Chapter 1: Introduction. Kind of.
„Hello ridiculously good-looking readers. My awesome name is Deadpool and I am here to tell you the best story ever told. The story of how I became a superhero."
„You didn't."
„I certainly did. Let me introduce you to our special guest today: Peter Parker who I end up having sex with later on."
„WHAT? Wade, you're not -"
„And I joined the avengers."
„That is a lie!"
„For fuck's sake, Petey, this is MY story, shut the fuck up."
„FINE!"
So, let's leave out the quotation marks, that's annoying for the reader. Alright. So, Dead pool was just waking up when suddenly -
„Wade, you're not a king or sth like that. You can't refer to yourself in third person singular."
Plural then? Because of my lovely boxes? Well, rather brackets now because this is not a comic.
(Hello there.)
[One, tow, test, one, two. Alright. Works.]
„Oh...Whatever, Wade. Just do whatever the hell you want."
That's what I always do. But now, no more interruptions, please. I will tell you when it's your time to talk.
Alright.
What did I just say...? Let me read this up.
Ah, yeah.
Deadpool was just waking up when suddenly something smashed through his closed window. The glass shivered and little pieces of it covered the floor. Deadpool opened one eye. Something, as the case may be, someONE had fallen through his window and was now lying on the ground, moaning and moving slowly in pain. Deadpool opened the other eye.
The creature in his room still didn't really say anything. It was dark and Deadpool couldn't really see who it was or what was going on. Seconds later, something like a huge frisbee flew through the now open and broken window and smashed into his wall.
Deadpool got up.
He walked towards that person on the ground when he suddenly realized who it was.
„ .Ever! Are you my new alarm clock? I'd love to have you as my new alarm. You can sit on my bedtable and make these weird cock noises – I mean, not noises that can be created WITH your cock. I'm talking about the animal here, seriously."
(Sooo...who was it?)
Ah yeah, right, Sorry. *clears throat*
It was Spiderman.
In his room. On the floor. His costume ripped at several points of his body.
[Are we getting to the sex part yet?]
Shut up.
(But that's what the readers came for.)
I don't care. It's MY fucking story.
[Actually there is this weird looking person sitting in front of a PC typing stuff.]
…...
Whatever. Let me continue.
„Shut...up...", Spiderman whispered in pain.
„Some people never learn, right? There is only one way to make me shut up. And you're probably not gonna do that."
Deadpool picked him up, carried him to the bed and let him down. The huge frisbee was still stuck in his wall. He reached out for it, grabbed it and removed it with a loud crack from his wall. Little pieces of wallpaper and wall fell down next to Spiderman's head.
„WOHO!", screamed Deadpool. „The Cap's here too! Why do you never invite me to your parties? I am such a polite, handsome dude."
Spiderman tried to sit up straight, but he was still in pain.
„Wade, this...is not...the right time...for your stupid jokes."
„Fine, whatever."
He walked up to the window and took a look outside. It was still really dark but he could hear noises from the distance. Crashing and explosions...maybe?
(Maybe?)
[I definetly heard explosions.]
Fine. So. Explosions.
„Must me the Cap and his bromance, the steely Iron Man, who thinks he's funnier than me. Little red fuck."
He looked at the shield in his hands.
„Gonna give Cap back his frisbee. You okay there, Spidey?"
Spiderman nodded slowly.
„Great. Imma leave you here, but don't worry, I'll be back soon and then I'm gonna lick your wounds."
Spiderman fell down on the mattress and didn't move anymore.
(Did he fall asleep?)
[I'd rather say he fainted but yeah, lets call it sleep.]
„I didn't faint. I was totally awake when you jumped out of the window."
Petey, did I allow you to speak yet?
„Yeah, right. Whatever."
Deadpool jumped out of the window onto the fire ladder. He could see lights in the distance.
„So, that's where we're going."
He took a step back, jumped over the balustrade, fell a few meters and made himself disappear just a few seconds later.
When he appeared again, he was facing Captain America. The blond guy fell down backwards and looked at Deadpool, eyes wide open.
„Can you please stop scaring the shit out of people? I'm trying to work here!"
„Well, I just thought I'd be a good boy and give you back your toys. I mean toy. I mean this thing. Is it getting sexual in here or is it just me?"
A small bomb landed right besides Deadpool. He looked at it for a second before he kicked it in excitement.
„This is gonna be fun, what is this place?"
The Captain got up again and looked at Deadpool with severe eyes.
„Thanks for this", he pointed at his shield, „but you can leave again. Now."
Deadpool shifted his head to the right side. A little smile appeared underneath his mask. He was about to say something, when suddenly a red shining lightning crashed into the ditch next to him. Little pieces of rock hit his head.
(It tickled.)
[That steely fucker.]
Mechanical buzzes were heard before Iron Man shot his way out of the ditch again. As he stoof up next to the Captain, he faced Deadpool.
„What is this ugly bastard doing here?"
„Ahh, come on You still mad cuz my outfit is red too and simply looks better than yours?"
Iron Man simply shook his head. He looked at Captain America and nodded, something like a secret handshake or so.
(But they didn't shake hands, did they?)
[They probably made out.]
(Hot.)
No, they didn't. Just shut up already. I wanna finsih this.
„Who are you fighting?"
As Iron Man catapulted himself into the sky, Captain America looked at Deadpool. Hesitating. The merc with a mouth could see Steve's thoughts running from left to right behind his eyes.
„Well...", he finally said, after he had convinced himself that it would be a good idea to tell Deadpool what was going on.
(Of course it was a good idea.)
„...it's some sort of super-mutated-Venom-hulk with the powers of the fantastic four, an armor and a small healing factor. Someone really wants to see us dead."
„Wasn't me.", said Deadpool and looked into the direction where the fighting noises came from.
„I'm sure I can give you a hand."
And that is when I joined the Avengers. Kind of.
„So, are we done now?"
Yes, for today.
„Huh?"
This story needs another chapter. At least one.
„But why?"
Because I didn't tell anyone why and how I became a superhero.
„Right."
And I bet people wanna know how I managed you to have glorious, amazing cohabitation with the one and only me.
„I don't want you to tell people about that."
Why not? Don't be ashamed my cute Spider, noone can resist me.
„That's not what it's about. That's personal stuff, you know."
Yeah, that's why I call it MY story. Cuz it's personal.
„Wade..."
No. Shut up and give me a kiss.
~end of chapter one~
Chapter 1: Introduction. Kind of.
„Hello ridiculously good-looking readers. My awesome name is Deadpool and I am here to tell you the best story ever told. The story of how I became a superhero."
„You didn't."
„I certainly did. Let me introduce you to our special guest today: Peter Parker who I end up having sex with later on."
„WHAT? Wade, you're not -"
„And I joined the avengers."
„That is a lie!"
„For fuck's sake, Petey, this is MY story, shut the fuck up."
„FINE!"
So, let's leave out the quotation marks, that's annoying for the reader. Alright. So, Dead pool was just waking up when suddenly -
„Wade, you're not a king or sth like that. You can't refer to yourself in third person singular."
Plural then? Because of my lovely boxes? Well, rather brackets now because this is not a comic.
(Hello there.)
[One, tow, test, one, two. Alright. Works.]
„Oh...Whatever, Wade. Just do whatever the hell you want."
That's what I always do. But now, no more interruptions, please. I will tell you when it's your time to talk.
Alright.
What did I just say...? Let me read this up.
Ah, yeah.
Deadpool was just waking up when suddenly something smashed through his closed window. The glass shivered and little pieces of it covered the floor. Deadpool opened one eye. Something, as the case may be, someONE had fallen through his window and was now lying on the ground, moaning and moving slowly in pain. Deadpool opened the other eye.
The creature in his room still didn't really say anything. It was dark and Deadpool couldn't really see who it was or what was going on. Seconds later, something like a huge frisbee flew through the now open and broken window and smashed into his wall.
Deadpool got up.
He walked towards that person on the ground when he suddenly realized who it was.
„ .Ever! Are you my new alarm clock? I'd love to have you as my new alarm. You can sit on my bedtable and make these weird cock noises – I mean, not noises that can be created WITH your cock. I'm talking about the animal here, seriously."
(Sooo...who was it?)
Ah yeah, right, Sorry. *clears throat*
It was Spiderman.
In his room. On the floor. His costume ripped at several points of his body.
[Are we getting to the sex part yet?]
Shut up.
(But that's what the readers came for.)
I don't care. It's MY fucking story.
[Actually there is this weird looking person sitting in front of a PC typing stuff.]
…...
Whatever. Let me continue.
„Shut...up...", Spiderman whispered in pain.
„Some people never learn, right? There is only one way to make me shut up. And you're probably not gonna do that."
Deadpool picked him up, carried him to the bed and let him down. The huge frisbee was still stuck in his wall. He reached out for it, grabbed it and removed it with a loud crack from his wall. Little pieces of wallpaper and wall fell down next to Spiderman's head.
„WOHO!", screamed Deadpool. „The Cap's here too! Why do you never invite me to your parties? I am such a polite, handsome dude."
Spiderman tried to sit up straight, but he was still in pain.
„Wade, this...is not...the right time...for your stupid jokes."
„Fine, whatever."
He walked up to the window and took a look outside. It was still really dark but he could hear noises from the distance. Crashing and explosions...maybe?
(Maybe?)
[I definetly heard explosions.]
Fine. So. Explosions.
„Must me the Cap and his bromance, the steely Iron Man, who thinks he's funnier than me. Little red fuck."
He looked at the shield in his hands.
„Gonna give Cap back his frisbee. You okay there, Spidey?"
Spiderman nodded slowly.
„Great. Imma leave you here, but don't worry, I'll be back soon and then I'm gonna lick your wounds."
Spiderman fell down on the mattress and didn't move anymore.
(Did he fall asleep?)
[I'd rather say he fainted but yeah, lets call it sleep.]
„I didn't faint. I was totally awake when you jumped out of the window."
Petey, did I allow you to speak yet?
„Yeah, right. Whatever."
Deadpool jumped out of the window onto the fire ladder. He could see lights in the distance.
„So, that's where we're going."
He took a step back, jumped over the balustrade, fell a few meters and made himself disappear just a few seconds later.
When he appeared again, he was facing Captain America. The blond guy fell down backwards and looked at Deadpool, eyes wide open.
„Can you please stop scaring the shit out of people? I'm trying to work here!"
„Well, I just thought I'd be a good boy and give you back your toys. I mean toy. I mean this thing. Is it getting sexual in here or is it just me?"
A small bomb landed right besides Deadpool. He looked at it for a second before he kicked it in excitement.
„This is gonna be fun, what is this place?"
The Captain got up again and looked at Deadpool with severe eyes.
„Thanks for this", he pointed at his shield, „but you can leave again. Now."
Deadpool shifted his head to the right side. A little smile appeared underneath his mask. He was about to say something, when suddenly a red shining lightning crashed into the ditch next to him. Little pieces of rock hit his head.
(It tickled.)
[That steely fucker.]
Mechanical buzzes were heard before Iron Man shot his way out of the ditch again. As he stoof up next to the Captain, he faced Deadpool.
„What is this ugly bastard doing here?"
„Ahh, come on You still mad cuz my outfit is red too and simply looks better than yours?"
Iron Man simply shook his head. He looked at Captain America and nodded, something like a secret handshake or so.
(But they didn't shake hands, did they?)
[They probably made out.]
(Hot.)
No, they didn't. Just shut up already. I wanna finsih this.
„Who are you fighting?"
As Iron Man catapulted himself into the sky, Captain America looked at Deadpool. Hesitating. The merc with a mouth could see Steve's thoughts running from left to right behind his eyes.
„Well...", he finally said, after he had convinced himself that it would be a good idea to tell Deadpool what was going on.
(Of course it was a good idea.)
„...it's some sort of super-mutated-Venom-hulk with the powers of the fantastic four, an armor and a small healing factor. Someone really wants to see us dead."
„Wasn't me.", said Deadpool and looked into the direction where the fighting noises came from.
„I'm sure I can give you a hand."
And that is when I joined the Avengers. Kind of.
„So, are we done now?"
Yes, for today.
„Huh?"
This story needs another chapter. At least one.
„But why?"
Because I didn't tell anyone why and how I became a superhero.
„Right."
And I bet people wanna know how I managed you to have glorious, amazing cohabitation with the one and only me.
„I don't want you to tell people about that."
Why not? Don't be ashamed my cute Spider, noone can resist me.
„That's not what it's about. That's personal stuff, you know."
Yeah, that's why I call it MY story. Cuz it's personal.
„Wade..."
No. Shut up and give me a kiss.
~end of chapter one~