A/N: I just finished 'Monsters of Men' last night and cannot believe how in love I am with this trilogy. I will never have enough thanks for the friend who introduced them to me. Of course, I feel like my heart's broken and my eyes are red raw from crying, but it was worth it. It was so worth it. So I'm going to try and write something in Ness' sort of style, which may or may not work. This is my first (but hopefully not my last) Chaos Walking fic, so be kind! Please review.
Bold is Todd and Italics is Viola.
I own nothing. If I did, a lot of people who died in these books would still be alive and kicking. Animals included.
It doesn't hurt me.
Do you want to feel how it feels?
Do you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making?
You, It's you and me.
I wanna swap with her.
God, I'd give anything to switch places with her right now.
I'm banging on the glass, hammering on it, so loud, they must hear me, they do hear me, they just wish they couldn't cuz then they could hurt her some more.
And I ain't letting that happen.
- And they're spinning her
- And she's going to go face first in that water
- And I can see it, even though it ain't happened yet
- And I'm screaming and banging but no-one's listening, not even she's listening
- And she's down in the water and she's flailing around and she's going to drown and then what the hell will I do-
And she's out again. She's out. Thank God, Thank God, Thank God. She's breathing, just about.
I've gotta swap with her. I've gotta save my Viola.
My Viola, I think again with a jolt in the pit of my stomach.
That sounds nice.
And if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
Say, If I only could, oh...
You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware, I'm tearing you asunder.
Ooh, There is thunder in our hearts.
I know he's trying to help me, but everytime he takes a step I hurt some more.
The bullet's stuck in me, I think I can feel it festering already. I keep fading in and out with every new bit of pain. He keeps telling me to stay alive and not leave but I kind of want to. Leave, I mean. It hurts so bad.
I can hear his Noise, when I try hard enough, when I'm pulling in breaths that feel like they're ripping me apart. He's so scared and he wants me alive so badly and I know he's trying not to cry and wait, what's that? I think he might even love me, I think that's what his Noise is saying as he panics too much to cover it up.
I kind of want to swap with him. His Noise is saying he'd willingly swap with me right now.
But I don't, I realise. I don't want to swap with him. Because then it would be Todd feeling all this pain, Todd almost dead, my Todd –
My Todd.
That sounds nice.
I force my eyes open.
"Todd"
Is there so much hate for the ones who love?
Tell me we both matter don't we?
You,
It's you and me,
It's you and me who won't be unhappy.
And if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
Say, If I only could, oh...
Why didn't they just let me deal with the Goddamn Spackle?
I would have been fine! I ain't too stupid for negoshiashuns. I ain't stupid, even if Viola says I sound it sometimes. But that's just cuz I talk like a hick and she's too...well, she ain't like that.
They might decide on a sudden attack, come racing to where we are and kill us all. Maybe they'll hold Viola and Bradley hostage so they've got something on us. I'm sure they'd like to have something on us. Even though their weapons are better than ours. But maybe they don't know that. Maybe they'll just decide to kill Viola and Bradley cuz they can.
I think she's in danger and I don't quite know why.
Viola, I think, Viola Viola Viola.
I think she maybe can hear me a bit, cuz she gives this little twitch of a smile even tho Bradley ain't said anything.
You,
It's you and me,
It's you and me who won't be unhappy.
Come on baby, come on darling
Let me steal this moment from you now
Oh come on angel, come on come on darlin'
Let's exchange the experience oh...
"Your name is Todd Hewitt. Your name is Todd Hewitt and you're the bravest man in the world and you love me" I hesitate, make sure that Ben ain't around, "And I love you"
I'm glad Ben ain't around (see, Todd, see what you did to me? I say ain't now. When did that happen?), even if it does mean he's probably off talking to 1017. I wish he wouldn't. I really wish he wouldn't. But I won't talk to him, not ever. If my Todd doesn't wake up, then I'll kill that stupid Spackle myself, don't care if he's the sky or the land or whatever he calls himself now. He doesn't deserve to live if Todd doesn't live.
"I wish you'd wake up, Todd. Wake up" I reach out and I'm stroking his hair back off his face without really thinking. His Noise is sluggish today, but he remembers my name. He doesn't remember who I am, but he remembers my name and that he needs me. That's enough for me. For now.
I'd swap with him in a heartbeat. But I've already tried that, making deals and bargains and pleas with God to let me swap. It ain't happened yet. I'm hoping that's because God knows that Todd's going to wake up soon so there's no point in me swapping. I've just got to sit tight and wait.
I'm getting kind of sick of that.
But his Noise is moving again now, rippling, and there's lots of things swirling round in his head. I can't remember the last time his Noise was this active. I sit up. I'm barely breathing.
"Todd?"
And the memory comes to him, like so many memories have, though some of them are strange and I figure they must be dreams. But now there's one of me and I'm turning to him and I'm saying, 'My name is Viola Eade'.
And because I think it might help, I say it out loud.
"My name is Viola Eade"
And his eyes open.
And he says,
"Your name is Viola Eade"
And he smiles.
And if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems...
Say if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems...
Say if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems...
Say, If I only could...
Oh...
Be running up that hill,
With no problems...
If only I could,
Be running up that hill...