The Day She Left Me
Prequel to The Fruit Of Life. Rin's POV.
I wasn't sure what was going on, the angry features contorting as I spoke to him. It was wrong, so wrong that I had no idea why I was being reprimanded, and over what. I may not have been the most obedient, and I could not serve one like Akito – no matter the bond between us, I never would be able to.
I closed my eyes, trying to work out what exactly was going on, it was a haze, a shimmering blurred haze of dancing colours. Nothing definite stood out to me, nothing more than one person. But, he always did. Hatsuharu was somehow always on my mind, watching, waiting, caring. It wasn't what I wanted; I wanted him to hate me. Things would be easier if he did, these feeling would have no meaning if I knew he didn't care at all.
Easier for me, if his, so called, 'love' was but a figment of the imagination, or if it had been a lie. He was too kind, too caring, to be hurt. Hurt, by people just like me. People, who relied on others, drained, manipulating them for what we want - and never letting them realise. If only he would. If only he'd see me for what a horrible warped person i was, and cast me aside. That way, I could forget, it wouldn't matter anymore - there would be nothing holding me back any longer. Love can only tie you down, to someone, but, if all it causes are problems, no matter how much I cared for him - I couldn't deal with love. Love was cruel to me - fake. It was what I craved.
Akito glared down at me where I knelt before him, words as poisonous as venom itself poured from the Zodiac leader's lips, and I couldn't help but wish for a freedom from this…
From this, this, living hell. To get away from them. From Akito, from Haru, Tohru – everyone. Even if, deep down, or on the surface even, I knew I loved most of them. Haru, Tohru, Kyo, Shissou - I loved them all, more than I cared to admit. Kagura too. My family, some related by blood, some tied to me by a curse, and some simply kind enough to offer me their hand of friendship when everything else seemed too lost and clouded to walk through anymore. So uncertain, like a dream that reality had crafted to make itself feel better. To escape to, I wanted that escape.
I looked up at him, steadily, unflinching as the insults cascaded from the lips of the most powerful. I didn't reply.
"You are filth, Isuzu. Unfit for the Zodiac, and your position within it. The horse has always been a creature meant to be led, has it not?" I didn't move to reply, I just continued to stare back, "Isn't it?!" Akito yelled, grabbing the front of my shirt and pulling me forward. A sadistic smile spread across his amazingly beautiful face, the glint of the cruel was well at home in his eyes. The pelasure of having power, over me, over anyone, so obviously delighted him. He gazed at my pityingly, as if I were deaf, and moved to my ear. "I asked you a question, Isuzu." I sat still, too afraid to move after last time, my defiance still ever-present, but my nerve failing. To some degree, I enjoyed seeing him angered by my refusal to reply too. "Has it not been your place to be led? Have you learnt nothing since our last encounter?" I licked my lips and closed my mouth again – feeling the satisfaction of contradiction without speaking.
Akito's hands cupped my face lightly, fear gripped at me, what was I supposed to do? Carefully, he dug his sharp nails into the skin, raking the flesh, I felt the blood begin to ooze down my cheeks, biting my tongue, I didn't move. The scarlet liquid dripping to the floor, and covering his frail hands. It looked, so right - strangely enough, so perfectly fitting. For my fate to be at the hands of this deamon. Nothing, nothing quite compared to how well he fitted this picture - like a fallen angel handing out redemption on a golden platter, but, just out of reach. But, Akito was no angle, and never had or could be - he would alway be a lucifer. He was darker than black, it was intoxicating, for someone to be so very dark and powerful. I hated him, how I hated him, but, something of him I envied. The control, the ultimate reverence, the...companionship. That, I would never have.
"You've learnt well not to fight back," he commented "but, you will answer me, what are you, Isuzu? You are a dumb animal, you are weak, and Haru merely took pity on you – in the end, everyone shall return to me." I chuckled, it was a mistake. I suppose, the sheer ludicrousy of the statement had stunned me to reaction. They would return? To what? The depth of a blackened earth, where the bones of those we loved lay at his bloodied feet. Most probably.
His hand raised, and he slapped me roughly around the face, my eyes smarted with tears, and he twisted his fingers around my hair angrily, shaking me.
"TELL ME!" I smiled at him with all the pity I felt for his sad existence, his fear and desperate need to hold onto that bond within us all. The last strings of humanity, barely barely holding onto 'God's' shoulders. This frail, scared child, who was our God. It was laughable - but, it was true. The bond, pulling at me with a force I hated, I would reject the connection between our life forces. it was his fault - always his. His fault that we were the way that we were. His fault, that Haru could never be truly happy.
"You can take a horse to water, but you can't make me drink." I replied slowly.
Akito screamed, jumping away from me, madness alight in his eyes as he stood before me. Then there was pain, and Hatsuharu was screaming.
Maybe the next horse would be luckier than I had been.