For a Sunflower, Forgotten.
A Kagerou Project fanfiction
Warm hands that stroke his cheek gently. Unravel the pins in his hair until they fall to the floor with bell-like chimes.
Calloused fingers smearing his lipstick even as he leans in for a kiss.
He's a kind man. He'd been here before, many times. He seemed to be fond of Shintaro for some odd reason.
Even defective as he was.
And Shintaro hates kindness.
On cue, Shintaro leans in for a kiss, sighing when a roving tongue slips through. The familiar taste of alcohol, the smell of smoke that permeated his hair and his companion's clothes.
He's kind so he lays Shintaro down before he starts to pull at his clothes. And Shintaro for his part, manages a smile and another kiss, pushing his hands away and removing his clothes on his own. A small little show under the dying lamplight, all for the walls and now for him.
His companion says as much and Shintaro's smile looks just a little out of place. Paired together with the strange look in his eyes.
"Is it? Well, let's keep going. For this whole night, I'll do the entertaining." He says and with a slight laugh and he moves against his companion, purring the words in his ear.
A small little show, just another in a long sequence of depraved, shameful, terrible scenes.
Shintaro closes his eyes just as he feels his companion move downwards and he thinks to himself, What a tragedy.
His entire life was a joke of a tragedy.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
What was it they talked about? He couldn't even remember. It seems like an eternity ever since that time.
All he does remember is the feels of soft, small, warm hands in his. Smudged with dirt, just like his clothes as he hands Shintaro a pretty yellow sunflower. From where? Shintaro never knew. He seemed to procure it from the air like a magician at a carnival, but he never seemed to be clean doing so.
And he did it every single time they met.
Takane had called it creepy. Ayano thought it was sweet.
And Shintaro?
He didn't know what to think of it. The flowers were nice to have around though, so he hid them all away in his room. Kept them safe.
Haruka had been nice, too. So were the girls, but for some reason, Shintaro felt...comfortable in his presence.
They did spend time together, talking of small, irrelevant things that he'd clearly forgotten. Or had he even paid attention in the first place?
He remembers Haruka far more than he had ever remembered his words.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
"You really like sunflowers, don't you?"
One of the other courtesans had said this. Shintaro couldn't be bothered to remember his name.
But it was enough to make him look up.
"Your clients had caught on too, looks like." The courtesan says with a sly grin, "You hadn't put that bouquet down ever since he left."
Shintaro didn't need to reply. It wasn't worth the time.
He didn't need to.
"None of your business."
"Uwah, scary! The ice princess finally reacted! I don't think I've ever seen you so much as look at anyone else ever since you came here."
"How would you know? You're still a hapless virgin who hasn't got a single customer yet. Better hurry, I see the wrinkles setting in, grandpa."
"Hey! I did get a customer last night!"
"You didn't really satisfy him from the sound of it. I'll bet you didn't even lose your virginity then. You still reek of inexperience."
"And you still reek of bitchy-ness." The courtesan huffs, "Is it that important to you?"
"...Huh?"
"You look at the flowers with the eyes of love."
"What?"
"I've never seen you so careful with anything else. When they wilt and die, you shut yourself in your room. Every single time." The courtesan tilts his head, "...What? Was I right? Did your lover give you these before?"
Shintaro's heart seems to stop.
"My...what?"
"Your lover. Oh, you did have one." The courtesan says with obvious delight, "How surprising. You looked at her with the same eyes, didn't you? You cherished her. So you're the ones who knew the touch of a woman before coming here? Or..." He pauses, scrutinizing the look on Shintaro's face, "Ah. I see."
There was a scathing look in his eyes, a smirk.
"I heard from the others. You're a natural when it comes to seducing men, right? You had your first customer on his knees in a week. He sung praises of you...ah, is that why?"
And now Shintaro realizes what the man is implying. Dread creeps up his spine, his throat is dry.
"Is it because you were already impure? Because you-"
"...out."
"Hm?"
"Get out!"
The courtesan narrowly avoids the vase thrown at his head and screams, "What do you think you're doing?!"
"Get the hell out!"
Shintaro can hear the soft thump of footsteps heading up to his room.
And he doesn't care. He doesn't see anything.
The flowers are held to his chest in a death-like grip.
Sobs work through his throat and he feels like throwing up.
He feels like laughing, too.
What was this? This mix of emotions. Didn't he stop feeling a long while ago?
He'd shut his heart away, but the mere passing mention of him...
...Aah, how pathetic. How pathetic, how pathetic.
How pathetic he was, sobbing one name over and over again.
"Haruka..."
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Haruka wasn't his lover. He was his friend.
Not even his only friend.
With all his friends, he spent his days playing. He didn't go back to his home until nightfall. He didn't want to.
All he would be reminded of was hunger and poverty.
So he stayed away, played with his friends, imagining castles and dragons, beasts of old and heroes of old, lost in their daydreams.
It continued even when they were older; their fantasies had matured but their intent remained the same.
All they wanted was a way out, and they found solace in each other.
That was it. That was all it was meant to be.
That was...it.
Until Haruka had started bringing him those flowers.
It was weird, but Haruka was a kind of spacey person in general. That was enough of an explanation.
That was enough of an explanation for him.
He remembered that every single time he foolishly hoped otherwise.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
He's gentle as he always was.
A hand cradling his cheek and soft kisses on his eyes, nose, lips, neck.
Soft petals drifting across his skin as he moves the sunflower over Shintaro's body. It's light, too light.
Shintaro shivers as he feels that body hovering over his, impossibly close. But not close enough.
Like this, he's laid bare under his view. His shoulders and neck and ears flush red under that roving gaze.
He draws his knees together, thighs trembling around the proof of his arousal. His hands are pinned at the wrist and he strains against those warm hands just to try to reach and touch him.
Just feeling the warm breath on his skin was enough to make him shiver.
Words whispered in his ear, soft, gentle, sweet, vengeful.
A hand wandering over his neglected body, tracing the arch of his spine and the curve of his sides. A teasing, light touch. He hears a giggle at the whine that falls from his lips and tenses at the feeling of breath on his inner thigh.
Shintaro.
It's whispered into his skin, he feels the tremor on his name and his heart stops and jumps to double time. The boy's name leaves his lips in a soft whisper.
"Haru-"
And then he awakes.
Sheets entwined around his knees, cold. Lonely.
His eyes dry of the tears that they shed many, many times before, all like this. And a name on his lips of a love that he cannot afford to remember.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
He remembered that day well.
The day that he fell in love was the day that he needed to stop.
He'd almost confessed that day too. With sparkles that they'd stolen from somewhere, as they watched it spark in the oppressive, dark, starless night, he saw it light up the side of Haruka's face. The spark in his eyes, his sweet, innocent smile.
Before he'd realized, his mouth was open, his confession almost tumbling out. He'd snapped out of it just in time though, by a loud crackling of his sparkler.
Sometimes, he feels that he should have told him. Before he went home.
Before he went home and saw his parents dead on the floor, before he ran upstairs and saw his little sister hiding in her room and ordered her to leave while he distracted the bandits.
Before he was captured and sold to the brothel.
Would it have made a difference? To give away his heart before his sold his body?
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
"Are you alright?"
"Hm. Just sleepy." Shintaro says, discreetly yawning into his sleeve.
"You're going to need to stay awake though. There's someone coming your way!"
"Right, right." Shintaro blinks and then looks up, trying to make his expression as interested and vulnerable as possible.
And then his breath freezes in his throat as he sees who's in front of him.
"Shintaro."
Not his shop name, his real name. He doesn't recognize the silver hair or the strange mark on his cheek but he does recognize those eyes. That smile.
His mouth falls open just as his heart rises through his throat.
How sleepy was he? To start hallucinating like this?
It looked too real. So heartbreakingly real.
Ah...he was reaching for him now.
Warm fingers touched his cheek.
...Was Shintaro crying?
"Shintaro..." And it was Haruka's voice again, so warm, so gentle. So sad.
He kneels beside him, wipes away the tears, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, don't cry."
He'd never imagined this far into his sad little rescue fantasies.
"Haruka...? Are you-" Are you really Haruka...?!
"I'm sorry it took so long to find you." He whispers as he tilts Shintaro's chin up, forcing him to meet Haruka's eyes. Shintaro could hear the whispering of the other courtesans.
"But please, don't cry. I'm here. I'm here and I'll get you out of here."
"How are you...how are you here? How can you-"
"I bought you."
The whispers increase tenfold, he can hear gasps from the others. And him? His entire world feels like it's been tipped over.
He tries to get up but his legs are weak from sitting for so long. Haruka steadies him gently.
"Careful."
"B-b-but...I...my debt..."
"All paid for. It's over. We can go home, Shintaro."
"H-home?"
A word that he dared not even think about, after the first few weeks.
"It's over."
"But...but how can it be over? How can you be here?!" His voice was getting louder, his words were breaking off into sobs.
"I searched for you, after you disappeared."
"Why?! Why didn't you give up on me? For all you know, I could have been dead or worse!"
I'd given up on being saved, long ago.
Why didn't you?!
And it was so sudden, Shintaro could never have seen it coming.
Haruka leaned in and kissed him on the lips.
Shintaro's dimly aware of a hand behind his head, winding through his hair. Another on his back steadying him. As the kiss deepened, a tongue slipped through and Shintaro could taste desperation. Want. Loneliness.
A taste that Shintaro was all too familiar with.
As they separate and Shintaro's still thrown off his guard, enough that he's stopped crying, he hears Haruka whisper. Low enough only for Shintaro alone to hear.
"I didn't give up. Because I couldn't give up."
"How could I give up on the one that I love?"
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x