Hey Guys,
So I am re uploading this story. I was looking at my profile last night and realised how many spelling mistakes were in the summary. But now they are all fixed!
Please enjoy!
Love Squiggle
"So remind me again why I have to go to this stupid thing?" Nick grumbled as he took his white long sleeve Ralph Lauren oxford shirt off the coat hanger and roughly put his arms through the sleeves. Nick had his laptop open on his desk, talking to Jeff via Skype. Tonight Nick had to go to his father's annual Christmas party or New Year's eve party or whatever this sham of an event was called, it's not like it was something enjoyable to look forward to or even worth remember what the event was being held for. They all seemed to blur into one after the years of being forced to attend and forcibly knowing his place; politely shake hands with the people his father was trying to impress, speak when spoken to, listen to what his father told him and under no circumstances do you let people know that you are gay. The last one always stung, especially when he was around his father and people would ask why 'a handsome young fellow like you didn't have a girlfriend'; he never got to answer that question for himself, his father never trusted him enough to answer it. The truth was that he might not have a girlfriend but he had an incredible boyfriend who loved him and that was the only thing that mattered. Nick scowled down at his shirt as he tried to button it up, his fingers fumbling with the small offending buttons. Jeff sighed, a small hint of amusement in his tone as he saw Nick growl at his shirt.
"Because Nick you have to do the right thing even if you don't want to. You know these events are important to your father and if he can impress people then that means he can earn more money and try to buy your love with more useless, expensive crap" Jeff said tiredly, as he started to style his hair with the reflection of the webcam. Nick laughed humourlessly as he tried to tie his tie around his neck.
"I don't think it is to buy my love, I think it is more to do with buying me things so he doesn't feel so bad about hating the 'abomination on society' he raised and so he could finally stop wondering where he went wrong" Nick said angrily, quietly getting frustrated with the black silk tie he was trying to manoeuvre into a Double Windsor knot.
"Honey, you're not an abomination. You're father is just a closed minded, judgemental prick who can't see past his own doubts and insecurities to see the wonderful person that you truly are" Jeff said sweetly, Nick let his hands fall from his tie and sighed contently as he let the words Jeff had just spoken sink in. It was so easy to let his father get under his skin and he hated just how easily his father could affect him, he was greatful that Jeff could say a few calming words and make him feel completely at ease again. Nick slouched down on to his desk chair and smiled at Jeff.
"I love you" Nick said earnestly.
"I know you do but you need to learn to stick up for yourself and not take this crap from your father any more. Enough's enough Nick and I'm sick of seeing him do this to you. I only say this because I love you too and I am sick of seeing how easily he can alter you, it's not right" Jeff told, Nick sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"I know but it's hard; he's my father. He's the guy in your life that is supposed to be your role model, that one person you are supposed to aspire to be like and it's just frustrating that it's not true" Nick said, he wasn't even angry when he said this anymore. Jeff and he had talked about this particular subject many times, his father had never really wanted to have anything to do with Nick before he came out but he seemed to want to have even less to do with him after he came out. Sometimes it was a good thing, he got a lot of freedom, could do whatever he wanted without much or no questioning at all. But other times his father would look at him with disgust or hatred before simply walking away from him, those looks could cripple any hope Nick had in matter of seconds.
"I know but you can just avoid him tonight. You don't even need to be around him, leave him to try and portray the fake happy family imagine that he is so desperately trying to cling to" Jeff said as he continued to fuss with his hair.
"You're still coming with me tonight aren't you?" Nick asked suddenly.
"Only if you're lucky" Jeff said suggestively and winked, Nick was confused before realisation of what he just said kicked in and he started to laugh.
"That's not what I meant, but that is very interesting to know. You know those bathroom cubicles are very spacious" Nick said impishly, Jeff just chuckled and shook his head slightly.
"Is that so?"
"Uh huh"
"What do you have in mind?"
"Well-"there was a small quiet knock on the door, Nick groaned and began to pout.
"What?" Nick shouted as he leant back in his chair and crossed his arms tightly over his chest.
"Don't sulk" Jeff reprimanded.
"I'm not sulking" Nick retorted petulantly, the door slowly opened and Nick's three year old little sister Hayley walked in. She was small, just reaching the height of Nick's knees, had blonde curls that came just below her shoulders and she was absolutely gorgeous to Nick. He loved his little sister, even if his father never wanted to see him; Hayley always did and loved him regardless.
"Nicky can you help me?" she asked curiously as she walked over to Nick, Nick suppressed a smile as he saw the buttons on the back of her powder blue dress all mismatched.
"Come here" Nick said as he held out his hands to her, Hayley smiled and leapt into his arms as he hoisted her onto his knees. Hayley's face lit up when she saw Jeff smiling at her on the computer.
"Hey Hayley" Jeff said and gave her a small wave.
"Hey Jeffy!" Hayley said excitedly as she waved energetically at Jeff.
"Hayley sit still!" Nick said through laughter as he placed his hands on her shoulders and stopped her from falling off his lap, Hayley stilled somewhat but was still bouncing on his knee. Nick unbuttoned the back of the dress before he started to match up the buttons correctly.
"Wait, I no like you no more" Hayley told petulantly and crossed her tiny arms as tightly as she could over her chest. Nick looked up from the dress and exchanged a confused glance with Jeff.
"I'm shocked Hayley, I thought we were good friends. Why don't you like me anymore? I like you" Jeff said earnestly, Hayley pouted her bottom lip out.
"'Cause you were s'posed to come over today and play Barbies with me like you promised but you didn't, you lied so that's why I no like you anymore" Hayley told, sneering with all of the intensity she could muster. Nick had to bite back a laugh by biting the inside of his cheek as he finished up on the last button of Hayley's dress. Nick would have like very much to see Jeff playing dollies with his little sister; it could have become good evidence for black mail if he ever needed it.
"Oh I'm so sorry Hayley but I had to take care of a few things today so I couldn't come over today and play with you or your brother" Jeff said suggestively as he smirked up at Nick; Nick definitely heard the double meaning and was suddenly wishing more than before that Jeff had come over today.
"Why?" Hayley asked with askance, Jeff rolled his eyes but smiled fondly at her.
"Well aren't we being nosy?" Jeff said lightly "I'll tell you what, since I didn't come over today and play Barbies with you; how about I dance with you tonight? Any song you like" Jeff offered, Hayley put her left index finger to her lips and leant back in thought. Nick laughed at her wondering if she really just did that before he rolled his eyes affectionately at his little sister. She tapped her bottom lip a few times in consideration before she leant her head back against Nick's chest, looking up at him for some guidance.
"What do you think I should do?" Hayley asked curiously, Nick wrapped his arms around Hayley's tiny waist and sighed sadly.
"I think you should dance with him, since I can't dance with this beautiful person myself I think you should" Nick said solemnly as he rested his chin on top of Hayley's head as he exchanged a remorseful look with Jeff; each knowing just how unfair it was.
"Why not? Jeffy and you are good dancers" Hayley insisted, Nick let out a humourless laugh and lightly kissed the top of her head; it was refreshing to hear innocence on such a taboo subject.
"Well Hayles the reason Jeff and I can't dance together is because-"
"It is frowned upon and frankly it is disgusting and vile to witness" Nick spun around on his leather spiny desk chair to be greeted with the enraged figure of his father. Nick felt himself sink back against the chair and mentally cursed himself for it; he hadn't even looked at his face or even his eyes but his presence still sent a nervous feeling through him. His father walked towards him and stopped two feet in front of him. His father was 6 ft 4", short brunette hair with a slight wave through it just like Nick's, dressed in his best suit that would have no doubt cost a fortune accompanied by an heirloom silver pocket watch and shiny pointy black ankle boots. 'Dress to impress' was the man's mantra, he believed in that more than his own son. Nick's father was a highly esteemed lawyer who came from money, becoming a lawyer seemed like the only profession suited for the man; he knew how to manipulate people, make them believe whatever bigotry things that would leave his fowl mouth and could use his dazzling, charming smile that could fool a jury but had never fooled Nick once.
Paul Duval had never like Jeff and the feeling was mutual with Jeff, it had all really begun while working at the high end law firm his mother worked at. Jeff's mother and Nick's father had been rivals for years, constantly fighting each other for cases and it was all out war in the court room; their own hatred towards each other getting in the way of what was most important. Nick's father had never like Jeff because of his mother and Jeff's mother had felt the same towards Nick at the start but after seeing that Nick was nothing like his father at all she had grown to love him.
"Oh Mr. Duval I should have known; only you could enter a room and make all of the happiness dissipate, how do you do it?" Jeff asked sweetly, feigning to actually care about his answer. Paul Duval rocked on his heels looking amused by Jeff's comment before smirking evilly at Jeff.
"Ah Jeffery it is always such a delight talking to you isn't it? I guess you take after your mother in some ways; she always managed to sound like a heartless bi-".
"Do you really think it's wise to swear in front of a three year old?" Jeff asked quizzically as he motioned to Hayley still sitting nervously on Nick's knee watching the exchange play out. "But I suppose good parenting has never been your strong point, has it?"
"Yes you definitely take after your mother, you think you are saying something that is intelligent and worthy of my time but you aren't. But lying and being so conceded is probably how you managed to get my son to follow you around like a lost sheep, he has always been gutless and looked for approval" Mr. Duval concluded looking down at his son with brief distaste before looking back to Jeff.
"Your son is not gutless Mr. Duval, he is a good man-"
"Man? Pfft. When Nick was born I was somewhat happy that I had someone to follow in my footsteps, someone who would look up to me but looking at him now Hayley would be more of a man than he is, but you can't really consider him to be a 'man' since he is nothing more than a pitiful fag. He will overcome this choice one day" Mr. Duval said matter-of-factly, Nick wasn't sure when it had happened but Jeff's jaw had been agape for most of his speech. Something snapped and a fire had entered into his eyes.
"Your son is more of a man than you will ever be, he has accomplished more than you have and you will never be happy with anything he does because you are so self-centred-"
"Goodbye Jeffery" Mr. Duval said nonchalantly as he leant over Nick and moved to close the chat. He slid his fingers over the touch pad and clicked the 'shut down' button on the laptop. Nick sat there, horrified and outraged at his rudeness.
"How dare you!" Nick shouted, Hayley covered her ears with her palms and hid her face against Nick's chest.
"Don't you raise your voice at me, you should feel lucky that I even allow you to talk to that vermin or let him come over to this house. That vile scum that is infesting this house and you are disgracing this family's name further by associating yourself with him" his father shouted, continuing to say impertinent things and hurtful nonsense. Nick just held Hayley tight to his chest as she cowered in terror, hiding her face against his chest and clutching desperately at his shirt as tears ran down her face. Nick hated the way his father was standing over him, shouting, screaming and pointing his finger at him since he wasn't man enough to point it at himself. Nick had reverted to calling his father, father instead of dad or even daddy. Those names were reserved for good fathers, a name derived from affection and people who shared a certain kinship with their child; in Nick's opinion he didn't deserved to be called that. Nick sat back in his chair, clutching tightly at Hayley as she continued to shake in terror in his arms. Every time Nick went to open his mouth he would close it again, getting drowned out by his father; so like every other time in his life he sat back and took it.
A knock sounded on the door and his father stopped ranting long enough to see his wife standing at the door, looking like she didn't know if she should be intruding. She was a short woman about 5ft 3", slim figure and was only 32. Nick's replacement mother as he liked to call her, Nick's mother and father had separated shortly after Hayley was born and within 3 months of the divorce he had remarried to Stephanie. Nick didn't really like her but she didn't really make an effort to talk to him and he never made an effort with her, so they didn't really try to make something out of nothing.
"We should get going soon, the party is starting in 20 minutes and I know how you like to be there early" she said awkwardly as she looked at the scene in front of her. His father nodded and waved her away, he looked back down at Nick with a menacing glare.
"Change your shirt, your sister has ruined that one and I expect you to be down stairs in five minutes ready to leave. Come on Hayley" he said as he tried to lift her off of Nick's, she clung on to Nick's shirt tightly and screamed; Nick just sighed exasperatedly.
"Just leave her, she can stay with me; I don't mind" Nick assured, his father offered a curt nod before walking out of the room and slamming the door shut behind him. Nick let out a deep breath and rested his head back against the chair.
"Are you ok?" Hayley asked as she peaked up at Nick from hiding her face against his chest. Nick just laughed and stroked her hair.
"Yeah I'm fine Hayles, more worried about you" Nick said earnestly, Hayley smiled and leant up to kiss Nick's cheek. Nick hugged her tightly before standing up from the chair and carrying her over to the bed. He sat her down carefully before walking over to his closet and looking for a new shirt.
"Do you ever get scared of him?" Hayley asked as she looked up at Nick curiously.
"I used to but not anymore, I just find him annoying now" Nick said truthfully as he loosened the tie around his neck before unbuttoning his shirt and putting on his new one.
"I do" Hayley admitted quietly "I wish I didn't but I do. I don't like when he yells at you. I don't understand why he does, you don't do anything naughty but he still yells; he's scary" Hayley sniffed before she wiped her eyes. Nick smiled sadly at her and finished buttoning up his shirt.
"Don't worry Hayley, he likes you and wouldn't yell at you" Nick said as he placed his tie around his neck and fixed his collar.
"I know but he should like you, you haven't done anything wrong and it's just not fair" Hayley told matter-of-factly, Nick put his black blazer on before he walked over to Hayley and picked her up, hugging her securely in his arms.
"You are a very smart girl Hayley; don't let anyone tell you any different" Nick said as he kissed her forehead and carried her downstairs to meet his father, dreading the night ahead.
"Nick put her down, she can walk" Mr. Duval told, Nick sighed and gently placed her on the ground to walk beside him. Hayley had been quiet the whole car ride over and kept looking sadly over at Nick. She had held her hands up to Nick when they got out of the car and he had willingly carried her.
Hayley reached up and took Nick's hand as they walked into the building. Nick looked around despondently, the same tastefully designed room, the typical chandelle hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room, same swan ice sculpture that people would ogle over, the usual girls in fancy dresses looking around the room looking just as bored as he did until they found a guy to stare at. Nick sighed boredly again, his father had been here less than 5 minutes and he was already hobnobbing to important business partners.
"And this is my daughter Hayley and son Nick" his father said as he turned to them, Nick suppressed a sigh before turning to face them and plastering on his fake charming smile, the one thing that he learnt from his father. Nick politely extended his hand and shook their hands as Hayley offered a polite wave and stayed silent; it was sad that even she knew that she was there to be seen and not heard.
"So Nick a strapping young lad like yourself, you would have to have a girlfriend right?" one of the men asked before taking a sip of his champagne, Nick barely reframed the eye roll; the only thing stopping him was Hayley's momentary squeeze of his hand.
"No he doesn't, he is too busy with school work and studying to waste his time worrying about a girlfriend or so he tells me" Mr. Duval said as he clapped Nick on the shoulder and smiled brightly at him, Nick almost recoiled from the touch as he eyed the hand on his shoulder. Odd Nick thought, he thought he should feel some sort of gratitude at such a gesture but felt nothing but repulsion.
"Oh really, what are you studying for? Going to follow in your father's footsteps?" one of them asked. Hell no! Nick thought.
"I'm not quite sure sir, just studying to keep my grades up then I can choose whatever path I want to follow without worry" Nick said.
"That's a smart thing to do, you have raised a good man Paul" the man said, Nick wasn't quick enough and actually snorted, his father turned and glowered down at him.
"Sorry allergies" Nick told, they nodded noncommittally and returned to their conversation. Nick took to the perfunctory task of looking at the chandelle; it was pretty but not the most extravagant one that he had seen. It could have been nicer if it had more beads-.
"Jeffy!" Hayley pulled him out of his thoughts as she let go of his hand and started running as fast as he little legs could carry her. Nick turned and saw Jeff catching Hayley as she leapt at him and wrapped his arms around her before sitting her on his hip. Nick couldn't get over the way Jeff looked. He was absolutely stunning, his suit was a simple black suit with thin lapels, his hair expertly styled and he exuded class. Jeff caught Nick's eyes and blushed slightly when he saw Nick's face, taking him into that bathroom stall seemed like a brilliant idea right now.
His father looked up from the conversation and frowned. He placed his hand on the small of Nick's back and led him towards Jeff and his mother. Nick arrived in front of Jeff and smiled at him.
"Hello Jeffery, Alison" his father said curtly.
"Paul" she said dryly.
"And can I ask why you are holding my daughter?" Paul asked as he jutted his chin towards Hayley who was resting her head on Jeff's shoulder.
"Well I promised this lovely young lady a dance and she would like to cash in on that promise now. So if you'll just excuse me" Jeff said as he walked past Nick.
"You look so hot in that outfit" Nick whispered in Jeff's ear when he passed, Nick didn't have to look to know that Jeff was blushing. Alison was about to speak before he cut her off.
"Nick, there is someone that I would like you to ask to dance" Mr. Duval said as he lead him off in another direction.
"You do understand that dancing with a girl is not going to make me straight right?" Nick asked as he reluctantly followed his father.
"Oh come now Nick, you might actually like this girl better than that albino friend of yours and might move past the little faze you are going through" Paul said assumingly, anger spread through Nick.
"It is not a faze" Nick spat out "I love je-"
"Nick this is Samantha" Nick's father said cutting him off, she was brunette, she had a load of make up on, her hair in a fancy up do, dressed to the nines and was seemingly stuck up; one of the more repulsive girls his age in this room.
"Yeah hi" Nick said languidly as he looked back over at Jeff who had Hayley standing on his feet and was dancing around the room. Nick couldn't help the fond smile spread across his face. Hayley was smiling and laughing along with Jeff, it was a rather cute thing to witness. Jeff looked up and winked at Nick before lifting Hayley up and spinning her around, her giggling all the while.
"Nick!" his father said sternly, Nick slowly tore his eyes away and looked back up at his father.
"Maybe you should ask her to dance?" he said, Nick nodded and asked as politely as he could. She accepted and they made their way onto the dance floor. They danced to the medium speed of the tempo, Nick not even paying attention and kept looking over at Jeff.
"So Nick, what school do you go to?" Samantha asked as she tried to move closer to Nick, Nick grimaced for a fraction of a second before putting the space back between them.
"Dalton Academy for boys" Nick answered monotonously.
"Really, so is there like a ton of gay people there?" Samantha asked curiously, Nick laughed humourlessly; that was always the first response to that question.
"A few" including myself Nick said not adding the last part.
"Really? Are you scared that they might try and turn you?" she asked quizzically, Nick just laughed again.
"No, I have nothing to worry about" Nick told, he was delighted when a confused look graced her face. She opened her mouth to talk before Nick cut her off.
"How about we sit down? I could use a drink" Nick told walking off before she even answered. Nick walked towards the bar and ordered lemonade for himself, wishing that it could be something strong but it wasn't worth the risk.
"Nicky!" Hayley said as she came running towards him, Nick knelt down and was greeted by Hayley throwing her arms around the back of his neck. Nick stood up still holding her.
"Did you see me? Was I good? I should have been because Jeffy's really good huh?" she said proudly, Jeff walked up beside him and lightly ruffled her hair.
"Oh shucks Hayles you'll give me a big head" Jeff teased.
"You'll still be beautiful" Nick said truthfully, Jeff placed his hand on Nick's shoulder and gently squeezed it. Nick couldn't help but draw comparisons between when Jeff had squeezed his shoulder and when his father previously had and noticed how much more wonderful it felt when Jeff did it.
"So Nick who's your friends?" Samantha asked as she walked up to them; Jeff immediately retracted his hand and let it hang limply by his side.
"This is my sister Hayley and this is my umm... friend Jeff, he also goes to Dalton" Nick supplied, smiling at Jeff and avoiding eye contact with Samantha.
"Hmm friend" Jeff whispered amusedly.
"Huh, is it compulsory to be hot to attend Dalton?" Samantha asked coquettishly, Nick just rolled his eyes and Jeff chuckled.
"Got to give the dean of admissions some reason to let you attend Dalton" Jeff joked with a shrug, Nick didn't like Samantha's flirtatious laugh and the way she was stroking Jeff's forearm.
"Well they certainly made the right decision then by letting you in, I bet that you are the hottest one at Dalton" Samantha said matter-of-factly, Jeff politely laughed and smiled.
"Well I don't know about that" Jeff laughed awkwardly.
"Jeffy why are your cheeks red?" Hayley asked quizzically as she reached over and placed her palm against his cheek. Jeff lightly brushed her hand away and looked up to see Nick glaring at him. Nick didn't usually get jealous but he didn't exactly like what he was seeing.
"They're not" Jeff said hastily as he looked at Nick, Nick just narrowed his eyes. Samantha looked behind her and saw her parents beckoning her over.
"I have to go and meet some people, but we should hang out sometime" Samantha said as she searched in her little clutch bag and pulled out a Sharpie texta.
"Give me a call sometime" she said as she wrote her number down on Jeff's hand and finished it with a small heart.
"Bye boys" she said as she waved and blew a small kiss at Jeff before walking off.
"I don't like her" Hayley whispered in Nick's ear, Nick continued to frown in her direction.
"Neither do I" Nick told.
"Hey Hayley, why don't you go play with those little girls for a while" Nick said as he place Hayley back on the ground, Hayley nodded and slowly walked off. Nick turned to Jeff and crossed his hands defensively over his chest and waited for his explanation.
"Technically it's not my fault, I didn't even do anything. It's not like I asked for her number, she was just really forward and gave it to me. I don't even know why she gave it to me out of all people; she was dancing with you not me. I don't know maybe she likes blondes better or something I'm not sure. Or she thought that I was friendlier or something, I don't know but I swear I won't call her; she is a girl and she seems like a bitch" Jeff told, Nick just laughed and slowly smiled.
"I'm sorry, I just don't like her; she was kind of all over you" Nick told.
"I know I'm just that irresistible" Jeff said matter-of-factly, Nick laughed and shook his head.
"I'm sure that's the reason but I do have to say that you do look incredible hot tonight" Nick said earnestly as he reached out and lightly grasped his hand. Jeff smiled down at their hands before he squeezed Nick's hand back.
"You know" Jeff started impishly "there is a bathroom upstairs that is lockable and I know for a fact that no one is using it".
"Really?" Nick repeated in the same tone, Jeff just nodded and pulled Nick a few inches closer.
"Your drink is ready Nick" his father said as he cleared his throat from behind them, Nick and Jeff instantly broke apart. Nick turned around to see his father staring down at him, feeling slightly frightened by the intensity of his eyes, only feeling more at ease when he saw Jeff roll his eyes with a bored expression on his face.
"Honestly Mr Duval do you hate me that much that you have to interrupt every conversation I have with your son?" Jeff asked despondently, Mr Duval rocked back on his heels and laughed.
"Oh Jeffery I hate you so much more than that" he said smoothly, Nick felt a coil of hate rage through him; no one got to say that about his boyfriend.
"Father you-"
"Nick there is someone I would like you to meet" Mr Duval said as he gripped Nick wrist hard and yanked him away from Jeff. Nick's heart clenched at the loss, only being heightened by the crippling look on Jeff's face. Nick turned away and glared up at his father.
"You're hurting me" Nick told as he tried to pull his hand away only for the grip to tighten and pull him faster to a side of the room where it was less populated. Mr Duval threw Nick's hand away and glowered intensely at Nick. Nick knew to be quiet and keep his mouth shut when his father was like this.
"What the hell are you trying to pull? Holding his hand and being close; are you trying to ruin me?" he whispered hastily, frantically looking around to make sure no one was paying attention to them.
"N-"
"I hope you are happy with your little stunt, imagine the kind of damage you could have done to my reputation" Mr Duval said incredulously, Nick felt disgusted; betrayed even.
"You care more about your reputation and career than your own son, don't you?" Nick said through gritted teeth.
"Oh Nick you say that like you have only just figured that out" Mr Duval said amusedly, Nick glowered at his father before shaking his head in disbelief.
"I-I need some air" Nick said as he turned on his heels and stormed towards the door. He heard his father calling out to him but he ignored it. He felt Stephanie brush his shoulder when he passed her but he shrugged her off more roughly then was probably necessary but he didn't care; he just needed to get away from the snobby prejudice high society in the room. He marched fiercely out the front doors and ran to the back of the building. He heavily slumped against it and tried to calm himself down by taking a deep breath. He failed miserably and reached into his pocket to find his carton of cigarettes. Nick had only taken up smoking when he was at a party in his sophomore year and realised how much more relaxed he felt after it. When his father had begun to stress him out he had quickly taken it up. He had tried to deal with his stress in a healthier way, joining Dalton's own branch of fight club but he hated seeing how concerned and upset Jeff would get when he would come back with a black eye or bruised, bloody knuckles.
He stuck the filter end of the cigarette in his mouth and reached in his pocket for his trusty silver engraved Zippo Jeff had given him for their first anniversary. He patted down his breast pocket and pants pockets and groaned in frustration when he couldn't find it.
"Jeff is going to kill me" Nick grumbled to himself, growing more frustrated when he still couldn't find it. "I know it's here somewhere".
"Need a light?" a small flame flickered in front of his face, he leant the end of the cigarette into it and breathed it into light it. Nick looked up to see Jeff smiling at him.
"You dropped this when you ran out, thought you might need it. That and it was expensive as hell so I'd probably neuter you if you lost it" Jeff said as he flicked the lid down to extinguish the flame and firmly placed it into Nick's up turned palm.
"I'm sorry that I dropped it, I didn't mean to" Nick said earnestly, Jeff just shrugged and waved him off.
"Forget about it, you looked pretty pissed with your father and looked like you were on a mission when you left the room. What did he say to you?" Jeff asked as he reached up and smoothed down a stray lock of hair on Nick's head. Nick had been missing that all night, the gentle touches and soft smiles that Jeff always gave him. Nick reached up and grabbed Jeff's hand softly in his and gave him a genuine, heartfelt smile.
"I love you" Nick said earnestly as he tugged Jeff's hand and pulled him closer. Jeff looked at him curiously as he wrapped his hands around the back of Nick's neck.
"I love you too" Jeff said back as he gently ran his hand through the back of Nick's hair. Nick shook his head angrily and took another drag from his cigarette and blew it out hastily away from Jeff's face.
"I do" Jeff assured.
"No you don't understand. I love you" Nick said, slow and emphatically, Jeff quirked an eyebrow.
"Ok" Jeff said unsurely, Nick groaned and took one long last drag of his cigarette before pelting it at the ground and stamping on it agitatedly. Nick put his hands roughly on Jeff's waist and looked seriously and deeply into his eyes, Jeff wasn't getting it.
"I love you" Nick told.
"I know-"
"No you don't know" Nick said abruptly "you don't get it Jeff, I love you. I love everything about you. I love every single one of your golden locks of hair on your gorgeous little head, I love the way your eyes crinkle up slightly when you smile, I love how the sound of your laugh can instantly brighten my worst days, I love the quirky little things you say when you're in a good mood, I love how you make a point of sitting next me to me at lunch just so you can hold my hand under the table, I love how you are brave enough to stand up to my father without any fear or trepidation, I love the way you look when we lay in bed after we have sex-"
"Nick!" Jeff scolded embarrassedly as he looked around to see if anyone was listening or could even see them; happy to find themselves alone.
"Hell I even love your little temper tantrums you have when you don't get your way" Nick said ignoring Jeff's comment "and I just don't understand why, when I have to come to these stupid social gatherings I have to hide all of that away from everyone. I am so proud to call you mine Jeff and I'm sick of pretending that you are nothing more to me than just a casual acquaintance when we are at one of these parties. I just love you so much that I just can't do it anymore. I can't handle my father's rules, I can't handle having to sit and pretend to flirt with these stupid slutty girls all night and I can't handle having to be in the same room with you for hours on end and not be allowed to touch or hold you. I can't do it anymore Jeff! I can't and I won't, I love you too much and it hurts having to hide it and I won't do it, not anymore" Nick whispered as he looked away from Jeff's eyes and down at his shoes.
"Oh Nick" Jeff said softly as pulled Nick flush against chest and held him tightly. Nick just stayed there, quietly clutching to Jeff as securely as he could manage without breaking his ribs. Nick was fed up and over it all. Enough was enough and this had to stop now, after years of putting himself through this torturous activity just to try and please his father who would never be happy with anything Nick ever did.
Nick took a deep breath as he tried to pull himself together. He would straighten himself up, make himself look presentable, hide the frustration he had, go back in there and talk to his father as civilly as he could manage. Nick took another shaky breath and leant back to look at Jeff's beautiful face; he was worth it.
"You ok?" Jeff asked sweetly as he brushed Nick's hair down with his fingers and smiled at him when he was done.
"Honestly? No, I just want to leave but I know that would be the cowardly thing to do. I was probably a little childish to just run out but I needed to get away from him" Nick told sheepishly and looked down averting Jeff's eyes. Jeff was having none of that and placed his hand lightly on Nick's cheek and tilted his head up so he could see his eyes when he spoke next.
"You are not a coward Nick and you never will be. Who cares if your father is just a scared little boy who will never be able to appreciate the wonderful son that he has, he is so blinded by his so called 'morals' that he is missing out on seeing this amazing person that you are. Nick you need to stop letting him control you and put your foot down" Jeff told angrily "stop being the victim Nick. I only argue with your father because I know you won't. But this is not my battle to fight Nick, it's yours so you need to step up and take responsibilty. If it was anyone else you wouldn't take this crap, so what makes him so different?" Jeff demanded, Nick scowled and pushed Jeff's hands off his face and took a step away from Jeff.
"He's my father, that's what makes him different!" Nick shouted as he crossed his arms protectively over his chest, suddenly feeling very exposed. Jeff sighed heavily and moved forward to wrap his arms around Nick again, not backing away when Nick started to fight against him before he finally settled.
"He may be your biological father Nick but he isn't your dad, he has never been what a dad is suppose to be" Jeff told calmly, Nick's scowl deepened.
"How would you know? Your father walked out when you were three" Nick said spitefully, the words were out of his mouth before he could even stop them. The crushed look on Jeff's face almost killed him; Jeff looked away and dropped his hands to his sides before taking a step back.
"Jeff, I'm so sorry I didn't mean it. Please I'm so, so sorry I really didn't mean to say that. Look what my father has done to me, he's turned me into an idiot" Nick told, Nick saw Jeff's lips quirk into a small smile and hoped he was forgiven.
"Look, you can't just say that, you know how that has affected me-"
"I do" Nick assured quickly, Jeff just rolled his eyes fondly.
"But you know I'm right, which I always am" Jeff said in a mock serious tone, Nick chuckled. "But be the better man Nick; show him that he can't get to you".
"How do I do that?" Nick asked confusedly.
"You do that by going in there with your head held high and a huge smile on your face. Show him that you are stronger than he is by showing him that he can't bring you down, smile and the whole world smiles with you" Jeff sing songed, Nick laughed.
"He'll know something is up if I just start smiling around him, he'll probably think we snuck out to the bathroom and had sex or something" Nick said sarcastically.
"Good!" Jeff said excitedly "that'll just annoy him more! Oh come on I'm excited now" Jeff said as he tugged on Nick's hand, effectively pulling him towards the door. Nick whined in protest but Jeff didn't listen and continued to drag him.
"You're insane" Nick declared as they walked through the door, Jeff pushing Nick forwards by the shoulders and directing him through the throng of people.
"That's why you love me" Jeff said matter-of-factly "now go get 'em tiger" Jeff whispered as he smacked Nick's ass before walking off towards the waiter who was carrying a silver tray full of champagne flutes. Nick looked over at Jeff incredulously who smirked at him and took a sip of the champagne and winked. Nick shook his head and laughed to himself when he saw Jeff's mother taking the champagne out of his hand and started yelling at him. He straightened the lapels of his blazer and cleared his throat as he eyes zoned in on his father and started to walk towards him with an air of determination.
"Nicky!" Nick looked down to see Hayley tugging on his slacks. Nick sighed in aggravation and knelt down to look at Hayley.
"What is it Hayley?" Nick tried to say calmly albeit a little forced.
"Where'd you go?" she asked curiously, Nick made an uncomfortable noise in the back of his throat before he lightly ruffled her hair.
"Don't worry about that Hayles, I just had to do something but I'm ok now" Nick assured.
"Ok, you wanna dance with me?" Hayley asked excitedly as she bounced up and down on her little toes. Nick looked from Hayley's face to his father than back to Hayley. Now or never Nick.
"Um, not now Hayles but later" Nick promised.
"No, now!" Hayley demanded, Nick looked at her skeptically, a challenging look crossed through Hayley's eyes.
"I'll cry" Hayley said threateningly, Nick narrowed his eyes.
"You wouldn't dare" Nick told, Hayley took a dramatically big breath and was about to scream before Nick clamped his hand over her mouth.
"Ok, ok one dance" Nick said emphatically before picking her up in his arms and carried her towards the dance floor.
So four songs later, Hayley had finally released Nick and walked off to play with some of the other little girls that were also here. Nick was about to take his chance to talk to his dad before he was introduced to another girl that would be 'perfect for him'. So Nick had sat down at one of the little two seater tables and listened to this girl babble on about cheerleading or dancing or was it yoga? Who would know, he was too distracted by the same bored look in Jeff's eyes that was going through the same punishment, the girl seemed to be having a one way conversation and didn't seem to notice Jeff wasn't listening. The girl sitting across from Nick, Kate, was another blonde bombshell, platinum blonde curls that fell just below her elbows, perfectly shaped eyebrows, petit figure, skin tight short red dress, annoying nasally voice, stuck up attitude and she obviously didn't know the 'less is more' rule with makeup.
Nick was bored; he had tried to talk to this girl but he didn't know what to say. He remembered back to when Jeff and he had watched 'She's the man' and asked if she liked cheese. She had remarked that cheese had a high sodium count and would ruin her perfect figure and make her BMI higher or something like that; he really wasn't that interested to listen to what she had said.
Nick sighed despondently and leant heavily back against the wooden dinning chair, the girl made an annoyed grunt and continued on her rant about the importance of using a good quality moisturiser to insure healthy, supple skin when you were older. Nick just groaned and leant his head back before he closed his eyes. A hand roughly landed on his shoulder and shook him, Nick cracked one eye open to see his father standing over him.
"How is everything going between you two? Well I hope" Mr Duval asked. Now or never Nick, he said to himself again.
"No, nothing is ok" Nick said calmly as he rose from his chair. Mr Duval eyed him sceptically and crossed his arms dominantly over his chest.
"Oh really?" Mr Duval asked sardonically.
"Yes really" Nick said sarcastically, his voice strong as he matched his father's stance.
"And why is that?" Mr Duval asked in a challenging manner.
"Because you refuse to accept the fact that this isn't who I am and you can't get over it" Nick told definitively. His father laughed humourlessly, turned and started to walk away from him. Stop being the victim Nick, you need to step up and take responsibility. With Jeff's words running frantically through his mind, Nick mustered up all the courage he had and did what he should have done years ago.
"Hey, I'm not done talking to you!" Nick screamed after his father's retreating figure. The chatter in the room immediately ceased and people turned to see what the commotion was about. His father stiffened before he rotated on his heels and looked at Nick with a forced half smile.
"Nicholas, you are causing a scene" his father told with a stiff calmness in his voice.
"Good!" Nick yelled he didn't care anymore; the more people the better. This conversation was well over due and Nick didn't care who heard it. Nick quickly flashed his eyes to Jeff to see him giving him an encouraging smile and nodding to him to keep going. Nick wet his lips nervously before he looked back at his father with a steely gaze.
"Nicholas, listen-"
"No you listen!" Nick exploded back "I am so sick of being told to listen to you. Having to listen to the bigot things that you say, being told that I'm not important enough to occupy your time with, having to fall into line because it would be such a hassle for you if you actually had to do some form of parenting-"
"That's enough Nick" his father said sternly.
"Is it?" Nick asked rhetorically "is it enough that you make me feel so insignificant or is it enough that you can't accept me for who I am?" Nick said angrily
"What are you doing Nick?" his father demanded as Nick grabbed Kate by her forearm and pulled her up from the chair.
"Doing the only thing that would make you happy" Nick told as he gripped her face in both of his hands and crashed their lips together. Surprised gasps sounded through the room but Nick didn't care. He tried to picture his life with this girl or any girl as he kissed Kate but he couldn't envision it. It was all wrong, she was too small in his arms, the stench of her sickly sweet perfume smelt disgusting to him; he long for the smell of Jeff's cologne. Her lips were all wrong also, they were coated in sticky lip gloss and tasted of strawberries; Nick didn't know how he hadn't thrown up from the discomfort he was experiencing. Nick and Kate broke apart and the only sound in the room of stunned silence was his father clapping.
"Well done Nick, I knew you had it in you" his father said proudly, Nick shook his head in disbelief. His father had never uttered those words to him before, let alone smiled at him with such fondness. His father started to walk towards him and tried to encapsulate him in a hug before Nick stepped back.
"No, you do not get to be happy about this. Where's the hate, the despised look in your eyes when you glare at me, where is the disappointed frown that you usually wear when you can manage to look at me?" Nick demanded.
"It's all gone because I never been more proud of you than I have been in this moment" his father told earnestly, Nick shook his head angrily.
"Well get ready to watch me throw it all away" Nick said determinedly, before Mr Duval could ask what he meant by that Nick was walking over to Jeff. Jeff eyed him suspiciously before letting out a surprised squeak when Nick firmly kissed Jeff's lips. The butterflies started to flutter in Nick's stomach, he felt so opened, exposed, liberated and scared all rolled into one; the only reassuring thing being that Jeff was kissing him back. This was what felt right, there was such a familiar sense kissing Jeff Nick felt. Nick looked to the side to see his infuriated father storming towards him; Nick leant out the kiss and rested his forehead against Jeff's.
"Run" Nick whispered.
"What?" Jeff asked, still dazed from the kiss.
"Run" Nick said again as he kissed Jeff chastely before he grabbed Jeff's hand and started to sprint out of the room. Jeff started to stumble over his feet but quickly picked up a rhythm. Nick was laughing as he ran, he felt so free. He had finally stood up to his father, shown him just how much Jeff meant to him, showed how he didn't care what other people thought of him and he was certain that he would never have to go to one of these events ever again.
Nick and Jeff burst through the front door and ran back to their previous spot at the back of the building. They both slumped back against the wall and tried to slow their breathing. Nick saw his father out of the corner of his eye and motioned for them to stay silent. His father was screaming and swearing for Nick to come to him so he could punish him. Nick didn't move and his father ran off in another direction. Nick took a deep breath and sunk to the ground and smiled up at Jeff, Jeff smiled back and sat next to him.
"So what are you going to do when your father finds you?" Jeff asked seriously, Nick just shrugged and intertwined his fingers with Jeff's.
"I don't know but as long as I have you, everything will be ok".
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