Hello everyone! Just a short drabble that came to me while I was procrastinating about my latest uni essay. Keep in mind that there is no editing involved because I'm a lazy uni student. Any feedback is appreciated, enjoy my lovelies!
Sara x
"They've forgotten about him Sirius! It's been a week and they've just forgotten about him!" I scream at him, louder and louder each time I repeat the words. And yet each time the words don't break through. My husband's best friend just looks at me blankly, accepting the bull shit he's been fed by the ministry.
"Lils they did the best they could," he whispers softly, reaching out to pull me into his arms.
"It's bloody well not good enough and you know that Sirius Black. It's not good enough!"
"It's been a week with no word, we've got to try and accept the possibility that he's not coming home to-" his words are broken off by the sound of skin against skin, and it takes me a while to realise that it was my hand hitting his face.
"How dare you. How dare you lose all faith in him Sirius! He's not dead! He'll come back and prove you all wrong! He's not dead!" I scream. I can't even see the pity in his grey eyes for all the tears that have let loose.
"Lils, I'm not giving up. Prongs is my best mate, you know I'd never give up on him this easily."
"Oh? Not like you've given up on Remus? Labelled him as the spy? You're not a friend Sirius. Remus is broken, you turned your back on him for the very reason that years ago you brushed off as nothing. Nobody's seen him in weeks Sirius. He's missing too and you're not actively doing anything to find him. You're not doing anything to find either of them."
"That's not true!" His voice is so loud, so angry, that for a second I shrink back. I shiver at the pure rage that's reflected in his eyes, and then he quickly breaks down. "I don't know what to do Lils, we've got nothing to go on. The Ministry is no help and Dumbledore is so concerned with protecting everyone that isn't missing that he's forgotten all about the ones that are. I just wish there was something, some clue that could lead us to where he is. I hate seeing you like this Flower."
And all of a sudden it's me comforting him. And it's my arms wrapped around him. And then the silvery phoenix patronus bursts in through the window and we both stop quiet. Hoping it's the news we've been waiting for. And when Dumbledore's voice rings out and it isn't I want to scream and yell and throw things. But instead I do nothing. I sit back and watch Sirius head out for a raid and hope that when he comes back he'll bring my husband with him. That he'll bring James home.
And we do this for weeks. Sirius refuses to let me go out with him so instead I brew potions, so that when he comes back to Godric's Hollow alone I can heal him. And we sit every night in front of the fire piecing together the little evidence we have on James' disappearance. And we make a list of what we know and what we don't. The second one is longer.
One rainy night, while Sirius and I sit in front of the fire the familiar glow of a patronus bursts in through the living room window. And the weird thing is its mine, it's my doe, proof of my love for James, even back when I didn't see it. Sirius notices it too and growls when he hears Snape's voice come from it.
Black, Dumbledore wants you at Headquarters now. There may be news in regards to Potter's death.
Death.
That cruel, cruel word that leaves me with no feeling. I am numb. I don't even notice Sirius apparating me to Marlene's apartment and then leaving for Headquarters. I don't even notice Marlene's arms around me or the calming draught she forces down my throat.
It's all quiet.
It's all dark.
It's all death.
I don't know how long it's been since Sirius dumped me at Marlene's, but when I wake morning is clearly coming. I walk downstairs in a daze, heading blindly towards the smell of food but when I sit down at her kitchen counter and Marlene slides me a plate of breakfast and a cup of tea I can't eat. Instead I drink the tea too fast and burn my mouth. But I'm empty and I don't feel the pain.
"Merlin Lils, what the fuck?" she yells, grabbing the warm cup away from my hands. "What are you trying to do to yourself?"
"He said death Marls, James is –" but I can't even say it. I just break down once more.
"For fuck's sake Lily Potter, James is not dead! Sirius has gone with Moody and the others to get him and he'll come home safe."
"Do you promise?" I ask quietly.
"I swear to you Lily. If they don't bring him home I'll go out there myself and –" but Marlene doesn't have time to tell me what she'd do if James doesn't come back because Sirius' voice starts to echo around Marlene's tiny kitchen.
Found him. Not good. Come to Mungo's. I'm sorry Lils.
I react quickly, not stopping to think about what his last fragmented sentence could mean. I'm still in my clothes from last night so all I do is grab my wand and Marlene's hand and apparate straight to the front desk of St Mungo's.
"I need to see my husband," I say quickly after I've walked up to the young witch at the front desk. All she does is look at me blankly and I'm about to rip her fake, blonde hair out when I hear Moody yelling from the hallway.
"I told you Black! They'll let you in when he's ready. You saw how banged up he was, it'll be a miracle if he even survives this mess," Moody yells, blocking Sirius' path to what is clearly James' room. But Sirius isn't even listening anymore because he's noticed me approaching from behind Moody.
"How is he?" I don't even recognise my own voice but it's enough to get them both to notice me. The pity in their eyes is evident.
"He hasn't woken up yet, but-"
"We've got the best Healers in Britain working on him Evans, and he's tough. He'll make it through," Moody says gruffly, talking loudly over the top of Sirius.
"It's Potter now Alastor. You were there," I quip. I get a rough chuckle from the weathered man before the pity is back. "So can I see him?"
"Uh, listen Evans, uh Potter. The Healers are-" he broke off quickly looking around the hallway. "Go ahead."
I barely register Sirius' spluttering in the hall before I push through the white door into an even whiter room. The only noise is the wind coming in through the open window and there's nothing in the room but a bed and a few chairs.
I barely recognised him. It pained me to imagine what he'd been like when Sirius and the others first brought him in. But he was here. I could see him, touch him. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Sirius standing behind me, and the dam broke. I cried tears of relief, sadness and joy and Sirius just hugged me the whole time. When he spoke I couldn't even tell it was him because of the harshness.
"I'm gone for how long and you're already moving in on my girl Pads?" This statement was of course followed by a few deep coughs and a "Fuck me, what the hell happened?"
"James!" I spun around quickly and my eyes met the hazel I'd been dreaming about seeing again for weeks. "You're really here, it's really you!" And my hands are running all over him, trying to convince my mind that I'm not dreaming again. That he really is here.
"Hey Mrs Potter," he grins cheekily and weakly grabs my hand, but it doesn't matter because I'm holding on tight enough for the both of us.
"Say that again," I demand softly.
"Hey Mrs Potter," he laughs, and then I'm throwing myself at him, tears falling freely from my eyes.
"You're never leaving the house again," I say seriously, wiping my eyes.
"C'mere," he chuckles, puckering his lips up in a way that just makes me want to laugh. But I kiss him anyway and the tears start all over again. "Hey, it's okay Lils. I promise I'm fine. We're going to be fine. It's okay," he mutters pulling me close and rubbing my back gently.
"I missed you so much."
"I know, I missed you too Flower. But I'm here now and I'm never leaving you again. I swear to you."
"I love you so much James Potter, I don't know what I'd do without you."
"You'll never have to know. I love you so much Lils," he says quietly, and I know he means it as he burrows his face in my hair and I fall into the best sleep I've had in weeks.