Beside the Throne

"Uh Noct, you can show a biiit of emotion, y'know."

I could tell that Prompto's obnoxious remarks and singing got on the rest of the guys' nerves. Gladio wasn't afraid to show his frustration; sometimes he'd just grumble, other times he'd outright snap at the younger man who liked to prance around the battlefield like we were having a party rather than fighting for our lives. Sometimes I'd pretend to be annoyed too, but when no one was looking, I didn't hold back my smile. I envied Prompto's whimsical nature. Despite everything he'd been through, somehow he always found the bright side of life and no matter how many times Ignis would chastise him for his "foolery," he kept trying to get us to see it too.

He was my best friend. With me until the very end.

Or at least that's how I saw it. Fate had other plans. Prompto could never really follow me all the way, and neither could Ignis or Gladio for that matter. I had a duty to my father, a duty to Luna, and above all else, a duty to the people I would one day rule over; the Oracle and I were to be married. I'm not afraid to admit, a part of me was excited. It's like I was living some sort of fairy tale where I, the prince, and she the beautiful princess, were the only ones who could finally bring peace between our two kingdoms. A sort of reverse Romeo and Juliet. It was pretty much like that, except Luna wasn't technically a princess. And the benefits for our marriage weren't that clear-cut. In fact it was kind of confusing, especially when my father explained it to me as a kid. More or less, I continued to take it at face value, to go with the flow. Like Prompto would do. But anyway, for whatever reasons, we had to get married, and in all truth, I could have done a lot worse. I hadn't actually met with Luna since we were kids and I don't remember all that much about her to be honest, but I was told we had been good friends; inseparable, even. She was kind, dedicated and, judging from what I'd seen in pictures, had grown into a gorgeous woman. Any man would have fallen all over themselves to have a chance with her. It was just my luck that she was destined to be not only a beautiful bride, but my level-headed spiritual advisor when I ascended the throne. A perfect partner in every way a king could ask. I knew she'd be supportive and guide me when I needed it.

But in my head, I longed for things to be just a little bit simpler. In my head, there were far fewer stakes than running a kingdom alongside Queen Lunafreya. For a long time, all I could fantasize about was taking the Regalia and driving as far away from Insomnia and Tenebrae as possible. I wanted to find a place where it didn't matter what I did. Somewhere I could live out my existence in obscurity. Maybe, after the wedding, I could fake my own death and leave Luna as the sole ruler of Insomnia. I know that's a bit of a dick move to my newlywed, but I always felt that she was far more cut out for that kind of thing. She had the right attitude, she was familiar with her destiny and embraced it. Luna struck me as pretty brave, not to mention charismatic. A woman that the people could rely on and little girls would look up to. Me? I may have been born into this destiny, no different than she was, but I didn't have the balls. The world would be better off if I disappeared and Luna took my place.

Impossible. The word echoed in my head, louder and more persistent as we crossed the miles, pushing through the harsh desert landscape outside Insomnia and into the gently rolling hills of Duscae. Escape would be impossible. I was hurdling down the road of fate, a path of no return. I think the only thing keeping me going was having my friends with me. They were propelling me forward, each in their own way; with smiling faces, stern lectures and unapologetic put-downs. I realized that if I disappointed them, a part of me would never forgive myself. I couldn't fail them. I didn't want this whole journey to be for nothing, a waste of their time and effort. I would somehow have to find a way to be the king those three expected of me.

I say "those three." But what I really mean is Prompto. He was the one pushing me forward with that goddamn grin. Relentlessly believing in me. Gladio, he didn't believe in me at all. Which, if we're being honest, fair enough; he was fulfilling his duty as kingsguard. It would be best for him if I did succeed, but if not, there were other jobs out there. It might be rough, but he would survive. And Ignis? Well, maybe he believed in me a little, or at least wanted to, but I could feel the anxiousness coming off of him in waves. When he thought everyone else was asleep, he'd leave the tent and pace outside, even if it was raining, unable to sleep or sit still. Despite that cool outward appearance, I could sense that just below the surface he was mortified that I would fail. He had to play the straight man or else...who knows? Maybe he wouldn't be able to go on. He'd gambled his whole life on me and I hardly ever acted the part. I felt kind of bad for him and wondered what in the world had made him decide to spend his life in service of a spoiled, selfish prince.

I felt that Prompto was the only one there who'd chosen to come with me because he liked me for who I was and wanted to keep me company and stop things from getting too serious. No strings attached. He sort of understood, as best as a regular person could understand the burdens of being the crown prince, anyway. Even though I didn't seem like it, he knew I was doing my best to live up to everyone's expectations. He knew how to give a little positive reinforcement without being condescending about it. Sometimes he'd just come up to me and put his hand on my shoulder, or if we were in the Regalia, turn to me with one of those slightly wrinkled-up, sincere Prompto expressions before breaking into a comforting smile. "I get it," he seemed to say to me without words. "It's okay. Take your time."

I'd always felt that he'd been a special friend from when we first started hanging out in high school. Maybe it was because he'd been the only friend I had who wasn't just interested in me because I had royal blood. But spending all this time with him, day in and day out, only seemed to reinforce that initial feeling. While everyone else was getting sick of goofy Prompto, I grew to enjoy his presence more. I sort of...you know, started to like it more when he patted me on the back. It was reassuring. And when he touched my shoulder...I imagined it lingering there just a little longer. My heart lifted whenever he caught me staring and smiled. I wanted Prompto to touch me. But I refused to give those feelings more than a cursory thought when they arose. It must have been the constant travelling. I'd never really left Insomnia except for that time we went to Tenebrae. This was all new to me. I wasn't used to being with people in close quarters either, given the enormity of the palace I called home; there had always been plenty of space for me to get away from everyone. All this change was just messing with my head. Right?

One night after we'd stopped to make camp and we'd finished eating the delicious rice that Ignis had prepared, we sat in perfect silence. I guess everyone was talked-out from the long ride. I was sort of transfixed by the amount of stars hanging over us, so I didn't mind. Insomnia had always been bursting with unnatural light, so if you looked up, you couldn't make out more than a handful of stars, if you were lucky. But out here, where there were no buildings or street lamps or people, the cosmos provided all the light you could ever need on clear nights such as these. After some time, Ignis cleared his throat.

"Well, I...uh, I think a walk would do me some good. Stretch my legs a bit. I shan't go far," he said. I just raised my hand in acknowledgement, not taking my eyes away from the night sky.

"Mind if I come with?" Gladio asked. "Better to not go alone." Ignis hesitated for a second, but must've nodded and the two of them disappeared into the trees surrounding us. As soon as they'd gotten up, I felt Prompto zip into the new vacancy beside me me where Gladio had been sitting.

"Hey! It's been awhile since it was just the two of us," he commented with his usual grin. I could feel heat creeping onto my face, so I turned away and feigned indifference.

"Oh? Hadn't really noticed," I lied.

"We should talk about something fun now that Gladio and Ignis aren't here to kill the mood." The lightness of his voice suggested it was a joke, but I knew there was a hint of truth to his words. I looked back at him.

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Like, let's see...how excited you are to see Lady Luna!"

For the first time, the glee in Prompto's voice caused a hard lump to form in my throat and a pit fell into my stomach. In an instant, I felt physically ill.

"I...I dunno."

"C'mooooon, you don't have to play it down with me." Suddenly I wanted to cry. The wall I'd carefully constructed to block my emotions this entire trip had crumbled with a single sentence from my best friend. Damn it, Prompto.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said as firmly as I could. But despite my best effort, my voice quivered pathetically, and like a flipped switch, Prompto's face changed from his usual happy expression to one of genuine concern. I didn't have to look at him to know; I felt it drop like a bowling ball.

"Noct? Are you okay?" he asked, voice so small and gentle that I could imagine him caressing me with it. His hand was on my shoulder again and I couldn't handle it. I gulped some air and then looked at him. My eyes were watering, but I still met his.

"I don't want to be king," I whimpered. Without missing a beat, Prompto pulled me in for a hug.

"I know. It's gonna be okay, buddy," he whispered into my ear. "I promise." And just like that, I'd broken down. Clutching a fistful of Prompto's jacket so he wouldn't pull away too soon, I let the rest of my body go limp as he embraced me. I gave myself into this one moment of weakness, For a minute, I sobbed loud and ugly until the warmth of his body soaked into mine, subduing my tears into pitiful sniffles. Even though I didn't want to, eventually I let go, wiping away the snot and tears with the back of my sleeve. To my greater embarrassment, I noticed damp patches on the shoulder of Prompto's jacket.

"Sorry."

That's all we said. But somehow, it was enough. Soon afterwards, Gladio and Ignis returned and I made up an excuse to go to bed early. Prompto never brought up my break-down after that, not even as a private joke. It's like he really did know what I was going through. He didn't treat me the slightest bit differently either, except later that same night when I woke from a restless slumber to discovered his thin body snuggled up against my back. Frightened of getting caught, I jerked up and looked behind me, but the others were dead asleep, Gladio's snores rumbling like the croak of a Gigantoad. I relaxed and lay back down, squirming from the indescribable joy I felt as Prompto's breath softly exhaled onto my neck.

You see, the truth is, that fantasy of escaping from my fate as a king had always taken on some form in my head, ever since I started to grow up and be presented with my duties on a daily basis. I wanted to leave this life of responsibility behind me, abandon my kingdom for a normal life. And after I met Prompto and we grew close, I wanted him to come with me. Couldn't explain it at first. Maybe it was innocent enough when that idea started, but something changed along the way. And then something changed again. Slowly I began to realize that even if I hadn't gotten to choose my own fate like most people, even if being king was never what I would have picked for myself and would never seem appealing, there was one thing I should have been able to choose: the person I spent my life with. I didn't resent Luna, since it wasn't her idea either, or even my father for that matter. It was just the way things had to be. It took me a long time to realize that, but better late than never, right?

Prompto wasn't as clever or wise or brave as Luna was. He wasn't destined for anything great; he wasn't a princess or an oracle. He wouldn't be able to give strategic advice during a war meeting or find a way to mitigate social issues like homelessness. He was just an ordinary man with a simple mind and a big heart. But he was the one I dearly wished could sit beside me at the throne.

And for so many reasons, I would never get that wish.