows, it's the Boss. Could be a snake nut can or whoopee cushion in there." Spider wished he was joking.
"Fuck. Whatever's happening in there I'm gonna have to be the one who drives that car next." Billy complained.
"Yep, sucks to be you. If it makes you feel better I'll be spending time with the actual Boss rather than whatever fluids he's left in that car." Spider suddenly felt worse for himself than Billy.
"Sounds like we're both getting a shitty deal."
"He's getting out, let's go." They jumped out of the van and Spider hoped that whatever had just happened in there put the Boss in a good mood.
"Spider! Billy! Good to see you both." The Joker approached them smiling and raising his arms in the air as though thrilled to see them. "Too bad you were late. You'll pay for that later." He finished grimly.
"Lucky for you I had something to keep me busy." The Boss said just as the passenger door opened. Spider and Billy mutely stared in wonder at who stepped out. She wasn't just beautiful, she was a walking wet dream. And she'd just fucked the boss in the front seat of that car. Spider had known the Boss a pretty long time but he'd never seen him pick up a hooker before, this one must have had one hell of a sales pitch. Too bad Spider was busy right now. The blond ducked back into the car to get something from the back seat. She came back into view with a baseball bat and a duffle bag and started walking towards them.
"Boys, this is Harley. Harley these are two of the boys. Spider is the big guy and Billy is the weasely looking one. Spider, get the lady's bag. Billy, here are the keys." The Joker tossed the keys to Billy but he was still so shocked at what he was seeing that they bounced off his chest and landed on the pavement. Spider swallowed and thought over what had just been said to him. The blond was coming home with them? And she had luggage? She was moving in?
"Hiya boys!" The blond, Harley apparently, said to them in a childish voice. They both dumbly waved at her a little. She giggled back at them. The Joker returned to her side and then grabbed her and threw her over his shoulders in a fireman's carry setting her off into a fit of giggles that he then joined in with.
"Let's go, Spider!" The Boss yelled from the van he was entering with the blond still wrapped around him.
Billy looked over at Spider and then at the car. "That car is going to smell like sex. It's going to smell like sex with the Boss."
"Yeah, it will. But that van is going to smell the same by the time we get to the hideout only I'm gonna be in it the whole time." Spider said in a mournful tone.
"You win, you got the shittier deal."
"Yeah. I really did." The two henchmen went their separate ways before things got any worse.