"Alright, what's the plan? Run for it! Bad plan. PLAN B! FUCK SHIT UP. And die. That's good."

-PewDiePie

"Hello everyone, and welcome back to Cissa Plays: Five Nights at Freddy's." She smiled at the video webcam as her mouse moved around the loading screen, moving down towards where the words 'New Game' were. Her room was dark all around her- well; her apartment was always dark in general, as she tended to fall asleep at strange hours and just never bothered to open the shades some days- and she took a small sip of her tea that rested next to her keyboard before turning back to the title screen.

"As you can see, I have made the horrible mistake of trying to play this game again. A lot of you have probably watched my other video about playing the first night, and that scared the living shit out of me. So what do I do? I play it again and see how far I can get with no breaks." Narcissa shook her head, her long blonde hair nearly falling out of her bun as she fixed her earphones. "Sometimes I wonder. Anyways, I'm starting over from level one again. I'm going to beat Bunny and Ducky, and whoever the hell decides to emerge this time. I swear to god..."

The nineteen year old clicked the button that flashed 'New Game' and immediately the screen turned black before pulling her into a cluttered office. "Alright. I'm in. Let's go kick some bunny-ass guys." She grinned.

Lucius cringed as another one of his 'allies' were murdered brutally by the enemy. "Fat lot of good that bomb did." He intoned, exasperated, as he avoided a missile thrown with his quick fingers moving along the keyboard. "I get a bomb that's supposed to kill people, and what does it do? It doesn't kill anyone. Bloody waste of time. I went all the way back to the supermarket to grab that, and lost two lives while doing that. Fuck this." He smashed the buttons a couple more times as he hid behind one of the crates, firing a couple shots that nailed the enemy (oh hell yeah he was definitely getting the hang of this game, he was so going to beat Sev's record, ha!) and he finally was cleared for the next level.

He smirked and leaned back in his chair, picking up his mug of coffee and letting out a small sigh as he drank the last of it, his eyes flickering towards the clock. 'Two AM, not too bad'. He thought.

And then there was a familiar countdown on his screen and he quickly cracked his fingers and readied them on the keyboard, but as soon as it hit 'one' all of his enemies surrounded him and he was shot dead the second he was able to move.

"Are you fucking kidding me!? That is so not possible- Holy fucking shit I swear-"

Lucius could practically hear Severus and Rod laughing at him, not to mention the people who were watching the video practically screaming as well.

At least he got to redo a level from the start as many times as he'd like, or else he'd be in deep shit.

"…Okay. I'm calm now. Let's do this." He restarted the game.

"And as you can see here- whoops. He's dead. My bad." Narcissa's voice was entirely sarcastic as she ran over another pedestrian, bringing her total count to over 100. "I have literally no clue where the bloody hell I am- shit, sorry Steve, rest in peace Steve the… ninety eighth? Is that the number I'm up too?" she cracked a grin as she peered at the top of the screen. "Nope, a hundred and ninth- oh, shit. Make that a hundred and tenth. I have no fucking clue what I'm doing anymore. I'm just going around in circles."

To prove her point, her bright red car (that she picked out herself, dotted with pink skulls wearing sunglasses that she decided instantly were so her and so much better than anyone else's car, no competition) started moving in tight circles, and she let out a small laugh as the momentum flew her sideways when she let go of the controls and hit a couple more people. "This is the best game ever! Holy shit yes. Best. Car. Game. Ever."

She crossed the finish line a little bit later (last place, but she announced, "Fashionably late, besides, I so deserve first place.") and cheered loudly in her apartment, clapping her hands together as she finished up her video. "Alright guys, thanks for watching! This was a great game to play, I'd definitely recommend it. Comment, like, subscribe all you'd like, and remember to give me some more games to play. See you!" and then she cut it off and tacked on her usual ending screen and sighed, taking off her earphones and stretching her arms above her head as she loaded it to her channel.

"Three A.M?" She wondered, and then yawned loudly, rubbing her blue eyes. "Ah, I should probably get to sleep then." Narcissa turned off her computer and scratched her head, frowning a bit. "But first, shower."

"Sevvvvvvvvvvvvvv we're supposed to work together! We're ostrich buddies remember? I get the fucking stylish hat, and you help me get the hat!" Lucius grinned as Rod's voice echoed through his earbuds, as he controlled his own ostrich and watched the two fools run around like, ironically, headless chickens.

"I swear to god Rodolphus, if you don't shut up I'm going to kick you in the water." Severus's always sweet and lovely voice (oh dear lord, he was hilarious, Severus- sweet? He was filled with comedy gold) came through his earbuds as well, the ostrich he was controlling moving towards Rod's ostrich and flailing about while Severus continuously pressed 'A', which would have made it extremely easy for him to do as he said and make Rod loose one of his lives.

"Don't kill each other." Lucius grinned, jumping onto a sunken row boat and collecting the egg that was stuck in it. "Let's just get the eggs and get to the next level."

"But Luccyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, I want the hat!"

Lucius scowled at the nickname. "Shut up, and don't call me that! Sev, just get him the damn hat."

Severus let out an extremely audible and exasperated sigh as he stuck his head into the sand and let Rod jump onto his back, Rod masterfully jumping onto the pole and collecting the hat. "Yayyyyy! I did it!"

"I did it you idiot." Severus drawled. "Now let's just get to the next island."

"Sevy you're just jealous of my new hat. You want a hat like this. It's an extremely stylish hat, it's okay, I know, we'll find you one on another level."

"For the last damn time I don't want the fucking hat!"

Lucius moved on to the next level without waiting for them, and he let out a chuckle. "You two are such idiots." He commented.

"Lucy, that stings."

"Don't you dare stick me in the same category as that fool."

Lucius laughed again, this time slightly more loudly, as the other two joined him on the next level. "Alright, alright, sorry, let's just find some more eggs."

"Yeah! Let's go get some ostrich presents!"

"Rod, please don't open your mouth. It only lowers the intelligence of those who are forced to listen to you."

"Oi!"

"'I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness a million times, but never once into it. …Jonathan Safran Foe.'" Narcissa read. "…Well isn't that just lovely? I bet that guy was tons of fun at parties. You know, talking about a bunch of sad stuff that you think isn't exactly sad but the more time you think about it, it turns out it is much sadder then you expect. Yep. Just dandy. Anyways, welcome to Cissa Plays: Katelin. A story that is just as sad as the quote they opened with, apparently. Let's get started guys."

She spent a good hour playing it before calling it quits, finishing the first level and playing through the story until she could find a good place to stop. She edited it quickly and uploaded it, before she started checking through the comments recently uploaded on her channel.

'CissaGames. 1,231,734 Subscribers.'

Oh yes, she was very proud of her little channel. She clicked on her second newest upload and scrolled down.

'cissa, you should collab with slycy! you two together would be funny! :)'

'Y u not collabing with Slycy?'

'omg you should totally do something with Luc you guys play like the same things and have like the same sense of humor it'd be great'

Narcissa raised an eyebrow.

Well this was interesting.

It wasn't the first time that she had gotten collab requests from her subscribers, which she tried to do for them as often as she could, but it was the first time she had heard about this guy. At least, she thought so.

Her fingers, ever so used to the keyboard, immediately went up to the search bar and typed in 'Slycy'. Immediately the page loaded and she clicked on his channel.

'Slycy. 956,985 Subscribers.'

Huh, he was definitely getting up there. She wondered why she had never heard of him before.

She loaded the first video she found- which was coincidentally a game she had played only a few weeks ago, and personally loved- and her ears were immediately assaulted with a very smooth voice with an obvious British accent that sounded oddly familiar, she couldn't put her finger on where she had heard it before. "Hello everyone. Luc here, and today we're going to be playing-"

She watched the whole video, her eyes switching between watching him play the game (making almost the same mistakes as she did whilst he cursed and made hilarious snarky comments that had her in stitches) and watching him. In the corner of the video was a somewhat foggy webcam stream, where a rather attractive boy with headphones was sitting and laughing. He had platinum blond hair that was nearly the exact shade of Narcissa's, and grey eyes that had a cold look to them except when he was quipping something. Narcissa decided then that she wouldn't mind collaborating with the guy.

Now how to go about that?

"Sev, do you happen to know a guy named 'Slycy'?"

Severus paused as he brought the cup of tea up to his lips and quirked his eyebrow. He and Narcissa were sitting at a small corner café that was equal distance between their apartments, a nice quiet place in the bustling city of London. Of course, he had no idea why she had called him and scheduled an appointment, but the odd question in the middle of the small talk gave him inkling why.

"As a matter of fact, I do."

Narcissa smiled brightly at him as she took a sip of her tea (a necessity, really, with all the long hours she spent alternating between work and her channel) before setting it down again. "Really? How nice."

"…You want something from him don't you?"

The blonde woman sighed. "Always straight to the point aren't you Sev? You can read me so well."

"Hm." He set down his own tea cup. "What would you like me to get from him?"

"A conversation for starters. My subscribers have been begging for a collab between us for months, but unfortunately as I have never met him before I have no ways of going about that."

"So you decided seeing if I knew him and that if I did using myself as a mutual link."

Narcissa smiled charmingly. There was a reason why she was always considered one of the most cunning in her family.

"…I'll ask him."

She grinned brightly. "I knew you would. Thank you Sev."

The black haired man sighed. "You owe me."

"Lucius, a word?"

Lucius frowned and paused his game, mentally reminding himself to delete the footage from the webcam later as he answered the call. "Yes Severus? It's odd for you to call."

"I have a friend of mine who wishes to collab with you- well, her followers do at least- so she forced me to talk you into doing it."

Lucius raised an eyebrow. This was interesting. He didn't get many collab requests, he got enough but not many, especially from people he didn't know. "I'm listening."

"You might have heard about her. Her channel is 'CissaGames'."

He narrowed his eyes and glared at the wall at her name. "I have indeed heard about her."

"You don't sound fond of her."

The blond man scowled. "It's not a matter of fondness Severus it's a matter of whether I want to go through such a terrible defeat again."

"Are you really so petty to decline a request because of that?"

Severus always knew how to push his buttons. Lucius glanced at himself in the webcam before replying. "I am not petty. I'll do the damn collab, I just-"

"Don't want to suffer a defeat, yes. Do you really wish to go against her? Fight her? There are plenty of games in which you can play on a team. You never know you might just decide you like her after playing with her and not against her."

"Shut up Severus, I'm not in the mood."

His horror video game friend gave out a long sigh. "Look, let me just give you her number so you can call to either accept or deny her request." He listed off the numbers that Lucius wrote down somewhat forcefully on the paper.

"See you soon Lucius."

Severus hung up.

The man stared at the phone number for a good couple minutes before sighing and returning to his let's play and tried to figure out where he left off.

Maybe he'd have to do a couple edits while he pondered what to do.

Narcissa was in the middle of taking a bath when her phone rang its obnoxious ringtone- apparently her darling cousin Sirius changed it to 'I'm a Boss Ass Bitch' again and damn it that had to be the fifteenth time already- loudly. She scowled, reaching towards the sink and grabbed it, careful to keep it from falling into the water and she glanced at the caller ID.

'UNKNOWN NUMBER'.

Of course.

She set the phone down next to the tub and relaxed again, sighing when the song finally stopped blasting and left her in peace and quiet. "Finally."

Lucius rolled his eyes when he got a voicemail message and hung up before the beep. Talk about rude of her. She probably didn't recognize the number, his rational side said, but he was too disgruntled to really care much. He pocketed the phone and left his apartment, walking outside without really a place in mind.

Somehow he had managed to wind up on the other side of London, sitting at the café he and Severus had met at all those years ago. Lucius wondered if it was nostalgia, or just because he was bored and he was unconsciously re-tracing his steps. He ordered a coffee and sat at one of the tables- there were many open, after all, it wasn't a popular place and there were thousands of stores exactly like it on every corner of the city- and redialed the number.

She picked up after a few rings.

"Hello?"

It was familiar. He narrowed his eyes even though he knew she couldn't see it. "Hello. Is this Cissa?"

"…It is. I am assuming you're Slycy?"

She didn't even recognize him. Figures. "I am. But please, call me Lucius."

"Lucius then. I suppose we should get straight to business now."

"If you'd like."

"I'd like to collaborate with you. Game is your choice. It can be uploaded to both our channels if you'd like."

How brief. Then again from what he remembered Cissa was always straight to the point. "Fine. The game is… Pokémon."

Narcissa let out a laugh and smiled broadly, knowing that he couldn't see her. "Man that takes me back. Which one?"

Lucius was surprised at her reaction. He thought she was going to react much worse than that. "Diamond and Pearl sound good to you?"

"Sounds perfect! What do you want to play to?"

"We could do multiple and see who gets and beats the Elite Four first."

Narcissa grinned. "You're on. Prepare to be defeated."

He snorted. "As if. You're going down."

(She was much more fun to be with then he remembered, and he found himself looking forward to the collab in more ways than he ever expected. Of course, she picked Chimchar and he picked Piplup and he knew that she was so going down.

But she said the same thing about him, and he knew that the collab was going to be great.)

Holy shit I am so in love with this AU Jesus Christ. Also this was hard. Insanely so on the last like 3 sections.

This was written for: QL (necessity, Narcissa, possible, present, and 'I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness a million times, but never once into it'. THG Comp: Training round, AU, unfortunately no candlestick or fun quote.

Beta'd by the absolutely lovely and talented ladies named Maggie and Deb aka maggalina and uncontained hybrid.

I don't own HP or anything else you recognize.