In Hueco Mundo Gin's a god. Not the god, like Aizen is, but a god he is. Their monsters bow and scramble from his path as he walks, they are afraid, they are awed, they give him nothing but their loathly respect.
He grins- he's always grinning- and even the strongest of their creatures come to have a healthy sort of distress about him. He doesn't even have to look at them for them to look away.
When one is a god, they don't fear anything.
But he isn't a god at heart, in body, or mind. Los Noches has made him into the image of a god, but he is anything but. Aizen, that roach of a man, that is a man so drunk on power that he has become something inhuman. A god, maybe- he doesn't fear anything, after all.
Gin thinks of how he will kill Aizen and laughs to himself. Aizen isn't afraid of anything, but he should be.
That's not the point- Aizen doesn't really have anything to do with Gin and gods or fear. Well, he is fearsome. But not the type of scary that would get a reaction from Gin.
He is afraid of simpler things. Things more… gut churning.
At first, when he moves into the white palace, Gin is sure there is nothing in the world that scares him anymore. He's seen it all, done it all, come through hell and back and then made it his dwelling place. There is, logically, nothing that should frighten him.
Then the dreams begin. No, not dreams. Nightmares.
Often times the visions actually start out pleasurably. He falls into bed and when he opens his eyes again he's home, in his barracks back at the third division, and there is a woman in his room.
Her strawberry blond hair rolls over her shoulders as she strips for him, smirking, fingers pulling off her pink scarf and then the black uniform, slinking down to him with a glimmer of mischief in her bright blue eyes.
She'll slink towards him with her teeth playing at her bottom lip, breathing things that she used to say before he left her. She'll kiss his cheeks and his forehead and his closed eyes before making it to his mouth. And the dream is so real he can taste the strawberry lip-gloss she wears sometimes, he can feel her bangs tickling his nose as she bows over him on his futon.
"Gin." She'll whisper between kisses. "Gin, I've missed you."
And he murmurs things back- sweet nothings about how soft her skin feels and how good she tastes. Sometimes in his dreams he gets bold and says things that are incredibly stupid; "Yer the only one, Ran." Or "Ran-chan, yer 'bout perfect ya' know." Or even that damnable phrase he's always frantically wanted to tell her. "I love you."
And oh how she'll sigh and tremble and go pink and red. Those moments he likes to sear into his brain; the way his name trembles on her lips, the soft sounds she makes when he runs his fingers over her spine, the small shudder she always gives when he presses his lips just under her jaw.
If those were the only things that happened around her in his dreams then it wouldn't be a problem. Far from a problem, he'd look forward to the dreams. But that's not all that happens.
Before long something happens. Someone comes in to snatch her from him and he is powerless to stop them, or a hollow attacks and he's misplaced his sword and every form of kido has disappeared from his memory. Or she'll suddenly be ill and he'll have to rush her to fourth division, or maybe she hears something he doesn't and she'll quickly re-dress and run outside.
She's always gone from him; just out of reach, when it happens.
He'll be dressed and cleaning up the mess of sheets and tossed blankets that she always leaves behind, just because that is something to busy his hands with while he thinks of ways to get her back, to help her, something. Usually the man who comes is Ichigo Kurosaki, but sometimes it's Izuru, or Captain Kuchiki, or some other person that would know about Rangiku.
"She's going to die."
He's gone from his room as fast as shunpo will cary him, rushing to her, it doesn't matter who took her or where she went- he's suddenly there with her. And she's dying.
"G-Gin." She'll whisper as blood rolls from her lips. "Gin, I… I've missed you."
His mask will break and he'll start the speeches about he's going to help her, "You'll be alright, Ran, I swear." And "I'm gonna' help you, jus' hold on." But no matter what he does she's dying before him. And he can't even touch her.
When her eyes close for good his will open in the real world. He'll sit up, sweat soaking in his clothes, heart pounding in his ribs with all the force of a typhoon.
He hates the nightmares.
But then… on the days were the meetings drag on or he's got word of another person gone- when things aren't going his way, he'll think back to the sight of her going limp before him.
And God, he'll do anything. Anything. He'll do anything to keep those dreams from coming true.
Even if it means taking her place.
"I'm glad I got to say sorry." He smiles. "Rangiku."